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Friday, February 27, 2015

Dear Mama,

Hi! Sorry I haven't written for quite a while. No, it's not because I am busy. I guess I am just preoccupied thinking too much about this girl. Then again, just like before I do not have a chance. Maybe I should just forget about it, Mama. It looks like I won't be able to find anyone to take your place. I guess nobody will see me the way that you do, Mama.

Do not worry, the kids are not being forgotten. They will always be my priority, nobody will come before them. I just wish I can be a better father to them. I know they are not really proud of me, but it's okay. 

I miss you, Mama. I really wish you were still here. Everything could have been better... a lot better.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Dear Mama,


Good morning. It's 4:00 a.m. now and I do not have work today. It's really funny that I wake up early when I do not have to and wake up late when I need to get up early. Just one of the ironies in my life, Mama. There are lots of ironies happening to me lately, Mama. You know what's one of them? Caring for someone who doesn't really care about me.

If only you're still here, I would not have to go through this thing, Mama. I don't know why these things happen to me.  I'm getting tired of all of this, Mama. Why can't I just go through life taking care of the kids, fulfill my promise to you, and then just rest in peace with you when they are all settled down?

I really do not need anybody, right? I had all the love that I need when you were still still here. That would be enough to last me beyond my lifetime. What's funny is that, I never went out looking.

I don't know, Mama. I'm just getting confused. I'm sorry, I know I'm not making any sense here. I just wish you're still here and none of these need to happen. Maybe I'm just missing you.

I wish you're here, Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Monday, February 16, 2015

Dear Mama,

Angel is in a retreat right now. She won't be sleeping home tonight. It's just me and Edgar at home. Is this a test of things to come? Our kids going one by one on their own... and soon, I will be alone.

I guess it's inevitable, Mama. Then so be it.

Daddy


P.S. I love you Mama.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Dear Mama,

Today is the 7th year since  you went home and the void that you left has never been filled. I do not even know what to feel this day. But I do feel tired, I just wish I can also rest Mama. If only I do not have a promise that I need to fulfill, I could have done easily.

I wish there is an easier way to say what is going on in my mind right now.

Daddy

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Dear Mama,

It's 3 a.m. here now, I've been up since 1 a.m. I already did some reading and I still cannot get back to sleep. I'm not really thinking of anything, Mama. My mind is blank. It's like a big, hollow space I am in right now. I don't know what I'm feeling, Mama. It feels so empty here. I wish you were here. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

I'm failing, Mama. I'm not worthy to look after the kids. I failed you again, Mama. I'm sorry.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Dear Mama,

Why do I feel so alone and unworthy? I feel so empty, Mama.

Daddy

Friday, January 23, 2015

Dear Mama,

Hi! How are you? I've been meaning to write you these past few days, but every time I tried to, I didn't know where to start. I don't know what to write... or how to say what I want to say. I don't understand what I feel lately Mama, or why I am feeling this way. Lately I am feeling so alone... so lost... so empty. I do not want to entertain it as much as possible, but it's like a nagging itch.

I wish I still have you here with me, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy