Another Sunday Buffet

Dear Mama,

    We arrived home about 30 minutes ago, our children and I. We came from a buffet restaurant where we had our dinner, Mama. Of course, courtesy of Ralph again.

    Earlier this afternoon, I went to Nepo area to buy t-shirt as a gift for Ralph's birthday next month. I waited for our children there. Ralph came from a lunch meet up with his former co-workers, while Angel and Edgar would be coming from home. I left earlier so I could buy the t-shirt before Ralph would come from his lunch meet up.

    Ralph arrived at around 3 p.m., while Edgar and Angel came before 4 p.m. We stayed for a while at Nepo Mall, then at around 5 p.m., Ralph booked a Grab car and we went to Century Hotel. We came earlier than the dinner time, but we didn't have to wait long because they opened the buffet table earlier. Probably because we were already there, Mama.

    How I wish you were with us during this family time, Mama. I'm sure it would have been happier if we were complete. You would have been proud of our children.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

First day performance

Dear Mama,

    I arrived home earlier at around 8:30 p.m. (it's already past 9pm). Had my dinner, took my maintenance medicines, and now writing this letter for you. Ralph is already at work, Angel and Edgar are preparing to leave to go to a nearby coffee shop. I said I will no longer go with them, Mama. I said I wanted to rest.

    I came from the opening of the Bonzai and Beyond exhibit. They invited me to sing my original Kapampangan song because it ties with their theme, which is saving the trees in Friendship. The people who were there and heard it said they like my song, and it was beautiful. I'm glad I passed, Mama. Tomorrow, Saturday, I'll be back there to sing more songs, together with my fellow songwriters from the Songwriters Cabalen Community.

    I hope I am making you proud, Mama. I wish you were here.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

It's Friday again

 Dear Mama,

    It's Friday again, and I don't know what to feel. The renovations/construction of the grillhouse beside us is finished, and I don't know what to expect.

    I'm worried, Mama.

                                                                         Daddy

Am I holding back our children?

Dear Mama,

    Sometimes I can't help but think, am I holding back our children? Am I the reason they are not succeeding in their life? Am I pulling them down because of my bad karma?

    I'm sorry, Mama. They are not a failure. They are doing okay, Mama. They are working and earning, but I feel like I have not taught them well on how to succeed in life. But just like what they say, Mama... you cannot give what you don't have. I am not successful myself, that's why I was not able to teach them anything. 

    I hope I'm not being a burden to them. I'm praying they will succeed in their life, Mama. At least, I can go in peace when I die. I won't have to worry about them. 

    I'm sorry I wasn't able to teach them how to be successful, Mama. I'm really sorry.

                                                                                                     Daddy

Headache

Dear Mama,

    We just had our dinner and Ralph is now preparing to go to work. I hope he won't be late. It's been raining lately at night here. The rain has stopped now, I hope it won't fall when Ralph is on his way to work.

    I've been having recurring headaches lately, Mama. I'm not sure if it's because of my eyes or something else. I just bought my glasses off the shelf in a Japan thrift store. I did not really have any consultation with an optometrist or ophthalmologist, Mama. I also have been some pain at my nape on the right side along with the headache. 

    I'm still waiting for the results of the songwriting contest I joined recently, Mama. It's not really a contest, they just asked for submissions of some unfinished songs, just a verse and a chorus, to be considered for the new album of Bini. So far, there's no update, yet.

    I also will be performing this weekend, Mama - Friday and Saturday. On Friday, I will be delivering the opening song, and on Saturday, I will be one of the performers of our songwriters' group, Mama. Both will have the same venue, which is Culture Shack in Sandra Mall, and both will have the same theme - for the Friendship Trees. I will be singing my Kapampangan songs, Mama. I hope you are proud of me even though I am not really that good of a singer.

    I guess that will be all for now, Mama. I hope I can be with you soon. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Pizza night

Dear Mama,

    We just had our dinner. We had pizza tonight, Mama. Ralph ordered pizza for delivery. He doesn't have work tonight because it's a holiday. Yesterday, Sunday, he treated us for coffee and dinner because he won a P500 gift check last Saturday. Sometimes, I'm worried on Ralph's spending, Mama. I hope he's handling his finances well.

    His birthday will be coming soon, Mama. I still don't know what to buy, or do for him. He is waiting for the call from the developers for the repairs of the house he bought. He will still need to have it renovated and finished once it's turned-over to him, Mama. I wish I can find some money to help him in his renovations. He has already spent so much for us. Unfortunately, I do not have any savings, Mama. I don't know how to help him. If only I could sell my songs, or at least earn from my books.

    Anyway, that will be for now, Mama. I wish I can see you in my dreams.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                         Daddy

Hi

Dear Mama,

    Hi. Honestly, I don't know what to say, Mama. I really don't know what to say. I'm tired of whining. I'm tired of this anxiety. I wish I can really talk to you right now. Maybe just to even hold your hands, or hug you. But that will be asking too much.

    I miss you, Mama. I need you. I wish I can be with you.

                                                                                                                Daddy

Tatay's birthday

Dear Mama,

    Ralph, Edgar, and I went to Sta Teresita today for the birthday lunch of Tatay. Of course, it was courtesy of Ate Let who sent money so we can celebrate Tatay's birthday even though he is already in heaven. I left the house earlier than Ralph and Edgar, Mama. I went to Robinsons to buy birthday cake, which was my only contribution. Angel did not go with us, Mama.

    Edgar is already done with his antibiotics for his leptospirosis infection, Mama. Although he is now taking another set of medicines. He went to the doctor last Thursday because of the wounds on his back which were caused by fleas, cat fleas. His medicines are antiviral and anti histamine, Mama. He was not given any ointment for the wounds. Earlier this morning, he was complaining of pain from the wounds. After taking the medicine, he said he felt better.

    Mama, I hope I can find a way so I can afford for us to relocate to a more peaceful place. Although, I don't know where that peaceful place might be. Sometimes, I even think I am the problem because I react to everything. So, I'm not sure if it will be peaceful for me if we relocate. I don't know, Mama. I'm tired of all these anxiety attacks every time I am at home. I am supposed to be at peace here.

    Wish you were here, Mama.

                                                                                                                Daddy

Anxiety again

Dear Mama,

    I'm having frequent anxiety attacks again, lately.

    The renovations in the bar beside us is almost finished. I'm worried because the entrance to the new place is right beside our gate. I don't know what it is, Mama. It is part of the bar & grill, but it is enclosed separately and has a different door, which as I said is right beside us.

    Edgar said it might be a vape lounge, while I said it might be a coffee shop. I don't know which is better, Mama. I don't feel good about it.

    Add to this, the apartment unit right in front of us has started a new business again, Mama. They used to sell barbecues in 2021 to 2022, and they were a bit noisy then. Edgar was annoyed, and I was worried he might get into an argument with them. Now that they are opening again, I'm getting worried, Mama.

    I don't know how to stop this anxiety, Mama. I wanted to leave and just relocate to a different house, in a more peaceful environment, but who's to tell we won't have the same problem again.

    Sometimes, I think the problem really is in me. I always attract these things. I don't know what to do, Mama.

                                                                                                                Daddy

Update on Edgar

Dear Mama,

    It's almost 8 p.m. here, Wednesday. Ralph left for work early tonight, Mama. He must have a lot work to do. He left earlier at 7 p.m. Good thing the rain has stopped, although there were still occasional drizzles, Mama.

    Edgar already reported for work today, Mama. He went back to the doctor last Sunday for ECG and follow up consultation. He was then advised to extend his rest up to Tuesday (yesterday). He went back to the doctor on Monday for the reading of his ECG, and it was normal. He was just advised to continue with his medicines, the 7 days antibiotic. 

    Last Sunday, Angel had her first pop-up store/bazaar experience. I accompanied her on the way to the site, Mama. Ralph booked us Lala Move to transport all her things. They joined us, Ralph and Edgar, in the evening. We stayed until around 10 p.m., and Ralph once again booked a Lala Move for us to go home. Angel had a positive experience. Although she might not have even able to break-even, but at least it was an experience for her.

    I guess that will all for now, Mama. I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                                            Daddy

Update on Ralph, Edgar, Angel, and me

Dear Mama,

    It's August 1st, Friday and I am on leave from work. Edgar is too, but he is on sick leave. We all went to Capas this morning to check the house of Ralph, which was supposed to be turned over to him. We left at 7:30 am, and we reached Capas at around 8:45. We had a quick breakfast before we proceeded to the subdivision to check his unit, which is a townhouse.

    We first went to the admin office, then they assisted us at Ralph's house. Upon checking the unit, Mama, I was disappointed. I was actually mad. Why did they have the audacity to present the unit to us for turn-over when the work was lopsided. It's like they are shortchanging us. If we did not accompany Ralph, he might have accepted the unit, Mama. There were a lot of things that need to be fixed. They said they will call Ralph again after fixing what we have pointed out.

    From Capas, we proceeded to Clark Museum, Mama. It was my first time to be there. From the museum, we had lunch in a nearby restaurant which was a bit pricey, Mama. Had I known that, I would not have agreed, but it was Ralph's choice and he's paying. After lunch, we proceeded to SM where Edgar had his follow up consultation at Maxicare.

    He first went to Maxicare yesterday, Mama. He had undergone a series of lab procedure - x-ray, urinalysis, and blood test. The results were discussed to him today. He has an infection, Mama. Something that is related to leptospirosis, although it's not exactly that. He was prescribed antibiotics, Mama.

    Right now, he is in his room, and he is hot again, Mama. He was okay this morning when we were in Capas, Clark Museum, and in SM Clark. For some reason, he is having fever every evening. He is taking bioflu around the Clark, Mama. He doesn't want to be taken to the hospital. Please help me make him well, Mama.

    Meanwhile, Angel is now preparing for a bazaar she will be joining, Mama. One this Sunday, and another one next weekend. She'll be selling used clothes, and some artworks, Mama. I hope she'll get positive experiences from these, It will be her first time, Mama. Although she's been planning to do that for a long time now. The other organizers she talked to before weren't very responsive. 

    As for me, nothing much, Mama. I still worry about a lot things. Even though I'm trying my best to hold myself, I cannot control it. I'm having anxiety all of the time. I don't understand it, and I'm hating myself for it. I want it stop, but I don't know how, Mama.

    I guess that will be for now, Mama. Please make Edgar well, Mama. Please guide our children. I'm sorry I was not able to take care of them well. I know, things would have been different if you were here.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy