Saturday, July 28, 2012

I guess I should still be thankful

Dear Mama,

Just this morning, I was wondering how I would make it until next payday which is still 3 days from now. I only have P500 right now, which is not really a new situation for me. Of course, I was worried. It would be easy to borrow, but I have already borrowed money since last payday that are earmarked on my next salary. I thought that would be my only concern.

As Edgar was cooking rice this morning for our brunch, so I could save money on meals, we found out that we ran out of gas. You know how easily I get frustrated and depressed when these things happen. I had no other choice, Mama. I went back to Nanay so I could borrow money to buy gas. No matter if less money will be left on my next payday, the kids need to eat. Feeling down, I went out of the house without telling the kids where I would be going.

But as I was on my way to Sta. Teresita, I guess the long walk along the way did me good. Because it suddenly entered my mind that, perhaps, I am still lucky because my problem is only money. True, I was worried sick this last few days because of the kids' pending tuition fee installment again, and that I can barely make it until the next payday, and in perfect timing we ran out of gas. But I can borrow money... I can sign promissory notes in school... in other words, they can be solved. It doesn't matter if I get humiliated a little... it doesn't matter if I have no pride left... what's important is I will do it for the kids.

And I am thankful, Mama. Because the kids are healthy, they're doing fine, and you raised them well. Yes, they are not the perfect 'saintly' kids, but they do know their values, and they are happy kids. I would like to think they are happy, Mama. Maybe I may not give them everything other kids their age are getting now, but I know they understand that I am giving priority to more important things. This is all because of you, Mama. Thank you for the foundation of values you taught them.

Of course, it would still be better if you're here with us. Things would be lighter, because I have you. I'm sorry, Mama. I understand why it happened, and I will not forget my promise to you. I will take good care of our kids. Thank you for everything, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.