About last night

Dear Mama,

    Angel will be having her first day at her new work today. She's preparing right now as I'm writing this letter, Mama. They will be on day shift today, although their time is only 10 am to 2 pm because they'll just be having their orientation, and perhaps onboarding. They still don't know their time schedule for tomorrow, Mama.

    We don't have work today. It's a holiday on Wednesday, May 27, but our office usually offsets midweek holidays to either Monday or Friday so we'll have a straight long weekend. Which of course, we would welcome, Mama. Ralph also won't have work tonight because it's a holiday in the U.S. and they follow American holiday in their office since their clients are based in America. Edgar is already at his work.

    I had my busking session at the Plaza Angel in the Heritage District of Angeles City last night, Mama. And boy, did I make a fool of myself. After all those weeks of practice, I still fumbled a lot, Mama. And worse, Ralph, Edgar, and Angel were with me last night. I'm not sure if they were embarrassed, too haha...

    I thought I was prepared, but I did not expect the spotlight which affected my vision. I wasn't able to see the frets of my guitar, Mama. This caused me to go to have wrong chords because I would often land on the wrong frets. This happened on the first song, and it affected my performance the entire night, Mama. Even on the songs I didn't need to move to higher frets. Perhaps, because of the errors I became conscious, and committed even more errors, Mama. I'm afraid to watch to video of my performance on my phone haha...

    I never had that condition before, Mama, wherein I can't see my own guitar because of the spotlights. I guess I need to prepare and practice moving on the guitar frets even without looking. I still had fun, though. At least some people were still appreciative. I got some tips. Overall, it was not such a bad experience. It's a learning one. I need to expose myself more so I would know where to improve, Mama.

    Well, that's all for now, Mama. I just wanted to update you, especially on my bloopers last night. I hope I did not embarrassed you too much. I hope you watched me.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

I got a busking slot!

Dear Mama,

    I got a busking slot! I'm so excited, Mama. At the same time I am also nervous. I know I'm not really that good, Mama. I just like to sing and play the guitar.  I wish I have a beautiful voice just like you, Mama. Unfortunately, all I know is  how to make people laugh.

    I am slated to be one of the featured buskers this Sunday at the Plaza Angel, Mama. It's the street in  front of the Holy Rosary Parish Church and beside the Museo Ning Angeles. They close the road to vehicles and put stalls there for weekend night market. It's a bit crowded, Mama. A lot of people walking around, and I'll be performing in the middle of it!

    I have been practicing since last month. I hope I won't make a fool of myself. Please bless me, Mama. Make me do good this Sunday so that I'll get more gigs. I could use an extra income.

    I hope I'll be able to make you proud this Sunday, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

We weren't able to celebrate

Dear Mama,

    I'm sorry, we weren't able to celebrate today. Edgar is still sick, Angel was out for her medical exam, Ralph was sleeping because he'll be working nightshift, it was raining heavily, and actually, my finances have been depleted. I'm really sorry, Mama.

    We had McDonalds delivery for our dinner today, though. Would that count as a celebration, Mama? I'm not sure if our children are aware of the day, Mama. Although we have been celebrating in previous years. I guess they must have forgotten already. Again, it's my fault, Mama. I'm sorry.

    I wish I can see you tonight, Mama. I need you.

                                                                                                Daddy

Remembering the day we touched the sun

Dear Mama,

    I just woke Ralph up so he can prepare for work, it's 9 p.m. It's raining tonight, Mama. On and off, it would fall strong and then it would stop, and be strong again. Right now, I think it's drizzling, Mama. Ralph is taking a bath. Hoping it won't be raining hard when he leaves later. He's having gout attack again, Mama.

    Tomorrow, we'll be remembering the day we touched the sun, Mama. The day I was finally able to take you to Manila Bay to watch the sunset. It was our first and last, Mama. I was not able to take you back again. I hope you enjoyed our time then, even though the sunset wasn't as majestic as we expected it to be because it was cloudy then.

    Edgar is still not feeling well, Mama. He came home from work sick. He is already sleeping now. He said he won't be working tomorrow, Mama. At least he can rest. Hope he feels better.

    Angel was supposed to have her medical examination this afternoon, but because it rained she was not able to go. She will have it tomorrow instead, Mama. I advised her to go earlier, since rain often falls in the afternoon these past few days.

    That will be all for now, Mama. Happy anniversary!

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                            Daddy

Sunday night

Dear Mama,

    It's Sunday night and we just had our dinner. We did not go out tonight like we usually do on Sundays, Mama. Edgar was not feeling well and Ralph slept the whole afternoon. I just woke him up early evening to ask him if he can order food for our dinner because Edgar cannot cook, Mama.

    Angel is not well, Mama. She's feeling cold every now and then. She's taking medicines, Mama. I hope she feels better soon. She'll be having her medical examination to comply with the pre-employment requirement for her new job, Mama.

    As for me, I'm not really accomplishing anything, Mama. If I am not doom scrolling on my phone or tablet, I am either sleeping or playing the guitar. I am not really productive. What else is new, right?

    Anyway, that will be all for this Sunday evening, Mama. Please visit my in my dream.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

Angel has a new job

Dear Mama,

    Angel went out yesterday for her weekly photo therapy session for her skin treatment. She usually goes to cafe after her session, Mama which is okay with me because she's staying at home most of the time.

    Last night, I was surprised when she said they'll be giving them food for dinner so we would not have to wait for her. I was surprised so I asked where she was, and she replied she was applying for a job, Mama.

    When she arrived home at around 10 p.m. and she told me all the details, she also said she was hired and will start on the 25th of May. And she seems to like the job, Mama. It's a call center job, but the account she's handling is finance. I'm just glad she's working again and she seems happy about her new job, Mama. I hope she'll enjoy herself there.

    I just want to share the good news to you, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Anxiety, again

Dear Mama,

    I've been having anxiety lately again, and I can't control it. When will I ever get healed, Mama? I'm tired of this.

    I wish you're here.

                                                                                                Daddy

Happy Mother's Day, Mama!

Dear Mama,

    Happy Mother's Day!

    We arrived home earlier around 8 p.m. I just cleaned the cats' litter boxes before I went to bed to rest, but not after writing this letter. Our three children are already resting, Mama. I think Ralph is already asleep.

    We went to SM Clark earlier. Ralph had his hair cut and then we ate dinner at Aling Mila's to celebrate Mother's Day. Of course, it was Ralph's treat as usual. I'm sure you would love what we had ordered, Mama. After dinner, we bought round silvanas from Brownie's because Angel remembered they were one of your favorites.

    We were supposed to have halo-halo but the place where we're to supposed to have them was filled. We just had drinks at the place beside it. We were ordering ice cream, but it was not available so we had to settle for the drinks. While we were there, we noticed that Ralph was already sleeping, Mama. So, we decided to go home so he can rest.

    And that's how we celebrated Mother's Day, Mama. Tomorrow I'll be back to work after a long birthday weekend. I wish you were still here with us, especially during celebrations like this, Mama.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Officially 58

Dear Mama,

    I'm officially 58. Didn't know I'd reach this far. It would have been better if you were still here, Mama. I'm sorry. It's just that I'm missing you more in times like this, Mama.

    Yesterday, we started the day by doing our grocery shopping. Incidentally, Edgar and Ralph are out today for personal matters, that's why it was a good thing we were able to do it yesterday. Before going to the supermarket, Ralph treated us to breakfast buffet at Park Inn. After groceries we went straight home and just rest for the whole day. 

    In the afternoon, Ralph took us to a massage parlor where all four of us had foot spa and whole body massage. Then we had dinner at nearby Yellow Cab before going home. And that's just how my birthday went, Mama.

    My latest song finally was live today in Spotify, Mama. It took longer than usual. I thought I would be able to promote it on my birthday, unfortunately it just came live this morning. Or probably late last night when I was already asleep.

    Tomorrow's Mother Day, and it's just reason for us to miss you more. Happy Mother's Day, Mama!

    I love you.

                                                                                                            Daddy

Counting down

Dear Mama,

    It's only 3 days until I turn 58. I'm not really expecting anything, Mama. I'm just counting down because I will be releasing my next song on my birthday. You know, just to make the song a little bit special. It will at least make it relevant, because it's a personal song and it will be released on my birthday. Other than that, there's nothing to look forward to.

    But you know what would be the perfect birthday gift, Mama? It will be you visiting me in my dream, and waking up remembering all that happened in my dream. That will make my birthday special, Mama.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

Lazy Sunday

 Dear Mama,

    It's Sunday morning. I'm done with some chores and just resting now, Mama. Edgar will be preparing pasta and wings for our lunch today. I should be cleaning now, but as usual I'm procrastinating again.

    It's funny how I know I am procrastinating but I can't snap out of it, Mama. I don't know if it's anxiety-induced procrastination or I am just really lazy. My mind has been in such a chaos lately. I mean, when has it not been? haha... I disturb my own peace of mind with too many what-ifs and if only.

    Oh well, it's just too difficult when you have no one to talk to, I guess.

    I wish you were here. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

First of May

Dear Mama,

    It's the first day of May. It's already my birth month, Mama. I'll be turning 58 soon. Other than that, there's really nothing special about it, Mama. And I am not expecting anything.

    I don't know what to say here. We just had our dinner, Mama. Ralph is resting before to work in while. Edgar is washing the dishes. Angel is also resting, she'll feed the cats in a while.

    Anyway, that's all for now, Mama. I just wanted to say first of May.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                                    Daddy

New song soon

Dear Mama,

    I just finished recording the vocals for my new song this evening. I'll just have to wait for the files of the vocals recordings so I can send it to my arranger for mixing. I'm planning to release it in time for my birthday, Mama.

    I'm sorry I'm spending money on my stupid dream, Mama. I know it's just a waste of good money, but there's no other way for me to release my songs. I hope I can find an additional source of income so I can replace all the money I wasted on my dream.

    I'm sorry, Mama.

                                                                                                            Daddy

Friday update

Dear Mama

    It's Friday night and we already had our dinner. Ralph is taking a nap before he prepares for his work later. Edgar is still not home, Mama. He went out with his officemates for the despedida of one of their colleagues. He'll be probably be home late tonight, Mama.

    And since it's Friday night, there are singers tonight at the grill bar beside us, Mama. They usually have singers/performers every Friday and Saturday. Good thing, unlike the previous management, the owners of the new bar now are more considerate. They are not as loud as the previous bar that was here. The only thing I worry now are their customers that park their cars in front of our house, Mama. Just like right now, a van just parked in front of us, but there's nothing I can do because it's public property, Mama.

    I wasn't picked for the buskers for this weekend, Mama. Of course, I'm not expecting that I will just be picked because I applied. I don't have any credentials nor portfolio for the industry, Mama. I am not really a performer. Unlike the ones they are picking which are really buskers and have been performing in bars, cafes, and restaurants for some time, Mama.

    That will be all for now, Mama. I'll be thinking what I'll do now - if I will practice more songs, or write a new one. I'll probably just rest for now. 

    Until my next letter. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

I signed up for a busking slot

Dear Mama,

    I just did something stupid. I signed up for a busking slot yesterday, Mama. The venue will be the Plaza Angeles at the Museo Ning Angeles. I'm not expecting I will be chosen, or I will be given a slot immediately, Mama. But I am already getting nervous.

    A friend sent me the link to the Google Drive yesterday, Mama. He said I should fill it up so I could be included in the line up. He is also a singer-songwriter from Angeles City, Mama. But unlike me, he is good and has been performing in some bars already.

    I hesitated for a while, but I signed up anyway. Now I want to bang my head on the wall, Mama. It's a crowded place, Mama. An open space with a lot of crowd. That's how busking is - an open space. I don't know if I want to be called or not. 

    I wish I could be as good as you were in singing, Mama.

    Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Please pray for me, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you.

                                                                                                             Daddy

Worried about Ralph

Dear Mama,

    It's 8:20 p.m. as I start this letter on a Tuesday evening. We already had our dinner, Mama. Ralph is resting and will be preparing for work in a while. I'm worried about him, Mama. He seems to be sick. He's wearing a sweater when it's so hot right now. He must have fever that's why he's feeling cold, Mama. He must have gotten tired last Saturday when he went to Manila straight from his work to meet his friends and former officemates. I asked him if he'll be able to work tonight and he said yes and he will work. I hope he'll be fine, Mama.

    Edgar isn't actually well, too Mama. He has a headache. It must be due to the intense heat today. It's already evening and it's still hot, Mama. I advised him to take medicines. His arms is healing, Mama. Although I always remind him that it is not yet well. Because he might forget, get carried away, and carry heavy objects, Mama.

    I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Angel and I are fine. Although Angel wasn't feeling well when she woke up this afternoon, but she's better now.

    I wish you're here with us now, Mama. I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                            Daddy

Just hi

Dear Mama,

    I want to write a letter, but I don't know what to say. I mean, what to say that won't burden you. You should be resting already and I should not be bothering you.

    It's Saturday evening, almost midnight. Edgar is not yet home, Mama. He is out with his officemates. He attended a birthday party and his last message was they went out for coffee. He'll probably be home in a while, Mama.

    I'm waiting for the arrangement of my latest song that I will release for my birthday, Mama. I'm spending money again for my whims. I'm sorry, Mama. This will be the last one. After this, I will stop spending on my songs.

    That's all I can say for now, Mama. I really just wanted to say hi. I miss you, Mama. I wish I can hug you right now.

    I love you.

                                                                                                     Daddy

Anxiety attack... again

Dear Mama,

    I'm having anxiety attack again. I don't like this, Mama. When I feel like this, it seems like something will go wrong. Or worse, everything will go wrong.

    I'm so tired of feeling this, Mama. I want this to stop. Help me.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Happy Easter, Mama!

Dear Mama,

    Happy Easter!

    It's Easter Sunday, Mama and it's also the last day of the very long weekend. We did not go out during the long break, Mama. We just stayed home. I slept and was doom scrolling most of time, save for a few laundry and other house chores, I don't think it was productive break on my part, Mama. I was not even able to clean the clutters I planned on cleaning. 

    If it was any consolation, I was able to release my second song on Spotify, Mama. Which of course meant I spent money again on my crazy dream. I don't even know if it's worth it, Mama. I'm happy that I was able to release my song, but I also feel guilty for wasting money. It felt like I was so selfish, Mama. And to add to that, I don't even get streamed much, Mama. Just like my books on Amazon, nobody notices my creations. What do I expect? I am not famous.

    Anyway, that's all for now, Mama. I don't know if we'll go out later. I'm not sure, Mama. But it's too hot right now. Summer is really here.

    Until my next letter, Mama. I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                                    Daddy

First day of the Holy Week break

Dear Mama

    It's Thursday, 8:30 a.m. here and it's the first day of our Holy Week break. For Edgar and I, at least because Ralph still have work until Friday. He just arrived from work, Angel is preparing our breakfast, or most probably, brunch, and Edgar is still sleeping in his room, Mama.

    I received the final mixed copy of my second song this morning. It might have been sent late last night, but I just saw it this morning. I will be uploading it today on my Distrokid account, Mama. Hopefully, it will be live on Spotify tomorrow. The title of the song is Table For One. An English song this time. The first one I uploaded, Ingat Ka, was Tagalog.

    We have no plans for the Holy Week break, Mama. Probably we'll just stay home. Primarily because Ralph don't have a break. It's regular working day for them for the whole week. I'm looking forward to some cleaning and decluttering. I also plan to learn more about music production. That is if the procrastinator within don't get the better of me again, Mama.

    That's all for now, Mama. I'm excited for the breakfast being prepared by Angel. Wish you're here and join us. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                            Daddy

Angel's second day of cooking

 

Dear Mama,

    It's the second day, or night, that Angel cooked our dinner. She cooked fried pork liempo, Mama. I must say their quite good. They are crispy and well cooked. Better than what I usually come up with when I fry pork, Mama. 

    I had dinner late, though. I went out before 7 p.m. and came home around 8 p.m. Angel and Ralph are already finished taking their dinner when I arrived, and they just left some for me and Edgar, who also came home late. I went to the recording studio to record my second song for Spotify, Mama. I spent money again for my whim. I'm sorry.

    Ralph is now preparing to go to work, Mama. Edgar came home around 9 p.m. He had a meeting that is connected with his being a financial advisor.

    Tomorrow is our last day of work before we take our Holy Week break, Mama. We have no plans because Ralph have to work even on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday because he is handling an American client in his work.

    I that will be all for now, Mama. I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                                    Daddy

Angel cooked our dinner tonight

Dear Mama,

    I just finished washing the dishes and Ralph is now preparing for work. Angel cooked our dinner tonight, Mama. She cooked nilagang baboy and it was good. Nobody helped her in the kitchen, Mama. Probably she asked Edgar for the procedures or she searched for it on the Internet. She said she also prepared a list of food she'll be preparing for the week. Yes, Mama, Angel will be cooking for the whole week. Edgar cannot cook yet because we don't want him to strain his left arm which is not yet fully healed, Mama. That is probably the reason why Angel volunteered to cook. It's just Monday, let's see if she really can cook for the whole week.

    I already received the second song I asked to be arranged, Mama. Tomorrow, I'll be recording the vocals, and have it mixed so I can release it the soonest. Am I stupid to want to release my original songs, Mama? I know I don't really have a good singing voice, but I have no choice. I have no one to sing my songs. If only my voice was as beautiful as yours, Mama.

    Anyway, that's all the update I have for now, Mama. I wish I can hug you right now. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                                Daddy

Celebrated Edgar's birthday

Dear Mama,

    We celebrated Edgar's birthday via staycation in Oasis Hotel. We checked in yesterday courtesy of Ralph. I was hesitant about it because I was worried about the house, the cats, and the expenses involved. But all our three children really wanted it, Mama, especially Angel. So, I have no choice but to just let them, and I thought I also need that rest. I was still worried about the house, Mama but I really tried my best to distract myself.

    Edgar and I played billiard in afternoon, afterwards we took a dip in the pool, Mama. Ralph joined us rather late in the afternoon, while Angel slept in the room. In the evening we went out to eat and we had samgyupsal, Mama, and then we went to Starbucks before we went back to our room to sleep.

    This morning, we had our breakfast in Maranao and rested in our room again before we checked out at 12 noon. We then went home and again slept for the rest of the afternoon. We had dinner at home courtesy of Edgar who ordered food delivery. Edgar also received a cake from his supervisor in insurance, and had it after dinner, Mama.

    And that was all about Edgar's birthday celebration, Mama. I wasn't able to share in the expenses because I had no more money since I paid for a Tablet as my gift for Edgar. It would have been a happier celebration if you were here, Mama. We miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                                    Daddy

Almost Edgar's Birthday

Dear Mama,

    A few days more and it will Edgar's birthday. They are planning to have a staycation, Mama. I'm a bit skeptic, and at the same time embarrassed or feeling awkward, Mama because I cannot share in the expenses. I'm also worried about Ralph's finances because he's been shouldering most of the expenses during our R&R. I hope I can have a windfall or something so I can help him, Mama.

    We had quite a few struggles last weekend, Mama. First Edgar's gout made its presence felt last Saturday, and he couldn't walk. Worse, he was outside when it manifested itself. He had to take a Grab car on the way home, Mama. Then Angel, for reason we don't know, was chilling last Sunday afternoon. Edgar called me and said Angel was shivering in his room where she took a nap. It wasn't even cold that day, Mama. I doubled her blanket, gave her paracetamol, put another jacket on top of her blankets, and also gave her the heat pad, until she finally calmed down and fell asleep. Later that evening, it was like nothing even happened, Mama.

    Meanwhile, Ralph is still having his cough and asthma attack. Last night, he was suddenly having difficulty breathing again he had to take his inhaler twice. He didn't even do anything that would cause him to get tired, Mama. Me, on the other hand, had another anxiety attack last night. I did not even know what caused it, Mama. I felt cold, almost feverish, and I can't relax. I cannot even stay still. It took a while before it subsided, Mama. And I still had no idea why it happened.

    Aside from those that I mentioned, it was as usual for us, Mama, together with the cats inside and outside the house. So, that will be all for now, Mama. I wish you were here. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

Second day of long weekend

Dear Mama,

    It's Saturday morning, the second day of 3-day weekend. Ralph is on his way home from work, Mama. Probably, he'll be here anytime now. He has work because their company does not observe Philippine holiday, although they can avail of the day off on a different day, which makes it flexible for him.

    Just finished some cleaning, Mama. Thinking of what to do to make this weekend productive instead of just doom-scrolling. I'm planning to learn arranging and mixing songs, Mama. Although the problem with that is, while I may learn how to use the software for the job, it will still take a good ear to make sure the finish product is good. And I am tone-deaf, Mama. Oh well, let's just see if it's doable.

    Angel is still sleeping. She might wake up once Ralph arrive so she can have her breakfast. Edgar is tending to his plants. He's still wearing his arm sling, Mama. He takes it off every now and then.

    So far, that's the update for today, Mama. I wish you were still here.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Just another update

Dear Mama,

    It's Thursday evening and we just had our dinner. Edgar is not yet home, Mama. He and his officemates went to Clark Parade Ground for picnic. It's holiday tomorrow, so they decided it's okay to go out late tonight. Ralph will be preparing for work in a while, and Angel is doing the dishes tonight, Mama.

    Slowly, we are getting our life back on track, Mama, whatever that life is. Edgar is better now, although he is still wearing his arm sling because his fractured bones hasn't healed yet. And because he isn't capable yet, he cannot cook and we are always on deliveries, ready-to-eat food, and take outs. It's a bit expensive but I really cannot cook anymore, Mama. I'm no longer confident in the kitchen because Edgar had been doing the cooking.

    Ralph, I believe, is getting comfortable in his new company now. I hope he's taking his responsibility seriously. Because he is a company officer now, Mama. I'm praying he is not too kind that he'll be taken advantaged of, nor too strict that he'll be resented. I hope he'll get your wisdom when handling situations and conflicts, Mama.

    Angel is busy with the cats and kittens, both the strays and the ones inside the house. She's the one looking after them, Mama. She's also helping with the house chores since we've been back from the hospital, Mama. As I've mentioned earlier, she's doing the dishes.

    As for me, nothing much, Mama. My song on Spotify isn't really getting much streams. Not surprising of course, since I am really a nobody when it comes to this industry. But what's funny, Mama is that I am planning on releasing my second single soon. I just sent my song to my arranger, and when they send the arranged backing track, I will immediately do the vocals recording so I can release it as soon as possible. Either last week of March or first week of April, Mama. Then on my birthday in May, I'm planning to release my third song. Hopefully, this will all happen, Mama.

    Well, that will be all for now, Mama. I wish you're still here with us. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

Edgar is back to work

Dear Mama,

    Edgar returned to work today. We were actually discouraging him, since it's already Friday and told him to go back on Monday instead. But he still went through, Mama. His initial plan was to take a Grab car to work and also later going home, but he changed his mind when Ralph reminded him his daily rate is less than his total fare for the Grab car to and from work. So, he took the jeepney instead. I was worried because his left shoulder is still in pain, but I checked on him and he said he arrived to work safe.

    He'll be having his birthday again soon, Mama. It's unfortunate though that he had an accident in his birth month. Still I'm glad he's alive and recuperating from his injuries. Praying that will be his last accident. He might not be with us on his birthday, Mama. He said his officemates are planning to go to Baguio on his birthday weekend and he wanted to join them. Of course, I won't stop him. He's old enough to make his own decisions.

    I guess that will be all for now, Mama. I just want to update on Edgar's condition.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Hell week

Dear Mama,

    It was a hell of a week that we had. After Nanay's birthday on Monday last week, our son Edgar had an accident in his motorcycle on his way to work the next day, Tuesday. The rescue team of CDC called me on the phone to tell me about Edgar's accident, and that they took him to ONA, where I proceeded after the call. I was already in my work then, Mama, but I asked to be excused because of the emergency.

    When I reached the hospital, Edgar was crying in pain, Mama. He cannot move his body, his arms and back aches, and he has a lot of wounds on his hands and legs. They had to stitch his wound on his knee. His x-ray showed he had some fractured ribs and fractured shoulder plate. His CT Scan, fortunately, showed no damage in his brain. But he had to transferred to JBL in San Fernando, Mama. Because the nurse in ONA said they do not have the facility to handle his case. Using their ambulance, they took us to JBL where Edgar was admitted from Tuesday last week, until today, Tuesday.

    You know how it is in public hospitals, Mama. And I think it has gotten worse. Because they think they are doing their routine work, but they are not actually taking care of the patients. Imagine while we were in the room, no doctor has seen us nor talked to us. The only doctor we saw was in the ER before he was transferred to the ward. And to see that doctor, we had to wait until 1 a.m. of Wednesday. We were at the ER at around 11 a.m. of Tuesday, Mama.

    We were supposed to be discharged last Sunday afternoon, but the doctor who was supposed to sign Edgar's papers did not come. We waited the whole day of Monday, but still the doctor did not arrive. What's worse was that we were removed from the room and was transferred to another room because a new patient need to use our bed. I felt discriminated and humiliated, Mama. Today, we were only discharged after I posted our predicament on Facebook, and somebody told the management about it. It was only then that the doctor came to sign Edgar's chart. We still had to wait the whole day, Mama because it had to pass to other departments - from the billing to the social worker. We were finally discharged at almost 5 p.m., Mama. And still no doctor saw us, nor discussed Edgar's condition, diagnosis, and other reminders.

    Edgar feels better now, Mama although he still has limited movements. He still cannot use his left arm because of the fractured shoulder. He will be seeking second opinion this week, Mama.

    While we were in the hospital, it was just Ralph and Angel at home, Mama. At times it was just Angel because Ralph had to go to work. I'm glad they are okay, Mama.

    I'm sorry for this long letter, Mama. I'm sorry about what happened to Edgar. I know they would have been taken better care of if only you were here. I'm sorry, Mama.

    I really wish you here. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

Nanay's 96th birthday

Dear Mama,

    Nanay turned 96 today. We had 2 celebrations, as usual, Mama. First was yesterday, Sunday, where we invited friends and relatives. Our cousins from Paranaque (Tatay's side), and Novaliches (Nanay's side) were able to join us. Of course, we were also joined by our cousins here in Angeles, which are all from Nanay's side.

    Today, the actual birthday of Nanay, we had dinner at our house in Sta. Teresita. It was just for us, though. A simple get together with siblings, nephews, nieces, and grandchildren.

    I don't know how long Ate Let and Koya Boy will be staying here in the Philippines, but on Thursday, Koya Boy will be treating us for lunch. But since I cannot attend because I have work, and I cannot take a leave of absence, Ralph will be representing me, Mama.

    Edgar took his motorcycle to work today, Mama. It's his first day on the road in his motorbike. I'm glad he's safe. Praying for his safety everyday. Help me pray for him, Mama.

    That will be all for now, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you.

                                                                                                      Daddy

Last day of February

Dear Mama,

    Yesterday, our children and I went out. I went straight to SM Clark after work because I had to get a haircut, then I waited for them. Edgar arrived first, Mama. He also came from his work. Ralph and Angel came after a while. We had dinner at Din Tai Fung courtesy of Ralph, of course. He wanted us to experience it, Mama. It was quite expensive, though. After dinner we went to Starbucks for coffee, where we also stayed and waited for Ralph's time to clock in for work which was 9:00 p.m. Their office is just at SM Clark, Mama. Then, the three of us - Angel, Edgar, and I, went straight home while Ralph proceeded to his office.

    Tomorrow, we will be celebrating Nanay's 96th birthday, Mama. Although her birthday is actually on Monday, we had to schedule it on a Sunday so we can invite our cousins from Nanay and Tatay's side. Although, there will still be another celebration dinner on her birthday on Monday in Sta. Teresita, Mama.

    I'm still having anxiety in our neighborhood, Mama. Although the new management of the grill house beside has done everything to be not too loud. They have done some sort of sound engineering, not actually soundproofing because I can still hear them sometimes. At least not as loud and disturbing as the one before the pandemic. But I am still getting anxious at night, especially when there's a car parking in the front of our house. I'm trying my best to manage it, Mama. I needed to adapt, I know. I cannot always have things my way. But I wish it wasn't the case.

    Edgar will be riding his motorcycle to work starting on Monday, Mama. He already got a copy of his OR/CR. He is out right now to get his temporary plate number he will use while waiting for his actual plate. He just arrived right now, as I am typing this. Guide him on the road, Mama. Help me pray for his safety.

    I am listening to my song right now in Spotify, Mama. I had to add it to a playlist, though, and play other songs. So I won't appear to be self-patronizing or something like that. At least it will still look like a legitimate streaming.

    I guess that will be all for now, Mama. I have said too much today. I hope I did not annoy you.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you,

                                                                                                                Daddy

Midweek update

Dear Mama,

    It's Wednesday night and we already had our dinner. Ralph is getting ready for work, Mama. It will be his third day (or night) today. He's still not doing anything yet according to him, because his requirements are still incomplete which wasn't really his fault, Mama. But he is still reporting as they already required him to.

    It will be Nanay's 96th birthday on Monday, Mama. Although we will be celebrating it on Sunday. We have invited our cousins, both from Nanay and Tatay's side. However, only 10 people might be able to attend from Tatay's side. We rarely see them because we no longer go to Paranaque like we used to when Tatay was still alive. It was a good thing we were able to join them last December for a Christmas party slash reunion of Dela Cruz clan.

    My first single in Spotify isn't really getting that much stream, Mama. Which is not really surprising because I am an unknown artist. I am just relying on the support of my friends who might have streamed it already only once or twice. I hope I will have loyal followers haha... 

    Anyway, I guess that will all for now, Mama. Ralph might be going to leave for work soon.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                                Daddy

Sunday night

Dear Mama,

    It's Sunday night, 8:30 p.m. and it's back to work again tomorrow. There's really never enough weekend. Ralph is on his way home now, Mama. He went to Pasig this morning to meet some of his friends from a previous company he worked in. Probably already in NLEX now, or perhaps near Dau already. He will be starting on his new work tomorrow, Mama. I hope he'll stay there longer than his last company.

    As I mentioned in my previous letter, I uploaded my first song in Spotify, Mama. It went live last Friday. I still don't know how it's doing because I have not claimed my artist account yet. I have already applied but I haven't been approved yet. I am still not sure if I'm doing the right thing, Mama.

    That's all the update I have for now, Mama. I wish I can be with you soon.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                            Daddy

Getting ready to upload to Spotify

Dear Mama,

    I received my finished product today. My original song that I have asked to be arranged, recorded for vocals, and sent for mixing is now back to me, all ready for uploading to Spotify to be released. But I am worried, Mama. I know my voice isn't beautiful, so I am worried about what they'll say.

    I know, I have already reached this far, I have spent time and money already. I guess I should go for it, right Mama? But that's just the easy part, Mama. I don't know if I will have the courage to promote it once it's live in Spotify and other platforms.

    If only I was even just half as good as you are a singer. If you were only here, you'll definitely be the one singing my compositions, and they will sound good, Mama.

    Oh well, I need to prepare and gather the courage to upload the song now, Mama. I hope I can make you proud, or at least not embarrassed. 

    I wish you were here. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

Update on Ralph

Dear Mama,

    Ralph went to see a pulmonologist today. At first when he sent us a message, he said he might need to be admitted in the hospital. I got worried, Mama. Because if he'll be admitted, that means he's not okay.  The problem was that he's in-between jobs, and he has no health insurance right now.

    He said they are still waiting for him to rest. His breathing was tested, and he registered 250-340 where the normal should be at least 450. I was not surprised based on what I saw from him last Sunday while we were out, Mama. After resting, he was asked to use his inhaler before they tested him again. He registered 450-550, Mama. Only then was he allowed to go home.

    He was prescribed medicines, Mama. Most of which were like his current medicines. A nasal spray was added to his medicines, and he was prescribed to use his inhaler twice a day, 2 pups per take. It was just as needed before his check up, Mama. Now, it's included in his maintenance.

    Praying he'll get better soon, Mama. Especially now that he'll be starting in his new company next week. Help me pray for him, Mama.

    

                                                                                                                    Daddy

Worried about Ralph

Dear Mama,

    I am getting worried about our son, Ralph. We were out today because Angel wanted to watch the show of her favorite group Alamat in Marquee Mall. Everything was okay, Mama. Until after the show, while we were walking, we noticed Ralph grasping for air. We asked if he's okay, and he said yes. 

    While we were eating, he again stopped for a while. He wasn't bringing his inhaler, Mama. We immediately went home after eating, and he asked for his inhaler. He feels better now, he is resting. But I asked him to nebulize once he has rested.

    I am worried about him, Mama. His cough seems to be getting worse, and he is almost grasping for breath. I asked him to consult with a pulmonologist. His doctor is an internal medicine and has no specialization yet. So far, he is prescribed with an inhaler, and the medicine used in nebulizers. He is not getting better, as far as his cough is concerned. That's why I asked to seek a pulmonologist. He will be seeing one on Tuesday, Mama. 

    He is about to start in his new job, Mama. I am praying that his health, especially his respiratory, won't get in the way. Help me pray for him, Mama.

    Please help me make Ralph feel better.

                                                                                                            Daddy

 

This day again

Dear Mama,

    I really don't know how to greet you every time this day arrives. Should I greet you happy valentines day? Or should I greet you happy birthday in heaven, Mama? I don't know if I'm confused, heartbroken, or just stubborn.

    18 years ago today, you left us and went home with Our Father. It was tough for us. Painful. But it was freedom for you. Freedom from all the pain and suffering. You've been strong for so long, and you deserved to rest. Maybe I was just selfish to let you go. That was why you left when I was out. I wasn't even able to say goodbye.

    18 years and everything's still clear to me - the doctors, the nurses, the commotion, their effort to revive you, and me standing on the door looking in. Until they stopped trying, and one by one offering condolences and sympathy as they left the room.

    18 years and nothing has changed. I just learned to live with it. But the pain, questions, and confusions, they are all still inside. All kept within. Tucked in. Because no one would understand. And why should they?

    18 years and I still don't know how to greet you on this day. But I will always wish you were still here with us.

    I miss you, Mama.

                                                                                                        Daddy