Almost 55

Dear Mama,

    On Monday, I will be celebrating my 55th birthday. That's just 2 days from now. I really don't have anything planned, Mama. But I took a leave of absence from work on Monday, maybe I'll just stay home and do nothing like I always do.

    Before that, I would like to tell you about our last weekend, Mama. We had our Toastmasters District Convention in Manila. Angel stayed with me, although she just stayed in the hotel while I attended our 3-day event. Angel went with me on the first day, while Ralph and Edgar came on Sunday because they had to attend the birthday of their niece on Saturday. We went home last Monday, May 1st, Mama.

    Anyway, back to my birthday. As I've mentioned, I really don't have any plan, Mama. I even don't have anything in mind - no gift, no event, no nothing! I just wish we could continue living in a peaceful environment. Unfortunately, that may not be the case, Mama. Since the construction on the grill beside us might be finished anytime this month. I hope it won't be too noisy.

    That will be all for now, Mama. I don't really have anything to look forward to right now.

    I miss you, Mama. I love you.

                                                                                                            Daddy

Earth Day 2023

Dear Mama,

    Yesterday, I took part in the celebration of the Earth Day in our city. I was one of the performers during the Earth Day concert held at Astro Park. Unbelievable, right Mama? If only you were still here, you would have been proud. I'm not sure though if you'd be proud of my performance haha...

    Our 3 kids watched last night, Mama. It was the first time they were all present. Usually, it was only Ralph who'd come to watch me. Good thing Edgar and Angel also came yesterday. I had some blunders in my chords that somehow affected my singing, but the kids say they did not notice.

    The only reason I was part of the program, Mama was because I was a finalist in the songwriting contest held last year. It was a brief 15-minutes of pain, so to speak. 

    After my set, the kids and I watched some of the other performers. At around 7pm, we left to eat. We weren't able to watch Lolita Carbon and the Asin Band, as they came in at around 11pm.

    Next weekend will be our District Convention in Toastmasters. Angel will be coming with me, and she'll stay in the hotel while I attend the event. Ralph and Edgar will be coming to join us on the last day.

    My 55th birthday is coming soon, Mama. I really don't know what to do. I want to escape. I want to rest. I want all my anxiety to be over. But I know that is not yet possible.

    Anyway, that will be all for now, Mama. Until my next letter.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

Quite the Holy Week

Dear Mama,

    Holy week just passed, but we still do not have work today (Monday) because of the extended holiday since the official holiday, April 9, fell on Sunday (yesterday). 

    It was a quiet holy week for us, thank God. But it does have its troubles - Ralph and Edgar were not feeling well from Wednesday to Friday, and only felt better on Saturday. Now, it's Angel's turn to be sick. She has fever right now, Mama. Good thing I still do not have work today.

    We never went out during the long break, Mama. We were not even able to continue our tradition of Visita Iglesia every Holy Thursday. That's why I'm really puzzled what caused our children to be sick, Mama. I hope Angel feels better soon. She does not want me to be absent for work tomorrow.

    Anyway, that will be all for now, Mama. I hope it will be quiet this evening as the grill house next door opens again today.

    Please help Angel be well, Mama.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

Edgar's birthday celebration

Dear Mama,

    I had the prostate ultrasound procedure yesterday as requested by my doctor. During the ultrasound procedure, the doctor on duty I am still okay. There is nothing wrong nor are my prostate enlarged. I will be going back to my doctor tomorrow to bring the ultrasound result, Mama.

    We also celebrated Edgar's birthday yesterday. We had an early dinner in Balibago, afterwards we went straight home and we continue the celebration with the birthday cake I bought yesterday morning. Of course, we sang happy birthday for Edgar, Mama. We also gave him our gifts, which were a travelling bag from me and Angel, while Ralph gave him a pair of pants and video game cartridges. 

    After eating the cake , I already went to sleep, Mama because I suddenly felt weak and tired.

    That will be my update for today, Mama. 

    I miss you, Mama. I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

It's getting hot in here

Dear Mama,

    It's getting hot lately because it's already summer. And you know how hot summer can be in our country, Mama. But it's not only the weather that's getting hot, Mama. It seems my temper has been quick to rise up easily lately. I immediately get angry and snaps at a flick of a finger.

    I don't know if it's me, the weather, or something else. Lately, I have been encountering situations that easily irritates me, and sometimes I cannot control myself. I know I should not let outside forces influence my inner peace or something. I thought I was about to master that, but lately I'm failing, Mama.

    Is it my age? Or am I just simply tired of everything?

   This Wednesday I'll be having my prostate ultrasound. I don't know what to think. I'm afraid that I almost don't want to go through it. I don't know why my doctor recommended it.

    It will also be Edgar's birthday, Mama. Our EA will be turning 28. I'm really old, Mama. But I still have not raised anything tangible that I can leave to our children. I have failed, Mama. I hope they will do better once I'm gone.

    I'm tired, Mama. I miss you. 

    I love you, Mama. I wish I can be with you soon.

                                                                                                    Daddy

What's next?

Dear Mama,

    It's early Sunday evening. Edgar is preparing our dinner now. He prepares our meals most of the time. Initially, he planned of opening up a food business that's why he tried experimenting in the kitchen since the pandemic. I don't know if he still plans to do that, but he continued preparing our meals. 

    It's Monday again tomorrow, and back to work I'll go. I'm not really complaining about going back to work, Mama. You know I have no problem with my work. However, I do have problem continuing with life itself. I don't know what's going to be next.

    I mentioned in my last letter that I lost in the Division speech contest in Toastmasters, hence I can longer continue in pursuing my dream. I will still continue with Toastmasters, but the enthusiasm won't be there, Mama. I think I lost all my zest.

    Last Friday I had my quarterly check up with my doctor, Mama. He said the results of my blood chemistry and 2D Echo were okay. However, he ordered me to have prostate ultrasound, Mama. He said there were stains of blood in my urinalysis, and asked if I had problem urinating. I said not really a problem, but it's frequent, and mostly small quantities only. I mean, it wasn't like before. I thought it was just because of my age, Mama. But he said it could be because of enlarged prostate, that's why he gave me a request to do the procedure.

    I'm not sure if I want to do it, Mama. What if he is correct? What will happen then? He wants me to do it ASAP, Mama. I'm still thinking about it.

    That's all for my update for now, Mama. If only you were here, I would have been much comfortable going through this stage.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

The end of the journey

Dear Mama,

    Yesterday we had our Division level speech competition, and I competed in the Humorous and International category because I won in the Area level last month. Unfortunately, Mama, I did not win yesterday. I really did not lose because I landed second place, but still not a champion. That means I will not be proceeding to the District finals in April, and my journey towards being a champion speaker has ended yesterday. Oh well, I did my best, Mama. I hope you're still proud of me.

    As for my songwriting 'career,' I performed last Tuesday at the Museo Ning Angeles during the National Arts Month culminating activity in Angeles City, Mama. There were more audience than I had with the songwriters group. There were also mostly people I don't know, that's why I was so nervous that it was actually obvious in my voice. But I still sang my songs.

    Anyway, that will all for now, Mama. Ralph and Edgar are not here now. They are in Tagaytay with their cousins. They might come home late tonight. Angel is still sleeping.

    Until my next letter, Mama. I miss you.

    I love you.

                                                                                            Daddy

A champion, at last!

Dear Mama,

    We had our Area speech contest in Toastmasters yesterday. I won in the Humorous, and International category, Mama. I finally became a champion, Mama! I hope you are proud of me.

    It took me almost 7 years to become a champion, after so many attempts, and I finally made it. Of course, this is just the Area level. I still have to win the Division contest on March 4 before I can dream of making it in the national, which is our District finals at the end of April, Mama.

    I do wish you're here with me now, Mama. This victory would have been sweeter with you by my side. I hope I am making you proud.

    I miss you, Mama. I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy