September ends

Dear Mama,

    It's the last day of September, and I'm glad this month will finally end. Aside for the birthday of Ralph, this month has been really rough for me. We lost 2 dogs in less than a week's interval, and I was bombarded with pressures and problems in Toastmasters, and work. Not to mention my personal struggles with my anxieties.

    I do hope October will be a better month for us, Mama. Although I am not really sure how that can be because we are still in the same neighborhood. Sometimes, I even feel like maybe I am the problem.

    Anyway, I really have nothing to look forward to October except probably the possible gig at the Tigtigan, Terakan king Dalan or TTKD this year, where I will have an opportunity to humiliate myself to a bigger crowd haha... I wish I could sing even just as half as good as you, Mama.

    There are also a lot of activities in Toastmasters this October, and already I am stressed out. I hope I will survive in one piece, Mama.

    As for the kids, they are still working, Mama. I'm crossing my fingers that Angel will stay longer in her job this time.

    That will be all for now, Mama. I will update you if anything else comes up.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

We lost another dog

Dear Mama,

    September was really hard on us. Perhaps the only highlight of this month so far was the birthday of Ralph, and for the rest of the month,  we have struggled a lot.

    I mentioned in a previous letter that we lost G. I thought that was the end, Mama. Just yesterday, Saturday, we lost Loki. I had no plans of getting another puppy, Mama, but last Sunday evening, late in the evening, actually, Noli came knocking on our gate and he brought a new puppy. He did not even ask if I wanted a new puppy. He just came and delivered the puppy. I was hesitant to accept the puppy because I have not yet gotten over with the loss of G, Mama. I did not know what to say. We named him Loki.

    Monday, Loki was still fine. He was a bit thin and quite shy or inactive, but he was fine. He was still eating. Tuesday, he no longer wanted to eat nor drink. He was still mobile, but he was mostly sleeping all throughout the day. 

    Wednesday, Ralph took Loki to the vet because we don't want to lose another dog. He was tested positive with parvo, and he had infection in his blood, too. He was confined, so Ralph left him at the clinic. They were sending us video updates of his condition. Saturday morning, they sent a message that Loki crossed the rainbow bridge, Mama.

    That would be the last dog for us now, Mama. We won't be getting another one, not even if they bring them on our doorstep.

    That is all I wanted to say for now, Mama. I just wanted to get this out of my system. I wish you were here.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                                Daddy

Ralph's birthday

Dear Mama,

    It's Ralph birthday today. He turns 31 today, Mama. We celebrated it as usual by going out. We went to a buffet restaurant where they have sashimi because I know Ralph loves sashimi, Mama. We went there during lunch time. And Ralph was not disappointed because he was able to eat his favorite food. Unlike in a bigger buffet restaurant where the sashimi is limited and always ran out. Today he was able to get his fill.

    Afterwards, we went to the mall, Mama. I thought I could buy him eyeglasses because his eyeglass was already broken. It turned out it was more expensive and the money I prepared wasn't enough. But Ralph still had his eye checked and ordered a new glass. I just gave him the money I allotted for him, and he paid for the rest. Anyway, he said he would be able to reimburse it from his company. I hope so, Mama.

    And then we bought a cake for Ralph before going home. When we finally got home, we sang happy birthday for Ralph, Mama. But we did not eat anymore cake because everybody was still full, and tired. They all went to sleep while I did the laundry.

    They are still sleeping until now while I'm writing this, Mama. It's already 8:30 p.m., it was around 4 p.m. when we got home earlier. I guess they are really tired. I also feel sleepy, I guess I will be sleeping soon. 

    At least we were able to celebrate Ralph's birthday, and I was able to update you. Wish you were still with us in celebrations like this, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                                        Daddy

G said goodbye

Dear Mama,

    It's a sad Monday for us. G said goodbye this morning, Mama. She wasn't eating since Friday evening. She was still mobile, but not as playful as she was in previous days. Angel was planning to bring her to the vet today. 

    At around 5 a.m., she approached the door showing her intention to go out. Ralph opened the door to allow her to go out. He also stayed outside with G for a while. Angel also checked on her, while I took a bath to prepare for work. As I finished taking a bath, I saw Angel going to the room quickly thinking nothing of  it.

    I went straight outside to check on G, and saw her in the garage lying lifeless. I went inside to check on Angel and she was crying, telling me that G already died. I was speechless, Mama. She was just full of life last week.

    Fluffy left us just last May, and in just 4 months, G followed. We lost 4 dogs since the pandemic, Mama. G was the shortest to have stayed with us. I saw her on the street just last October 2021, and picked her up for fear she might get ran over by cars and tricycles passing by. I asked around and nobody was claiming her, that's why she stayed with us. She was a playful and lively dog, Mama. I will miss her.

    I don't think I'll be getting another dog for some time, Mama. It seems I am not a good dog-parent. I don't know how to take care of them, Mama.

    This is really a sad Monday, Mama. I wish you were here.

                                                                                                        Daddy

P.S. I love you, Mama.

Sorry for not writing

Dear Mama,

    I'm sorry for not writing to you lately. My last letter was May, and it's already September. It's already Christmas season here in the Philippines haha...

    The truth Mama was, I was really planning to write another letter but every time I sat down in front of my laptop, I didn't know what to say. My mind would always go blank, Mama. But I know, deep inside me, I wanted to say a lot to you. I wanted to talk to you, Mama.

    My mental state has been on a rollercoaster ride these past months, Mama. Sometimes I would feel high and excited, then suddenly I would feel low and filled with anxiety. Most of these anxieties happen when I'm at home, Mama. Ironic because I am supposed to be relaxed here, but you know the situation in our neighborhood, Mama.

    Anyway, Angel is working again, Mama. She said she would stay longer in her work now. I hope so. She is also running her online selling business. She started it when she was not yet working, she said she will continue with her business even though she is already working. Still a long way to go, but she's getting better in handling her finances now, Mama. Compared to how she was before.

    Ralph and Edgar are still in their same company. Although Ralph now has to report to the office once a week. They used to have a complete work-from-home set up. But the government was requiring BPOs to have a certain percentage of manpower that should report to office. Hence, their set up now.

    I am now an Area Director in Toastmasters, Mama. My term started last July 1st. I am not even sure what I am doing, So far, I am surviving. I am not sure when training and contest season comes. Because I need to organize events and people, and I cannot do that, Mama. I hope I'll find my way around.

    Next week Ralph will be turning 32, Mama. Time flies really fast. Imagine our eldest being 32 already! Unfortunately, he's still single, Mama. So, no grandchildren coming anytime soon. We will be celebrating Ralph's birthday, as usual, by eating out.

    I guess I have already said a lot. I wish I can write more often to you, Mama. I miss you. Please visit me in my dreams, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                            Daddy