Dear Mama,
I really don't know how to greet you every time this day arrives. Should I greet you happy valentines day? Or should I greet you happy birthday in heaven, Mama? I don't know if I'm confused, heartbroken, or just stubborn.
18 years ago today, you left us and went home with Our Father. It was tough for us. Painful. But it was freedom for you. Freedom from all the pain and suffering. You've been strong for so long, and you deserved to rest. Maybe I was just selfish to let you go. That was why you left when I was out. I wasn't even able to say goodbye.
18 years and everything's still clear to me - the doctors, the nurses, the commotion, their effort to revive you, and me standing on the door looking in. Until they stopped trying, and one by one offering condolences and sympathy as they left the room.
18 years and nothing has changed. I just learned to live with it. But the pain, questions, and confusions, they are all still inside. All kept within. Tucked in. Because no one would understand. And why should they?
18 years and I still don't know how to greet you on this day. But I will always wish you were still here with us.
I miss you, Mama.
Daddy
