Sunday, June 30, 2019

Just an update

Dear Mama,

Hi. How are you, Mama? It's been a while, I know. I really don't want to bother you as much, because you should be really resting now. But you know how I often I would like to reach out to you. If only I can you pull you back here, Mama. Especially now that the kids are all grown up and all finished with their schooling. We can take care of you better now, Mama. 

I'm sorry. I know it's all too late now. 

I just would like to update you, Mama. I know you have been watching us, but I still want to tell you like how I used to tell you everything then.

Angel already has a job now, Mama. Unfortunately, it's not related to her course, but she took it and she said so that she will already earn. Anyway, she can always look for another job that will enable her to use what she learned in college, which is IT. Although, I really doubt that, Mama. It looks like she is enjoying her job and she isn't really keen in looking for another job right now.

Ralph is still in Ortigas, while Edgar is still working in the hospital. It's quite a challenge now to have them all together during weekends. Usually Edgar have work on weekends, sometimes Ralph have trainings, and Angel sometimes have an event in their company. We still do find time to go out together, Mama. We just can't do it as often as we used to.

Sometimes, I still wish you were still with us, Mama. Especially now. You would have been very proud and happy. The kids would have been very happy. I would have been very happy!

I'm sorry, Mama. I just can't help it.

I should end my letter right now, Mama. Lest, I might get carried away again.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Monday, May 6, 2019

Promise fulfilled

Dear Mama,

Tomorrow, May 7, our baby Angel will be graduating from college. It's one day before my 51st birthday, Mama, so that makes it a great birthday gift for me!

With Angel graduating, that makes all our three kids finished and all with bachelor's degree! I am glad I was able to make it through, Mama. Of course, I knew you were guiding us along the way, and you were interceding for us especially when I almost do not know what to do and wanted to give up. Thank you very much, Mama.

Although they are all graduates now, I know my work is not yet done. I will still be here for them, Mama as long as they need me. And I know they still do.

But I'm really happy, Mama. I'm happy that we were able to reach this far. If only you were still here, it would have been a great moment for all of us. I just wish it could be.

I hope you are looking down from heaven right now, Mama... smiling and proud.

This is all for you, Mama.

I love you.

I miss you.


Friday, November 2, 2018

Mama, I miss you

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Dear Mama,

Remember last time I told you Edgar was already hired and he's just working on his pre-employment requirements? I guess I spoke too soon. When he was able to complete his papers and submitted them, he was told that he will still have to wait for 2 to 3 months because the position was put on hold. Apparently, the company hired another guy and they said he was too late. Not a good for his supposed to be first time employment, Mama. While we are still hoping that he will eventually be hired, I advised him to go and look for other opportunities too.

We're back to square one, Mama. I hope he finds work soon so he can practice and grow on what he learned.

As for me, I'm trying to hold on Mama. I'm tired - physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm just dragging my feet. I hope I can still go on.

I need you, Mama. 

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Dear Mama,

At this moment, Edgar is working on his government IDs and other pre-employment requirements. He will be working soon, unfortunately not on the company that he wished to work with, but I advised and nudged him a little bit that he should at least get some working experience. I told him being unemployed for a long period of time will not look good on his resume.

He is not yet sure when he will be starting, Mama. They just gave him a list of the requirements and was told to submit them once he completes them. Hopefully, he will finished them today, he's been working on them since last week. It would be good if he can start on the first day of March, as he said, at least he would have money on his birthday.

Continue to guide and watch Edgar as he work, Mama. I can only tell him what to do, what to look out for, and the kind of people he should avoid. I will not always be beside him to tell him when he is working. I hope he will find good friends in his work.

Angel is busy in her nail arts, but she is not neglecting her studies, Mama. School year's is about to be over, and on June she will start her last year. Ralph, as you know, rarely goes home on weekends. He has his own life now. He is doing fine, Mama. 

I hope you are proud of all our children. 

That will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Thursday, November 16, 2017

Dear Mama,

Edgar is now a licensed Electronics and Communications Engineer. He passed the board examination last October, Mama. I'm sure you're proud of him and you're smiling as you look down on us from up there. It would have a great celebration if only you are still here with us, Mama.

Angel is studying well. I'm sure you know she already has a boyfriend, but that is not causing any problem with her studies, at least not now. I hope they stay that way - responsible and looking after each other's studies.

Ralph is busy in his work. He goes home on weekends, although not regularly. I guess he is really enjoying his independence.

Nothing much on me, Mama. I just loss in the national speech contest of Toastmasters. I did not even earn any place. I was disqualified because I went overtime. It would have been great if only I landed even third place. I guess I am not really good at anything.

I miss you, Mama. I wish I can hold your hand right now.

I need you, Mama.

I love you.


Tuesday, February 7, 2017

I miss our family

Dear Mama,

It's been a year, I'm sorry. I really plan on deleting this space from the internet permanently because I feel like I'm only making things worse. I'm sorry, Mama. 

The last time I wrote I was feeling lost, now I am worse. I'm lost, confuse, and alone. The kids grew up and I am basically on my own. They are still with me, Mama although I feel that they are so distant. It's like I am losing my kids... especially Angel.

Mama, please tell me I am just overthinking. I never felt so alone in my life. Before, I knew I will always have the kids by my side. Now, I am no longer sure. I guess as long as I know that they are happy and secured, I should be contented with that.

I miss our kids, Mama. I miss my Angel.

I wish we are still a whole family.

I miss our family, Mama. I miss us. I miss you.

If only we could all be together again.

I love you, Mama.


Thursday, January 28, 2016

I'm sorry, Mama... I failed.