My book is out, but...

Dear Mama,

My book is already out in Amazon, but I am disappointed. I thought it will be printed here when I was offered the publishing services. It turns out, it will just be uploaded in Amazon which I could have done myself. 

Now I will need money just to be able to offer my book here, because no one from my friends here would buy from Amazon because of the expensive delivery charge since it will come from the USA. 

I was excited for my book, Mama. I was excited for people to read it. I thought it was a good book, and it reflects my style. Unfortunately, nobody here can read it. At least not yet, until I have enough funds to buy some copies for my stock. 

Its making me feel depressed, Mama. 

Daddy 

limbo

Dear Mama

I want to write to you. I want to talk to you. But I don't know what to say. I don't know where to start. My mind is going around like a loose tornado without direction. My heart is full of anxieties. 

This burden is getting heavier, Mama, and I don't even know what it is.

I thought I would get through this. I've been trying my best to be strong because it's just Angel and I here at home. We can't go anywhere, and no one can come to us. I'm worried about Angel, Mama. What if something happens to me? She'll be alone here.

I'm trying my best, Mama.

But I wish you were here.

Daddy

Today is May 19

Dear Mama,

Today is May 19. Remember this day in 2007? It was the day I was able to fulfill my promise to you, Mama. To be able to take you to Manila Bay so we can watch the sunset together. It was a promise that took me so long to fulfill, I'm glad I was able to finally make it true that year, Mama. And we even have our three children - Ralph, Edgar, and Angel to share the moment. It was not really a perfect day for us then, Mama because it was cloudy and there was a drizzle. But you did not mind, you were happy just to be there.

It was one of our happiest and memorable day, Mama. We had no idea it will be our first and last time to be there, because after nine months you would be leaving us. It's been 12 years since you left us, and the kids are all grown up, but every now and then I still wish you were still here and we are still complete.

I'm sorry, Mama.

I'm sorry I was only able to take you to Manila Bay and watch the sunset only once. I'm sorry that after all these years, I am still bothering you with my letters. I'm sorry I wasn't the perfect father, nor mother, to our three kids. I'm sorry if I still feel weak, want to give up, and end my life every now and then.

I'm tired, Mama.

I'm sorry for complaining... for whining.

I wish I can be with you soon.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Strong winds

Dear Mama

The wind is really blowing strong tonight as I am typing this letter. It is raining, although it is not really that strong but it sounds like it is because of the strong winds. There is a typhoon, Mama. This morning we're under storm signal no. 2, but with this wind, we might already be at no. 3 now. 

Edgar, in Masbate, said they are under signal no. 3 and the wind is strong there too. And it might be stronger than what we have here because they are near the sea. Please help and protect him there, Mama. I am worried about him, he hasn't replied to me yet. 

Ralph, of course  is still in Pasig. Today is his last day at his job, and he still doesn't know yet when he'll be starting in his new job. Nothing is concrete yet, they have not given him his contract yet. What's worse is he won't be receiving salary today because it is. Included in his last pay. They wont release it until at least 30 days after his clearance is complete. And a lot of managers hasn't cleared him yet. A lot of people really like be chased up and feel important. Hope he'll make it through his next paycheck, whenever that may be. I still advise him not to go home yet because nothing is still clear. He might only be held in quarantine if he goes home. 

Angel and I are doing fine here, Mama. I mean, at least we're surviving.. Tomorrow is the start of the GCQ. I am concerned, Mama. I still don't feel safe. I am worried. I hope things will get better soon, for me and the kids, for the City, for the country, and for the whole world.

I'm tired, Mama. I want to rest. I wish to be with you soon. 

I miss you, Mama. 

I love you. 

Daddy 

Happy Mother's Day

Dear Mama

I just want to greet you a Happy Mother's Day. No one can ever be the great mother you are to our children. Thank you for raising 3 great kids. 

I may not be able to fill the role that you left, but I am trying my best. 

Happy Mother's Day, Mama!

I miss you. 

I love you. 

Daddy 

52 today

Dear Mama

I am officially 52 years old today. Just 8 more years until I became a senior, Mama. Yes, I am getting old. It is inevitable, Mama. And I know I will grow old alone. I have already accepted my fate.

But I know it won't be long, I will be with you again soon.

Until then.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Update on the good news

Dear Mama,

Ralph called again yesterday and said that he already received the offer for the company he is applying to, albeit it was just a verbal offer. He is now just waiting for the documents to be sent to him so everything will be in black and white. If everything goes well, he will be starting in June. Hopefully. Thank you for helping him, Mama. May this good news continue to its fruition so he won't be depressed for being without a job. I advised him to work well in his next job, Mama. Whether it was his fault, office politics, or because of the current situation that caused him not to be regularized it his current job, it is still better that he do his part so he can at least sleep better at night. He is also looking into applying as a part time at an insurance company, Mama.

Edgar is still in Masbate. He was complaining because of the inefficiency of their project manager. I thought he was thinking about quitting, but the last time we talked, he was actually thinking he can be a better project manager and he feels like he have a good chance of being chosen next time. I wish him  good luck and admire him for challenging himself, Mama. The downside is, he might be staying there longer. Although he might go home after the ECQ, but he said he will be back after a month or so, and hopefully as the project manager there.

That will be all for now, Mama. Nothing much for me and Angel. Still here at home. No plans for tomorrow, being my 52nd birthday. Just another day of growing older.

Bye, Mama.

I miss you.

I love you.

Daddy

Pray

Dear Mama

Please pray for Angel and I

I love you

Daddy

A good news, I hope

Dear Mama

I have a bit of good news today. I hope this will really be true. Ralph called several times today, updating me on the status of the new job he is applying to. 

He said he received favorable responses, and might be hired again soon. I hope he will be hired, Mama. I hope this good news will be all the way. Help him, Mama. Pray for him. 

I'm praying he gets hired, Mama. 

That's the good news I want to say today. 

I miss you, Mama. 

I love you. 

Daddy 

Another test

Dear Mama,

I just received a not so good news today from Ralph. He said his manager called him to say he won't be regularized. I was surprised, Mama. After staying in Pasig to be able to work in his dorm, and still they did not consider him for regularization. And he will be working only until next week.

This is another test for us, Mama. I am concerned because I know Ralph has lots of bills to pay, and not to mention, the house he bought last year that he is paying monthly.

I don't understand why these things are happening to us, Mama.

Daddy

it's May now

Dear Mama

It's the second day of  May today, 6 more days and I'll be turning 52. I'll be a year older again. 

It is still within the quarantine period, so there won't be anything to expect. Ralph and Edgar are still away. Maybe I'll just cook spaghetti for us, Angel and I. 

I really don't have anything much to say today. I don't know what to think anymore. I've been in limbo in the last few days. It's like I'm almost brain dead, Mama. 

Don't worry, Angel won't be forsaken. I'm still taking care of her, Mama. 

I guess that will be all  for now. 

I miss you, Mama. 

I love you. 

Daddy