February

Dear Mama,

It's the first day of February, the month I want to skip. Not because I am alone on this supposedly love month, but because it's the month that you left us and 'went home.' Maybe because you know I don't like celebrating Valentine's day that you choose that day to go home, for me to have something significant on that day.

Or maybe, it was not really your choice and it was just a coincidence. Maybe it was also your way of showing your love for us. As you were always saying then, once you're already gone there'll be less worries and concerns for us. We can go on with our lives and everything will be fine.

Yes Mama, life goes on for us. It has to, for the sake of the kids. The kids have grown up, I got more white hairs. Other than that, nothing much has changed. We still miss you and we always think of you... and honestly, not everything's fine.

I'm getting mushy again. Don't worry Mama, the kids are fine. I may not be the greatest provider, but I'm trying my best for them. I won't break my promise to you, Mama... no matter how many times I break.

Take care of yourself, Mama. We miss you... I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

All about Angel

Dear Mama,

Last night after dinner, Angel and I had a chit-chat while waiting for Edgar and Ralph. Actually, she was doing most of the talking, Mama. She was telling me about her teachers and their behaviors. We started the conversation over dinner and after dinner, she still wasn't finished.

She has a lot to say, Mama. She has lots of complaints and comments. Most of the time I was just smiling at her, making some short comments. She was very animated while she was talking, Mama. Every time she says a complaint, I would ask her if she wants me to go to school and talk to her teacher, and every time she would say no.

Of course, it's not all negative things that she was talking about, Mama. She has good words for some teachers too, although they were very few. It would have been easy to pick up with her and get angry at her teachers, but I know it's a typical thing for students. And I can see that she can take care of herself. She is as strong as you are, Mama.

Well, that's all I got to say right now, Mama. Yes, it's all about Angel this time. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's Tuesday and still no good news thus far... you know what I mean. Angel told me last night that they will be having their Unit Exam next week. That means I need to pay again so she would be able to take the test. Unfortunately, until now we don't know if we will be paid. Looks bleak, Mama. I'm just trying to psyche myself up and continue hoping.

My computer is still not fixed. The feedback I got from my technician-friend said I need to replace lots of parts. It feels like buying a new unit altogether. I don't know which one to prioritize. If only I would be receiving what I should be receiving, all of these problems would be fixed. Right now, I see no other recourse, Mama. All I can do is pray, while I'm trying to find some alternatives.

Anyway, I need to work now. Take care of yourself, Mama. Hopefully, I will have some good news next time. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy


P.S. Please visit me in my dreams, Mama.

Start of another week

Dear Mama,

Tomorrow is the start of another week. Another week of hoping for me... hoping that something good will happen... hoping that things will get better for me and the kids. I just learned that I have so many options, Mama. I pray that this time I will choose the right one, for the sake of the kids.

I also want to tell you that Edgar made his own bed out of the wooden boards from out internet cafe. His classmate helped him do it. Although it was more of Edgar helping his classmate though. They finished it this afternoon, they were working on it for two Sundays. It just need a foam and Edgar will be ready to sleep in his own room. He's been sharing the bed with Angel in her room because he has no bed in his room before.

Anyway, I'll stop for now Mama. Tomorrow, I'll start with our week and hopefully, this time I'll find the right direction. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

After mass

Dear Mama,

We just arrive home after attending mass. We will be having our dinner soon. During school days, it's only on weekends that we are complete for dinner.

I hope you're doing okay, Mama. I really miss you. Take care of yourself.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Good morning. I'm here at the office early. Angel is already in school. She was absent for two days, Mama. It's because of her monthly visit. I hope she'll be fine today and won't be sent home like what happened last Monday.

It's the middle of the week, and thus far no good news has come to us. Well, at least we're alive and fighting. I'm sorry, Mama. I'm not being sarcastic nor am I complaining. It's just that I'm getting too weary and there's nothing I can do about it.

Anyway, I'll cut that before I start whining again. Ralph and Edgar are fine, I hope. They're not complaining, although they both mentioned extra payments that they needed to do this week. Last night I was not feeling well. I felt dizzy after eating. I felt sleepy although I was afraid to sleep because it's not the usual feeling of just being sleepy. My head was aching and so was the back of my neck and shoulders. But I'm writing you this letter now, that means I'm okay now, Mama.

I'm talking nonsense, I know. So I guess I better stop before I annoy you. I better get to work. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

End of another weekend

Dear Mama,

It's another ordinary weekend for us. No good news as of today, and I don't think we're going to have one this week. We're still struggling. But I'm still hopeful, Mama. I'm always praying that things will get better soon for us. The kids deserve it.

This evening, we went to Lovette's house. It's the baptism of her youngest son. I would like to make it a point to attend every time someone from your family invites us. At least the kids still get to see their cousins and other relatives. I don't want them to be estranged just because you're not here with us. They're still their family.

Anyway, like I said, there's no good news and I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Tomorrow is the another week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I have to say goodnight for now. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

We're doing okay, Mama

Dear Mama,

I hope you're doing fine. Such a silly statement, I know. Of course you're fine! You're in heaven! Don't worry about us, Mama. Honestly, we're not really fine, but we are coping. I just cannot give up, right Mama?

Actually, I really do not have anything to say to you. But I really wish I could talk to you right now. Or maybe just sit right beside you and hold your hands. It may not change anything, but it will make me feel better.

I don't want to whine. I'm tired of whining Mama. I assure you though, that while I was whining then, I was doing something Mama. Although sometimes, all I can do really is pray. Pray that everything will be okay soon, and it will be okay for a long period of time.

Today's Angel's last day of periodical examination. Last grading period she was ranked no. 5 in her class. I hope she gets higher ranking this time.It will surely boost her self-confidence.

Ralph and Edgar are okay. Ralph in his OJT seems to be doing fine. Edgar seems to be good in his school too. I am not receiving any complaints from them.

I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Angel's exam week

Dear Mama,

It's a looooong week for me.

Angel is having her 3rd periodical exam starting tomorrow. Of course, I used another promissory note so I can get her exam permit, Mama. There is still nothing good going for us as far as financials are concerned.

Fortunately, the kids are getting along just fine, Mama. It's tough, but we are able to manage. I just don't know how long. But I'm hanging, Mama. I won't give up on the kids.

Well, that will be all for now. I'm just using a borrowed computer and they might use it anytime.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

My first kare-kare and Angel's birthday

Dear Mama,

Still writing from the Internet shop right now. My PC at home is still not repaired because it might need new parts for replacement and I don't have spare money for that. I still do not have work and I only have enough money to spend for our needs this week.  After that, may God help us next week Mama.

Anyway, last Sunday I finally cooked the kare-kare that Edgar was requesting. Although it was sort of improvised. I used pork meats instead of ox tail, I did not put banana blossom and pechay because I was not able to find them in the neighborhood stores. I also used mama sita instead of peanut butter, Mama. Well, it tasted like kare-kare and I saw that Edgar was satisfied because he ate all the kare-kare sauce. He was the one left on the table when we were all finished eating. I plan to cook seafood kare-kare next time, Mama. That is of course, if I can have the money to buy the ingredients.

Tomorrow is Angel's birthday. Our baby will be turning 15, Mama. She is growing up fast. Of course, she is growing to be a beautiful young lady. I asked her if she wanted me to cook something for her birthday and she requested spaghetti. The kids really like my spaghetti Mama, because the sauce is very meaty. It's fine with me, except that she said she will be inviting 3 or 4 of her friends. I hope my spaghetti will be good enough for them too.

You know Mama, during times like this, I remember your cousin Atching Ledy. She said she's going to pay her debts with you when came during your wake. But after the interment, I never saw nor heard from her again. I hope she remembers her promise. It's more than 4 years. I could use those money for the kids.

Will be ending my letter now, Mama. Will try to look for some opportunities online. I hope some good news will come to us soon. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Happy new year Mama

Dear Mama,

Happy new year! We were able to celebrate the new year with our simple Medya Noche, Mama. I cooked chicken wings and street foods for the kids. I also prepared chocolate refrigerator cake for them. We did not  buy any noisemaker nor firecrackers. After the meal, the kids went to sleep. It was really simple, Mama.

Right now, I'm at an Internet cafe. I still have my Internet connection at home, unfortunately my computer isn't working. It looks like it really needs to be replaced. That means it may take a while before I could access the Internet at home again. Which is also the reason why I haven't written any letter to you these past few days.

I'm out of work again, Mama. My fear was true. I made a mistake. I'm sorry, Mama. I wish I can find another source of income soon.

Anyway, I'll stop my letter here Mama. I'll write again soon. I promise. I miss you, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy