Monday, October 31, 2011

At work today

Dear Mama,

Today is November 1 and I am at here at work right now. You know how it is at the hospital, Mama, there are no holidays. Actually, I was not the one who should be on duty now, but the one who was supposed to work today said he cannot report for work today. So, I volunteered that we swap schedules. I can always go to the cemetery after work, anyway.

Nanay came back home from Canada yesterday. I thought Ate Let would be coming home with her, but she didn't. Anyway, I'm glad Nanay's back home, Mama. I hope she enjoyed her much needed vacation.

Ralph's last day of enrollment would be on November 3, and I am still short of money. Hopefully, I will find additional funds before that day. Anyway, there's been something I'm been meaning to tell you, Mama. It's about a girl... but maybe, I'll just tell you on my next letter. I'm sure you already have an idea.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Thursday, October 27, 2011

I was able to enroll Edgar

Dear Mama,

I was able to enroll Edgar for the second semester, albeit it's only the entrance fee I paid. At least he can continue going to school and I have more time to look for money for succeeding payments. It was fortunate that an angel helped us. I guess it is still because of the good seeds that you planted while you were still here, Mama. Thank you. As for Ralph, I'm still looking to borrow funds to complete the payments required for him. Hopefully, I would be able to find one before the second semester starts.

Angel right now is still in school. It's already past 9 in the evening, Mama. They are having some celebrations there after their second periodic exam and intramural. I hope she is enjoying herself. I will be picking her up in a while, Mama.

That will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Sunday, October 23, 2011

Ralph and Edgar might stop

Dear Mama,

Today is Ralph and Edgar's enrollment for the 2nd semester, unfortunately I do not have the money to pay for their tuition fees, especially Ralph's back account. I told them that they might stop their schooling for a while. I honestly don't know how it would affect them. I know it's a wrong decision because Ralph is graduating this second semester, but there's nothing I can do right now Mama.

I never thought I could reach this low.

I'm sorry, Mama.


Saturday, October 22, 2011

Someone actually listened!

Dear Mama,

I was surprised this morning while I was waiting for Angel at SM Clark. You knew today was the UN Day parade, right? And she was Miss Korea. I walking to and from, looking for a place to wait for her near the stage, when I noticed a woman, who I later learned was a teacher, and her student pointing at me.

They approached me and asked me if they can have their pictures taken with me, Mama. I was surprised. Of course, I'm just a nobody, Mama. Why would anyone want to have their pictures taken with a simpleton like me? Apparently, their school was present during the awarding of the inter-school short story writing contest last August, Mama. The student was one of the finalist.

If you remember, I was the guest speaker during that event. The teacher said she was inspired by my talk, and that she is planning to publish her own book someday too. It was the first affirmation I received since that talk, Mama, and it came from nobody I never knew. It felt good that someone was actually listening to me then, Mama... that somehow, I was able to inspire others.

For all the depressions and anxieties I've been experiencing lately, Mama, I could really use a "lift-upper" like that. At least it gives me an impression that I am not totally pathetic after all. I hope I'm making you proud, Mama. If only you were here, and as I tell you this in person, I'm sure I'm going to get a hug from you. I really could use a hug right now, Mama.

Oh well, I'm just bragging here, just to boost my ego. I'm sure it will deflate again soon. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you. I really do, Mama.

I love you.


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Thank you, Mama

Dear Mama,

Thank you very much for helping me take care of Angel. She feels better now, Mama. I just hope that this time, she's really well. She said she will go to school tomorrow, although I was asking her to rest. We will just see tomorrow morning if she is okay to go, Mama.

Thanks again, Mama. I couldn't have done it without your help, Mama.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I really miss you.

I love you.


About Angel

Dear Mama,

I filed a half-day leave today because Angel is sick. The school texted me this morning and asked me to pick her up, and she was in the clinic because of headache and stomach pains. Good thing Edgar is on sem-break so I called him to pick Angel up from school, after which I filed my leave for the afternoon.

And while I was waiting for the first half of the day to be over, I was very nervous. I can't even think well. I was very much worried about Angel. I can't shake the thought of dengue off my mind, especially because there are lots of cases in the hospital. Before I left the hospital to go home, I passed by the chapel to say a prayer, Mama. I just hope He heard me.

Angel seems to be fine now, Mama. Although I still can't shake the anxiety. I don't know. She still complains of a stubborn stomach ache. Please help me take care of her, Mama. I would like to take her to the doctor, but payday's too far away, and we don't have money now. I am still not qualified to avail of the privileges in the hospital because I am still under probation.

She will also be on a costume parade on Saturday, Mama. Hopes she gets well in time, so she can join. Her costume has already been taken care of by a friend, and we will pick it up on Friday. By the way, the TV show that I told you in previous letters also gave Angel a college scholarship, Mama. While I do not complain, I cannot really appreciate it right now. She is still in first year high school, and I don't know if I can manage to help her make it through high school. Just being honest, Mama. Of course, I will do my best.

I've said quite a mouthful and have disturbed you so much. So I'll end my letter here, Mama… for the meantime. Do take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Monday, October 17, 2011

Enrollment again?!

Dear Mama,

I've barely breathed and last night, Ralph and Edgar told me that their enrollment would be on Monday already! All I was able to reply to them was, "Okay" although I know it's not okay. What am I to do, Mama? I haven't even paid Ralph's tuition fee for the first semester, and now he's already on another enrollment... and he's graduating this school year! Edgar too, is expecting to be enrolled!

I'm sorry, Mama. I know I shouldn't be bothering you with problems like this. But I was just wondering, since you are there with the Big Guy, maybe you can tell Him, "Hey! Why don't You help my man down there? He needs it, for the sake of our kids!"

Just kidding, Mama. You know how I humor myself in times like this, though I honestly need a miracle right now. Not really sure if I can pull this one out. By the way, Angel did not go to school today. She's not feeling well. I just let her rest, because their test is already finished anyway. She needs to prepare for their intrams, the UN Day parade on Saturday, and the battle of the bands she'll be joining. Take care of her while I'm at work, Mama.

Well, that's about it. I have bothered you again, and thank you for always listening. It would be nice to hear you reply, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Sunday, October 16, 2011

Apprehensions again... like I never learn, Mama

Dear Mama,

I feel nervous and anxious again over a decision I made recently. Not sure if it is a right decision or not. It's like I never really learned, Mama. Of course, you know I'm talking about the TV show to which I said yes, like what I told you before. It will be shown in about two week's time. But unlike before where it just was a pure magazine-type presentation, now it's a full-blown dramatization of our life. I don't know if I made the right decision. I feel an axe hanging over my head, Mama.

But what's more shameful to admit, Mama, is that the main motivation for me to say yes was financial. You know it's already finals and I don't know where to run to pay for the kids' tuition fees. It was just fortunate that the offer came at the most opportune time. While it didn't really solve all problems, at least I was able to pay for Edgar's tuition fee. Now, all I have to think of is Angel's and Ralph's, and all I can hope for is a miracle.

To think and justify that the story might bring inspiration to others would be a complete hypocrisy on my part. You know I never saw it that way, Mama.Because I know we had an ordinary life, as ordinary as everybody else's, struggled like everybody did, and was defeated like others too. My only consolation is that, at least you are now at rest and no longer suffer from pain.

It's a story that happens to everybody, right Mama? Maybe it would have a different plot to others, but the main storyline would be there - pain, conflict, struggle, survival, defeat, denial, acceptance, and more conflicts... until the mind, body and soul and gets tired and give up to even be concerned.

What am I saying? I'm talking gibberish again, Mama.. This is how I am when I am nervous. I'm sure you remember that, Mama. If only I could hold your hands right now... embrace you tight... this anxiety would somehow be lessened.

Sorry Mama, I'm starting it again. Better stop now before this tone leads to something melodramatic. Please do take care of yourself, Mama. Looking forward to being with you soon. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Thursday, October 13, 2011

Angel's costume and a new "assignment"

Dear Mama,

First, I want to tell you that I have already solved my problem for Angel's costume. A friend has offered to sponsor her dress and now all we have to do is pick it up from the rental store. I guess all the good deeds you've planted are still bearing fruits, Mama. Thank you.

Second, our hospital chaplain just talked to me a while ago, Mama. He is offering me a new "assignment" in the hospital. He asked me if I wanted to be an EMDC. I didn't know what to say, Mama. I'm not sure if I am still fitted or qualified to help the priest in the distribution of the Holy Communion. It looks like I still cannot run from church duties until this day, Mama.

The kids are still having their tests. Edgar is already fully paid, Angel is on promissory note, while Ralph is relying on the good nature of his teachers to allow him to take the finals without permit. I still hope I can find a little miracle somewhere, Mama. Soon, it will be enrollment again for the second semester.

Oh well, better stop now before I start whining again. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I really miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Did you really tell Angel that?

Dear Mama,

The other night, Angel and I were talking. We were talking about the letters and cards I used to send you when we were still young. She told me that you told her that I was "corny" then... and she was smiling. I was surprised, not because you told her, but because she has the guts to tell me.

I didn't know how to react, all I ever said was, "Did she really tell you that?" Of course, I'm not mad, Mama. I'm sure you told her of our past. After all she was always by your side then. Now, Angel wants me to show to her the letters and cards I sent you, to which I said "never." But knowing her, I know she won't give up, and would always ask me in the days to come.

Oh well, that's just about it, Mama. Just want to tell you about a recent conversation with our baby. By the way, she'll be joining the U.N. celebration in their school, and she will be Miss Korea. Now, I have to look for her costume, because it will be held at SM Clark. Of course, I do not want her to look bad on that day, right? I hope I can pull this out.

That will all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Saturday, October 8, 2011

Can I be with you?

Dear Mama,

Can I be with you now?



Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Happy Teacher's Day, Mama!

Dear Mama,

Remember when I used to tell you that I will print a t-shirt that says "Teachers Have Class" and you would always smile. Perhaps because you saw the sincerity and the humor in the statement. Because of you, I have greater respect for teachers, Mama. I saw how you worked. That each time you finished computing for the grades, we would always find ourselves in the hospital because you would get sick.

Today is teacher's day again, and I just want to greet you Happy Teacher's Day, Mama. You were a very dedicated teacher, just as you were a very loving mother. You treated your students like they were your real children. I'm sure many can attest to that, and I can feel that right now, just like me, your students also miss you, Mama. But I'm sure they still remember what you taught them. I'm proud of you, Mama.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I love you.

I miss you.