The year is almost over

Dear Mama,

    It's December 27 now. 2023 is almost over. A few more days and we will start a new year. Honestly, I don't know what to feel, Mama. I'm glad were done with 2023 who brought in a lot of challenges and hurdles, although I have to admit there were also a lot of triumphs along the way, too. I really do not know what to expect in 2024.

    Ralph is having a number of interviews for the last few days, Mama. He is looking for a new job as he was removed from his current job. His work will end on the 15th of January, that's why he is looking for a new job, Mama. I hope he gets hired before the 15th. Angel is also without job right now, Mama. Not sure if she will be looking for a new one or she will focus on her online business. Edgar is still with his current company.

    I hope things will get better for us in the new year, Mama. I really want to get away from here because I cannot control my anxiety. It's like anything can happen here anytime, Mama. Although, I know that I cannot be sure if I will have peace and quiet if we move to a new place. If I will have my way I'd like to move to somewhere secluded and remote. Unfortunately, that won't be possible, Mama. We all need to work. Especially me, because I still need to provide for our kids.

    After the new year, it will be Angel's birthday, Mama. Our baby will turn 26 next year. Time really flies very fast, Mama. My only wish for her, and for all our children, is to have a bright, safe, and secured future. I feel that it won't be long and I'll be gone soon. The problem is I haven't prepared enough for them. I'm sorry, Mama.

    I hope I will see them all succeed before I pass away so I can rest in peace.

    That will be all for now, Mama. I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                                    Daddy 

Merry Christmas, Mama!

Dear Mama,

    It's December 24, Christmas eve now. Less than 20 minutes before Christmas. We already had our early Noche Buena, and we also opened our gifts already. Just like in previous years, Edgar was the one who cooked our food. Although we only had pork and ham tonight, and also the ube halaya ordered by Ralph.

    Sorry we still were not able to hold our traditional Christmas party, Mama. Still disoriented and still suffering from anxiety to prepare for anything. 

    We still had fun with our exchange gifts, Mama. And we also had lots of stories shared while we were eating - from Christmas to non-Christmas related topics. You know how our kids can get so random, Mama. At least we were still able to celebrate Christmas, even if it's just a simple noche buena. I hope next year I'll be able to stand back up and prepare for our Christmas party.

    I miss you, Mama. Especially in times like this.

    I love you, Mama.

    Merry Christmas!

                    

                                                                                                                      Daddy

Happy anniversary, Mama!

Dear Mama,

    Happy anniversary! Today could have been our 32nd anniversary, Mama. I'm sorry, we were not able to celebrate it. All 4 of us got sick one after the other. First it was Angel and Edgar last week, then on Monday it was Ralph. He went for check up last Tuesday. And then finally, me.

    I felt cold last Wednesday when I came home from work. I felt weak I immediately went to bed as soon as I arrived home. And Thursday, I went on sick leave, Mama. My temperature was 38.14 yesterday. I did not want to be absent from work because I have no more leave credits, but I have no choice, I might spread the virus to my officemates.

    Angel and Edgar are better now. Edgar has already finished his medicines, while Angel was given additional medicines when she went for check up to get medical certificate. Ralph also has his medication. I, on the other hand, is taking only paracetamol. I did not go for check up, Mama.

    I have no more fever now, but I still feel weak, and I have cough. I hope I'll feel better tomorrow. Maybe we can have a late anniversary celebration sometime next week when we are all good. 

    That's all now, Mama. Happy anniversary!

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you,

                                                                                                             Daddy

Edgar's turn

Dear Mama,

    After Angel last Tuesday, it was Edgar's turn yesterday (Thursday) to be rushed to the emergency room of the hospital. He has fever and felt cold, Mama. We know that when Edgar lies down, it only means he's not okay. He is just like you, Mama. He will tolerate the pain as long as he can.

    When I went home from work yesterday, I took him to the hospital. We stayed there from 4 pm until past 8 pm, Mama. They did a lot of laboratory procedures on him - dengue, CBC, urinalysis,  X-ray, and even COVID, Mama. It was fortunate that all the tests were negative.

    However, everything took more than 4 hours. Edgar was in pain and cold while we're at the hospital. What made it even worse was that he was seated all throughout our stay there. There was no available bed in the ER, Mama.

    As per his update now, he feels better. Although he is under medications, Mama. He has antibiotics, and still taking paracetamol. Same with Angel.

    I'm sorry we were not able to celebrate your birthday, Mama. And I'm also sorry for letting our kids be sick. It's really different when a mother is caring for them.

    I wish you were here, Mama.

                                                                                Daddy

Update on Angel

 Dear Mama,

    I just want to give you an update on Angel's condition. She feels better now, although she was still vomiting this morning. But for the rest of the day, she's okay. She wasn't confined, Mama. Actually, the line was still long this afternoon, Mama. When Ralph called, Angel was at number 22 at the line. Last night she 28. Which means there were only 6 discharged for today. 

    Angel was deciding not to be confined anymore, Mama, and only take home rest. I hope she can rest well in this neighborhood. Unfortunately, all of us will be working tomorrow. Please watch over her while we are still away, Mama.

    That will be all for now, Mama. Help me pray for Angel.

    Happy birthday again, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                                Daddy

Happy birthday, Mama!

Dear Mama,

    In about 3 minutes, it will your birthday. It could have been your 57th. It would have been a happy celebration, Mama.

    We just arrived home from the hospital, Mama. I took Angel to the ER earlier at 4 p.m. because she was not feeling well. She asked me to take her actually. Ralph said she was vomiting in the morning. She was not able to eat anything.

    They did some tests on her at the hospital - CBC, dengue test, x-ray, urinalysis, and even pregnancy test. The dengue test was negative, the urinalysis was okay, but the CBC showed excess WBC which they said was a sign of infection. The x-ray wasn't read yet because there was no radiologist on duty. 

    Angel was supposed to be confined, Mama, but there were no rooms available. So we went home, although we asked to be lined up and be called once a room is available. We were at the hospital from 4 p.m. to almost 10 p.m., Mama.

    Still having problem with the neighborhood. The funny thing was the grill beside is still quiet, but problem I am having right now is with the tenants of the apartment in front of us. I don't know what to do anymore, Mama. Sometimes, I think I am the problem.

    Anyway, sorry to spoil your birthday with a series of bad news. I wish I can be with you now.

    Happy birthday, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you.

                                                                                            Daddy

About our Baguio trip

Dear Mama

    The kids and I went to Baguio last Thursday for an overnight stay. Ralph had no work Thursday and Friday since they are following U.S. holidays, and it was Thanksgiving then. Edgar, Angel, and I filed our leave from work so we could push through. It was a great bonding moment, Mama. Quite expensive and exhausting, but definitely worth it. I wish we can have more time and resources for moments like that.

    We rode the boat at Burnham Park, and we also tried riding the 4-seater bike but we were not able to finish 1 hour. We returned the bike after 30 minutes only. Of course, most of the time we were eating. We tried the places we haven't seen yet the last time we went there. We were also able to buy some pasalubong at Good Shepperd. 

    It was definitely a great 2-day vacation for us, Mama. Unfortunately, it was ruined by what we saw when we got home. The griller next door put their a/c dripping tube on our side. I did not notice it, but Angel did because she saw there was water at the side of the fence although it did not rain. It was fixed when I mentioned it to the griller personnel, but it took a lot of inhale-exhale sequence for me before I heart beat returned to normal.

    Anyway, that's all for now, Mama. It would have been a better experience if you were with us in Baguio.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

Dear Mama

Dear Mama,

    It's Saturday, we had our dinner. Angel is still sleeping, we'll wake her up later because she'll be working nightshift again, Mama. She's better now, although she is still taking her medications. She have to finish them. I hope she won't get sick again, Mama. I hope she learns how to take care of herself.

    Ralph and Edgar are okay, still with their respective companies. Hopefully someday they'll get to work in a better company where they can grow better.

    If you'll ask me, I'm just fine, Mama. Still struggling with the anxieties every now and then. I wish I could get rid of it, Mama. It's consuming me every time it pops up, just like right now, actually. This usually comes in every night because I am not sure if I'll be having a peaceful night or not.

    Toastmasters is overwhelming, Mama. There's so much work to do. So far I'm surviving, but I don't know how long I can go on. I hope I'll get this Area Director thing to the finish line, Mama.

    Well, that will be all for now, Mama. I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Please make Angel well

Dear Mama,

    Angel is sick again. Please help me make her well, Mama. I feel guilty because I went to Baguio last Friday because we had an activity in Toastmasters, as I was going home last night Ralph said Edgar took her to hospital for an emergency check up because she had difficulty breathing.

    They did not admit her in the hospital, but they gave her prescriptions of medicines to take which they already bought last night before they went home. She still went to work last night, Mama. Because they have difficulty filing and getting approval for leaves, even sick leaves.

    Angel is resting right now, Mama. Although we'll wake her up anytime soon because she needs to take another medicine.

    Tomorrow, Monday, she'll be working again in the evening. Please make her well, Mama. I'm sorry this happened. Times like this, I really wish you were here.

    I miss you, Mama.

                                                                                                    Daddy

I was tired, but did I make you proud?

Dear Mama,

    Yesterday was a tiring Saturday for me. First, we had our joint club meeting in our area. And being the Area Director, I had to oversee all of it - from the planning, preparation, up to the actual meeting which was yesterday. We had a good attendance, and all clubs were all represented. They say it was successful, but I don't know. I had lots of blunders. I just managed to survive.

    After the joint meeting here in Angeles, we went to Quezon City to attend an anniversary of another club. I was not really a part of the event but I went to accompany our Club Growth Director. After the anniversary, we went to Pasig to attend a workshop of another Division, and again I had to accompany our Director there. We were able to go home late. I arrived at our house at around 11:00 p.m.

    It was a tiring Saturday, Mama. A day filled with a lot of Toastmasters event. I really cannot believe I was able to pull off that joint meeting. I am thankful I have supportive and cooperative clubs. I really hope you are proud of me, Mama.

    Ralph and Angel are in Ortigas right now. They went to different events but they travelled together, and I believe they will also go home together later. Please guide them to safety, Mama.

    The next event I should be focusing right now is the Area Contest, Mama. It will be on February next year, but I should be already preparing for it. I hope I can pull that one.

    Anyway, that will be all for now, Mama. Please take care of yourself.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                        Daddy

Just another letter

Dear Mama,

    It's Sunday, 8:09 p.m. As I am sitting here in front of the laptop, I still don't know what to say to you. Angel and I had coffee time earlier. We had a short talk about her plans, and her health. She just had consultation, Mama. She was required to have some laboratory examinations, which would cost quite big. So, I just said I would look for money so she can have those laboratory tests and she can go back to the doctor.

     A lot of things are really going on my mind right now, Mama, but it's all jumbled and I don't know where to start, aside from Angel's condition. I am concerned about our upcoming joint meeting with the different clubs under me, being their Area Director. I am concerned about the health of our children, who are also having some health problems. In fact, I am also feeling feverish lately. And of course, I am concerned about what will happen soon in our neighborhood.

    I wish you're here, Mama so I can say all these to you.

    

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

Anxiety

Dear Mama,

    It's Tuesday now, 7:45 p.m. and Angel is still sleeping. We'll wake her up at around 8 p.m. because she will be working tonight. Graveyard shift, as usual. Although, earlier she told Edgar she won't be working because she has fever. After a while she changed her mind and told us to wake her up at 8pm and she will work, instead. Hope she'll be okay, Mama.

    I'm having anxiety attacks again right now, Mama. Nothing's really happening but I am hearing voices and some noises outside. It's triggering my anxiety. I know I should not react like this, Mama but I cannot help it. I'm starting to hate myself for feeling like this. I wish I could stop this.

    That's all I want to say right now, Mama. Please look after, Angel.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

 

La Naval, feverish, and the neigborhood

 Dear Mama,

    Today is the La Naval fiesta here in Angeles City. As usual, for us it's just an ordinary Sunday, Mama. Not sure if we're going to Sta. Teresita today for lunch. I haven't heard from them, and I feel feverish right now, Mama.

    Angel already worked last night. She'll be coming anytime soon. She was supposed to report for work tomorrow, Monday but she was asked to report Saturday, instead. Probably, they realized they lack people on the floor.

    As I mentioned, it's La Naval fiesta today, so I'm expecting it will be a bit noisy around here tonight. Actually, the drinking already started last night which lasted until almost 3:00 a.m., Mama. I was not able to sleep. Good thing Ralph and Edgar were able to sleep before they started. Just thinking about what will happen tonight is already making me anxious, Mama.

    Anyway, on October 28, we will be having a joint meeting of the clubs in my area, Mama. As you know, they made me Area Director because they did not have any choice. I hope it will be a successful one.

    That's all I have to say for now, Mama. I hope I feel better soon. If only you were here... I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                               Daddy

Angel is sick

Dear Mama,

    Please make Angel well. Our baby is sick, Mama. Ralph said he came home from work this morning and she was cold. She was sleeping when I arrived in the afternoon, Mama. She did not work today.

    Please help me take care of Angel, Mama.

    I need you.

                                                                                        Daddy

September ends

Dear Mama,

    It's the last day of September, and I'm glad this month will finally end. Aside for the birthday of Ralph, this month has been really rough for me. We lost 2 dogs in less than a week's interval, and I was bombarded with pressures and problems in Toastmasters, and work. Not to mention my personal struggles with my anxieties.

    I do hope October will be a better month for us, Mama. Although I am not really sure how that can be because we are still in the same neighborhood. Sometimes, I even feel like maybe I am the problem.

    Anyway, I really have nothing to look forward to October except probably the possible gig at the Tigtigan, Terakan king Dalan or TTKD this year, where I will have an opportunity to humiliate myself to a bigger crowd haha... I wish I could sing even just as half as good as you, Mama.

    There are also a lot of activities in Toastmasters this October, and already I am stressed out. I hope I will survive in one piece, Mama.

    As for the kids, they are still working, Mama. I'm crossing my fingers that Angel will stay longer in her job this time.

    That will be all for now, Mama. I will update you if anything else comes up.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

We lost another dog

Dear Mama,

    September was really hard on us. Perhaps the only highlight of this month so far was the birthday of Ralph, and for the rest of the month,  we have struggled a lot.

    I mentioned in a previous letter that we lost G. I thought that was the end, Mama. Just yesterday, Saturday, we lost Loki. I had no plans of getting another puppy, Mama, but last Sunday evening, late in the evening, actually, Noli came knocking on our gate and he brought a new puppy. He did not even ask if I wanted a new puppy. He just came and delivered the puppy. I was hesitant to accept the puppy because I have not yet gotten over with the loss of G, Mama. I did not know what to say. We named him Loki.

    Monday, Loki was still fine. He was a bit thin and quite shy or inactive, but he was fine. He was still eating. Tuesday, he no longer wanted to eat nor drink. He was still mobile, but he was mostly sleeping all throughout the day. 

    Wednesday, Ralph took Loki to the vet because we don't want to lose another dog. He was tested positive with parvo, and he had infection in his blood, too. He was confined, so Ralph left him at the clinic. They were sending us video updates of his condition. Saturday morning, they sent a message that Loki crossed the rainbow bridge, Mama.

    That would be the last dog for us now, Mama. We won't be getting another one, not even if they bring them on our doorstep.

    That is all I wanted to say for now, Mama. I just wanted to get this out of my system. I wish you were here.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                                Daddy

Ralph's birthday

Dear Mama,

    It's Ralph birthday today. He turns 31 today, Mama. We celebrated it as usual by going out. We went to a buffet restaurant where they have sashimi because I know Ralph loves sashimi, Mama. We went there during lunch time. And Ralph was not disappointed because he was able to eat his favorite food. Unlike in a bigger buffet restaurant where the sashimi is limited and always ran out. Today he was able to get his fill.

    Afterwards, we went to the mall, Mama. I thought I could buy him eyeglasses because his eyeglass was already broken. It turned out it was more expensive and the money I prepared wasn't enough. But Ralph still had his eye checked and ordered a new glass. I just gave him the money I allotted for him, and he paid for the rest. Anyway, he said he would be able to reimburse it from his company. I hope so, Mama.

    And then we bought a cake for Ralph before going home. When we finally got home, we sang happy birthday for Ralph, Mama. But we did not eat anymore cake because everybody was still full, and tired. They all went to sleep while I did the laundry.

    They are still sleeping until now while I'm writing this, Mama. It's already 8:30 p.m., it was around 4 p.m. when we got home earlier. I guess they are really tired. I also feel sleepy, I guess I will be sleeping soon. 

    At least we were able to celebrate Ralph's birthday, and I was able to update you. Wish you were still with us in celebrations like this, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                                        Daddy

G said goodbye

Dear Mama,

    It's a sad Monday for us. G said goodbye this morning, Mama. She wasn't eating since Friday evening. She was still mobile, but not as playful as she was in previous days. Angel was planning to bring her to the vet today. 

    At around 5 a.m., she approached the door showing her intention to go out. Ralph opened the door to allow her to go out. He also stayed outside with G for a while. Angel also checked on her, while I took a bath to prepare for work. As I finished taking a bath, I saw Angel going to the room quickly thinking nothing of  it.

    I went straight outside to check on G, and saw her in the garage lying lifeless. I went inside to check on Angel and she was crying, telling me that G already died. I was speechless, Mama. She was just full of life last week.

    Fluffy left us just last May, and in just 4 months, G followed. We lost 4 dogs since the pandemic, Mama. G was the shortest to have stayed with us. I saw her on the street just last October 2021, and picked her up for fear she might get ran over by cars and tricycles passing by. I asked around and nobody was claiming her, that's why she stayed with us. She was a playful and lively dog, Mama. I will miss her.

    I don't think I'll be getting another dog for some time, Mama. It seems I am not a good dog-parent. I don't know how to take care of them, Mama.

    This is really a sad Monday, Mama. I wish you were here.

                                                                                                        Daddy

P.S. I love you, Mama.

Sorry for not writing

Dear Mama,

    I'm sorry for not writing to you lately. My last letter was May, and it's already September. It's already Christmas season here in the Philippines haha...

    The truth Mama was, I was really planning to write another letter but every time I sat down in front of my laptop, I didn't know what to say. My mind would always go blank, Mama. But I know, deep inside me, I wanted to say a lot to you. I wanted to talk to you, Mama.

    My mental state has been on a rollercoaster ride these past months, Mama. Sometimes I would feel high and excited, then suddenly I would feel low and filled with anxiety. Most of these anxieties happen when I'm at home, Mama. Ironic because I am supposed to be relaxed here, but you know the situation in our neighborhood, Mama.

    Anyway, Angel is working again, Mama. She said she would stay longer in her work now. I hope so. She is also running her online selling business. She started it when she was not yet working, she said she will continue with her business even though she is already working. Still a long way to go, but she's getting better in handling her finances now, Mama. Compared to how she was before.

    Ralph and Edgar are still in their same company. Although Ralph now has to report to the office once a week. They used to have a complete work-from-home set up. But the government was requiring BPOs to have a certain percentage of manpower that should report to office. Hence, their set up now.

    I am now an Area Director in Toastmasters, Mama. My term started last July 1st. I am not even sure what I am doing, So far, I am surviving. I am not sure when training and contest season comes. Because I need to organize events and people, and I cannot do that, Mama. I hope I'll find my way around.

    Next week Ralph will be turning 32, Mama. Time flies really fast. Imagine our eldest being 32 already! Unfortunately, he's still single, Mama. So, no grandchildren coming anytime soon. We will be celebrating Ralph's birthday, as usual, by eating out.

    I guess I have already said a lot. I wish I can write more often to you, Mama. I miss you. Please visit me in my dreams, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                            Daddy

Belated happy anniversary, Mama!

 Dear Mama,

    Belated happy anniversary! 

    The kids and I went out to eat last Friday to celebrate the anniversary of the day you said yes and became my girlfriend. I still remember how hesitant you were then, and I knew that the  reason you said say was just to help me moved on, and to make sure you'd be able to get home safe then.

    Thank you, Mama. that was the only opportunity I needed. And I was lucky you appreciated all my efforts then. Happy anniversary again, Mama.

    I really don't know what to say right now, I mean without complaining, that is haha... But I'm trying my best, Mama. I know, the kids are trying their best, too.

    I hope someday things will get better for all of us, and will make you really proud.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                            Daddy

Almost 55

Dear Mama,

    On Monday, I will be celebrating my 55th birthday. That's just 2 days from now. I really don't have anything planned, Mama. But I took a leave of absence from work on Monday, maybe I'll just stay home and do nothing like I always do.

    Before that, I would like to tell you about our last weekend, Mama. We had our Toastmasters District Convention in Manila. Angel stayed with me, although she just stayed in the hotel while I attended our 3-day event. Angel went with me on the first day, while Ralph and Edgar came on Sunday because they had to attend the birthday of their niece on Saturday. We went home last Monday, May 1st, Mama.

    Anyway, back to my birthday. As I've mentioned, I really don't have any plan, Mama. I even don't have anything in mind - no gift, no event, no nothing! I just wish we could continue living in a peaceful environment. Unfortunately, that may not be the case, Mama. Since the construction on the grill beside us might be finished anytime this month. I hope it won't be too noisy.

    That will be all for now, Mama. I don't really have anything to look forward to right now.

    I miss you, Mama. I love you.

                                                                                                            Daddy

Earth Day 2023

Dear Mama,

    Yesterday, I took part in the celebration of the Earth Day in our city. I was one of the performers during the Earth Day concert held at Astro Park. Unbelievable, right Mama? If only you were still here, you would have been proud. I'm not sure though if you'd be proud of my performance haha...

    Our 3 kids watched last night, Mama. It was the first time they were all present. Usually, it was only Ralph who'd come to watch me. Good thing Edgar and Angel also came yesterday. I had some blunders in my chords that somehow affected my singing, but the kids say they did not notice.

    The only reason I was part of the program, Mama was because I was a finalist in the songwriting contest held last year. It was a brief 15-minutes of pain, so to speak. 

    After my set, the kids and I watched some of the other performers. At around 7pm, we left to eat. We weren't able to watch Lolita Carbon and the Asin Band, as they came in at around 11pm.

    Next weekend will be our District Convention in Toastmasters. Angel will be coming with me, and she'll stay in the hotel while I attend the event. Ralph and Edgar will be coming to join us on the last day.

    My 55th birthday is coming soon, Mama. I really don't know what to do. I want to escape. I want to rest. I want all my anxiety to be over. But I know that is not yet possible.

    Anyway, that will be all for now, Mama. Until my next letter.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

Quite the Holy Week

Dear Mama,

    Holy week just passed, but we still do not have work today (Monday) because of the extended holiday since the official holiday, April 9, fell on Sunday (yesterday). 

    It was a quiet holy week for us, thank God. But it does have its troubles - Ralph and Edgar were not feeling well from Wednesday to Friday, and only felt better on Saturday. Now, it's Angel's turn to be sick. She has fever right now, Mama. Good thing I still do not have work today.

    We never went out during the long break, Mama. We were not even able to continue our tradition of Visita Iglesia every Holy Thursday. That's why I'm really puzzled what caused our children to be sick, Mama. I hope Angel feels better soon. She does not want me to be absent for work tomorrow.

    Anyway, that will be all for now, Mama. I hope it will be quiet this evening as the grill house next door opens again today.

    Please help Angel be well, Mama.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

Edgar's birthday celebration

Dear Mama,

    I had the prostate ultrasound procedure yesterday as requested by my doctor. During the ultrasound procedure, the doctor on duty I am still okay. There is nothing wrong nor are my prostate enlarged. I will be going back to my doctor tomorrow to bring the ultrasound result, Mama.

    We also celebrated Edgar's birthday yesterday. We had an early dinner in Balibago, afterwards we went straight home and we continue the celebration with the birthday cake I bought yesterday morning. Of course, we sang happy birthday for Edgar, Mama. We also gave him our gifts, which were a travelling bag from me and Angel, while Ralph gave him a pair of pants and video game cartridges. 

    After eating the cake , I already went to sleep, Mama because I suddenly felt weak and tired.

    That will be my update for today, Mama. 

    I miss you, Mama. I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

It's getting hot in here

Dear Mama,

    It's getting hot lately because it's already summer. And you know how hot summer can be in our country, Mama. But it's not only the weather that's getting hot, Mama. It seems my temper has been quick to rise up easily lately. I immediately get angry and snaps at a flick of a finger.

    I don't know if it's me, the weather, or something else. Lately, I have been encountering situations that easily irritates me, and sometimes I cannot control myself. I know I should not let outside forces influence my inner peace or something. I thought I was about to master that, but lately I'm failing, Mama.

    Is it my age? Or am I just simply tired of everything?

   This Wednesday I'll be having my prostate ultrasound. I don't know what to think. I'm afraid that I almost don't want to go through it. I don't know why my doctor recommended it.

    It will also be Edgar's birthday, Mama. Our EA will be turning 28. I'm really old, Mama. But I still have not raised anything tangible that I can leave to our children. I have failed, Mama. I hope they will do better once I'm gone.

    I'm tired, Mama. I miss you. 

    I love you, Mama. I wish I can be with you soon.

                                                                                                    Daddy

What's next?

Dear Mama,

    It's early Sunday evening. Edgar is preparing our dinner now. He prepares our meals most of the time. Initially, he planned of opening up a food business that's why he tried experimenting in the kitchen since the pandemic. I don't know if he still plans to do that, but he continued preparing our meals. 

    It's Monday again tomorrow, and back to work I'll go. I'm not really complaining about going back to work, Mama. You know I have no problem with my work. However, I do have problem continuing with life itself. I don't know what's going to be next.

    I mentioned in my last letter that I lost in the Division speech contest in Toastmasters, hence I can longer continue in pursuing my dream. I will still continue with Toastmasters, but the enthusiasm won't be there, Mama. I think I lost all my zest.

    Last Friday I had my quarterly check up with my doctor, Mama. He said the results of my blood chemistry and 2D Echo were okay. However, he ordered me to have prostate ultrasound, Mama. He said there were stains of blood in my urinalysis, and asked if I had problem urinating. I said not really a problem, but it's frequent, and mostly small quantities only. I mean, it wasn't like before. I thought it was just because of my age, Mama. But he said it could be because of enlarged prostate, that's why he gave me a request to do the procedure.

    I'm not sure if I want to do it, Mama. What if he is correct? What will happen then? He wants me to do it ASAP, Mama. I'm still thinking about it.

    That's all for my update for now, Mama. If only you were here, I would have been much comfortable going through this stage.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

The end of the journey

Dear Mama,

    Yesterday we had our Division level speech competition, and I competed in the Humorous and International category because I won in the Area level last month. Unfortunately, Mama, I did not win yesterday. I really did not lose because I landed second place, but still not a champion. That means I will not be proceeding to the District finals in April, and my journey towards being a champion speaker has ended yesterday. Oh well, I did my best, Mama. I hope you're still proud of me.

    As for my songwriting 'career,' I performed last Tuesday at the Museo Ning Angeles during the National Arts Month culminating activity in Angeles City, Mama. There were more audience than I had with the songwriters group. There were also mostly people I don't know, that's why I was so nervous that it was actually obvious in my voice. But I still sang my songs.

    Anyway, that will all for now, Mama. Ralph and Edgar are not here now. They are in Tagaytay with their cousins. They might come home late tonight. Angel is still sleeping.

    Until my next letter, Mama. I miss you.

    I love you.

                                                                                            Daddy

A champion, at last!

Dear Mama,

    We had our Area speech contest in Toastmasters yesterday. I won in the Humorous, and International category, Mama. I finally became a champion, Mama! I hope you are proud of me.

    It took me almost 7 years to become a champion, after so many attempts, and I finally made it. Of course, this is just the Area level. I still have to win the Division contest on March 4 before I can dream of making it in the national, which is our District finals at the end of April, Mama.

    I do wish you're here with me now, Mama. This victory would have been sweeter with you by my side. I hope I am making you proud.

    I miss you, Mama. I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

My song was a finalist!

Dear Mama,

    Remember the local songwriting contest I mentioned in a previous letter? My song was chosen as one of the finalists, Mama! Isn't that great?!

    I was surprised yesterday when I received the email late in the afternoon. After doing the laundry, I checked my phone and saw the notification which read, "Dear Finalists" and I felt goosebumps. I couldn't believe it, Mama. I don't know how many have joined the songwriting contest, but when I checked the other 3 finalists, they are all from Metro Manila. I thought the contest was just for Pampanga. 

   It's the first time for me, Mama, for my song to be recognized. I will be attending the awarding ceremony on Monday, January 23, for the all the finalists and the winner. I will be bringing Angel along.

    Are you proud of me, Mama? I wish you were here. I wish you're proud of me.

    I love you, Mama. I miss you.

                                                                                                Daddy

Post Angel's birthday updates

Dear Mama,

    As I've said in my last letter, we celebrated Angel's birthday at last Monday at home. She wanted a charcuterie party, and Edgar willingly prepared it for her, Mama. I was surprised because I thought I won't feel full since it seemed to be just cocktail foods, but we weren't almost able to finish it because we were already full. We also had wine, again upon Angel's request. Of course, I bought her birthday cake so we can sing happy birthday for her, Mama. 

    After dinner, we watched a movie on Disney channel, Ralph's latest subscription. Unfortunately, Angel fell asleep at the early part of the movie. We felt it was because of the wine, which was quite strong. And that was how we celebrated Angel's birthday, Mama. Hopefully next year, or perhaps anytime this year, I will be able to grant her wish, that is a staycation in a hotel. Even just for an overnight stay. 

    Remember I told you also in my last letter that I hope Angel would stay longer in her work, Mama? Unfortunately, it did not happen. She went back to work after her birthday, only to tell me the day after that she resigned already and will no longer be working. I was no longer surprised, but I felt sad for her. I wish I could have guided her well. Was I a failure as a father, Mama?

    The construction on the grill house beside us is almost finish, Mama. That means, as I have learned from them, there will be live bands, and it will be loud again here during the evening. I'm having anxiety just thinking about it, Mama. There's nothing I can do, they were allowed because they had permits and everything.

    That will be all for now, Mama. I wish I can hug you right now, because I really need it.

    I miss you, Mama. I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

Angel turns 25

Dear Mama,

    I can't believe our baby is turning 25 tomorrow. She's now a grown up, Mama. She's been doing her best to act more mature. There's still a lot to work on, but she definitely has gone far from where she was before. She seems to be enjoying her job so far, Mama. I hope she stays for at least 2 years so she will develop herself more. 

    She will be on leave tomorrow, though, since it's her birthday. Ralph and Edgar are also on leave for her. Unfortunately for me, I have to work tomorrow. It will be our first day of work for the year, and since our holiday break last year, Mama. I can't be absent since I hold the office key.

    I still don't have any gift for Angel, Mama. I don't know what to give her. I've been wracking my brains, trying to think of a gift for her, but I can't think of anything. I was planning of booking her a hotel room for an overnight stay, but the promo was over and I do not have enough money. It might just be a belated birthday gift, Mama. I hope it will be okay.

    That will be all for now, Mama. We will be celebrating Angel's birthday just at home tomorrow. How I wish we're still together celebrating Angel's special day.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                        Daddy