Friday, April 30, 2010

Nelia's wake

Dear Mama,

We went last night, the kids and I, to the wake of Nel and it wasn't that bad. The kids are happy to be reunited with their cousins and your relatives were very happy to see the kids again, especially Angel. We went there at around 6pm and stayed until about 10pm Mama. Nel's interment would be on Tuesday, I don't know if I can attend though.

There was only a bit of concern last night, Mama. 'Ma, it seems to be is also sick. From what I heard, she was stressed and nervous in the last few days of Nel. Last night, they said she got dizzy and rested in spite of the many visitors coming in. Hope she is well, Mama.

Will be back there maybe tomorrow evening. Take care of yourself now, Mama, 'til my next letter.

I miss you, Mama. I love you.


Thursday, April 29, 2010

Nelia passed away

Dear Mama,

I just received a call from Louie, he told me that Nelia passed away. I know she must be with you now, Mama. You have your sister now there with you, I hope you two are fine.

Here I am again now with my dilemma, asking myself whether I should go or not. I know I should, Mama and so do the kids. Wish me luck, Mama. Look after me, if you can.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you... I really do.

I love you.


Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I'm not doing well, am I?

Dear Mama,

I think I'm not doing well as a father for the kid. It seems that I have been shouting more often again lately, even if I tried to tell myself that I will not shout again. If I am not shouting, I am here silent in front of the computer. I don't really engage the kids in conversations and share wise words to them, Mama. We had little talks over meals, yet I rarely encourage them to speak out.

I don't feel I am a good provider either, Mama. There are many things that I really wish I could give them, like a memorable summer vacation even just for once. I have been planning to take them on an out of town trip, perhaps an overnight in the beach, but as always, I cannot manage our finances to afford those. I hope it won't be too late and their already grown up when I can finally afford to give them that.

There's really nothing much to say, Mama. I just wish I talked to  you more when you were still here with me. I miss you, Mama. I really do.

Please help me pray that I can still have the chance to make up with the kids for all my shortcomings. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.


Saturday, April 24, 2010

It wasn't that bad

Dear Mama,

I went last night to the fashion event I was telling you last time, in spite of my hesitation. In your absence, Mama, I asked Angel's opinion and she said I'll be better with my polo loose instead of being tucked-in. Of course, I trusted her. I honestly didn't know any better, Mama.

As usual,I was like a wallpaper Mama. Silently observing in one corner looking at all the socialites and fashion aficionados attending the event. This is more right your alley, Mama, this fashion thing. I'm sure, you would have enjoyed it if you were with me last night.

As I was watching the proceedings of the event, I can't help but think of you. Yes, Mama, I know this is what you would want to go to. I wish I had the opportunity to attend this event while you were still here. I can't help but miss you more.

Sorry Mama, I was supposed to be telling you happy news about my experience. I won't deny, I enjoyed the event in spite of being a "wallpaper," but it could have been much enjoyable if you were with me. I really wish you were still here, so I can share with you everything that is happening in my life right now.

I really miss you, Mama.

Take care of yourself now. I will be with you soon.

I love you.


Friday, April 23, 2010

I don't know what to do!

Dear Mama,

I really wish you were here right now. I really don't know what to do! I'm attending a big event tomorrow which could be a big break for my blogging, and even my writing career. I don't know what to wear, Mama. If only you were here, I would be more confident.

I'm sure, you'll be as excited as I am about this, Mama. Yet, this excitement is being overshadowed by doubts right now. I'm still  not sure if I should go or not. I want to, but I don't want to because I've never been in this kind of event before and I might make a fool of myself. Please help me, Mama.

If only you were here, Mama... I would know what to do. I need you, Mama. I miss you.


Monday, April 19, 2010

I'm sorry for how I acted on Ralph

Dear Mama,

I'm really sorry. I shouted at Ralph again. I'm sorry, Mama. I know you do not like that. I cannot help it, he was late again, and he never even bothered to text. Angel and Edgar were left at the house all by themselves. Fortunately, I arrived home early today.

I wish I can make him realize what I want him to do and why I want him to be responsible. Sometimes, I feel guilty though, Mama. Maybe I'm putting too much weight over his shoulder. But there's no one who can help me around here except Ralph, Mama.

Sorry, I was being grouchy again. I'll try to be more conscious and have self-control. I'm really sorry, Mama. It's difficult when you are alone. I miss you, Mama.

Take care of yourself. 'til my next letter.

I love you.


Thursday, April 15, 2010

Tired... again

Dear Mama,

How are you? Sorry for not writing lately. I got my hands full because of the income tax deadline, and at night, always feel sleepy, that is why I was never able to write you again.

Anyway, the kids all got their cards, and they seem okay. Edgar got an average of 87, Ralph almost made it to the Dean's List and Angel's general average is 85. Not bad really, right? Let's just hope that they continue these grades next school year.

I would be enrolling Angel first on April 30, next would be Edgar and the last is Ralph,  based on their scheduled of enrollment. My problem now is money. I just hope I find a way.

I'll stop here Mama, my eyes are already closing. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Friday, April 9, 2010

Anxiety attack

Dear Mama,

I hate it when I feel this way. I really don't know why it's still happening, Mama. All these anxiety attacks is really taking me down. I'm trying really hard not to entertain them, Mama, but sometimes it's just too hard to ignore. It's really difficult, especially without you by my side. I could not even talk to anyone, and worst, it's the kids who suffer because I easily get irritated.

If only I can be with you right now, Mama, then maybe I'll be okay. Unfortunately, I know that cannot be. That's too selfish of me to even think about it. I'm sorry, Mama. I'm just tired... really tired.

Sorry, I don't really have anything nice to say. I just want to talk to you and tell you how I'm feeling right now. I really miss you, Mama. If only I could embrace, I know I will feel better.

Take care of yourself now. We'll be together soon.

I love you.


Thursday, April 8, 2010

Ralph almost made it to the Dean's List

Dear Mama,

Ralph almost made it to the Dean's List this last semester. When he got his grades, most of them were 1.25 to 1.75, the only exception were his accounting subject which was 2.25 and another one which was 2.0. Too bad, if it weren't for the 2.25, he would be assured to be included in the DL. I would be very proud, if ever, but aside from that, it would really give him a boost, Mama and I'm he'll try even harder next semester.

Oh well, he did his best, Mama. I can see him exerting efforts. Ralph is getting serious in his studies now, Mama. I hope he keeps it up and maybe next semester, he might even make it to the President's List. We both know he is very much capable, Mama. But I don't want to pressure him. Getting recognition has never been my priority, you know that.

By the way, Edgar isn't here with us now. He's with his classmates in Villa Alfredo's where they are having their closing party. They will stay overnight there. I hope he's fine. Please take care of him, Mama.

Angel, on the other hand, is staying at home... and eating a lot. She is getting "chubbier" and I'm always telling her, but she won't believe. Anyway, she's still young. It's still okay to be on the fat side. I'm sure, she'll decide to reduce in due time.

As for me, still weary and tired. Still waiting to be with you again, Mama... if only I can.

Well, take of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Angel was not able to enroll

Dear Mama,

I'm really sorry. Angel was not able to enroll for the summer dance lesson in their school, Mama. She went to school today with her classmate. She said the fee is only P1,000. I actually have P800 only, fortunately, Ralph lent me P200 to make it an even P1,000.

I gave the money to Angel so she can enroll, even if those were the last money I have and it still far from the next payday. I'm sure we'll find some means.

Unfortunately, Mama, when Angel reached school, the fee for the dance lesson is P2,000 and not P1,000 and Angel knew. Because of that, she wasn't able to enroll, Mama. I knew she was disappointed, even if she told me it was okay.

I'm sorry, Mama. I thought I could let her enroll. There's just not enough money for Angel's summer class. I hope you understand, Mama. I'm really sorry.

Time to go now. I'll be with you soon, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Monday, April 5, 2010

Angel wants to dance

Dear Mama,

It looks like Angel really got your interest to dance. She asked me the other day if she can attend the summer dance class in Holy Family, and since it was only P1,000, I said yes. This evening, she learned that the summer dance class would be held at the new site.

I told her I might not be able to allow her, because it's too far and I can't let her go there. Then she talked to Ralph, Mama and asked him to accompany her to her dance class.

That's how I knew she really wanted to attend this dance class badly. Should I let her, Mama? I know, your answer would be yes. I need to talk to Ralph about this first, I need for him to assure me that he'll take care of Angel.

No, Mama. I won't deny Angel of her dream, I'm just worried about her. I just want to be sure.

I need to go now, Mama. Hoping to be with you soon.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Sunday, April 4, 2010

Vacations over

Dear Mama,

Vacations' over, my vacation at least. Tomorrow, rather in a few hours, I'll be reporting back to work. Just when I am getting my writing groove back, I have to be stalled again... to go back to the real world.

I know, there's nothing I can do, Mama. Writing doesn't really help me pay for the kids' schooling, that is why I have to give way.

Just venting out, Mama. You know you're the only one I can talk to. I'm going to sleep now, hope to see you in my dream.

Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you. I miss you.


Thursday, April 1, 2010

We observed Visita Iglesia

Dear Mama,

For the third year now, we were able to observed Visita Iglesia. I'd like to believe that the kids were actually looking forward to it. I just hope that they continue to do it even when we're already together, Mama.

That's all I can say for now, Mama. I'm so sleep. My eyes are shutting down.

I miss you Mama. I hope I can see you in my dreams.

Take care.

I love you.