Dear Mama,
April is about to end, and then May will come. My birth month is coming and I will be 56. I'm really getting old, Mama. I know, talked about that in my past letter.
The truth, Mama is I really don't know what to say. I want to talk to you. I want to say something, but I don't know what. I feel lost, Mama. I don't know where I am now in my life and what should I do or where to go.
I know I'm not making sense, Mama.
I just wish I could be with you, Mama.
Daddy
Dear Mama,
It Sunday afternoon, 4 p.m., and it's very hot! Ralph and Edgar are sleeping right now. Angel wants to sleep, too but she can't because it's so hot. The electric fans doesn't seem to be of much help. It's really very hot lately, Mama.
Ralph was supposed to get his haircut this afternoon, Mama. However, he fell asleep after lunch. Probably because he wasn't able to sleep last night. You know he's been working graveyard shift, probably why he can't sleep at night even when he doesn't have work.
That's all I have to say, Mama. I hope you will visit me soon in my dreams.
I miss you, Mama.
I love you.
Daddy
Dear Mama,
I am getting old.
I guess it's inevitable, Mama. I am really getting old. Not just because I am turning 56 next month, I can really feel it, Mama. I am getting old.
This afternoon I was seated in front of a PUJ, beside the driver, on my way home after work. I happened to glanced at the side mirror, Mama and I saw my face - white hairs on my head, little hairs sprouting from my chin which are also white, and the face of an old, haggard, and defeated man.
I can only sigh, Mama.
And it's not just the physical features, Mama. I also get tired easily. Everyday I walk on my way to work and I feel tired once I reached our office. It wasn't like that before, Mama. On my way home after work, I often chose to ride the jeepney because it feels like I might not survive the heat of the sun if I walk. It wasn't like that before, Mama.
There's nothing I can do about it.
The only thing worse than growing old is growing old alone.
I wish you were here.
Daddy
Dear Mama,
I had my lab test and check up this morning for our annual physical examination. I hope the results are okay, Mama. I've not been really exercising nor watching my diet lately, but I'm taking my maintenance medicines, Mama.
Edgar is planning to start a business, Mama. I hope he will be successful in his business and learn from his first endeavor.
Ralph is still working, although he is looking for other opportunities, too. I am worried about his gout, Mama. It seems to be getting out of hand. He cannot walk normal anymore. I've been asking him to have it checked. It could be more than gout.
Angel is still looking for a job. I hope she finds one where she can stay longer so I won't be worried too much about her once I'm gone.
About me, nothing much. Still living with all these anxieties inside me.
That will be all for now, Mama. I hope to be with you soon. I miss you, Mama.
I love you.
Daddy
Dear Mama,
After our trip to Bacolod, we rested for a while. We had not much activity as a family aside from the grocery shopping. Edgar and Ralph had some occasional bonding time with their friends, Angel stayed mostly at home, while I have been to some Toastmasters activities.
However, yesterday we went out. We accompanied Angel to Marquee who had an interview in a BPO located there. Ralph, Edgar, and I just looked around the mall while waiting for Angel, who did not take long because they advised her she was just shortlisted. So, we just walked around the mall looking around. We bought cat food to feed the kittens that are staying in our house, Mama.
At around 5 p.m. we decided to leave. Instead of going home, Angel suggested we try the new coffee shop in Marisol, so we proceeded there. We spent a lot of time at the coffee shop, Mama. They have lots of board and card games at the coffee shop which the customers can use. Edgar picked the Monopoly game board because it seems it was the only game all of us could play. There are a lot more games, Mama but I may not be able to play them. Thus, we played the Monopoly.
Of course, Monopoly is not a game that we can finish, Mama. We played for more than 3 hours. We were not finished when we stopped at 9 p.m. But we had lots of fun, Mama. Angel enjoyed the game, most of us did. Although, if we proceeded to finish I might be the first one to go bankrupt because I was already losing money. We enjoyed our time together last night, Mama. I wish we can have more opportunities like that. I hope you were watching us last night, Mama and laughing at us.
We miss you, Mama. I miss you.
I love you, Mama.
Daddy
Dear Mama,
Our children and I went to Bacolod this Holy Week. We used the seat-sale bought by Ralph last year from Cebu Pacific, or else it will expire on April 30, 2024 and he won't get any refund from his payments made. We flew last Wednesday, March 27 and went home yesterday, March 29.
We took the P2P ride from Clark to NAIA, Mama because there were no flights available for our schedule in Clark. We took the 2:30 a.m. bus and we were at NAIA at around 4:00 a.m. Our scheduled flight was 8:45 a.m.
It was the first time for Edgar and Angel to fly, Mama. Good thing their first experience was a smooth one and the flights we took - from NAIA to Bacolod, and Bacolod back to NAIA were both on time.
We had a great time in Bacolod, Mama although our options were limited because malls and other establishments and tourist destinations were closed. We were able to visit The Ruins, Mama on Wednesday. Angel loved it and she enjoyed the experience.
We also had authentic chicken inasal, and even talaba. I was surprised Angel loved the talaba. This was on the first day, Mama. On the second day, we had seafoods. Ralph was the one who paid most of our food, although Edgar and I would also contribute some amounts for the expenses.
On our 3rd day, which was Edgar's birthday, there weren't anywhere for us to go because it was already Good Friday. We just went out to buy pasalubong like piyaya and napoleones, and then we went back to the hotel to rest and prepare for our flight back home in evening.
It was a nice experience, Mama. I wish I could raise funds so we can do it again. Angel loves the experience. Of course, it would have been happier if you were with us.
I miss you, Mama.
I love you.
Daddy
Dear Mama,
I feel so empty, unaccomplished, and in limbo. I've been trying to fight it, Mama. This nagging anxiety inside that is always triggered by the smallest thing. It's really so difficult when you try to keep everything inside, Mama.
Lately, I've been getting some 'advise' at work about the slightest thing. I might just be paranoid, but it feels like I am 'next' and they are just looking for the perfect reason to avoid any conflict.
Maybe it's just me. I don't know, Mama.
I wish you were here.
Daddy
