Dear Mama,

Yesterday, Angel and I watched a movie. We watched Inside Out because she said wanted to see it on the big screen. I was not really keen on watching the movie, Mama, but I do not want to disappoint Angel. She's already 17, it won't be long and she won't be asking me anymore for trips to the movies. I hope I still have enough time to catch up on our baby, Mama. She will be 18 in five months.

Ralph is doing fine in Makati, Mama. I'd like to think he is. I do not hear any complaints from him, and he seldom sends me message unless I ask him how he is doing. Well, he will be 23 in two-week's time. He has really become independent, Mama. I only hope he is saving for his future.

Edgar, as usual, is busy with a lot of school activities, both academics and non-academics. He is busy with their thesis-proposal, and next semester, he will be busy with the thesis itself. He is also busy with the choir now, and maybe after that with their school newsletter where he is a contributor again. 

The kids are all grown up, Mama. I am finding myself alone at home lately. I better get used to it, I know that is how it will be soon. Oh well, at least they've grown up to be good adults.

I guess, that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

I really do not have anything to say right now. I just want to share this song to you, Mama...

Line to Heaven

I miss you, Mama. I wish I can talk to you again.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Just finished ironing the school uniforms of Edgar and Angel, tomorrow's the start of another school week. Ralph is already in Makati now, Mama. He'll be back for his birthday 3 weeks from now. So far things are going fine, Mama.

I just saw a video of pictures slide of the UAPAC choir, Mama. Somebody shared it on Facebook and I watched it with Angel. I told her you are in those pictures. She saw the young you, Mama. I told her you were very active in the choir then, in fact, you were one of the soloists. I was smiling as I was watching the video, Mama. I saw you... so young and so beautiful. I was really a lucky man that you choose me to love. Thank you for giving me a chance, Mama.

I miss you now, more than ever, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Angel and I just arrived home, we went out this afternoon because she asked me to help get her hair trimmed. She just choose a random parlor because she does not know any place yet as she seldom go to the parlor. This is just the second time, I guess. The first time, her brother Edgar was with her. It's my first to go with her, and I know it won't be the last.

Used to be that she would go to Sta. Teresita and they would help her to a neighborhood hair cutter, but she wants to go and find her own hairdresser now. Maybe soon she will be finding a regular parlor or person to go to. As I was sitting there waiting for her, I remember when I was helping you then go to the parlor, Mama. Now, I am helping Angel. I was smiling, and I was thinking... it would have been nice if I am with you two together.

I guess I will always be thinking of what could have been, Mama. It will not go away. Whether it is an occasion of sadness or happiness, or even in simple daily moments like Angel's trip to the parlor... I will always wish that you are still here with us. It could have been better... everything would have been better.

I miss you, Mama... I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

I don't know what happened, this week I think I have a loose screw or two. I felt down, weak, upset, irritated, anxious, depressed, mad, and whatever negative feelings you can think of. Poor Angel, she was always the one to catch it all. I feel so sorry for her, Mama. I feel so ashamed of myself. I wish I can control my emotions better. I'm sorry, Mama. I did not mean to shout at her. I guess this is what getting old really feels like... old and alone... old and alone, and tired.

Mama, I want to continue. I don't want to give up the fight. I want to hang on for the kids. I promised you that, Mama. Please pray for me. Don't let me snap, Mama. Hold my hands, please. Help me make it, Mama.

I need you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Right now, I am alone at home again on a Saturday afternoon. Edgar went to school for the culmination of their college sports fest, while Angel went out to meet her friends from high school. Yes Mama, Angel is now going out. I would like to stop her but I know I shouldn't, and I know there will be more instances like this in the days to come. This means I will be finding myself alone at home more often.

Ralph is in Makati and seldom has the time to go home. I told him to stay there this weekend because he has fever yesterday and advised him to rest instead. Edgar, who is graduating next semester, might be leaving home soon too. Then it will be just me and Angel here, although at the rate she's going, I will be seeing less of her soon.

I understand, Mama. Wings are made for flying, I will not stop them from exploring the world on their own. I just wish I've done enough for them to prepare them for what's waiting out there. So, I guess it will be just me, Mama. I better get used to it. This is the reality of life, I should embrace it.

Well, I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. Until my next letter. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

I wish I could embrace you right now, Mama...

Dear Mama,

Sorry, I haven't written immediately after Angel's Acquaintance Party. I picked her up at around 8 p.m., Mama. She went out early because she wanted to go with me as I met some acquaintance that night. She said their party was good, she enjoyed it.

I just remembered that night too, Mama. Angel will be 18 in a few months and I still do not know what to do. I want to make that day special and memorable for her, Mama. However, I am clueless on how to go about it. There are so many concerns, money being the first one. You know how big a family we have, both yours and my side, and you know how sensitive they can be if they are not invited. And of course, Angel has more friends now.

Mama, what should I do? How I wish I have you here right now.

Sorry, Mama. I will never get used to these things. I'm really such a loser. 

I wish I can hold your hand right now. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

I just took Angel to her acquaintance party. She is so little, Mama and yet she's already a lady. Our baby is really all grown up now, Mama. It's inevitable. I miss the baby that she was, Mama.

I hope she will enjoy the party. I will pick her up tonight at 10:00 p.m., Mama.

I'm excited for her stories. Wish you were here, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Angel was already well this morning and she was able to go to school. I'm glad she recovered quickly, thank you for making her well, Mama. Now she can attend their acquaintance party tomorrow. This afternoon, we met at Nepo Mall so I could buy her shoes she'll wear tomorrow. Unfortunately, she cannot find the shoes that she wants. We went to Robinsons in Balibago, and eventually to SM Clark to look for her shoes. I was even willing to buy her expensive shoes even if it would tighten our budget. The problem is, she cannot find one in her size. 

Angel was so sad and frustrated, Mama. I feel sorry for her. If only she has a mother that could assist her in things like this, maybe she was able to find the shoes that she needs for tomorrow's party. We searched for almost 3 hours, but we were not able to find anything. I'm sorry, Mama. I was not much of help to our baby.

If only she still has her mother...

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Angel was not able to go to school today, she has fever this morning. I went to work only in the morning and filed a half-day leave. Good thing Edgar took care of her while I was away, Mama. She is sleeping now, although she still has fever while we were having our lunch. She said she feels better, but she does not look like it, Mama. 

If only you were.

Help me make her well, Mama.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

I got Angel's dress tonight from Kong Beni, the one she'll wear at their acquaintance party this Friday. We had it made by Kong Beni, Angel bought the cloths and gave him the design, You know what, Mama? Kong Beni did not make me pay for the dress. It's good to have tailor in-laws, I'm glad your brother love Angel, he made her dress for free. I am thankful, Mama.

However, Angel is not feeling well, right now. That is why she did not come with me when I picked up the dress. She already took medicine, Mama and she's resting right now. I hope she feels better tomorrow morning. she does not want to be absent from school.

Well, I guess that's about it for now, Mama. The rest of us are fine, nothing newsworthy, except for the fact that I still miss you. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's 12:26 a.m., I woke up and I don't think I will go to sleep again, because I need to wake Angel up by 3:00 a.m. for their fun run activity. So I will just wait for the time, Mama. I might not be able to wake up at 3 a.m. if I sleep again. 

Sorry I haven't written for quite a while, Mama. I have been logging in but did not quite know what to say, so I end up logging out without writing anything. 

Mama, why are people like that? They'll only talk to you when they need you... when they know they can get something from you. Once they got what they need, or you disappoint them once, they will treat you like you do not even exist. Why is it hard to find real friends these days?

But what am I talking?! I should be used to it, I never had a friend. I am used to being alone and all by myself. Right, Mama? That should not bother me. People will always have their agenda. I guess my part in theirs is already finished.

Anyway, I'm just venting out, Mama. I'm sorry. 

The kids are fine, Mama. Edgar and Angel are busy with school matters while Ralph is busy with his work. Everything's okay here, Mama. I hope you're doing well too.

Take care of yourself, Mama. Bye for now. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy