Another quarantine birthday

 Dear Mama,

    We just celebrated, yet again, another quarantine birthday for Ralph. We just stayed at home, I bought a cake for him, and they ordered pizza delivery. It wasn't much, but it's all we can do for now, Mama.

    I'm not sure how long this will last, and how long I can go on, Mama.

    Oh well, I just want to tell you we just celebrated a simple birthday for Ralph at home. I'll stop there.

    I really miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

WFH again

 Dear Mama,

    Starting tomorrow, we will be on a work from home set up again. We are told not to report for work. It's actually a struggle for me because I will be using a laptop which is not really that fast. Although most of our works are Internet-based, I still have some files in my hard disk that I need for some of my works. 

    This set up is also not favorable for many of us, because it is a no work, no pay set up. That means if we have no Internet, or electricity, it might not be considered. This is not the case if we are at the office. I hope it will not be output-based, too since our outputs are dependent entirely on the documents and information that are being provided to us.

    This will be for a two-weeks time, Mama. Whether it will be extended after that, we still do not know.

    As far as leading my Toastmasters club is concern, I'm still failing, Mama. I am really not an effective leader.

    Anyway, before I go anywhere else, I better stop. Take care of yourself, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Check up with the doctor

 Dear Mama,

    I went to my doctor this afternoon for my quarterly check up, and I brought my laboratory test results. The test results were okay, I checked them this morning after getting them from the lab, but of course, it won't be official until the doctor says so. 

    Like last quarter, I thought they were okay because they were within the accepted range. When the doctor saw the result however, my uric acid level actually increased from the previous quarters and it was on the borderline. He asked if I would like to have the dosage of my maintenance for the uric acid increased, but I said not yet. I will just exercise and we'll check again next time. Good thing they were better this time.

   That's all I really wanted to say right now, Mama. I don't have any news so far. Still struggling in keeping my Toastmasters club. I think this will be the downfall of me as a Toastmaster. I shouldn't have accepted the presidency. It exposed how poor a leader I am. Then again, I guess they already know that. It is just manifested more obviously now. I can't wait for this to be over.

    Anyway, that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                            Daddy

Ralph birthday and our vaccination

 Dear Mama,

    I had my second shot of vaccine today. I don't feel any side effect so far, except that I feel sleepy. The kids also had their two shots of vaccine - Ralph and Angel were vaccinated last week, while Edgar was vaccinated about two weeks ago. I had Astra Zeneca, while the kids all had Sinovac. But, as everyone have said, it's better than nothing. I'm just thankful our kids are strong. Thank you for taking care of them well then, Mama.

    It will be Ralph's birthday next week, Mama. We still do not know what to do. We are not planning. Even though were all vaccinated, it's still not safe, Mama. Ralph actually wanted an overnight stay in a residential house with pool being rented here in Angeles City. I don't know. I don't feel comfortable, Mama. Maybe, we will just have deliveries and we'll celebrate at home.

    Not sure what to say next. I'm tired, Mama. I'm failing as a president of a Toastmasters club. Actually, I'm failing on a lot of things. I can't seem to get anything right. I'm tired.

    Sorry, Mama. I guess I better stop now.

    Take care of yourself, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you.

                        

                                                                                                    Daddy

Sorry, it's been a while

 Dear Mama

    I'm sorry for not writing to you for quite a while. Every time I planned to write a letter to you, it seems I wouldn't know what to say. I mean, without whining or wishing you were here. I know you should be resting, and I should not be bothering you with things like that anymore. Unfortunately, as you know, I really have no one to talk to.

    A lot of things have happened since my last letter, Mama. I may not be able to remember all of them. The kids have all gotten their vaccines for the corona virus, Mama. They already had their 2 shots, it was Sinovac, though. But as they all say, it's better than nothing. Good thing they had strong immune systems, and that is because you took care of them very well when you were still here, Mama.

    As for me, I will have my second shot next week. I had AstraZeneca for my first shot last July, so I am expecting they will give the same vaccine next week. We really cannot choose what vaccine we want, Mama. Since it was free, they would give what was available at the time of vaccination. We can only agree or decline the vaccine. If we declined, they may not be another chance for us to be scheduled for vaccination. So, in a way, we were forced to accept what was available.

    Also about me, Mama. They made me president of our Toastmasters club, the Cabalen San Fernandino Toastmasters Club, It's quite funny because I am not really a leader, Mama. That's why I'm struggling right now. I am not sure if I'm doing things right. I hope I won't fail my club, Mama.

    Ralph is still here, Mama. They are still on a work-from-home set up. Edgar is already a regular in his job. I hope he stays there longer now. Angel is planning for her future. 

    By the way, I was able to finish and publish more books, Mama. They are now all in Amazon. Unfortunately, of course, nobody buys them except maybe 2 or 3 of my friends who are in the US. Well at least I have books in Amazon haha...

    I guess that will be all for now, Mama. I hope I haven't forgotten that much. As you know, I am really growing older. As much as I hate to admit it, my memory isn't as sharp as it used to be. Although I may forget a lot of things, I will never forget how much you loved us and how you took care of us then despite of your condition, Mama.

    Thank you, Mama.

    I love you. I miss you.

                        

                                                                                                        Daddy

is this what getting old feels?

Dear Mama,

It's 4 a.m. right now, and I'm having my coffee before I prepare for work.  It's raining right now, although it's just a drizzle. I hope it will stop later so I can walk on my way to the office.

You know I need my daily walk, Mama. It's the only exercise I have right now. I've been feeling a lot lately. Yesterday, as I was picking up the laundry, my lower back suddenly hurt. And the pain never left, since. This must be what growing old really is. 

Oh, well... I guess it's inevitable. I will have to face it. Anyway, that will be all for now, Mama. I guess I need to stop now before I start whining again. 

I miss you, Mama. 

I love you. 

Daddy 

Do I have vertigo?

Dear Mama,

I hope you are well as you read this. I hope I am just being paranoid, Mama. Yesterday, I woke up at around 2 a.m. and went to the toilet. When I came back to lie again, I suddenly felt dizzy and everything seems to be moving. I don't know if I was in pain, but I was surprised, Mama. Then I lay still and waited until the dizziness and the movement around me subsided. It was quite a long spell, Mama. I felt light-headed after that. I can't even tell if I had a headache or not. Then when I tried to move, I felt dizzy again. So, I kept still.

As I went to work yesterday, I was observing myself. Every now and then I felt dizzy, or that "spinning" feeling again. But not as intense as what I felt at around 2 a.m. All throughout the day while I was working, I seem to have forgotten about it and did not feel anything. I don't know if I was just too busy or what.

Last night, however, I felt that "spinning" feeling again. Then again, this morning at around 1:30 a.m. There are "" mini" episodes in-between, and until now. I am just not sure if it is just me being paranoid.

Anyway, Ralph is back home. He went home last week just in time for our visit to you at La Pieta last Sunday, February 14, which was your anniversary. He opted to stay here since they are still on a work-from-home set up.

Edgar, will start in his new job this Monday in Clark. It's an I.T. company. I hope it will be a better company and he will stay there longer. I will be adjusting again, because I already got used to him helping me here at home. But, he needs to work for his future. 

Angel is still staying at home. I guess she's still searching for her path. But it's okay, Mama. I'm not rushing her. I can still take care and provide for her. I just hope she will be stable once I have my chance to follow you.

I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Sorry for writing you a long letter. Please take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama. 

I love you. 

Daddy 

Feeling drained again

Dear Mama,

I would like to apologize in advance, I'm sorry I am writing in this tone again. I feel drained again. I don't know if it's because it's the month of your death anniversary, or it's because of the realization that up until this time I have not really accomplished anything worthwhile or tangible.

I feel sorry for our children, Mama. I feel like I have not prepared them well enough. I'm worried about them. I know it's all my fault. I have been a weak father to them. I'm sorry, Mama.

I'm lost. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go.

I wish you were here, Mama.

I'm really sorry.

Daddy