joint paints

I am sick Mama. My body aches all over. It's so painful, Mama. Wish you were here.

What is this?

Dear Mama,

What is this I am feeling? Last night, while I was on the computer, I feel sleepy. I wasn't able to fight it. I had to stop and lie down, Mama. I always feel sleepy and tired, even just when I wake up. Today, I wake up with the pain in back, and the back of my neck. I also feel pain in my wrists, Mama. I hope it's not CTS.

Am I still normal? I don't want to go the doctor. I'd rather use the money for the children's needs. I hope it's nothing serious. I wish you were here, Mama. I could use a hug right now. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Home after celebrating Ralph's birthday

Dear Mama,

Just came home after eating out with the kids to celebrate Ralph's 20th birthday. We just ate at the steak house here in Marisol. Ralph wanted to try the Japanese restaurant in Balibago, but it was raining so I opted that we eat somewhere near instead. After all, in our 4 years stay here in Marisol, we haven't tried that place yet.

It was okay. It wasn't that expensive and the kids had their fill of steak, which we rarely do. If I am not mistaken, it was actually their first time. After eating, instead of dessert at the restaurant, we just went to a nearby store after eating. We bought ice cream and took it home to eat, Mama. I believe that was better and more practical.

Anyway, the kids will be resting now, and I will be too in a while. I wasn't a big celebration Mama, but at least we were able to spend time together.

Guess that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Ralph will be turning 20 tonight

Dear Mama,

Our son Ralph will be turning 20 tonight. He will be no longer be a teener, Mama. No, we're not yet really okay. I just have to let it go for now. It's his birthday, I don't want him to be stressed, fee; anxious or depressed on his birthday. I wish I would know how to handle him, Mama.

I am planning to take them out tomorrow night, Mama. Unfortunately, I am not  sure if it will push through. I have not yet received my salary and I am not sure if we will have it tomorrow. Worse, I don't have enough money right now to give to the kids for their allowance tomorrow. I hope things will get better soon, Mama.

I will have to stop here. I might start complaining again. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

I am a loser

Dear Mama,

I am really a loser! An ASSHOLE! I over-reacted again. I shouted at Ralph over phone because I learned from Angel that he will be staying overnight in his classmate's house. I got mad because he didn't tell me. He never tell me anything anymore, Mama. It's like I do not exist anymore to him. Am I that such a father, Mama?

I don't know what else to do, Mama.


Daddy

Exams, tuition fee deadlines, Ralph's birthday and Angel's audition

Dear Mama,

It's Angel's exam week and you know they will be asking for payments so she can get her exam permit. I will be filling up another promissory note just to get her permit, I am not sure thought if they will allow me because I will not be making any partial payment this time, Mama. Payday won't be until Friday and I need to get her permit before that day. I know, they will again look at me from head to toe, before approving my promissory note. If ever they do, Mama.

Then it occurred to me, Edgar will be having their final examinations soon. During finals, they do not allow promissory notes. I need to pay the full balance of his tuition fee, and I really do not know where I will get the money to do so. My work promised me an extra pay for every approved project, and we already have one. I was hoping they will be true to their promise. If not, it will only confirm my earlier apprehension -- that I made the wrong decision. Worst, the kids have to suffer for it, Mama.

Ralph will also be having his finals, but he can still take the exam without permit. However, I still need to raise the money for his tuition fee, both his balance for this semester and his down payment for the next semester. I don't know where to go, Mama.

Speaking of Ralph, he will be celebrating his birthday on Friday. I just used the word celebrated in the absence of a better term, but there will no celebration really. He will be turning 20, Mama. I don't know, maybe I'll just cook something for him on weekend. I'm sorry, Mama.

Angel would like to join an audition for the new GMA 7 TV show, Mama. The problem is, the audition will be held on Thursday, and they have class on that day. She wants to allow her to join the audition even if it means being absent from class. Of course, I did not allow her. Again, I am the reason for her not fulfilling her dream.

What else? All I've been saying to you are my incapability, inadequacy, and ineffectiveness as a single father, Mama. I know I am being a disappointment to you, but I'm trying my best. I'm sorry for my shortcomings, Mama. I wish I will have the opportunity to make up for all of these.

I will say goodbye for now, Mama. Again, I'm really sorry. Take care of yourself, always. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

failing...

Dear Mama,

I'm failing again. I wish I can find more strength to continue.

I need you, Mama.


Daddy

Nothing...

Dear Mama,

I got nothing to say. Nothing that will make say, that's what I mean. I do not know, Mama. One second, I'm good,  inspired and motivated... and the next, I just feel like I want to end it all.

It's insane, Mama.

I don't know what to do.


Daddy