My first letter...

April 11, 2008
Angeles City



Dear Mama,

Hi! Maybe you are surprised as to why I'm writing this letter and creating this blog. Just like the description says, maybe there's an internet in heaven... and maybe you could read this. I really wish there is a way that I could reach you. I really miss you Mama.

Since you've been gone, it's just not the same... I tried to cope, I tried to fight Mama... to carry on without you. But it's not easy, there were a couple of times that I really wanted to give up. I'm really sorry that I am writing to you in this tone... I know that I really shouldn't bother you anymore with this. After all, you are now at rest. But with no one beside me to talk to, what am I to do? It's not easy carrying all the burden within yourself, although I have been actually doing that all these years. But how I wish it were not the case.

All the frustrations... all the joys... all the fears, apprehensions, excitements... with no one to pour it out all on. Just like tonight, the very reason why I created this blog... I shouted at the children again. And this time, I was really furious... disappointed. To think that we just spent the whole afternoon at the SM Mall in Clark... only to go home and break all that joy and bonding we shared. All because of a very petty thing!

I'm really frustrated and disappointed Mama. I'm sorry for not being able to bring up our children properly. I was crying as I was talking to them... cursing them actually, because I was really furious. Why can't they just agree and compromise? Why should there always be an argument on everything? Why can't love and peace stay in our home? Am I really that bad of a father?

Yes I know, they are still young. But we know our children, we know that at their young age they can already understand everything. That's why I'm very much disappointed! Instead of easing burdens, they seem to consciously want to add to it. I don't know, maybe it's just me.

I want to be a good father Mama... I want to take care of our kids. I don't want to disappoint you. I love them very much! I would do everything for them! All that I ask is for them to love each other and co-exist harmoniously... if only you were here, at least I would have someone to help me talk to them and make them understand. I wish I wouldn't give up on them. I'm really sorry Mama for letting you down.

I guess I have already burdened you enough with my letter. You should be resting now. I just want to reach you... I really miss you Mama. Thank you for reading my letter. Take care of yourself now.

I love you.



Daddy