I am a loser

Dear Mama,

I am really a loser! An ASSHOLE! I over-reacted again. I shouted at Ralph over phone because I learned from Angel that he will be staying overnight in his classmate's house. I got mad because he didn't tell me. He never tell me anything anymore, Mama. It's like I do not exist anymore to him. Am I that such a father, Mama?

I don't know what else to do, Mama.


Daddy

Exams, tuition fee deadlines, Ralph's birthday and Angel's audition

Dear Mama,

It's Angel's exam week and you know they will be asking for payments so she can get her exam permit. I will be filling up another promissory note just to get her permit, I am not sure thought if they will allow me because I will not be making any partial payment this time, Mama. Payday won't be until Friday and I need to get her permit before that day. I know, they will again look at me from head to toe, before approving my promissory note. If ever they do, Mama.

Then it occurred to me, Edgar will be having their final examinations soon. During finals, they do not allow promissory notes. I need to pay the full balance of his tuition fee, and I really do not know where I will get the money to do so. My work promised me an extra pay for every approved project, and we already have one. I was hoping they will be true to their promise. If not, it will only confirm my earlier apprehension -- that I made the wrong decision. Worst, the kids have to suffer for it, Mama.

Ralph will also be having his finals, but he can still take the exam without permit. However, I still need to raise the money for his tuition fee, both his balance for this semester and his down payment for the next semester. I don't know where to go, Mama.

Speaking of Ralph, he will be celebrating his birthday on Friday. I just used the word celebrated in the absence of a better term, but there will no celebration really. He will be turning 20, Mama. I don't know, maybe I'll just cook something for him on weekend. I'm sorry, Mama.

Angel would like to join an audition for the new GMA 7 TV show, Mama. The problem is, the audition will be held on Thursday, and they have class on that day. She wants to allow her to join the audition even if it means being absent from class. Of course, I did not allow her. Again, I am the reason for her not fulfilling her dream.

What else? All I've been saying to you are my incapability, inadequacy, and ineffectiveness as a single father, Mama. I know I am being a disappointment to you, but I'm trying my best. I'm sorry for my shortcomings, Mama. I wish I will have the opportunity to make up for all of these.

I will say goodbye for now, Mama. Again, I'm really sorry. Take care of yourself, always. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

failing...

Dear Mama,

I'm failing again. I wish I can find more strength to continue.

I need you, Mama.


Daddy

Nothing...

Dear Mama,

I got nothing to say. Nothing that will make say, that's what I mean. I do not know, Mama. One second, I'm good,  inspired and motivated... and the next, I just feel like I want to end it all.

It's insane, Mama.

I don't know what to do.


Daddy

Good morning, Mama

Dear Mama,

Good morning!

That's really all I wanted to say right now. I woke up early today. I was not feeling well last night and I retired early. I still some pains, but I am slightly better, Mama.

I hope this day will be a good one.

I need to prepare for the day, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Angel's rice ball

Dear Mama,

It's Angel's turn to prepare a surprise for us. She prepared rice ball for dinner. It was nice. She still has to practice, but it's okay. You would have been proud of her, Mama.

Anyway, I do not have much to say right now, Mama. Nothing's new. Nothing exciting is happening, it is still boring here.

I guess I should end my letter now, lest I bore you too. Take care of yourself, Mama. I really miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

My first shrimp dish

Dear Mama,

Today I cooked Buttered Garlic Shrimp. I learned the recipe and procedures from YouTube, Mama. I searched for a shrimp dish because Angel has been requesting for me to cook something with shrimp. I was reluctant Mama, fortunately it turned out well. I wish you could have tasted it, Mama. You might have loved it too and you would have been proud of me. Angel gave it a score of 10.

I'm trying my best to fill in the shoes you left Mama, especially in the kitchen. I wish I can cook more real foods for the kids. I guess, they may not say it, but I'm sure they miss your cooking Mama. I know I do, Mama... just like how I miss you.

Until my next kitchen conquest, Mama. You're still the best cook for me. I miss you, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy

Our water pipe and Angel's new jacket

Dear Mama,

One of our water pipe was broken yesterday. We had to turn off the main water valve to prevent water from flowing freely inside the house. I tried to fix it but it only worsened the problem. I was looking for a quick fix to it, but when I asked from the hardware store this morning, they told me there's no shortcut to fixing the pipe. Instead, they taught me what I should do. Which I tried and I learned that it wasn't that easy. Until I gave up. Still, we have no water.

I tried asking again, this time from those open  shelves hardware stores inside the mall. Again, I was told that there's no shortcut and told me to do what the first hardware store also told me. So, I had no choice. When I went back home, I did was I told. I almost wanted to give up again until finally, I was able to do what they wanted me to do and I was able to fixed the pipe and so now, we have water again. Oh well, I'm still not old to learn new things, Mama.

This evening, Angel and I went to the grocery after having dinner. Before going home, we passed by a clothes store inside the mall and I showed her the jacket I told her a few days before. She was asking me to buy her a varsity jacket Mama since two months ago. We asked for the price of the jacket, it was P400. It wasn't really on the budget, but I thought that if I didn't buy the jacket at that instance, I might not be able to buy her anymore. So, I bought the jacket and Angel was very happy.

Edgar will be having their midterm exams next week. I already got his permit. As usual Mama, I once again signed a promissory note just to get his permit. I hope there will come a time when I won't have to sign any promissory note just for our kids to take their exams.

I really wish things would be better soon, Mama. Anyway, I guess that's all for now. Take care of yourself, Mama. Until my next letter. I miss you, Mama.


I love you.


Daddy