Saturday, July 31, 2010

I took Angel to the doctor

Dear Mama,

This afternoon, I took Angel to the doctor because of her cough. She is under medication now. I hope it doesn't get worse Mama. Last night, Angel had a hard time breathing, the doctor said she heard a wizzing sound when she listened to Angel's back through the stethoscope.

Help me take care of her Mama. She can't afford to be sick, much lest a whopping cough. They will be having their periodical exams next week, and she is also active in their dance club. She can't dance if her condition didn't get well.

Make her well, Mama. Please. Teach me how to take care of Angel.

Thank you Mama.

I love you and I miss you.


Thursday, July 29, 2010

Help me, Mama

Dear Mama,

Edgar is sick again, and it looks like Angel is going to be sick too. It's almost 1am and Angel already got up twice. She's having trouble sleeping. She is coughing Mama. They can't afford to be sick. I can't absent myself from work now, Mama. Please help them get well. They will be having their periodical test anytime soon.

Please help the kids get well, Mama. Help me make them well.


Monday, July 26, 2010

No class today

Dear Mama,

The kids have no class today, but unfortunately I have to work. Only classes are suspended for the INC's anniversary. I woke up 4 a.m. today Mama. It's funny that when there's no class, I got up very early without any problem. To think that I slept at 1 a.m. I know I will be sleepy later at work.

I wish I can really talk to you, Mama. Or better yet, I wish I can be with you. Sometimes I wanted to be selfish and just be with you. But I can't do that, I must think of the kids. You might send me back if I do something stupid like that. But the thought never leaves my mind, Mama. I really don't know how long I can fight it.

It's hard, Mama. Going through all these things that I'm going through right now, and all alone.

That will be all for now Mama. I think I should stop here. I don't like the tone my letter is getting into. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Saturday, July 24, 2010

After a long while...

Dear Mama,

It's been a while, but I was finally able to visit you in the cemetery this afternoon. I'm really sorry for not visiting you as often as before, Mama. I really have no excuse. But believe me, I wish I could be there as much as I can.

I like being there with you, Mama. It's so quiet and serene. I would like to stay there forever, if only I could. If not for the kid, I would have stayed there longer. That's one problem I have everytime I go and visit you in the cemetery, I no longer want to go home. It's very peaceful there with you.

It's really been very confusing lately. I'm sure you know what I've been going through. I only have myself to blame for everything. I'm totally disoriented lately, Mama. I don't know what to do anymore. I hope I could get a grip soon.

Well, I'm beginning to sound not so nice again, Mama. So I guess I'll just end my letter here lest I burden you again with my worries. You are at rest now. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I miss you Mama. I love you.


Thursday, July 22, 2010

Trying my best....

Dear Mama,

I'm trying my best Mama. Trying my best to move on and get over the pain. It's funny that I have to go through this at my age. I never thought I was still vulnerable. If it weren't for the kids, especially Ralph, I would have lost it, Mama. It's tough, but I'm trying Mama. Please help me.

The kids are fine. Ralph is having his prelims now, until Sunday. Edgar was sick yesterday, but he is fine now. Angel is active in her dance club. I know she's enjoying it, that's why I just let her.

I miss you, Mama. I miss those times when we were going out, all five of us. We were so happy then, especially when it's eating time. There was always someone tasting what the other ordered. It's still like that until now, Mama. Everytime the kids and I go out, they're still the same. Of course, we're no longer complete. The kids don't seem to mind... but I do.

Anyway, take care of yourself Mama. Will be holding on for the kids.

I love you Mama.


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Help me get through this

Dear Mama,

Please help me get through this Mama. I feel like giving up...


Saturday, July 17, 2010

Another letter

Dear Mama,

How are you? I hope you are doing fine. Don't worry about the kids, Mama. They're just doing fine. They do get on my nerves sometimes, but generally, they are good kids. You raised them well, Mama.

I really don't have anything nice tell you, I just want to talk to you. How I wish I can really talk to you, Mama. There's no one here I can talk to.

I'm blabbering nonsense again. Only goes to show that I haven't changed a bit, right Mama?

Take care of yourself Mama. I'll end my letter here, like I said, I really don't have anything nice to say. I miss you Mama. I wish you were still here with me. I love you.


Friday, July 16, 2010

Just another weekend

Dear Mama,

It's just another weekend. Ralph and Angel are in school today, although it's Saturday. They have some activities in the morning and they'll be back home before lunch. I'll be at work in the morning, so Edgar will just be by his lonesome, at least in the morning. After that, it's just another boring weekend for us, Mama.

Maybe the most exciting part for me is to be able to catch some sleep in the afternoon, that is if I can sleep. And tomorrow... well, we got a whole day to bore ourselves.

Some good news Mama. The kids are getting active in school lately. Ralph is joining their school's publication team, Angel is in the dance club, and Edgar is getting involved in a lot of their school activities, the latest of which is the English Club where he was appointed to be their section's representative by their teacher.

About me, well nothing new really, Mama. Same boring old me, who just can't till I get my turn to 'get home' too.

Anyway, that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Still hurting...

Dear Mama,

I guess you know, I'm still hurting. How stupid of me to allow myself to be miserable like this, Mama? I hope I can get over this quickly... and alive. This morning, Ralph sent me a message. He favored a note I wrote on my facebook account saying that it will just be us, me and the kids... he wasn't agreeing with my actions all along. I guess I should take that as a cue, Mama.

Still, like I said, it's not easy, Mama. Please help me cope. I'm giving up, Mama. I feel I can't go on. Please help me, Mama. I dragging my feet again daily. It's hard Mama. I wish I could just be with you, so it will all end.

Sorry Mama. I guess, I should just stop now, before I say more pathetic things. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you. I love you.


Friday, July 9, 2010

Going crazy... so what else is new?

Dear Mama,

How are you? I hope you are fine, Mama.  Me, I'm not quite well, as always of course. I just wish I could be there with you right now so I won't have to go through all these pains and anxieties. I'm really loosing it, Mama. And worse, there is no one I can talk to, not with you being so far away from me.

But you don't have to worry about the kids, Mama. They're fine. Each one doing their best in school.

I really don't have anything to say, Mama. Except that maybe, can you do something like, you know, 'expedite' my trip there? Sorry, Mama. I'm just tired. I want this all to get over it. I wish I could be with you.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Thank you

Dear Mama,

Thank you very much for your understanding. Although as it turns out, it seems that I need to look for my future elsewhere. That is if I still have a future, Mama. I just wish life could just be over with, so I won't get hurt again.

There's nothing more I can do now, Mama. Good intentions doesn't always count.

That's all I want to say for now, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I miss you Mama. I love you.


Monday, July 5, 2010

Mama, I'm tired...

Friday, July 2, 2010

I hope you are happy for me

Dear Mama,

Sorry, I haven't written again for quite a while. I was having so much in my mind lately. And honestly Mama, I don't know what to do. I was confused, distracted, and more.

I'm sure you know what I mean, Mama. Remember the last time I said I want to talk to you? Because I really do, Mama. I wish I could talk to you. I want to know what you have to say, or if you would approve. I wish you will be happy for me, Mama.

But it doesn't mean I love you less, Mama. You know I will always love you. I will never forget you and all the love that you gave me. I will still write you letters, and I promise that I will take care of the kids.

Speaking of the kids, they are growing well, Mama. Thank you for the foundation that you have set upon them. They couldn't have a better mother. Ralph is getting more serious in his studies now. He is in his third year in college, after all. Edgar said he was "appointed" president of their visual arts club. I hope that will help him improve his self-esteem. And Angel seems to be getting more active socially in school in his last year in grade school.

All in all, we're all great, Mama. We are just having trouble in thinking what to eat during meals. Aside from the usual fried dishes and out-of-the-can meals that we share. We surely miss your cooking, Mama. The kids haven't eaten "real" homecooked food for quite a while. But I promise to study how to cook better so I can serve them real meals.

This will all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.