It was a simple celebration...

Dear Mama,

We were able to celebrate your birthday last night. I cooked spaghetti again, as per suggestion of the kids. I wasn't able to cook the tempura, but I cooked baby potatoes in garlic and margarine and was able to prepare fruit salad for the kids. Ralph brought home a cake. Although it was already late when we started, Mama. Ralph came home at 8 in the evening and Edgar at 9 p.m.

It was simpler than last year, Mama. Ralph only had 1 visitor while Angel's visitors were not able to come. I did not invite anybody because I was not confident to offer my cooking to other people. Last year though, Nanay came, but last night, because it was already late, she was able to come. Happy birthday again, Mama. Thank you for all the love you have shown us.

On a sad note, I received news last night that Mam Aida Patawaran, our grade 6 teacher from Sta. Teresita passed away yesterday morning. My classmates went to the wake last night, I wasn't able to go with them because I have to be with the kids to celebrate your birthday. I'll try to go this Friday, Mama.

And another thing, Mama. I finally gave in to the call of my high school batchmates to call a meeting. They've been egging me for quite a while because the president and the vice-president are too busy to tend the flock. What's funny is that, I'm only a director and I was the last one to come in. I was just appointed to replace a director who passed away. Now, they all want me to lead. I don't know, I'm taking a leap of faith, Mama. I hope I'm doing the right thing.

That will be all for now, Mama. Happy birthday again. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Happy birthday, Mama!

Dear Mama,

Happy birthday! I'm excited because I'm going to cook again today to celebrate your birthday. The kids still want my spaghetti, I was really planning to cook a different meal but I can't think of anything. Good thing our children are not yet tired of seeing and eating my spaghetti.

Angel will no longer have a visitor, so the celebrations will be in the evening after Ralph and Edgar's schooling. How I wish you're still with us, Mama. It would have been a happier celebrations.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I really miss.

Happy birthday, Mama! I love you.


Daddy

I don't know if it's better...

Dear Mama,

I am not sure if things got better. I'm referring to her, Mama. She finally talked to me, on her own terms, that is. She talks to me when she feels like it, and still avoid me or ignore me when she doesn't. No, I'm not expecting anything, Mama. I guess I should be happy with I have right now. Yes, maybe it's better, but honestly, it's more painful.

Anyway, about the TV, I won't be selling it anymore Mama. Angel doesn't want me to sell it. She told me what you used to say, "Don't sell or give away anything that was given as a gift." She also said that she needs to be updated with the news which is often discussed in their class. So I won't be selling it.

Your birthday's in a few days, Mama. I still don't know what to cook. The kids still want my spaghetti although they want me to cook tempura this time. And they have guests too, Angel and Ralph. I don't know about Edgar. This time, they won't be in at the same time, Angel will be in the afternoon while Ralph and Edgar will be in the evening. That means double the work for me. Oh well, I guess I should get used to it.

I've said a mouthful, until my next letter, Mama. Please take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy


P.S. Will you talk to her? Please?

I really wish I can talk to you right now, Mama

Dear Mama,

Sorry, I haven't written for quite a while. I was just preoccupied and I was afraid that if I write, it would just be rants and whines again. It looks like I'm failing, Mama. As a father, and as a person. Everything I do seems to be wrong. I really wish you're listening, Mama. I really wish I can talk to you.

Anyway, maybe I can write more sensibly next time. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Can I sell the TV?

Dear Mama,

It's examination time again. That means it's tuition fee time again. Right now, I am thinking of selling the color TV that TV5 gave me, Mama. I know you told me that anything that was given as a gift should never be given away or sold. Angel reminded me that when I asked her permission to sell the TV, Mama.

Of course, she didn't agree with my plan. She likes the TV. I mean, it's been more than 2 years since we had a television at home, and now she's happy that she gets to watch TV again. But there's nothing in the house that's worth selling aside from the TV, Mama. Anyway, it's just a plan. Maybe a last resort if things didn't go well.

Got to work now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Going out minus Ralph

Dear Mama,

Angel, Edgar and I went to the mall this afternoon minus Ralph because he was at work. Lately, he hasn't been able to join us in most of our walk. Ralph seems to be very busy lately. If it's not about work, it's about school, or sometimes he's with his friends. Looks like I no longer have a hold on him, Mama. I know that I should not stop him as it is part of his growing up, but I miss him going out with us, Mama.

Actually Mama, the reason why we went to the mall was because I want to keep my mind preoccupied. I've been down lately, Mama. I can't think well. Yes, I can work. I have to. But every so often, I have to stop and think. I can't concentrate, Mama. Yes, it's still about her. She's still not talking to me, she avoids me like I'm a criminal or something, and it's hurting me so bad. I haven't done anything wrong, Mama.

I'm sorry. What am I talking about. I promise, Mama. I will still take good care of the kids, in spite of what I'm going through. I'm still writing you from the internet cafe, Mama. We still don't have internet connection at home. Anyway, we're still planning about your upcoming birthday and I hope I can cook something good for the kids.

I will have to stop for a while, Mama. Please take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

I need you to hold my hand....

Dear Mama,

Everyday it's getting harder here at work... and it doesn't even have anything to do with my job. I really wish I could hold your hand right now, Mama. I'm struggling everyday.


Daddy

Angel has started to open up

Dear Mama,

Yesterday, Angel and I had a sort of little bonding time. After working, I went to Sta. Teresita to pick her up and then we went to Marquee Mall. It was something really unplanned but it turned out quite special, Mama. Angel has started to open up. She said that there are many in her school who has a crush on her and some were even asking if they could court her. She said she replied NO to them.

All throughout, I was smiling, because she finally felt comfortable telling me these kind of things. While I am not really comfortable with this topic when she is involved, at least it would prepare me, and that she trust me enough to tell me these kind of things, Mama.

I guess it helped that I was also being open to her too. You know that girl I was telling you about in my previous letters? I also told Angel about her, Mama. Was she so inquisitive! She was asking a lot of questions, and she was giving me some sort of advice too. Anyway, I think the girl is  a lost cause. I think she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me… unless you want to help me, Mama.

By the way, I talked to the kids yesterday about your upcoming birthday. Angel wants a dish that has shrimp, and Ralph suggested tempura. Oh boy! Can I do that? I guess, since  I asked, I am obliged to comply. I’ll try my best, Mama. Also, they still want my spaghetti… and Angel said she would like to invite her best friend on your birthday, which by the way Mama, is a boy.

Anyway, I think I wrote quite a long letter. I guess there was just too much to say this time. Thank you very much for being patient, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

The story has been shown and so far all I hear are positive feedback, thanks goodness! Anyway, everything seems to be back to normal, Mama. There's not much hype, which I really like so I can live and move on normally.

Right now Mama, I'm at work and so is Ralph. Edgar went to help his former classmate design a float and Angel is in Sta. Teresita because she doesn't want to be alone at home. It just occurred to me how grown up our kids have become, Mama. We are all at different places right now. It used to be that, wherever I am, they will also be there. Now, it's a different story. They're growing up so fast, Mama. I hope I can grow and adapt as fast as they do.

By the way, it will be your birthday soon. What would you like to do this year, Mama? Should I cook again my now-famous "super-meaty" spaghetti? hahaha... I should learn how to adjust my sauce, Mama. It's like a meat with sauce added. Or maybe, I should cook a different food this year, what do you think, Mama? But what else can I cook? I have to really think hard about it, so we can make your birthday this year special. I think I should discuss this with the kids tonight over dinner, Mama.

Need to get back to work now, Mama. Take care of yourself now. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Today's the day

Dear Mama,

Today is judgement day. They will be featuring our story tonight on TV5, Mama, and again I'm anxious. Because we don't know what reactions I will get after this. But then again, like before, maybe it's just for a few days. After that, the hype will die down and everything will be back to normal.

What's funny, Mama is that during my interview with Miss Cristy Fermin, she asked me that if I do meet a girl that would make me feel something, would I also tell it to you? I just recalled now that I just did that in my previous letter. Coincidence? I don't know. I wasn't even thinking about the show when I wrote my last letter. You know, I just felt the need to tell you that and I'm not sure where it would lead me or what will happen next.

Anyway, last night Mama, me and the kids went out to eat dinner at a nearby fastfood. We haven't done it for some months now. I was somewhat "forced" to take them out because it was too late and was too tired to cook or even think of what to cook. But the additional expense was worth it, Mama. The change in environment did us some good. We were able to eat well, shared some jokes and stuff.

Still in the internet cafe right now, Mama. Will be logging off in a minute to go to work. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

As I was saying...

Dear Mama,

I don't know why I am continuing with where I left off in my last letter. But I do feel the need to tell you, Mama... and maybe you can help me. It's about the girl, I'm sure you're seeing it. I don't know why she has bothered me this much. Can't seem to shake her off my head, in spite of all the problems I am facing right now.

She's in pain right now. Just broke up with her boyfriend. Could have been a perfect timing for me, right Mama? Unfortunately, there's that "not yet ready" line again. One thing going for me is that, at least she still talk to me once in a while. Well, as long as it's work related.

Will you talk to her? Tell her that I only mean well and I only have the honest intentions. I'm not really after anything other than help her ease her pain. But she won't give me the chance, Mama.

Oh, what am I saying?! I'm sorry, Mama. I'm talking nonsense, I think. Anyway, Ralph was able to enroll this morning. At least none of them will stop this semester. Hope I'll find a permanent solution to this problem. Anyway, that will be all for now, Mama. I'm still writing you from the Internet Cafe. Will be logging off and go home in a while.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Will you talk to her?

Dear Mama,

I was finally able to raise the funds for Ralph's enrollment, our back accounts for last semester and the entrance fee for this semester. He would be able to enroll tomorrow, thanks God! It was worth all the humiliation I have to go through, just to make sure our kids won't stop going to school, especially Ralph since he is graduating this semester.

Remember in my last letter, Mama? I was about to tell you something about a girl... well, I don't know. It's crazy, I know and I'm not even sure if I have to tell you about this, but I don't want to keep secrets from you, Mama. Of course, you know what I'm talking about, Mama.

The problem is, Mama, I don't even know what I'm talking about. I'm confused. I don't know. I'm not sure what to do next, she has not been talking to me lately, when all wanted to do was to help her. Oh, I'm going in circles, Mama. I don't know what I'm talking about.

I need to gather my thoughts. Will tell you more about her next time, Mama. Until then, please take of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy