Thursday, February 3, 2011

Day 4 and a silly question

Dear Mama,

It's day 4 without a job. While I'm enjoying the rest and stress-free day I'm having, at the back of my mind I know I still need to get hired soon. So far, I have only applied for 2 positions, in the same company. I haven't received any feedback from them yet. I hope I can find a job that is not accounting-related, Mama.

If I would have my way, I would love not to work and just concentrate on writing. But Edgar and Angel are graduating, and next year I'll have two sons in college and Angel will be in high school. It's unfortunate that Angel did not pass the entrance exam at SSC, so I'll be enrolling her in a private school to ensure her a quality education. That means I have to work hard. Hopefully, I would earn enough for them.

I really have a silly question, Mama and I do not even know how to ask it. It's February, and Valentine's day is approaching. I know it's your anniversary, it was the day you "went home" but, would you be angry, upset, or feel violated if I sent out flowers to another girl on that day? I still don't know if I'll do that, since I vowed not to desecrate your memory.

I'm sorry, Mama. I know I don't even have to ask about it. The fact that I even gave it thought feels like I have already desecrated your memory. I don't know. I can't understand what's happening to me. I'm sorry, Mama. I'm really sorry.

Please take care of yourself. I really wish I could be with you soon so that I won't even entertain these thoughts. I'm sorry... I guess, I'm just missing you...

I love you, Mama.