Lazy Sunday

 Dear Mama,

    It's Sunday morning. I'm done with some chores and just resting now, Mama. Edgar will be preparing pasta and wings for our lunch today. I should be cleaning now, but as usual I'm procrastinating again.

    It's funny how I know I am procrastinating but I can't snap out of it, Mama. I don't know if it's anxiety-induced procrastination or I am just really lazy. My mind has been in such a chaos lately. I mean, when has it not been? haha... I disturb my own peace of mind with too many what-ifs and if only.

    Oh well, it's just too difficult when you have no one to talk to, I guess.

    I wish you were here. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

First of May

Dear Mama,

    It's the first day of May. It's already my birth month, Mama. I'll be turning 58 soon. Other than that, there's really nothing special about it, Mama. And I am not expecting anything.

    I don't know what to say here. We just had our dinner, Mama. Ralph is resting before to work in while. Edgar is washing the dishes. Angel is also resting, she'll feed the cats in a while.

    Anyway, that's all for now, Mama. I just wanted to say first of May.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                                    Daddy

New song soon

Dear Mama,

    I just finished recording the vocals for my new song this evening. I'll just have to wait for the files of the vocals recordings so I can send it to my arranger for mixing. I'm planning to release it in time for my birthday, Mama.

    I'm sorry I'm spending money on my stupid dream, Mama. I know it's just a waste of good money, but there's no other way for me to release my songs. I hope I can find an additional source of income so I can replace all the money I wasted on my dream.

    I'm sorry, Mama.

                                                                                                            Daddy

Friday update

Dear Mama

    It's Friday night and we already had our dinner. Ralph is taking a nap before he prepares for his work later. Edgar is still not home, Mama. He went out with his officemates for the despedida of one of their colleagues. He'll be probably be home late tonight, Mama.

    And since it's Friday night, there are singers tonight at the grill bar beside us, Mama. They usually have singers/performers every Friday and Saturday. Good thing, unlike the previous management, the owners of the new bar now are more considerate. They are not as loud as the previous bar that was here. The only thing I worry now are their customers that park their cars in front of our house, Mama. Just like right now, a van just parked in front of us, but there's nothing I can do because it's public property, Mama.

    I wasn't picked for the buskers for this weekend, Mama. Of course, I'm not expecting that I will just be picked because I applied. I don't have any credentials nor portfolio for the industry, Mama. I am not really a performer. Unlike the ones they are picking which are really buskers and have been performing in bars, cafes, and restaurants for some time, Mama.

    That will be all for now, Mama. I'll be thinking what I'll do now - if I will practice more songs, or write a new one. I'll probably just rest for now. 

    Until my next letter. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

I signed up for a busking slot

Dear Mama,

    I just did something stupid. I signed up for a busking slot yesterday, Mama. The venue will be the Plaza Angeles at the Museo Ning Angeles. I'm not expecting I will be chosen, or I will be given a slot immediately, Mama. But I am already getting nervous.

    A friend sent me the link to the Google Drive yesterday, Mama. He said I should fill it up so I could be included in the line up. He is also a singer-songwriter from Angeles City, Mama. But unlike me, he is good and has been performing in some bars already.

    I hesitated for a while, but I signed up anyway. Now I want to bang my head on the wall, Mama. It's a crowded place, Mama. An open space with a lot of crowd. That's how busking is - an open space. I don't know if I want to be called or not. 

    I wish I could be as good as you were in singing, Mama.

    Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Please pray for me, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you.

                                                                                                             Daddy

Worried about Ralph

Dear Mama,

    It's 8:20 p.m. as I start this letter on a Tuesday evening. We already had our dinner, Mama. Ralph is resting and will be preparing for work in a while. I'm worried about him, Mama. He seems to be sick. He's wearing a sweater when it's so hot right now. He must have fever that's why he's feeling cold, Mama. He must have gotten tired last Saturday when he went to Manila straight from his work to meet his friends and former officemates. I asked him if he'll be able to work tonight and he said yes and he will work. I hope he'll be fine, Mama.

    Edgar isn't actually well, too Mama. He has a headache. It must be due to the intense heat today. It's already evening and it's still hot, Mama. I advised him to take medicines. His arms is healing, Mama. Although I always remind him that it is not yet well. Because he might forget, get carried away, and carry heavy objects, Mama.

    I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Angel and I are fine. Although Angel wasn't feeling well when she woke up this afternoon, but she's better now.

    I wish you're here with us now, Mama. I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                            Daddy

Just hi

Dear Mama,

    I want to write a letter, but I don't know what to say. I mean, what to say that won't burden you. You should be resting already and I should not be bothering you.

    It's Saturday evening, almost midnight. Edgar is not yet home, Mama. He is out with his officemates. He attended a birthday party and his last message was they went out for coffee. He'll probably be home in a while, Mama.

    I'm waiting for the arrangement of my latest song that I will release for my birthday, Mama. I'm spending money again for my whims. I'm sorry, Mama. This will be the last one. After this, I will stop spending on my songs.

    That's all I can say for now, Mama. I really just wanted to say hi. I miss you, Mama. I wish I can hug you right now.

    I love you.

                                                                                                     Daddy

Anxiety attack... again

Dear Mama,

    I'm having anxiety attack again. I don't like this, Mama. When I feel like this, it seems like something will go wrong. Or worse, everything will go wrong.

    I'm so tired of feeling this, Mama. I want this to stop. Help me.

                                                                                                        Daddy