Saturday, March 31, 2012

A brand new start?

Dear Mama,

It's the start of a new month, and a new chapter of life for me. I'm going to start on my job tomorrow, Monday. It was my last day on Friday at the hospital. I was able to finish my clearance and get my paycheck. Of course, the damage has been done and Edgar was not able to audition for the singing contest. Anyway, everything went well. I really wish I didn't have to leave.

Nothing special on my last at the hospital, Mama. Nothing... except Gail. I told you that she wasn't talking to me again, and I don't want it to be that way on my last day. So I text her and since it's my last day, I requested that I see her smile. She didn't reply, Mama. I was expecting that. I didn't see her in the morning too during my rounds. When I came back to my table, I saw a piece of paper with a caricature of a nurse smiling with a caption "Smile granted"

That made my day, Mama. To think I wasn't smiling the whole morning because I was frustrated in securing my clearance and my last salary. But that little gesture changed it all. I know it doesn't really mean anything, but at least it made me feel special. In the afternoon, I went back to the hemodialysis unit and she was there. She talked to me... and she smiled. She made my last day special.

Anyway, to continue. Ralph will have his graduation on April 27. He is still isn't paid in his tuition fees, though. I hope I can find the means before that week or else he won't graduate. And then, enrollment will immediately follow. Praying that we can get through this once more, Mama.

Thank you very much for being there, Mama. Thank you for always listening. I wish I can hug you. I really need one right now. I miss you. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.


Wednesday, March 28, 2012

What now?

Dear Mama,

I don't know what's wrong. I don't like what's happening at the hospital , in my last days of work. Gail is not talking to me again. She is avoiding me just like what she was doing before. I thought I already had a chance. Why can't she like me, Mama? Is it because I'm too old or too ugly for her?

Anyway, enough of Gail. I still do not have my clearance from work. That means I might not be able to get my last paycheck, and it's Edgar's birthday! It wasn't my fault my clearance was delayed, Mama. They delayed it! Intentionally or not, they delayed it! I have been following up on my clearance two weeks ago. I filed my resignation letter last month. Now, I'm having a difficult time getting my paycheck. Which is actually right because I worked for it. I attended my last month at work without being conscious of the number of days I have left there. I still did my work like I am still a regular employee who will stay for a long time.

Now, it's Edgar birthday and I cannot even take the kids to a fastfood restaurant to celebrate. Why do these things happen to me, Mama? Please hug me, Mama. I need it right now... I miss you, Mama. I love you.


Sunday, March 18, 2012

Counting down and holding some hope...

Dear Mama,

I was wrong in my previous letter. I said Edgar will turn 16 on the 29th. I just remembered, he's already 16 now and he'll be turning 17 on the 29th. I guess I just have too much in my mind that I was losing count of the kids' ages. Anyway, I'm counting down my days in the hospital. Little by little, I'm trying to withdraw from my responsibilities and to the people there, except her.

She's talking to me again, Mama. Unfortunately, she's still in pain and from the looks of it, I still do not have a chance. I don't know why I'm even hoping that somehow she would fall for me. I really wish you can help me on this, Mama.

The kids will be having their final examinations this week. Edgar and Angel are already paid, while Ralph is still unpaid. To think he is already graduating. I am still waiting for some friends who promised to help me. I just cannot ask them because they might get offended and get mad at me.

I don't think I will be writing some sense here, so I will stop now Mama. Take care of yourself, Mama. I really miss you.

I love you.


Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Confusing developments...

Dear Mama,

It only two weeks and I'm out of my present job. I'll be transferring to my new work as an accountant. The hospital administration hasn't signed my resignation letter, but that won't change the effectivity date. They wanted me to re-think my decision first, when in fact I have already thought about it even before I passed my resignation letter.

They want me to stay in the hospital and yet they do not have anything concrete to offer me, nor do they want to top the offer I have in my new job. Besides, I really need to move out. Lots of things have happened in my short stay there.

What's funny, Mama is that I was also informed of another job opening for an accountant in Qatar. I don't know, I'm not sure about it, yet I submitted my resume. I barely started in my new work and yet I'm already looking for another job.

Mama, the nurse is talking to me again. I know I still cannot expect anything from this, but at least she talks to me, albeit casually. I really there could be more... oh well, I guess I should just be satisfied with what I have, Mama.

Ralph's graduation would be on March 27, Mama. After that, Edgar will turn 16 on March 29. Right now, I don't have money to celebrate any of the two. Also, I still haven't paid for Ralph's tuition fee. I was only able to borrow money for Angel and Edgar's tuition fees. Anyway, I'm sure I'll be able to find a way somehow.

I guess that's enough of this confusion updates, Mama. Sorry to bother for another long letter. Take care of yourself, Mama. I really miss you a lot.

I love you, Mama.


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Angel is wearing eyeglasses

Dear Mama,

Angel is now wearing eyeglasses. She has astigmatism. I took her to the doctor the day after I wrote to you about her sickness. It's her eyes that's been causing her headache and dizziness, and now she wears glasses. Good thing I have some money to pay for the doctor and the eyeglasses. She and Edgar, by the way, are both fully paid in their tuition fees. It's only Ralph that I need to find some fund sources.

I think I will proceed with my resignation, Mama. I will stay in the hospital until March 31 only. I am sure it's the right decision for me. My only concern now is that my new job. I just hope I can do my work well. I'll do my best, Mama. You know I always do.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I really wish I could be with you soon. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Sunday, March 4, 2012

help me take care of Angel

Dear Mama,

Help me take care of Angel. Please make her well, Mama. I really wish they were left to your care instead of me, Mama

Saturday, March 3, 2012

help me be strong...

Dear Mama,

Please help me be strong. Hold my hands, Mama. Help me have the courage I need.

I need you, Mama


p.s. I love you