Up and down... my anxiety goes

Dear Mama

It's been a roller coaster ride since last week, and it's consuming me, triggering my anxiety to heights I have never been before. I am trying to fight it so as not to affect those who are around me, especially Angel.

Last Saturday, we had our speech contest for the Division level where I competed again for the Humorous and International speech category. Again, I lost. Again, I was denied. I got only second place in Humorous and third place in the International category. Maybe I should stop trying, Mama. Maybe I am not really as good as I thought I was. Maybe I really do no have it in me. Maybe I'm really just a loser.

And this whole pandemic thing blowing up on our face. I am now working from home, we brought our computers home last Tuesday. We do not have enough food supply, and just buying whatever we can from the sari-sari stores and karinderya near us. It's driving me crazy, Mama. I don't know how long this will last.

This morning, our dog Venz died. He has been weak since this weekend, and I was not able to take care of him. I did not know what to do. He would often look at me, whenever I call his name, but he wouldn't eat. At around 6 a.m. earlier, he rested. Please say sorry for me when you meet him there, Mama. We were not able to take good care of him. He was a special dog.

Now, I don't know what to feel anymore. My mind is tired, my heart is anxious. Ralph is still in Pasig, and Edgar is still in Masbate. I have never felt this much anxiety, Mama. I wish you were here.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy