First day of the year

Dear Mama,

It's 5 a.m. and I'm having my first coffee for the new year. It's the first day of 2021. The kids are still sleeping. I think they just slept a few hours before I woke up.

We had our medya noche last night, and all foods were prepared by Edgar. As I mentioned before, he is exploring the kitchen more lately. He plans to have his own food business. I am thinking of sending him to culinary school, for him to be more equipped. I hope I can afford it, Mama. 

I really don't feel excited about this new year. I'm sure you know why. I've been suffering because of this failure, and I can't complain because I know I deserve it.

Anyway, let's forget about that for now. It will be Angel's birthday 8 days from now, and we still have no plans. We are bot sure if we can do anything because of the pandemic. 

Well, I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Please continue guiding us. I need it, Mama. 

I miss you. 

I love you, Mama. 

Daddy 

Things are not how they used to be

Dear Mama,

The kids and I went out yesterday, the day after Christmas. We didn't leave on Christmas day itself because we were expecting there will be a lot of people at the mall. There were actually a lot of people yesterday, too. But maybe they were fewer than the other day.

Anyway, we bought some things at the department store, mostly Angel's. Then we roamed around for a while, with our face masks and face shield, of course. 

I just asked the kids out because I wanted to take them to this Japanese restaurant called Tepanya. I wanted Angel to experience it.

We had a good time, but it was not how it used to be, Mama. I'm sure you know what I mean. It's my failure that nobody knows, and it's something I have to live with. I really wish there is something I can do. I'm sorry, Mama 

If only you were here, things would have been different. 

I miss you, Mama. 

I love you 

Daddy 

It's Christmas eve

 Dear Mama,

It's already 24th of December, Christmas Eve. As I've mentioned in my last letter, I have prepared anything, and we won't be having the annual Christmas party. I'm sorry, Mama. We will be having our Noche Buena still, although it is Edgar who will be cooking our food. He is actually working in the kitchen right now, Mama.

We still don't have plans for tomorrow. Not sure if we will be going out, or just stay at home. As you know, Mama, it's not yet safe to go out. In case we will be going out, we will take all necessary precautions.

The year is almost over, and nobody knows if 2021 will be a better year. I am not excited nor looking forward to it, Mama. I am tired. Sometimes I often ask myself if the kids are all ready to be left on their own.

I'm sorry, Mama. I apologize for feeling like this again. Anyway, I'll just end my letter before I write more dramas. Merry Christmas, Mama!

I miss you.

I love you, Mama.

Daddy

It's almost Christmas, but...

Dear Mama,

It's almost Christmas, but I haven't done nor prepared anything. I have not even cleaned the house! I don't know, Mama, I don't feel excited or anything about the season. I don't know if it's the anxieties brought by the pandemic, the neighborhoods, the country, or my personal problems.

I'm sorry, Mama. I feel my batteries have been drained, and I cannot process anything anymore. Help me, Mama. I'm giving up again. 

I wish you're still here with me. 

I need you, Mama

Daddy 

Today would have been our 29th

Dear Mama,

Happy anniversary! 

Today would have been our 29th year. You could have been proud of I have achieved. We could have been so happy, and I would have been complete.

I still can't help but wish that you are still here, Mama. Especially in days like this. 

I miss you, Mama. 

I love you. 

Daddy 

Belated happy birthday!

 Dear Mama,

    Belated happy birthday!

    Sorry, I was not able to write a letter and greet you yesterday. I was too sleepy and lazy last night after we ate our dinner. So I just lied down until I fell asleep.

    We were able to celebrate your birthday yesterday, Mama, Ralph, Edgar, Angel, and I. We were completed just in time for your birthday. Although we just stayed at home yesterday because, as you know, it's too scary to go out because of the pandemic. Edgar cooked and prepared special pasta, and nacho chips according to Angel's specific diet which is little to no histamine. I bought a cake, and Ralph ordered buffalo wings from Buffalo Wings and Things, which is Angel's favorite, via Food Panda.

    We lit the candle on the cake and sang happy birthday before we ate. We enjoyed the foods prepared by Edgar, Mama. He is experimenting a lot in the kitchen lately, he surprises me. Of course, we also had a happy conversation over dinner. A lot of catching up, as well teasing, and some sarcasms in between. Indeed, Mama. The children are all here.

    It was already late when we finished, that was why I was already sleepy and went straight to bed after dinner.

    I hope we were able to make you happy with our celebration yesterday, Mama. Although I wish you were still here with us, especially when there is a celebration.

    I really miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

    Belated happy birthday!

                                                                                                                Daddy

The children are all home now

 Dear Mama,

    The children are all now complete and at home. We left for Pasig at around 7:30 this morning and reached Ralph's dorm at around 9:30 a.m. It took us a while to bring down all of Ralph's things. Aside from his room is at the fifth floor and there are no elevators, he hasn't really completely finished packing his things, and still quite disorganized. 

    We were finished at around 10:30, but left at around 11 a.m. and then proceeded to 38th Avenue Mall where Ralph treated us to lunch at Yabu. After lunch, we roamed a bit around the mall and saw a Daiso outlet. Naturally, Angel wanted to take a look. We bought a few items, and then we went straight home.

    There was quite a bit of a jam along the way home. There were a lot vehicles on the road, you wouldn't think there is still pandemic. We arrived home at around 5 p.m. Edgar volunteered to take care of our dinner. He ordered for delivery of bento box. 

    Right now, I feel tired and sleepy. But I'm happy, Mama. The kids are all here. I know it won't take long before they have their clashes again, especially Ralph and Angel. I guess that's all part of being a family.

    Tomorrow is your birthday, and they are complete. We still don't know what to do, although going out is probably not on the list because we are still afraid of going out, especially now that there are a lot of people who do not even observe the protocols. We will probably just cook at home, Mama. Edgar will be cooking. We will go to the supermarket tomorrow to buy things we need for your birthday, and other items for the coming days.

    That will be all for now, Mama. Take are of yourself. Advance happy birthday.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

    

                                                                                                Daddy

Ralph is coming home

 Dear Mama,

    Ralph is coming home tomorrow. We'll pick him up from Pasig tomorrow, Edgar, Angel, and I. I rented a vehicle so we can pick him and bring his things. He will working from here, since their set up is still work from home. He said it will be okay if he is here, and they won't be required to report to work until January 2021. I hope everything goes well tomorrow on our way to pick him up, and on our way back home.

    That means they will be complete on Friday for your birthday, Mama. We still don't know what to do. We might just stay home because of the pandemic. I think Edgar will be cooking. He has been doing the cooking lately, Mama. He is taking care of Angel's diet, which is no histamine food. Angel said she's improving and her skin is feeling better. Edgar must be doing a great job, Mama.

    I think that will be all for now, Mama. I am actually falling asleep as I am typing this. 

    Hoping I will be with you really soon. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Angel's first day out

 Dear Mama,

    Today, I asked Edgar and Angel to meet me at SM Clark. I went there after work at 3 p.m., and they came around 4 p.m. It's Angel's first time to go out since the lockdown started last March. She was not comfortable. With the danger of catching the corona virus still upon us, and with a lot of people not observing social distancing and other protocols, I cannot blame her. I don't feel safe myself every time I am out.

    We just bought some things that she needed for some crafts she trying to learn. She is doing recycled paper right now, Mama. Just what we planned of doing then. She already did some samples, and is planning to perfect the process. I think she is planning to turn it into a business, Mama. I hope she succeeds.

    Ralph is still in Pasig. We still do not know when he will be able to go home. It is still not safe to travel. As I have mentioned, some people are being careless, and inconsiderate of the safety of other people around them. I wish all of these will be over soon, Mama.

    Anyway, that will be all for now, Mama. Please take care of yourself. I hope to be with you soon. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                        

                                                                                                    Daddy

About Edgar's interview

 Dear Mama,

    Today was supposed to be Edgar's job interview in Manila, but yesterday he said it was rescheduled for tomorrow, Thursday. Then this morning, there was a news of the strong typhoon that will be coming and will have its landfall tonight. It is already storm signal no. 3 in Manila. So, I asked Edgar if he can postpone his interview because it is not safe to travel because of the typhoon. I'm glad he listened, Mama.

    I just received the copies of my book Gusto Kong Sumulat ng Libro today, Mama. They're just 50 copies because I can't afford to pay for 100. Anyway, so far I have 5 confirmed orders. I hope I will be able to sell them to people who will actually read it, and I hope they will appreciate what I wrote.

    I am also almost finished with the proofreading of my next book, which is about the poems and songs I wrote for you, Mama. I will also publish it this month. Initially, in Amazon. Maybe if I get some funds, I will also get it published and printed here.

    I messaged Ralph earlier today to ask how he is doing, and reminded him to take extra precautions because of the coming storm. He said he is doing okay, Mama. I do hope he really is. Please take care of him, Mama.

    Angel is okay, Mama. She feels better now, unlike the previous days wherein her skin asthma was almost torturing her. I do hope we can find an effective remedy for it soon. She's been suffering from it long enough, Mama.

    I guess that will be all for now, Mama. I really miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                                Daddy

Edgar's job interview

 Dear Mama,

    I am worried right now. Edgar will be having a job interview on Wednesday in Manila. I am worried because it is still not safe because of the virus, and he will have to travel to Manila. He is at the risk of exposure. To add to the problem, there is still no regular trips in going to Manila. Although I do not want to dictate him, I am hinting that it is not really a good decision. Unfortunately, it seems Edgar is seriously considering going to the interview, Mama. Please help me convince him not to go, or protect him if ever he decides to go. 

    That's all I have to say for now, Mama. I really don't feel well. I constantly check on my temperature, and fortunately I have no fever. I guess I'm just feeling down, and tired.

    I wish you were here, Mama. I miss you. I love you.

                                                                                                            Daddy

Please make Angel feel better

 Dear Mama,

    It's raining right here now. There is a typhoon and they say it's a super typhoon. The typhoon's name is Rolly and it's signal no. 3 in Pampanga. I just read a while ago that Metro Manila has been raised to signal no. 4. Ralph is still in Pasig. I hope he stays home and be safe, Mama.

    It's November 1, and nobody's going to the cemetery. And it's not because of the typhoon, Mama. Cemeteries were ordered closed because of the COVID-19 pandemic. And the way things are going, it's looks like it will take a little longer before everything will be back to normal, especially since more people are now getting careless and complacent.

    Mama, Angel has been very irritated lately. Her skin asthma has been acting up, and she sometimes can't help but scratch them, which only makes it worse for her. She's been trying to avoid eating food she thinks is triggering her eczema, but she still feel itchy and she sometimes even cry in pain. Please help her, Mama. Make Angel feel better. We don't know what to do. Help us, Mama.

    Edgar finally had his last day at work last Friday, and to think his effectivity should have been September 16. But it took one-month before he can leave because he wanted to finish the project he was handling. It was delayed because of the company's faults and inefficiencies. I was actually telling him that it's no longer his concern, but he doesn't want to listen, and insisted on seeing the project finished. At least, it all done now. He is looking of a new job, and also thinking of putting his own food business.

    That will be all for now, Mama. It's already getting dark even though it's only 11 a.m. I hope this typhoon won't cause so much damage.

    Take care of yourself, Mama. I love you.

    I miss you.

                                                                                                        Daddy 

I still wish you're still with us

 Dear Mama

    It's Friday, the end of another week. I must say I had a productive week, at least at work. I was able to finish and complete a lot of my tasks. I can say I'm secured, for now... until the time I commit mistakes again. Oh well, I guess I'm really getting old, or I am not really as efficient as I thought I was.

    I was able to visit Nanay in Sta. Teresita after work this afternoon. I brought her pizza. It's nice to see she's doing well. Although see really cannot see well, otherwise she's fine. It's the first time I was able to visit her again since the start of the lockdown last March.

    I am having my Tagalog book Gusto Kong Sumulat Ng Libro! published locally, Mama. So far, everything was going well. I was able to proofread, fixed the layout, applied for copyright, and sent it to the printer. Unfortunately, we are having problem with the cover. There is an issue I do not understand. I do hope it will be fixed soon.

    I do wish you're still here, Mama. I miss you, especially at times when I'm not feeling well... right now.

    Anyway, that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. 

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                            Daddy

A long pause

 Dear Mama,

I just realized now as I was reading my last letter that it has been a whole month since I wrote to you, I'm sorry about that, Mama. I was meaning to write but I always got busy or distracted. Anyway, thank you very much for taking care of Ralph when he was sick early this week, Mama. I was so worried about him but there was nothing I can do. He is well now. I just talked to him on the phone. Thank you very much, Mama.

Edgar has resigned from his job, and he will only stay until next week with the company. That means he will no longer go to Masbate. The only downside is he will be jobless again, until he finds a new job. It's okay, I can still support them, Mama. I was actually the one who suggested for him to resign. Their salary are delayed, and the company seems to have no direction. I felt he is just wasting his time there. So, I said he should resign while I am still capable. That way he can focus on looking for better opportunities elsewhere.

I will be publishing my next book, Mama. The one where I shared my poems, songs, and letters for you. I hope you won't mind. I just like people to get to know you more, so they would realize how lucky I was to have you then. If only things did not end the way they did. We could have been a very happy and complete family now.

I'm sorry, Mama. I should not be saying these things.

I guess that will be all for now. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I miss you.

I love you.

Daddy

September

 Dear Mama,

It is now September, the start of the Christmas countdown here in the Philippines. Of course, it is also the birth month of Ralph. He will be 28 on the 14th. Unfortunately, he is still in Pasig and we're not sure if he will be able to go home. He might have to celebrate his birthday alone there. Does that make a bad father, Mama? I was not able to do anything so he can go home. I'm sorry, Mama. The only consolation we have right now is, at least he is already working. Please help me pray for him, Mama. And also, please look after him.

Edgar said he will be going back to Masbate in October, and he might spend Christmas and New Year's day there, too. That means we won't be able to hold our traditional family Christmas party every Christmas eve this year. I'm sorry about that, Mama. We have to break our tradition because of work. I hope we can make it up some other day.

Angel is still staying at home, Mama. She can't go out yet. The guidelines in this quarantine is very confusing, we're not sure if she is allowed to go out, so she just opted to stay home for now. She is doing some designs for her business, Mama. She said she will be selling fake nails online, and has been working on some designs for nails. I am not yet sure though when she will be starting, but she already had finished a lot of designs, and they are all beautiful, Mama. I'm sure you will like them, and will be proud of her.

As for me, we're still reporting to the office to work, Mama. It's a good thing I am just walking on my way to work, and also on the way home. At least I have less exposure because I do not always ride the public transportation. I have been very inactive in Toastmasters lately, Mama. I find it uncomfortable attending online meetings. I hope when all this is over, I will be able to be active in Toastmasters again.

What I'm doing right now is just writing, Mama. I was able to finish 2 Tagalog books, and working on my 3rd book for this year. I hope to publish it before your birthday in November, because this book is for you, Mama.

I guess I have said too much, Mama. I hope I did not bore you. Sorry if I am not able to write as often as I used to do, but we are always thinking of you, Mama. We miss you, Mama. I miss you.

Please take care of yourself.

I love you, Mama.

Daddy

Of Ralph, Edgar, and Angel

Dear Mama,

Ralph has finally started working yesterday. The bad news is they are now again under MECQ again, which is a stricter quarantine protocol than what they used to have. It means his chances of going home again is now more difficult.

Edgar, still at his work in Clark. He mentioned that he might be returning to Masbate, either this August or September. With the current situation in the country today, COVID-19, lockdown, and all that, I'm not sure if it's safe or okay. Although the truth, no place is really safe right now.

Angel is starting her business of fake nails. She has sourced her all materials online and began designing some nails for samples. We gave her some start-up funds to buy her materials, and we are supporting her. She still has not really gone out to announce her business cause she is planning, designing, etc. I hope she will be successful in her business.

Mama, am I such a bad father that I wasn't able to find means to be able for Ralph to go home? I felt like I have failed him because it seems I have totally abandoned him, and just let him be on his own  in Pasig. Yes, I do talk to him often but I know that isn't enough.

I'm not sure, Mama. I keep failing on a lot of things.

I'm sorry, Mama.

Daddy

Is it really a choice?

Dear Mama,

Is it really a choice for me whether I should feel all these anxieties everyday? Can I really not choose to be feel like this? If so, then am I really already a psycho case because I choose to feel this way? Can I really do something about it?

I wish it could be easy, Mama. I wish it's just like a switch that I can turn off anytime. That's why nobody like me. Everyone judges me. They all see me as the toxic, negative-vibe person that should avoid every time!

If I only you were here, Mama. Just one hug from you, and all these anxieties will be gone. 

I'm sorry, Mama. It's just I am really tired of all this.

I wish you were here.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you. 

Daddy

Ralph is losing hope, too

Dear Mama,

Ralph is still getting no calls from the company that was supposed to hire him, and there are also no updates from the others he has applied to. I can sense he is losing hope, too Mama. I'm trying my best to encourage him, and I always tell him that they will call soon. Although, at the back of my mind I am having doubts, too. I pray things will get better for him, and all of us, too.

Please guide us, Mama. And please help me how to handle this anxiety that's bugging me everyday.

If only you are still here, Mama.

Daddy

Do you think they're ready?

Dear Mama

I just want to give you some update. Ralph still has no work, although the company that was supposed to hire him already called and said they're just waiting for the request to be signed, the latest of which will be July 1. That will be tomorrow. I hope it's true and Ralph will start soon.

Edgar is already reporting daily to work now, it seems everything's normal to them except that they really are not doing anything much now according to him. I'm not sure if he likes his current job. He has complaints, but he also is looking forward to getting bigger responsibilities because he thinks those above him are not really doing their job. Angel is still at home. She cannot go out yet because of the lockdown. So, she's just staying home.

Do you think the kids are ready, Mama? Will they be able to manage on their own if suddenly I am gone? Sorry, I know I'm being selfish again. It's just that I'm too tired of all these anxieties inside me, Mama. I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

I'm sorry, Mama. Let's forget what I said.

Please pray for our children.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Edgar is here

Dear Mama

Edgar is already home. He came home about 2 weeks ago, about the time when Angeles City was converted to MGCQ. He arrived at around 4 a.m. and had less than a week's rest before they were asked to report back to work.

On their first day, they had rapid testing. I was thankful when the result of his test was negative, Mama. Although Masbate was COVID-free as Edgar had told me, they traveled all the way from there to Angeles City. Now, they are reporting back to work. Everyday I always remind him to always take extra precautions. It is still not really safe to go out, Mama but there's nothing we can do. 

Ralph is still in Pasig. He still has no work, and hasn't received his last pay from his former company. The company that was supposed to hire him would send a message just to tell him there is no update yet, and they would understand if he decides to seek opportunity elsewhere. Why are they so unprofessional, Mama? Why can't they tell him directly if they will no longer be getting him?

Right now, he is just waiting for the last pay. I told him once he got it, he can just go back home and seek opportunity here. I hope there will be no problem in his going home.

We are still working from home, although we might go back to the office in about 2 weeks, Mama. So, Angel will be left alone at home then. She is still not working, although she says she is preparing for something. I don't know.

I am just trying to hold on, Mama. For the kids, I have to. But I'm sure you know I wanted to give up. Unfortunately, I can't. That would be too selfish of me.

But I'm tired, Mama.

Daddy

P.S. I love you and I miss you. 

Please help Ralph, Mama

Dear Mama,

It's already the second day of June and Ralph still has no update from the company that was supposed to hire him. They already told him last month that he passed and he will be called soon on when he'll be starting. He told them he will be available to start on the first week of June. He already submitted some pre-employment requirements.

I know Ralph has a lot of anxieties right now, Mama. He doesn't know the status of his employment, and every time he would follow up on them, they won't even reply. The last message he got from them was, "There is still no update. Will call you once there is an update."

Please help Ralph, Mama. He is alone there in their dorm, and basically living on very little funds he was able to save. His last pay from his previous company is still on hold and he doesn't know when he'll be receiving them. Plus, he paying the house that he bought. He never expected his previous company to drop him just like that, amid the pandemic situation.

Please help him, Mama.

Daddy

My book is out, but...

Dear Mama,

My book is already out in Amazon, but I am disappointed. I thought it will be printed here when I was offered the publishing services. It turns out, it will just be uploaded in Amazon which I could have done myself. 

Now I will need money just to be able to offer my book here, because no one from my friends here would buy from Amazon because of the expensive delivery charge since it will come from the USA. 

I was excited for my book, Mama. I was excited for people to read it. I thought it was a good book, and it reflects my style. Unfortunately, nobody here can read it. At least not yet, until I have enough funds to buy some copies for my stock. 

Its making me feel depressed, Mama. 

Daddy 

limbo

Dear Mama

I want to write to you. I want to talk to you. But I don't know what to say. I don't know where to start. My mind is going around like a loose tornado without direction. My heart is full of anxieties. 

This burden is getting heavier, Mama, and I don't even know what it is.

I thought I would get through this. I've been trying my best to be strong because it's just Angel and I here at home. We can't go anywhere, and no one can come to us. I'm worried about Angel, Mama. What if something happens to me? She'll be alone here.

I'm trying my best, Mama.

But I wish you were here.

Daddy

Today is May 19

Dear Mama,

Today is May 19. Remember this day in 2007? It was the day I was able to fulfill my promise to you, Mama. To be able to take you to Manila Bay so we can watch the sunset together. It was a promise that took me so long to fulfill, I'm glad I was able to finally make it true that year, Mama. And we even have our three children - Ralph, Edgar, and Angel to share the moment. It was not really a perfect day for us then, Mama because it was cloudy and there was a drizzle. But you did not mind, you were happy just to be there.

It was one of our happiest and memorable day, Mama. We had no idea it will be our first and last time to be there, because after nine months you would be leaving us. It's been 12 years since you left us, and the kids are all grown up, but every now and then I still wish you were still here and we are still complete.

I'm sorry, Mama.

I'm sorry I was only able to take you to Manila Bay and watch the sunset only once. I'm sorry that after all these years, I am still bothering you with my letters. I'm sorry I wasn't the perfect father, nor mother, to our three kids. I'm sorry if I still feel weak, want to give up, and end my life every now and then.

I'm tired, Mama.

I'm sorry for complaining... for whining.

I wish I can be with you soon.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Strong winds

Dear Mama

The wind is really blowing strong tonight as I am typing this letter. It is raining, although it is not really that strong but it sounds like it is because of the strong winds. There is a typhoon, Mama. This morning we're under storm signal no. 2, but with this wind, we might already be at no. 3 now. 

Edgar, in Masbate, said they are under signal no. 3 and the wind is strong there too. And it might be stronger than what we have here because they are near the sea. Please help and protect him there, Mama. I am worried about him, he hasn't replied to me yet. 

Ralph, of course  is still in Pasig. Today is his last day at his job, and he still doesn't know yet when he'll be starting in his new job. Nothing is concrete yet, they have not given him his contract yet. What's worse is he won't be receiving salary today because it is. Included in his last pay. They wont release it until at least 30 days after his clearance is complete. And a lot of managers hasn't cleared him yet. A lot of people really like be chased up and feel important. Hope he'll make it through his next paycheck, whenever that may be. I still advise him not to go home yet because nothing is still clear. He might only be held in quarantine if he goes home. 

Angel and I are doing fine here, Mama. I mean, at least we're surviving.. Tomorrow is the start of the GCQ. I am concerned, Mama. I still don't feel safe. I am worried. I hope things will get better soon, for me and the kids, for the City, for the country, and for the whole world.

I'm tired, Mama. I want to rest. I wish to be with you soon. 

I miss you, Mama. 

I love you. 

Daddy 

Happy Mother's Day

Dear Mama

I just want to greet you a Happy Mother's Day. No one can ever be the great mother you are to our children. Thank you for raising 3 great kids. 

I may not be able to fill the role that you left, but I am trying my best. 

Happy Mother's Day, Mama!

I miss you. 

I love you. 

Daddy 

52 today

Dear Mama

I am officially 52 years old today. Just 8 more years until I became a senior, Mama. Yes, I am getting old. It is inevitable, Mama. And I know I will grow old alone. I have already accepted my fate.

But I know it won't be long, I will be with you again soon.

Until then.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Update on the good news

Dear Mama,

Ralph called again yesterday and said that he already received the offer for the company he is applying to, albeit it was just a verbal offer. He is now just waiting for the documents to be sent to him so everything will be in black and white. If everything goes well, he will be starting in June. Hopefully. Thank you for helping him, Mama. May this good news continue to its fruition so he won't be depressed for being without a job. I advised him to work well in his next job, Mama. Whether it was his fault, office politics, or because of the current situation that caused him not to be regularized it his current job, it is still better that he do his part so he can at least sleep better at night. He is also looking into applying as a part time at an insurance company, Mama.

Edgar is still in Masbate. He was complaining because of the inefficiency of their project manager. I thought he was thinking about quitting, but the last time we talked, he was actually thinking he can be a better project manager and he feels like he have a good chance of being chosen next time. I wish him  good luck and admire him for challenging himself, Mama. The downside is, he might be staying there longer. Although he might go home after the ECQ, but he said he will be back after a month or so, and hopefully as the project manager there.

That will be all for now, Mama. Nothing much for me and Angel. Still here at home. No plans for tomorrow, being my 52nd birthday. Just another day of growing older.

Bye, Mama.

I miss you.

I love you.

Daddy

Pray

Dear Mama

Please pray for Angel and I

I love you

Daddy

A good news, I hope

Dear Mama

I have a bit of good news today. I hope this will really be true. Ralph called several times today, updating me on the status of the new job he is applying to. 

He said he received favorable responses, and might be hired again soon. I hope he will be hired, Mama. I hope this good news will be all the way. Help him, Mama. Pray for him. 

I'm praying he gets hired, Mama. 

That's the good news I want to say today. 

I miss you, Mama. 

I love you. 

Daddy 

Another test

Dear Mama,

I just received a not so good news today from Ralph. He said his manager called him to say he won't be regularized. I was surprised, Mama. After staying in Pasig to be able to work in his dorm, and still they did not consider him for regularization. And he will be working only until next week.

This is another test for us, Mama. I am concerned because I know Ralph has lots of bills to pay, and not to mention, the house he bought last year that he is paying monthly.

I don't understand why these things are happening to us, Mama.

Daddy

it's May now

Dear Mama

It's the second day of  May today, 6 more days and I'll be turning 52. I'll be a year older again. 

It is still within the quarantine period, so there won't be anything to expect. Ralph and Edgar are still away. Maybe I'll just cook spaghetti for us, Angel and I. 

I really don't have anything much to say today. I don't know what to think anymore. I've been in limbo in the last few days. It's like I'm almost brain dead, Mama. 

Don't worry, Angel won't be forsaken. I'm still taking care of her, Mama. 

I guess that will be all  for now. 

I miss you, Mama. 

I love you. 

Daddy 

I'm trying my best

Dear Mama

I'm trying my best, but it's really difficult to fake strong. But I'm trying my best, Mama. I don't want to worry Angel, because she needs me to be strong. 

I'm trying my best, Mama. 

I want to go home

Dear Mama

I want to go home and be with you. I think of it often, and there were times I was so close to going home. But I can't do it, especially in this time, because Angel has no one here with her except me. Ralph and Edgar still cannot come here because of the situation. 

But I'm tired, Mama. I really want to go home and rest with you.

Hold me, Mama. 

Daddy 

Hanging on

Dear Mama

Everyday seems to bring a different level of anxiety. Angel and I are doing fine, Mama. Ralph seems to have adapted to his situation, and Edgar said he is okay. But I know, everything is not okay, Mama.

Getting the things that we need is becoming harder with new restrictions being implemented almost everyday. I don't know how we will be able to survive on a long term, or how I can stay sane with all these things happening around us. I'm trying to keep myself busy to be distracted from all these things, but somehow it's not successful.

But I will keep on hanging on, Mama. I will try my best.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you


Daddy

My latest book

Dear Mama,

I just finished proofreading my latest book. I finished writing it last month, but I reviewed and proofread it just to be sure. Still, I am not sure if I did not miss anything. I have submitted it to the publisher for approval, Mama. I hope it meets their standards and approve it for publishing.

I'm excited for it, Mama. It's my first Tagalog book. I hope you're proud of me, Mama.

I wish you were here and I'm saying all these things to you in person.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

24 hour lockdown

Dear Mama

I am getting weak. I am trying my best to stay strong and composed, but I don't know how much longer I can hold on.

A 24-hour curfew has been imposed in our city, Mama. And there are no proper guidelines how we can go out to buy our needs.

I'm afraid things might even get worse.

I'm confused, Mama. I'm tired and I'm feeling weak.

Medicine is out of stock

Dear Mama,

I went out this afternoon to go to the drugstore and buy my medicine for BP maintenance. Unfortunately, it's out of stock. It has always been that way since last week, my supply at home is running out. I resorted to generic for a while, Mama. At least while it is out of stock. I hope I won't have any problem.

It looks like Edgar might not be able to go home, Mama. Last week, he said he will be going home soon. Because there was supposed to be a delivery of some parts to them today, April 14, from their office here, and he will go with them when they come back here. Apparently, the delivery was moved to an indefinite date, and so is his chance to go home. But he said he is doing fine there, Mama.

Ralph, is still in Pasig, by his lonesome at the dorm. Sometimes, he is able to buy food from the carinderia in front of their dorm. Although there are times that it is closed, especially on weekends. I hope he will be able to stock up on food and medicines, Mama.

Angel and I are doing well here. Saved for the anxiety brought about by this situation, we are doing fine. I am coping, been doing a lot to divert myself from this anxiety. Sometimes I'm successful, sometimes I'm not. It's not really the lockdown's fault. I have been anxious about a lot of things even before this started. Of course, you know that, Mama.

But I'm really getting tired, Mama. I wish I can be with you soon.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Extended

Dear Mama,

The quarantine has been extended until end of the month. It is just fine with Angel and I, but I am worried about Ralph, Mama. Because it means he will be alone longer in his dorm, without much resources. Lately, he's been calling often. I guess because he is really anxious of getting trapped there. He also has been feeling lots of pain lately. Last Sunday he had a terrible headache, which got me concerned because he was crying in pain over the phone. This week, his gout has been punishing him more often. Help me, Mama. Please take care of Ralph while he is alone there. There's nothing I can do for him. I feel so useless and helpless, Mama. 

Edgar said he is scheduled to return home on the 14th. That will be next  week, Mama. There will be a delivery of parts to them, and he said he will go back with delivery team when they return. I hope that will be true and I that he won't have any problem going inside Angeles and Marisol.

Angel is fine, Mama. She's been doing more cooking lately, and helping me with the dishes during weekdays. She was supposed to apply for a job, unfortunately she was caught by this lockdown. 

I am trying to keep myself together, Mama. This pandemic has blown my anxiety sky high, but I'm trying to ignore it. I hope I can hold on longer, Mama.

I need to hold your hand and hug you, Mama. I miss you. I wish you're here with me now. 

I love you. 

Daddy 

Feeling the crunch

Dear Mama,

It is now the 3rd week of the lock down, I am feeling the financial crunch of this quarantine. Our company which is based in Australia is definitely affected. Businesses there were ordered to close temporarily until July, and that means our financials will be affected. We were told that our salaries will be cut for now because of the nationwide lock down in Australia. And there's nothing we can do about it.

The situation here is not even better. The lock down is supposed to end next week, but with the way things are going I have a fear that it will be extended. And just like other people, that might also push me to the end of my wit.

I am worried, Mama. Worried about Ralph who is alone in Pasig. I just learned he has no face mask and cannot really go out to buy his food and other necessities. No establishments will allow anyone to enter and transact with them unless they have face mask. I hope he will be able to find one, or least improvised. Please help him, Mama.

I am also worried about Edgar who is still in Masbate. Although he has some co-workers there, the situation there is not really better than here. Until all this lock down, quarantine, and corona virus concerns are over, things will not go back to normal. Edgar spent his 25th birthday there in Masbate. His first birthday away from home. We were even planning to go to the beach like we did last year before this whole thing started.

I hope this will all be over soon, Mama. I am getting tired, mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially. I hope we will be able to go through all this.

I'm sorry for writing like this, Mama. I'm just really tired.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Angel cooked our lunch today

Dear Mama,

It's the second week of the enhanced home quarantine because of the corona virus. It seems the situation is not getting better. I blame it all in this incompetent and selfish government that we have. I really pray for all this to be over, Mama. And once all this is over, I hope all those who are responsible will be made accountable. We don't deserve this. This could have been prevented early on.

The good thing that happened today was Angel cooked our lunch. I brought chicken breast yesterday and she cooked in tomato sauce. It was delicious, Mama. I did not even watch her while she's cooking. Looks like she got your talent in cooking, Mama.

We're still working from home, Mama. No improvements in our situation as I have mentioned earlier. Ralph and Edgar are still away from us. Please look after them, Mama. Help me take care of them.

I am trying to be strong, Mama. I just hope I will be strong enough to outlast this situation.

I wish you were here. At least I have someone beside me to help me cope.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Will this ever end?

Dear Mama,

Today is my third day of working from home. If there weren't too much restrictions going outside, I will be feeling better. You know I don't like going out, Mama, but the reasons for all this lock down is what's driving me crazy. Everyday I am always afraid that things will get worse as I wake up in the morning. And so far, my fear is not without basis, Mama. It is actually getting worse.

Right now, it is still just me and Angel here, and with only Chuchi and Fluffy accompanying us. Venz was laid to rest yesterday. Have you met him yet, Mama? He is a sweet dog, with soulful eyes. I'm sure you will love him once you get to meet him.

We're almost running out of food here, Mama. We are just buying from small stores near us. I hope they won't be told to close soon as what they did in other areas. Otherwise, we won't be having anything to eat. They say supermarkets are open, but the lines are long because they only let limited number of people in at a time. I might go out tomorrow to the supermarket. I hope it is still being allowed, Mama.

I'm tired. Just thinking all about it is exhausting me, Mama. What will happen tomorrow?

Ralph is at work, also trapped in their place. He said he will be working from his apartment. They gave him a laptop, but he's not sure if they will be assisting him to go back to his apartment. There are no public transports available.

Edgar is still in Masbate. He said quarantine is being implemented there too. He seems okay. According to him, he's doing fine. I do hope he is, Mama.

I'm barely holding on to my wit. Without anyone to talk to, and there's nothing I can do. I feel weak, Mama.

I wish I was as strong as you were, Mama.

I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Up and down... my anxiety goes

Dear Mama

It's been a roller coaster ride since last week, and it's consuming me, triggering my anxiety to heights I have never been before. I am trying to fight it so as not to affect those who are around me, especially Angel.

Last Saturday, we had our speech contest for the Division level where I competed again for the Humorous and International speech category. Again, I lost. Again, I was denied. I got only second place in Humorous and third place in the International category. Maybe I should stop trying, Mama. Maybe I am not really as good as I thought I was. Maybe I really do no have it in me. Maybe I'm really just a loser.

And this whole pandemic thing blowing up on our face. I am now working from home, we brought our computers home last Tuesday. We do not have enough food supply, and just buying whatever we can from the sari-sari stores and karinderya near us. It's driving me crazy, Mama. I don't know how long this will last.

This morning, our dog Venz died. He has been weak since this weekend, and I was not able to take care of him. I did not know what to do. He would often look at me, whenever I call his name, but he wouldn't eat. At around 6 a.m. earlier, he rested. Please say sorry for me when you meet him there, Mama. We were not able to take good care of him. He was a special dog.

Now, I don't know what to feel anymore. My mind is tired, my heart is anxious. Ralph is still in Pasig, and Edgar is still in Masbate. I have never felt this much anxiety, Mama. I wish you were here.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Why am I feeling this way?

Dear Mama,

Here I am again. It's 4:30 p.m. now, I just came home from work. I have already done a little cleaning, I mean just a little. Angel is sleeping now, she probably slept just around 2 p.m. that's why I'm not waking her up.

It's just me and Angel at home now. Edgar is still in Masbate and he doesn't know until when he'll stay there. Ralph, of course, is working in BGC although he said he'll go home this weekend. 

I feel anxious, Mama. I don't feel good, nor happy. I don't know what's bothering me. I should be happy and contented right now because all our kids have already graduated. Unfortunately, I am not. 

I just wish this feeling would just go away, Mama. I'm tired of all these. Help me, Mama. 

Wish you were here. I could use a hug right now. 

I miss you, Mama. 

I love you. 

Daddy

...and off Edgar goes

Dear Mama,

Today Edgar goes to Masbate. Barely 2 weeks in his new job, he is already assigned to a place more than 600 kms away from home, and he is not even sure until when he'll be there.

I don't know about the place, but I hope he'll be okay there, Mama. Please look after him while he is there. He will be meeting new people, and will be immersed in a totally different culture. I hope he'll be around people with good-heart who will not take advantage of him.

It will just be me and Angel at home now. She still has no plans, but working on her drawing and painting skills. She also wants to develop her skill in photography although she is only using her phone camera.

Ralph is going 3 months in his new company. He probably must be okay. He won't be going home this weekend.

Me? I'm okay. I just lost again in the speech contest. I just landed second place, Mama. Funny thing, I always get the audience, but I never get the judges' nod.

Anyway, that will be all for now, Mama. I wish I can be with you soon. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy