First day of the year

Dear Mama,

It's 5 a.m. and I'm having my first coffee for the new year. It's the first day of 2021. The kids are still sleeping. I think they just slept a few hours before I woke up.

We had our medya noche last night, and all foods were prepared by Edgar. As I mentioned before, he is exploring the kitchen more lately. He plans to have his own food business. I am thinking of sending him to culinary school, for him to be more equipped. I hope I can afford it, Mama. 

I really don't feel excited about this new year. I'm sure you know why. I've been suffering because of this failure, and I can't complain because I know I deserve it.

Anyway, let's forget about that for now. It will be Angel's birthday 8 days from now, and we still have no plans. We are bot sure if we can do anything because of the pandemic. 

Well, I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Please continue guiding us. I need it, Mama. 

I miss you. 

I love you, Mama. 

Daddy 

Things are not how they used to be

Dear Mama,

The kids and I went out yesterday, the day after Christmas. We didn't leave on Christmas day itself because we were expecting there will be a lot of people at the mall. There were actually a lot of people yesterday, too. But maybe they were fewer than the other day.

Anyway, we bought some things at the department store, mostly Angel's. Then we roamed around for a while, with our face masks and face shield, of course. 

I just asked the kids out because I wanted to take them to this Japanese restaurant called Tepanya. I wanted Angel to experience it.

We had a good time, but it was not how it used to be, Mama. I'm sure you know what I mean. It's my failure that nobody knows, and it's something I have to live with. I really wish there is something I can do. I'm sorry, Mama 

If only you were here, things would have been different. 

I miss you, Mama. 

I love you 

Daddy 

It's Christmas eve

 Dear Mama,

It's already 24th of December, Christmas Eve. As I've mentioned in my last letter, I have prepared anything, and we won't be having the annual Christmas party. I'm sorry, Mama. We will be having our Noche Buena still, although it is Edgar who will be cooking our food. He is actually working in the kitchen right now, Mama.

We still don't have plans for tomorrow. Not sure if we will be going out, or just stay at home. As you know, Mama, it's not yet safe to go out. In case we will be going out, we will take all necessary precautions.

The year is almost over, and nobody knows if 2021 will be a better year. I am not excited nor looking forward to it, Mama. I am tired. Sometimes I often ask myself if the kids are all ready to be left on their own.

I'm sorry, Mama. I apologize for feeling like this again. Anyway, I'll just end my letter before I write more dramas. Merry Christmas, Mama!

I miss you.

I love you, Mama.

Daddy

It's almost Christmas, but...

Dear Mama,

It's almost Christmas, but I haven't done nor prepared anything. I have not even cleaned the house! I don't know, Mama, I don't feel excited or anything about the season. I don't know if it's the anxieties brought by the pandemic, the neighborhoods, the country, or my personal problems.

I'm sorry, Mama. I feel my batteries have been drained, and I cannot process anything anymore. Help me, Mama. I'm giving up again. 

I wish you're still here with me. 

I need you, Mama

Daddy 

Today would have been our 29th

Dear Mama,

Happy anniversary! 

Today would have been our 29th year. You could have been proud of I have achieved. We could have been so happy, and I would have been complete.

I still can't help but wish that you are still here, Mama. Especially in days like this. 

I miss you, Mama. 

I love you. 

Daddy