Tuesday, October 23, 2012

I need you now, Mama

Dear Mama,

I’m writing this letter at the office now and I will send it to you later when I get home. I just want to talk to you, Mama. I really wish I can talk to you right now. I don’t know what’s happening but it feels like the land I’m standing on is getting smaller or that I have painted myself to the corner. I’ve nowhere to go, Mama.

If I’ve done anything wrong, at least I wouldn’t be as confused as I am right now. I am not sure Mama, but I know I didn’t do anything wrong to be in a predicament like this. It feels like I can’t do anything right. Everything I do always make things worse. What’s happening to me, Mama? Am I cursed? Is this karma?

All my life, I’ve nothing but good intentions for all the people around me. I try not to harbor any ill feelings towards any person, even those who I believe have done me wrong. But as it is, any effort I do is either misinterpreted or taken for granted once I make an inadvertent blunder. I know I am no saint Mama, but I am definitely not the devil-incarnate. But why are these things happening to me right now?

I’m sorry I’m at it again, Mama. I can’t help it. Being all alone, facing all these problems by myself and as if that is not enough, I have to be hit from all sides. I don’t even know where to run or who to trust. Why don’t I just die, Mama? So that I will be with you instead.

Yes. The kids, I know. I’m sorry. I’m being too selfish. But I’m really tired, Mama. I can’t be strong forever. I just can’t.

I really wish you’re here, Mama. I miss you… I need you.


p.s. I love you, Mama.