Keeping my hopes high...

Dear Mama,

Everything's not good. But I'm keeping my hopes high, Mama. I know I should keep on fighting for the kids. There must be something good out there waiting for us.

Help me be strong, Mama.


Daddy

Done with the Christmas party

Dear Mama,

We're done with the Christmas party. I just have to clean up before I write to you about the party. The kids are now in their rooms, hopefully asleep. Although I'm sure they are still excited with their gifts.

I am glad they are still participating and enjoying our small Christmas party. Others may see it as awkward because we're just four. But we are having fun, Mama. Thanks to you for starting this with the kids, and now they are cooperating even if they have already grown up.

Well, I will have to sleep now. I feel tired and exhausted from all those days of feeling anxious for our Christmas party. I wish next year it could be bigger.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Ready for the Christmas party

Dear Mama,

In about an hour, we will start our Christmas party. Although we might start earlier today because Angel is very much excited, and hungry. She wants to start early. I am excited too. I want to start early so I can give their gifts already. Maybe at around 8:30, just thirty minutes earlier than the program. We're really excited, Mama!

We really wish you are here, Mama. We miss you. Merry Christmas, Mama!

I love you.


Daddy

All set for Christmas

Dear Mama,

I am all set for Christmas and for our Christmas party. I am in fact very excited for our party this year, Mama. I will try to make this fun and the best Christmas party for the kids. We will make it a happy party, Mama. I hope you will watch us. No, I hope you can join us Mama. I really wish you can.

There is a lot of cleaning to be done, though. Plus we do not have a camera. It looks like our digicam won't be fixed. It's too sad because we won't be able to preserve memories from our best Christmas party. I hope I can find one to borrow. Although it could be a shot in the dark, because everyone will be using their cameras for the special day. I could buy a cheap one, but that would leave me flat broke. But I might take the chance, Mama. Just in case I might not able to borrow one.

Well, that will be all for now Mama. I will see what else I can do to make this best Christmas party better. See you at our party. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

What am I doing wrong?

Dear Mama,

What am I doing wrong? Why am I asked like I am doing something wrong? Like I always have ill-will against others? Why are they making it appear that I am always the bad guy? I never did anything wrong, nor did I wish any misfortunes for others, even those who were not good to me. But why am I always being asked and being blamed? What did I do, Mama?

Anyway, our 13th month has been finally given to us Mama. Of course, it wasn't that big because we do not have a complete year to our credits. What we got were just prorated 13th month pay. At least, it is enough for the kids and I to celebrate our Christmas party, Mama. I still haven't bought any gifts for the kids. I do not know what to give them. I hope I will be able to think of the perfect gift for them before Christmas.

Well, that will be all for now, Mama. I better stop before I start whining again. Although, I really wish you are still here with me, Mama. I miss you. Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy

Sorry...

Dear Mama,

I'm sorry if I told you in my last letter that we might not have our Christmas party this year. It was wrong for me to break the tradition just because we were not given our 13th month pay. I should not let inconsiderate acts affect our tradition that you started, Mama. We really do not need a big amount just to celebrate Christmas. I'm really sorry, Mama.

Honestly, I do not how, but the kids and I will continue with the celebration. It doesn't have to be that big. Even if we would just share a loaf of bread, or even pandesal, for the noche buena, I know the kids will understand... and we will have fun. We don't need money just to have a fun Christmas party, right Mama?

Maybe there won't be prizes for every games, but at least the kids will have bragging rights. They may not receive any gift for me this Christmas, but I will assure them that I will take care of them Mama, until my last breath.

Sorry for giving up easily, Mama. I will try to be strong... and I'm really trying, Mama. I do. If only I can see you smile again and hold your hands. I miss you, Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Almost Christmas

Dear Mama,

It's late and I'm still awake. I was trying to work on my second book, Mama. It's not yet finished, but it will be soon. I'm just collating everything. Hopefully, I would be able to get enough funds so I can publish it next year. I hope you'll be proud of me, Mama.

It's almost Christmas, but I am still not sure if we can celebrate it and have our Christmas party that you started years ago. I am praying that they finally give us our 13th month pay so we can have the budget for the celebration. I still do not have any gifts for the kids, Mama. I'm sorry for putting them last on the list. I was hoping to give them something special. Unfortunately, there won't be enough money for my plans. Still, I am praying. I want this to be the best Christmas for the kids, Mama.

Well, I will be sleeping now. I hope tomorrow will be a better day for me and the kids. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I had a great time with the kids today at the mall. We were able to complete the gifts on my list, except my gifts for our kids. I'm still waiting for our 13th month, Mama. I hope they would give it early this week so I can buy my gifts for them and prepare for our Christmas party on Christmas eve.

It will be fun, Mama. I really hope they give us our money early.

Edgar and Angel are already on their Christmas vacation, Mama. While Ralph will still be having their prelims exam this week. I hope I can finish all my pending jobs so I can celebrate Christmas in peace.

Well, that's all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

The kids and I went out for late ice cream at the Jollibee highway tonite. Actually, I went out earlier to take a look at the Christmas party of AUFMC. It was almost finished when I got there and some people were already going home. I went out of the venue immediately because... she might see me.

Anyway, as I reached home, I asked Angel if she wants to go out for ice cream. Of course she said yes, Mama. She said we should go out so I won't feel depressed because the party was already finished. Our baby is really smart, Mama.

We had fun and nobody ruined the happy spirit. That is why I'm happy, Mama. On Sunday, we will be going out to buy some Christmas gifts. Although we may not be able to buy everything then because our 13th month were not yet given to us. I just hope they give it before Christmas.

I still haven't prepared the menu and program for the Christmas party, Mama. Although there were already suggestions and request for the kids. Will be sitting it out with the kids to discuss it formally on Sunday.

Well, that's about it for now, Mama. I will be sleeping in the while. The kids are already asleep. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Am I a bad father?

Dear Mama,

It was supposed to be perfect day. But Ralph just have to ruin it. Can't we really just a normal happy family? Or is it because I am really a bad and lousy father/?

I'm sorry Mama... I'm failing you.


Daddy

Happy anniversary Mama!

Dear Mama,

Happy 21st wedding anniversary! Although you are no longer here, I will never forget our anniversary and all our special dates, Mama. And together with the kids, we will be celebrating this special day. Thank you very much for the love that you gave me, Mama. I am blessed to have a wife like you.

Happy anniversary Mama! I love you.

I miss you.


Daddy

I'm trying Mama

Dear Mama,

I told myself that I will not write you any letter of whining or sadness. You do not need to hear any of it. I'm trying Mama.

But let me just say I really wish you're with me right now. I need you, Mama. I miss you.


Daddy

About Ralph

Dear Mama,

I told you once that I will talk about Ralph sometime. I guess now is that time. He just broke up with his girlfriend, Mama. He seems to be okay, or at least he is trying to show that he's okay. I just told him that it is better for him because now he can concentrate on his studies.

You see Mama, Ralph was always preoccupied before. I was always trying to tell him, in fact I was short of nagging him, to focus on his studies and his future. Which he cannot really do before because he was distracted. Fortunately he never got a failing grade, but I can tell that he is distracted. I can't blame him, she's her first girlfriend.

I don't know if I have told him the right words, but I said that he should never get mad at her nor have any ill-feelings. Just take it as a learning experience and he will be meeting more women since he is still young. Take his time and just focus on his future.

You are better at this, Mama. I wish he can talk to you. I know he will be okay. I hope.

That will be all for now, Mama. The kids are already sleeping in their rooms. I will also sleep in a while. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Sorry Mama, I bought new shoes

Dear Mama,

Yesterday, the kids and I went out to spend some time together at the mall. We went out to look for Angel's gift for their Christmas party, and I asked to two boys to go with us. A change of scenery would do us good. We haven't gone out for quite a while.

Last Thursday, we bought cake and ice cream to celebrate your birthday. I was not able to cook, Mama. We waited for the two boys to come home before we ate so we could sing you a happy birthday song. So we started late with our simple celebration. It was just the kids and I.

Mama, I bought new shoes today. I'm sorry, Mama. I asked for Angel's permission before I bought the shoes. She said it was just okay. The shoes were rather expensive, P900. It was a discounted price, actually. I bought it even if it was expensive because I know the boys and I can all wear it since we all have the same shoe sizes now. I hope it's okay with you, Mama.

Tomorrow is Family Day at Angel's school. I will be going to spend the day at the school although I really do not know what to do. Last year we just watched. Ralph might go with us tomorrow. Edgar will be having his practice with the choir. They are practicing almost everyday. He said their performance will be on Tuesday. Unfortunately I won't be able to watch it.

It will be our anniversary in a few days time, Mama. Our 21st wedding anniversary. Thank you for trusting me and making me feel loved and appreciated. At least, I can say that I have experienced the best love in my lifetime.

I'll stop for now Mama before I get all to mushy. Until my next letter. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy