Dear Mama,

Sorry, I had to leave La Pieta early this afternoon because the rain started to fall. If only I knew that it will stop immediately, I wouldn't have left. I'm sorry, Mama.

My legs and back are hurting right now, because I haven't been running for a while. I'm getting lazy again, Mama. I'm losing resolve. It feels like I'm doing all of this for nothing.

Anyway, I just wanted to say sorry for leaving abruptly, I hope you understand, Mama.

Take care. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Yesterday, we went out to buy shoes for Angel. I also bought shoes for myself. After buying shoes, while walking around the mall, we saw Angel's godmother. It must have been Angel's lucky day because she gave her money, and Edgar too. Because of that, Angel was able to buy a bag and Edgar also bought shoes. We walked around some more since it was still early, Mama. Afterwards, at around 4:00 p.m. we ate, which was actually an early dinner already because we did not eat anymore upon arriving.

That was the highlight yesterday, Mama. A good bonding moments for us, though. If only Ralph was with us, but I think he is enjoying himself in Makati.

I miss you, Mama. Wish you were with us in those times we went out. It would have been happier.

I love you, Mama.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's weekend. I made through another week, Mama. Ralph did not go home today, though. The father of his girlfriend went to Makati, so he took the chance to meet him. I hope he is okay, Mama. The OJT of Edgar is already finished and now they are only waiting for the certification so he can enroll. Their classes will start on the 8th of June, I think. Angel will start her freshmen years on the 15th. We might go out today to buy their shoes.

I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Nothing much for me, still the same day in and day out. I'm fine with that, at least there are no complications. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Hi! School is about to begin in 2-week's time for the kids. Angel is already enrolled. She also bought her notebooks and school uniform. She is really ready, Mama. Our baby is now a college freshman. I hope she'll get focused now on her studies. Edgar is not yet enrolled, his school said he still needs to complete his OJT before he can enroll. He will be finished next week, Mama. After that, he will be able to enroll.

My copies of my book Plethora has finally arrived, Mama. I picked them up from the post office yesterday. It was a great feeling seeing my actual book. It makes me feel like I'm a real writer! Unfortunately, I was only able to order 6 copies and sell the 5. Maybe someday soon, I will be able to order more copies.

Ralph, I guess is doing well, Mama. He is not calling or texting, but I guess he's okay. He has really adopted and adjusted to his independence. I will just let him be, but I will be there if he needs me, Mama.

Well, that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Hi! Just winding down and will be resting in a while. Tomorrow is the start of another week. I would like to be optimistic about it, Mama. I'm looking forward for more good things to happen, and I have to thank you for planting all those good seeds when you were still here. Soon, everything will be perfect for me and the kids. I just you were still here with us, everything would have been better if only you were here.

I'm sorry, Mama. I just can't help it sometimes. I will be resting in a while. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

I have some good news today. Nanay said she went to the doctor and all her laboratory test results are normal now. The doctor said she can now eat anything she wants. I reminded her though that it should still be in moderation. It's a happy news, Mama. I'm really happy that Nanay is okay. I hope God continues to bless her and keep her strong and healthy.

There is another songwriting contest, Mama. I know I will not have a chance again, but I know I will still join again even if I have doubts about the manner they choose. I hope the someday that I have been waiting for will be this one. Wishful thinking again, Mama.

Well, that's all I have to say now, Mama. I don't want to ruin this happy letter with my endless whining again. Take care of yourself, Mama. I really miss you.

I love you, Mama.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Happy anniversary!

Today could have been our 29th year since the first day you said yes to me, albeit reluctantly. I still remember that night. You were nervous. I was nervous too. Maybe more nervous and more frightened than you. I was thinking of the worst - that you might get mad or you would say no.

But hesitantly, you said yes. I know you only said that then because you were afraid that you might not be able to get home, and your purpose was just to help me nurse a broken heart, and that you'll leave me soon as I recover. 

As fate would have it, I was able to make you stay longer than you intended to. I know I may not be the best boyfriend in the world, but in my own little way, I made sure I would be able to make you feel how much you meant to me and showed you the love that you deserved. I know, I could have done more... I wish I could have done more.

Thank you for giving me that chance, Mama. The chance that no one else has ever given me, and no one will ever give me. I'm sorry for my failures and shortcomings. 

I wish you were still here so we can celebrate this 29th year together. Happy anniversary, Mama! Thank you very much for everything. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

I went to La Pieta this afternoon to run, and of course to visit you. I planned on making 4 rounds but I managed to make only 3. On my last round, I just walked. I don't know why, Mama. I did not have the strength nor the zest to run. I cannot help but think of what I mentioned to you in my previous letter.

Maybe I deserve that. Maybe I may not be aware of it, but I am really a bad person. Or I am really monster-ugly that I scare people away. Whatever, as much as I do not want to be affected, it bothers me, Mama. It's hurting me. I'm sorry.

I wish you were here, Mama. None of this would happen to me if only you were here. I really wish you were here, Mama. I need you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Ralph came home last night at around 11:30 p.m., straight from Tagaytay. He went there with his high school friends. His best friend came from the U.S. and it was a sort of reunion trip for them. I told him just to get off in Makati so he can rest. He still went home last night. He returned to Makati this morning, but not after buying 2 electric fans, 1 each for Angel and Edgar. I'm glad they will not have to tolerate the summer heat, especially Angel.

Mama, can I tell you something? She blocked me. I just learned this morning that she blocked me from her Instagram account. I don't why, I did not anything wrong, Mama. I was just able to view her account last night, but today it was already set to private. I know, it will follow on her other social media accounts. It hurts, Mama. 

Sorry, I'm just venting out. Don't worry Mama, I won't take it on anyone. Everything will be just the same. I've been through this before, it's not the first time. I will just focus on my work, my writing, and the kids. Everything will be okay, Mama. I promise.

Until my next letter, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

We just got home. The kids and I went to Jollibee to eat dinner. I took them out just to break the routine at home. You know, always thinking of what to eat and always ending up buying cook food from a nearby carinderia. We could use some bonding moment anyway.

Mama, I bought rubber shoes this afternoon. I hope it's okay. I need them so I can continue with my running, even if my knees are hurting. It is my only exercise right now, and it's the only thing I can really do. Although most of the time, I do more walking than running. But it is still an exercise.

She still did not acknowledge me, Mama. Am I that bad of a man to be given the cold shoulders? I know, it's clear as the sun - she doesn't want to have anything to do with me, but should she really treat me this way? 

I'm sorry, Mama. I just do not have anyone here to talk to right now. I'll be fine, don't worry Mama. 

Take care of yourself now. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Hi! Just finished eating dinner, and I am resting for a while before I go to sleep. Nothing much happening to us now, Mama. Just the same home-work-home routine. Nothing exciting, it's just like getting the day over with just to face the next day doing the same. Oh well, at least I'm surviving.

I really do not have much to say now, Mama. The kids are okay. Ralph is in Makati, Edgar is having his OJT and Angel is getting more independent. In less than 3 weeks, it will be back to school for the  2 kids.

I wanted to say something but I don't know what it is, Mama. Anyway, forget it. Maybe it's not important that is why i forgot it. I hope I could see in my dreams soon, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Happy Mother's Day!

The kids and I were able to celebrate it at Sta. Teresita where we had lunch at Nanay's house. Ralph had to leave early, though. He went back to Makati this afternoon. He was able to arrive safely there, Mama. He called me once he got off the bus.

After taking the kids home from Sta. Teresita, I went to La Pieta to visit you. There were quite a number of people there today. Maybe they are all celebrating Mother's Day at La Pieta too. It's a nice feeling when it was getting dark, and all you can see are lighted candles. It was very peaceful, Mama. I wish I could stay there.

Anyway, it's Monday again tomorrow, Mama. I hope this week will be smooth one. Happy Mother's Day again, Mama. I really miss you.

I love you, Mama.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

My birthday went well. Quiet, but it went well. No, I did not receive any greetings from her. I don't  think that will happen in this lifetime. At least, a lot of friends greeted me on Facebook. Anyway, the kids and I were able to go out today. I took them to Didi's Pizza because Edgar wanted to eat pizza burger. I'm glad we were able to spend some time together. We also took some pizza to Nanay, before we went home where we shared some ice cream.

That's just about it for my birthday, Mama. I told it was just a quiet and ordinary day. I will be sleeping in a while, Mama. I hope I can be with you in my dreams. I really miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's half-past night. I'm officially 47, Mama.... older, but not necessarily wiser. I thought she would greet me, but that would be asking too much. Me and my wishful thinking again, Mama. I almost asked her out... almost. Of course, I did not have the courage to approach her. I wish I did.

Anyway, what am I talking about? I should just be I have our kids. Your greatest gift to me, Mama. I will be celebrating with them later. Ralph will come home this morning. They are complete for my birthday. That, I guess, is the best birthday gift a father can have.

I will be sleeping in a while, Mama. I just thought I'd wait until my birthday, just like what we were doing then. Thank you very much for everything, Mama. For all the love and understanding that you gave me when you were still here. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

In two days, I will be 47. I'm getting older, Mama. That means I have less chance with her. Anyway, I planned to go out with the kids on Friday, unfortunately Edgar's schedule for OJT is 2:00 to 10:00 p.m. That means we have to wait for him to get home before we can go out. That will be around 11:00 p.m., Mama. I wonder where I can take them at that time?

Well, I guess that's all I can say for now Mama. I hope you will come visit me on my birthday. I miss you, Mama. I really do. Take care.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

I went to La Pieta this afternoon, to visit you and to run. As usual, I was not able to run a lot because my knees were hurting. Actually, they are still hurting until now. Just when I want to be serious about running, especially now that I have health conditions to battle, my body decided to make it harder for me. I hope this knee will get better soon Mama, so I can really continue running.

Anyway, tomorrow is Monday, Mama. The start of another week at the office. I hope there aren't much hurdles that will not be overcome. I hope it will not be a long week before my birthday. I will be getting a year older again on Friday, Mama. Too bad, I guess there'll be less chances for me now since there will be little time left. Well, I had my time. I should not complain.

I will be sleeping in a while, Mama. I hope I can see you in my dream. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

We just came home, the kids and I. We went to Sta. Teresita, Mama. Today is the 40 days of Ima, and I am glad that they called us and we were able to attend. You know it's rare that the kids get to be with their cousins from your side, I am happy there are occasions like this.

I am still not well, Mama. Although I am actually better than yesterday. It was worse yesterday than Thursday, Mama. I almost went to the hospital last night. Today, I feel better but as I've said I'm still feeling something. I don't know, maybe it's just paranoia or something. I really wish it's just like that.

Anyway, that's all I got to say for now, Mama. It will be my birthday on Friday. I hope you will come and visit me then. It  will be a perfect birthday gift for me, Mama. I miss you, Mama. Take care.

I love you.

Daddy