Anxiety again

Dear Mama,

    I'm having frequent anxiety attacks again, lately.

    The renovations in the bar beside us is almost finished. I'm worried because the entrance to the new place is right beside our gate. I don't know what it is, Mama. It is part of the bar & grill, but it is enclosed separately and has a different door, which as I said is right beside us.

    Edgar said it might be a vape lounge, while I said it might be a coffee shop. I don't know which is better, Mama. I don't feel good about it.

    Add to this, the apartment unit right in front of us has started a new business again, Mama. They used to sell barbecues in 2021 to 2022, and they were a bit noisy then. Edgar was annoyed, and I was worried he might get into an argument with them. Now that they are opening again, I'm getting worried, Mama.

    I don't know how to stop this anxiety, Mama. I wanted to leave and just relocate to a different house, in a more peaceful environment, but who's to tell we won't have the same problem again.

    Sometimes, I think the problem really is in me. I always attract these things. I don't know what to do, Mama.

                                                                                                                Daddy

Update on Edgar

Dear Mama,

    It's almost 8 p.m. here, Wednesday. Ralph left for work early tonight, Mama. He must have a lot work to do. He left earlier at 7 p.m. Good thing the rain has stopped, although there were still occasional drizzles, Mama.

    Edgar already reported for work today, Mama. He went back to the doctor last Sunday for ECG and follow up consultation. He was then advised to extend his rest up to Tuesday (yesterday). He went back to the doctor on Monday for the reading of his ECG, and it was normal. He was just advised to continue with his medicines, the 7 days antibiotic. 

    Last Sunday, Angel had her first pop-up store/bazaar experience. I accompanied her on the way to the site, Mama. Ralph booked us Lala Move to transport all her things. They joined us, Ralph and Edgar, in the evening. We stayed until around 10 p.m., and Ralph once again booked a Lala Move for us to go home. Angel had a positive experience. Although she might not have even able to break-even, but at least it was an experience for her.

    I guess that will all for now, Mama. I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                                            Daddy

Update on Ralph, Edgar, Angel, and me

Dear Mama,

    It's August 1st, Friday and I am on leave from work. Edgar is too, but he is on sick leave. We all went to Capas this morning to check the house of Ralph, which was supposed to be turned over to him. We left at 7:30 am, and we reached Capas at around 8:45. We had a quick breakfast before we proceeded to the subdivision to check his unit, which is a townhouse.

    We first went to the admin office, then they assisted us at Ralph's house. Upon checking the unit, Mama, I was disappointed. I was actually mad. Why did they have the audacity to present the unit to us for turn-over when the work was lopsided. It's like they are shortchanging us. If we did not accompany Ralph, he might have accepted the unit, Mama. There were a lot of things that need to be fixed. They said they will call Ralph again after fixing what we have pointed out.

    From Capas, we proceeded to Clark Museum, Mama. It was my first time to be there. From the museum, we had lunch in a nearby restaurant which was a bit pricey, Mama. Had I known that, I would not have agreed, but it was Ralph's choice and he's paying. After lunch, we proceeded to SM where Edgar had his follow up consultation at Maxicare.

    He first went to Maxicare yesterday, Mama. He had undergone a series of lab procedure - x-ray, urinalysis, and blood test. The results were discussed to him today. He has an infection, Mama. Something that is related to leptospirosis, although it's not exactly that. He was prescribed antibiotics, Mama.

    Right now, he is in his room, and he is hot again, Mama. He was okay this morning when we were in Capas, Clark Museum, and in SM Clark. For some reason, he is having fever every evening. He is taking bioflu around the Clark, Mama. He doesn't want to be taken to the hospital. Please help me make him well, Mama.

    Meanwhile, Angel is now preparing for a bazaar she will be joining, Mama. One this Sunday, and another one next weekend. She'll be selling used clothes, and some artworks, Mama. I hope she'll get positive experiences from these, It will be her first time, Mama. Although she's been planning to do that for a long time now. The other organizers she talked to before weren't very responsive. 

    As for me, nothing much, Mama. I still worry about a lot things. Even though I'm trying my best to hold myself, I cannot control it. I'm having anxiety all of the time. I don't understand it, and I'm hating myself for it. I want it stop, but I don't know how, Mama.

    I guess that will be for now, Mama. Please make Edgar well, Mama. Please guide our children. I'm sorry I was not able to take care of them well. I know, things would have been different if you were here.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Edgar is sick, Mama

Dear Mama,

    Edgar is sick again. He has the flu, Mama. He felt cold on Monday evening, and he did not go to work yesterday, Tuesday. He went to work today, but tonight he is sick again, Mama. He is resting right now. He will take his medicine later at 11:00 p.m., it's 9:30 now, Mama.

    Please help me make Edgar well, Mama.

                                                                                                            Daddy

Why am I a failure, Mama?

Dear Mama,

    Why am I such a failure? Why am I a such a big loser, Mama? I am failing in almost everything!

    I failed as a son, I wasn't able to make my parents proud and was not even able to help them financially. In fact, I was even a burden to them even though I was already married and have my own family. They were still supporting me when I lost my job and you were sick, Mama. I did not help them. I burdened them.

    I was a failure as a student. Did not get any honors that might have made Nanay and Tatay proud. I even almost failed in one of my subjects. I barely made it, Mama. 

    I failed as an accountant, a banker, and an employee. I wasn't able to achieve anything. I was not able to make something of my profession. I cannot do anything right, Mama.

    I failed as a Toastmaster. I never became a champion. I failed as an author. Nobody bought my books. I failed as a songwriter. My songs never amounted to anything.

    But most of all, Mama, I failed as a father. I was not able to give our children a decent house they can live in. A safe and peaceful environment they can thrive in. I was not able to provide all their needs, and I was not able to guide them in my life properly because I myself am clueless. I'm such a big failure, Mama. A loser!

    I'm sorry, Mama. I failed.

                                                                                                             Daddy

The rain never stopped

Dear Mama,

    It has been raining continuously since last night. It would pause for a while, and then it would rain again even harder. Typhoon Crising has already left the country and this is just monsoon rain, Mama. Although there is another one coming in, if it's not yet here.

    Ralph has already left for work, Mama. I'm waiting for his message that he has boarded their shuttle bus. He took a trike to the terminal even though it's raining. I hope he'll make it on time and dry. It's already 8:19 p.m. and their shuttle leaves at 8:30 p.m.

    There's loud thunder, Mama. Perhaps there might be some lightning, too although they must be far because I can't hear them. 

    I guess that will be for now, Mama.

    I hope to be with you soon.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Another rainy weekend

Dear Mama,

    It will be another rainy weekend for us most probably, as there's a tropical storm. There's no typhoon signal raised yet for our place, but there's been a lot of raining lately, especially in the evening.

    It's Friday, 6:50 p.m. but Ralph has already left for work, Mama. He said he will be meeting his friends at the mall before going to his office later before 9:00 p.m.

    I don't know what to say here, Mama. But I know I wanted to say something. There's a lot inside of me right now, but I don't how to say it. I just wish I can hug right now, Mama.

    I need you.

    

                                                                                                            Daddy

Rainy Sunday

Dear Mama,

    It's a rainy Sunday morning. It's 8 a.m. and I am done with the laundry, Mama. I had my coffee earlier. Ralph and Angel are sleeping right now. Edgar is already awake, but he is in his room. I think he'll be preparing our brunch in a while, Mama. He already put the left-over rice from the freezer to the table.

    It has been raining almost the whole week, Mama. There were days the sun would shine for the day, although it was still cloudy, and then rain would fall in the evening and overnight. I'm not sure, but there must be a typhoon right now, Mama.

    Yesterday, our siblings had lunch out with Nanay, courtesy of Koya Boy who will be going back to Guam today, Mama. His flight will be this evening.

    Ralph will be having his turn-over for his house anytime soon, Mama. He already paid for the requirements to move in, they are just doing the finishing touches. He is not yet sure, but he is planning to move in to his new house, although he will then be farther from his work.

    I guess that will be all for now, Mama.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy