Sunday, August 31, 2008

I almost made it through the day...

Dear Mama,

I almost made it through the day without shouting... unfortunately, at around 10:00PM I wasn't able to control myself and shouted at Ralph. Because he was teasing Angel again, and he won't stop even if I have told him to stop already. It was only when I shouted that he stopped what he was doing.

Yesterday, I was shouting at the top my voice, at Edgar this time. Because his grades are so low Mama. I am very much frustrated, disappointed, and mad. I didn't expect it. He is supposed to get high grades. He promised me that. He even got a 74 in Filipino.

What am I going to do Mama? I don't know what to do anymore? I think I'm getting weak.

I almost want to give up. I can't go on like this Mama.


Friday, August 29, 2008

I am shouting again....

Dear Mama,

Lately, I have noticed myself shouting again at the kids more often. I don't know why Mama, but it seems that lately I get irritated easily. Sometimes I even think that they are doing it on purpose just to make me mad. Most of the time it's always Ralph who receive my ire.

I pity the kids Mama, everyday I tell myself that I will never shout at them at again. Still, I am at the top my voice everytime they do something wrong. I don't want this happening Mama.

I don't know if it's the present financial situation, too much in my mind, fatigue, stress or a mixture of everything. I wish I have you here so I can have someone to talk to. I know that won't be possible. I miss you Mama.

Please take care of yourself.

I love you.


Sunday, August 24, 2008

I'm sorry... again...

Dear Mama,

It's Ima's birthday today. I planned to send the kids to see their grandmother. Unfortunately, Ralph has some activity in their youth community. They went to Tarlac today for the IHCC's outreach ministry.

Because of this, I wasn't able to send the kids because Ralph was not around. I don't want to send Angel and Edgar by themselves. And I don't think I can go with them either.

I'm sorry that they weren't able to see your mother on her birthday. I'm sure you understand why I don't want to go there myself. I was willing to let the kids see them if only Ralph didn't have that outreach to attend. I really don't know what they would think of me now Mama. But we know what they were thinking of me, so nothing's really knew.

I'm sorry again Mama. Take care of yourself. I'm trying to do my best to take of the kids, but like I said, nothing can really substitute the way you share your life with us.

I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Monday, August 18, 2008

I'm sorry Mama....

Dear Mama,

I'm very sorry for I haven't written you for quite a while. I've been very busy lately yet I haven't really accomplished anything. I'm sorry too that I was not able to visit you at the cemetery for a long time now. God knows how I want to go there.

Tomorrow starts my second week at Holiday Inn, this early I already want to resign. What's with me Mama? Am I really getting too lazy or am I just stubborn? I don't know, I really wish I am doing other things instead of just giving supplies. I miss doing the chocolate lollipops... I remember doing them with you Mama.

It's 11PM now, and I just finished some online works. Not really that big an earning, but at least it's something that I love doing... writing.

I don't know what to do tomorrow, honestly Mama, I really don't know what to do.

I miss you Mama. I wish I can talk to you.

Take care of yourself Mama. I love you.


Monday, August 11, 2008

yet again...

Dear Mama,

I don't know what to say or how to start. I was happy went I arrived home from my first day of work today. Then Ralph told me there was no internet connection, Angel showed me her damaged shoes, then Edgar arrived home and told me that there's a lot that they need to pay at school.

I snapped. I shouted. Then I kept quiet.

Mama, what can I do? Angel's shoes are already damaged. They need to be replaced. And where can I get the money to pay for Edgar's requirements? It's really difficult when you're alone Mama. There's no one really here I can too.

I miss you Mama.

Take care. I love you.


Sunday, August 10, 2008

Making a fool of myself again...

Dear Mama,

How are you? I'm sorry for not writing to you lately, I just got too much on my mind. Know what? I think I'm going to make a fool of myself again. Trying to pscyhe myself up that this time I'm going to make it, this time I'm going to succeed... but, then when reality strikes, I'm back on the ground again.

I really wish you were here Mama. I wish I can talk to you right now. I'm feeling low, and nobody knows it. I don't show it. They don't need know... they wouldn't care anyway.

I miss you Mama. I wish I can be with you.

I love you.


Monday, August 4, 2008

Overnight rain

Dear Mama,

I woke up at 2am today because of heavy rain. PAGASA said that thypoon Julian is on its way out of the country. They didn't advise of any suspension of classes. Yet it seems that it has been raining overnight.

I am planning not to let the children go to school today, although I don't know if they would agree with me, especially since there's no official announcement. Angel has too many absences already. I don't know if she has any chances in the rankings in school, but with her efforts, I don't want it to be spoiled by just her absences.

Simple things like this Mama, can make me all too confuse. Of course, things would be different if you were still here with us. I don't want to risk the children, yet I don't want them to be absent should classes isn't really suspended.

I'm sorry for this nonsense letter Mama. You know, I have no one I can talk to right now.

Anyway, please do take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you Mama.