Back at dreaming again

Dear Mama,

    Here I am dreaming again. Because I am done with the Area joint clubs' meeting and Area speech contest, I am back at dreaming again in releasing my original songs, Mama. I hope it will finally come true soon.

    I've been asking for the process, Mama. A fellow songwriter told me the step-by-step process on how to go through it, and suggested studios he went to in recording his songs. An old companion in KFC then also sent me a message and offered to arrange my song for free.

    I guess there's no turning back this time, Mama. I hope you're proud of me.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                    Daddy

 

How can I?

Dear Mama,

    It's eating me again. How can I uncover what I've been hiding deep inside, Mama? How can I tell our children? Will they still accept me once they knew the truth? Should I tell them?

    I don't know what to do, Mama. This one burden that I have been carrying all these years. I don't know how long I can still hide it.

    Help me, Mama.

                                                                                                    Daddy

 

How can I keep myself calm and at peace?

Dear Mama,

    Just finished our Toastmasters meeting via Zoom. It's past 10pm now, Mama. I'm about to sleep, but I thought I'll write a short letter. 

    Edgar did not work today, Friday, because he has fever when he came home yesterday. He still has fever when I came home this afternoon, although I think right now he is no longer as hot as he was this morning. He's taking medicines round the clock, Mama. He is already sleeping now. I hope he feels better soon. 

    The constructions in the grillery beside us is already finished and they have officially opened, Mama. They are not as loud as the previous ones that used to be there, but there are vehicles parked in front of our house right now. I guess this will be how it will be in the days to come. And it's making me anxious, Mama.

    If only it's easy just to move away from here, but we don't have the money to do that. Also, because of my experience here, I feel that there is no guarantee I won't be encountering the same experiences in other places if we relocate. I know, Mama... I'm crazy.

    It's really so hard when you have no one to tell these things to. I wish you were here, Mama.

    

                                                                                                    Daddy

Valentine's day

Dear Mama,

    It's Valentine's day, and I do not know if I should greet you a happy valentine's day. This day will never be the same for me since you left us exactly 16 years ago, Mama. I understand why you had to go then, Mama. You've been fighting for us for so long, and you deserved to rest.

    I'm sorry for speaking in this tone again, Mama. Anyway, the children and I just arrived home. We ate at a nearby eatery, just within the neighborhood, Mama. Because while I don't like to celebrate this day, it would be unfair for our kids not to. I also bought a valentine cake for our Angel, Mama. She liked it.

    I don't know what to say in my letter. Please guide me, Mama. Please smile for me.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

Not a good update

Dear Mama,

    Something's moved. Something has changed in the grillery beside us. They continued working again on their makeshift gate beside. Looks like they'll be making a proper gate, and that means their entrance will be right beside us.

    I don't know how this will impact my anxiety but just imagining the noise they will create already makes me anxious.

    Right now I don't know what do, or even what to think. I still don't understand why this grillery has been allowed to open right beside us.

    I'm feeling weak, Mama. I wish you were here.

                                                                                                    Daddy

 

Lazy Sunday

Dear Mama,

    It's 7:30 a.m., Sunday morning. The kids are still sleeping right now. Edgar actually woke up already earlier to wrap the lumpiang shanghai just to get them ready, afterward he went back to sleep, I am also with my early morning laundry. So, it's a sort of a laid back and lazy Sunday right now, Mama.

    We usually go out for grocery shopping during Sunday morning, Mama. But I no longer have enough money, so we skipped this routine today. Anyway, I'm just trying to relax, as you know I just finished my Area contest, and just trying to wait for my term to end. Probably doing some Director's tasks along the way.

    I am also trying to enjoy the quiet Sunday morning, Mama. By quiet, I'm not just referring to the environment, but especially my head. I just turned on the electric kettle so I can enjoy my second coffee for today.

    I guess  that will be all for now, Mama. I wish I can be with you soon.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

            

                                                                                                Daddy

What next?

Dear Mama,

    It's 5 more months before my term as Area Director in Toastmasters ends. I'm dragging my feet right now. I'm exhausted. I'm glad the area contest is over. Now, I need to help the club not only survive, but thrive, Mama. That means build membership and make sure they complete their speech projects.

    Why am I talking too much Toastmasters, lately? I'm sorry, Mama.

    My back hurst right now, Mama. I also feel like I'm getting a fever. I don't know if it's the weather, because of too much thinking and stress, or just because of my age.

    I wish you were here, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                                        Daddy 

I'm glad it's over

Dear Mama,

    The Area speech contest is finally over. We held it this morning, as I mentioned yesterday, Mama. It was really a great relief to have this off my shoulders finally. 

    I was tensed all throughout the whole program, Mama. However, everyone says it was great. I'm glad they see it that way.

    Right now, I am tired. Actually, not just tired. I feel drained, Mama. 

    But I am really glad it's over. I can breathe for now.

    I wish you're proud of me, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                                Daddy

 

One more sleep

Dear Mama,

    The Area contest will be tomorrow, I don't know if I can sleep tonight. Anyway, everything has been covered already... I hope. I'm nervous, Mama. I don't really like this.

       I wish you were here, Mama.

       I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy