Please tell me why I should not end my life

Dear Mama,

Please tell me why? Tell my why I should not end my life. She said she was not ready, so I waited for a few months. Today, I came to see her after work in the hospital because she was at night duty. I was happy because she smiled when she saw me... I thought I had the chance. Only to find out that she's happy because someone is making her happy. Yes Mama, Gail already has a special someone... and I'm too late again.

Why Mama? Why am I not worthy?