Having my plate full

Dear Mama,

Right now, I have a plateful of tasks, assignments and jobs, at hand. Not to mention the concerns and other worries that I carry. I am this close to pushing the panic button, Mama. I don't even know where to start.

When you were still here, you always helped me what to do and which one I should do first. You always know how to get things done. I wish you still can help me now, Mama. I'm confused.

I have already wasted a lot of time just thinking what to do first. Why am I like this, Mama?

Sorry, I know I should no longer concern you with this, but I really don't have anyone to talk to. I wish you were here.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I'll finish my letter before I get emotional again.

I love you Mama.

I miss you.


Daddy

Tired

Dear Mama,

It's 6:43 a.m. here, I just woke up and yet I already feel tired. It's Saturday now, Mama. The kids are still asleep. Unfortunately for me, I have to go to work. I wish I don't have work on Saturdays, Mama. Oh well, I guess there's nothing I can do about it. In a moment, I'll be going out to buy pandesal for breakfast.

By the way, Nanay is already home Mama. She was discharged last Tuesday, although it's only yesterday that I was able to visit her in Sta. Teresita. She looks better, and she said she feels better, although she is still on a soft diet. Hope she'll get better and stronger. She'll be 80 on Tuesday, and I still don't have a birthday gift for her. Help me find a gift for Nanay, Mama.

What else? Nothing's much really happening here, Mama, except of course for me whining every now and then. But you already know that. So I'll end my letter now, lest I start again with how much I miss and how I long to be with you.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Sorry for not writing

Dear Mama,

Sorry for not writing as often lately. It's seems I have too little time on my hands now. I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything, and yeat I am always doing something. I wish things will get better soon. I'm really sorry, Mama.

Take care of yourself now. I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Nothing

Dear Mama,

Nanay is much better now, at least she is already conscious and was able to talk, although she seemed to have lost her voice. Hopefully she'll be better tomorrow.

I'm tired Mama. I want to rest. I don't feel like working tomorrow, but I can't.

I don't know why, but it seems the days are getting harder, I'm looking for you more often. I wish you were here Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

About Angel and Nanay

Dear Mama,

Angel asked me last night if she can go swimming with her classmates after school today. She said her classmate invited them and that they will be provided service to and from the resort. I said no, Mama. Angel did not insist but I can sense her disappointment.

I feel guilty Mama, but I don't like to take the risk. I can't let her go by herself Mama. I hope I am not hindering her growth. I would like to allow her, but I am afraid. She's still to young and there's nobody to accompany her.

She did not mention it again this morning, Mama.

Nanay would have her operation tomorrow, Mama. Please help me pray for her quick recovery.

I am tired, Mama. I'm having anxiety attacks again. How I wish you were here to comfort me. I miss you, Mama.

That's all for now, Mama lest I would become emotional again. Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy

Nanay is in the hospital

Dear Mama,

Nanay is confined in the hospital. She was taken to the doctor last Monday because of stomach pains. Her initial tests showed she has infections in her blood and in her urine, Mama. She was given medicines and was instructed to go to the hospital if the pain persists.

Tuesday, as she was about to sleep, they heard her silent cries of pain. They took her to the hospital and was immediately admitted.

I've never seen Nanay like this, Mama. Although I can see her trying to hide the pain, I can see that she's no longer as strong as she used to be. Help me pray for her, Mama. Please.

That's all for now, Mama. I'll just update of any developments. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

So, what would it be?

Dear Mama,

Inevitable as it is, the day has to come. Although I don't want to, February 14 has to pass, and I really don't know how to handle the day... the day that you "went home," Mama.

Like what I asked you in my last letter, "how should I greet you on this day Mama?"

It would be so foolish and outright stupid of me to greet you a happy valentine on the very day that you left us. I can greet you on other occasions, but I can't greet you on valentine's day, Mama. And I really don't know how it could affect the kids, I hope I am not ruining their valentine's day by not celebrating it with them. Honestly, I don't know how they are feeling about this day, Mama. I don't want to drag them into this.

I miss you Mama. I wish you were still here, and I won't be having this problem but instead celebrate this day with you.

There's nothing I can do now. That's the truth, and while I have learned to accept it, there would always be times that I'll be looking for you, Mama. I will always miss you, nobody accepted the real me like you do.

You were always there to push me up when I'm feeling down and I feel like I can't go on. You believe in me when I don't even trust myself to do the things I need to do. If only it weren't an unselfish act, I would do something to be with you right this moment, Mama.

I'm tired. I'm trying my best to keep my head up, but it's just hard.

I need you, Mama.

How should I greet you on Valentine's Day?

Dear Mama,

Valentine's Day is here, and I really don't know if I should greet you or not. I can greet you on other occasions = birthday, Christmas, New Year, Mother's day and anniversaries. But how am I supposed to greet you on Valentine's Day Mama?

I can't think of any appropriate greeting for you on that day!

I can't greet you a happy valentine's day, because I know it is not. How can it be, when I always remember it to be the day that you left me, Mama. It will never be a happy valentine for me and you... ever.

I am just hoping that you are well now Mama. Me, I'm still trying to cope up. Every now and then bouts with anxiety still manage to get into my system. I still miss you Mama. I still think of you a lot. I want to be with you, sooner if possible.

Sorry. I know I'm not supposed to say that, I still need to look after the kids. I'm sorry, Mama.

Take care of yourself now.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

I'll be there...

Dear Mama,

I will see you soon

I love you


Daddy

Feeling restless again...

Dear Mama,

I'm feeling restless again, I don't know why. I got lots of things on my mind lately, Mama. I hope I can find all the answers.

Valentine's almost here Mama. It's been two years already since you went home. I haven't gotten used to it somehow. I'm still looking for you Mama. I miss you, I really do.

Sorry Mama, if I talk in this tone again. I'll just end my letter here. Looks like I really don't have anything good to say. Just wanting to reach out to you, Mama.

Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy