Dear Mama,

May 8 is coming up fast. I will be 45 by then Mama. I'm growing old with nothing to show for my existence.

Hmm... let's change the topic Mama. Edgar is still working, although I hear him complain now. He is standing while he works, Mama. I was asking him if he still want to continue or stop working. He said he will not quit, Mama. I guess he really wants to save up for his iPhone.

Angel and Ralph are doing fine, Mama. They are the ones who are left at the house when Edgar and I go to work. I guess it's a good chance for them to bond together.

Fluffy is still not allowed to go outside the house and Chuchi cannot go inside. Their last fight was fierce, Mama. I'm worried about the 2 dogs. I don't know how to handle. Actually, they're giving me anxiety just thinking about them. I know Mama, making mountains out of molehills again.

I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I was able to visit you again this afternoon at La Pieta. It's really so quiet and peaceful there, Mama. How I wish I can stay there and just be with you forever. Of course Mama, I know I can't do that. I have to look after the kids.

I really miss you, Mama. I feel lost right now.

I think I should stop here Mama and just write you another letter when I feel better. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

They released the top 100 in the PhilPop songwriting contest and I wasn't included. I couldn't even make it to the top 100, Mama. Maybe I'm really a lousy composer. I guess I'm not really cut to be a songwriter, Mama. I think I need to give up that dream.

I only wanted to accomplish something to make you proud of me, Mama. And the kids too, I want them to be proud of their father.

I guess it won't happen now, Mama. Maybe it will never happen. Nothing good is happening to me lately, Mama. Frustrations after frustrations after frustrations. I'm getting tired, Mama.

I need you, Mama. I need you now.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

While everyone is going gaga over watching Iron Man 3, I have to worry where to get our next meal and money for the kids' enrollment. Life isn't really fair, Mama.

How did I end up like this?


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Why am I surrounded with proud, righteous, selfish and self-centered people? Why do I always meet people who think only of themselves? Am I attracting them, Mama? Is it a curse or does that mean I'm also one of them? Am I really a bad person, Mama?

I thought I was always considerate, trying to understand others before I think about myself. Somehow, I thought other people would be like that too, Mama. But it's not. Every person I meet believes that he is the lone son of God and the world owes him reverence.

I'm tired, Mama. I really am. I'm trying to fight for the kids... but I'm really tired. I wish I can be with you right now.

I miss you, Mama.. I need you now.


Daddy

Can I be with you now, Mama?

Dear Mama,

The dogs are fighting. Chuchi and Fluffy are fighting quite often lately, Mama and I'm worried about them and the kids. They tend to get so violent in their fight we have to pull them apart. I don't know what happened to them, Mama. They used to co-exist harmoniously before. I hope it's just a phase they are going through.

We're still not getting regular salaries, Mama. I'm worried because it will be Edgar and Angel's enrollment soon. I also need to budget for Ralph's review. Although he is already enrolled, he will be staying in Manila for 5 months and I can't imagine him being there without money. I wish everything turns better for us soon.

Looks like Edgar is getting my same fate, Mama. His salary in Jollibee is quite small compared to what he is expecting. Looks like there are anomalies going on in their company. I hope it's not true, otherwise I will be forced to write their company and also write about it in my blog.

I guess that will be all for now Mama. Help me pray for Chuchi and Fluffy to stop fighting. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

How are you? Me, I'm not really  feeling well right now Mama. No, I'm not sick. I just feel so low because nothing good has been happening lately. Oh wait! I think I should be thankful because the kids are healthy. That should cheer me up.

Anyway, I really do not have anything much to say right now Mama. I'm just hanging on... hoping I can still go on and continue.

I miss you, Mama. I wish I can hug you right now. Take care of yourself.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Edgar is out tonight. He will go home tomorrow. Today's their team building and he is sending me text messages every now and then. Looks like he's having fun, Mama.

That will be all for now, Mama. I really miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy


p.s. I wish I can hold your hand right now.

Dear Mama,

Edgar is really excited for their team building/conference tomorrow. I am excited for him too, Mama. I hope it will be a good experience for him and he'd learn a lot in writing. I am really surprised, Mama. Edgar is the last child I would expect to be inclined in writing. We both know that he is into music and arts. I guess he wants a broader horizon to explore, Mama. May he stay focused in his journey.

Ralph, I believe, is really bored at home right now. Yes Mama, he is staying in the house with Angel. He doesn't go out. Well, aside from I really do not give him money to go out, he really has nowhere to go. So he just stay at home to read and sleep most of the time.

Angel stays at home too, Mama. But she knows how to entertain herself. She listens to a lot of music in her phone. She also reads a lot of books now. She and Ralph swap books they read, and sometimes they even discussed it during meal time.

Me? Just the same, Mama. Nothing's new. Well, I looked at the mirror closely recently and aside from getting thin, I think I really look old. No wonder I can't get any woman to like me hahaha!

Anyway, that will be for now Mama. Take care of yourself. I really miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I am now in the office, writing this letter. I came early just in case there would be some problems or I might need to walk along the way. You know what, Mama? I went to work today with only P20 in my pocket. Just enough for me to go home tonight after work. That's right Mama. We still haven't received our salary yet. Oh well, it was my choice to work here. I really wish I could find an alternative source of income.

Remember Edgar telling me he wants to experience what it's like to stay in the hotel? He will be getting that wish soon, Mama. Unfortunately, it won't be me granting that wish to him. It will be their college newsletter, The Pioneer, where he passed as one of the writers before last semester ended. I told him there would be a sort of seminar or team building to orient the new members, but I never expected it to be conducted in a hotel. The good news is that he won't be paying anything. His only problem, which I find amusing Mama, is he doesn't have a decent digital camera. He wants to capture pictures of his first hotel experience.

Last night, he told me his plan. He said he will be buying himself a camera from his salary in Jollibee. I cannot contest him because it's his money and he worked for it, Mama. Only, as he said, he will be adjusting his plans. Because his original plan was to save money and buy an iPhone in 3 or 4 months. I only told him he needs to handle his finances well.

I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I haven't written for quite a while now. I really do not have anything new to say, Mama. Edgar is enjoying his work in Jollibee. He always have stories when he gets home. I'm happy he is having positive experience in it so far.

Ralph and Angel are just staying home. Ralph is no longer working for his O.J.T. is just waiting for the start of the review. Angel is just waiting for the start of the class.

There aren't really much going with us, Mama. Nothing's new. Ordinary days, everyday. Well, I'd like to believe we're happy. I'm really glad I do not have demanding kids. Of course, I know I have to thank you for that, Mama. You taught them positive values.

I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Until my next letter. I miss you, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's 30 minutes past midnight. The kids are already sleeping. It just kind of get a little bit lonely during this time, Mama. I know I can just sleep it off, but it doesn't really change anything, does it.

I know I'm not making any sense, Mama. Honestly, I really do not know what I wanted say right now, either. It's just that I feel so alone right now.

I guess I really should just sleep this off. Goodnight Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's official! Ralph finally graduated this afternoon. Our eldest has finished college, Mama! Aren't you proud of him? Finally, our prayers and hard work paid off. We were able to send Ralph to school. I hope he'll be responsible to shape and prepare for his future. Now, it's just Edgar and Angel that we have to work for, Mama. I hope I am making you happy in spite of my constant whining.

That's really all I have to tell you right now, Mama. But let me share with you some pictures of Ralph this afternoon.

Edgar was not with us because he was working during Ralph's graduation. But he joined us after his work. Unfortunately, the camera's battery died and I was not able to take pictures of Ralph while he was on the stage and while we were celebrating after the graduation. But he was happy, Mama. And so am I.

We miss you, Mama. Wish you were with us.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

I was finally able to visit you again at La Pieta this afternoon after a long while. I'm sorry I am not visiting you as often as I used to do. After what happened before, I am afraid what I might find again there. But you know Mama, every time I am there I really do not want to go home. It's so peaceful and quiet there. I wish I could just stay there with you forever, Mama.

Tomorrow will be Ralph's graduation. Our son has already finished studying, Mama. We were able to send him to school and give him the best gift every parent can give their son. We did it, Mama! But as you know, we will not be celebrating tomorrow. I hope our son understands.

That will be all for now, Mama. Wish you're here with us. I miss you, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Am I being too strict on Ralph? I asked Angel if I was too strict and she said yes. She also said that Ralph is already a college graduate, I should let him go.

I am letting go of him, Mama. I allow him every time that he asks me if he can go out with his friends. I do not really restrict him from doing the things he wanted to do. All I was asking from him was to be courteous enough to let me know and that for him to be responsible and think about his brother and sister too.

Am I doing wrong, Mama? Am I pushing Ralph away?

If only you were still here, you would know what to do, Mama.

I'm sorry. I'll stop now. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I'm sorry. I shouted at Angel. She's crying now. I'm really sorry, Mama. I just had to do it. I'm really sorry.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

My head aches. I fear that it is not just a simple headache, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I'm not okay. They already hired someone else in DepEd Mabalacat and the job inside Clark is not a guarantee. The person who would be hiring me will be leaving the country this month and will only be back next month. Still, I am not yet sure that he will hire me once he get back.

I blew it again, Mama. Looks like there is still no silver lining in the horizon for me. Will there ever be, Mama?

Please pray for me.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Last night I told Edgar that on his first salary, he should buy something for himself to celebrate his first pay. I asked him before if would take us out once he gets his pay and he said he might. That's why I told him that so he would have to buy for himself first, before he thinks about us. I want his first hard-earned money to be memorable for him, Mama.

Ralph will be having their practice for their graduation today. I was able to borrow money for his graduation picture, which was not yet included on those that I paid yesterday. He said he didn't have a graduation picture last year, so I made sure he will have one this year.

Angel is not yet done cleaning in her room, Mama. I don't really know if she will ever be finished. There are lots of clutters in her room and so few she is willing to throw away. Oh well, I'm sure she will realize soon which are really the important items in her room.

That's it for now, Mama. I have no good news for myself. I'm still waiting for one. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I was finally able to pay Ralph's tuition and graduation fee this morning. But as I have told him Mama, it took everything I got and we may not be able to go out and celebrate on his graduation. Am I such a bad father, Mama? I know it really wouldn't change a thing and I'm sure he will understand... but wouldn't it be nice if I can make that day a little more special for him? Wishful thinking again.

Still waiting for the call on the job inside Clark, Mama. I hope it will be soon. I will also take a look at the opportunity in DepEd Mabalacat. I wish one of these two would be the answer to our situation.

Edgar seems to do well in his work, Mama. It was just his first day yesterday. His training will be two weeks. I didn't hear any complaints last night and he's quite excited for his first salary. I hope he buys something for himself to celebrate his first pay.

Angel is fine. She did a cleaning up of her clutters in her room yesterday. She's still not finished. She doesn't want to throw some stuff which are not really useful. I don't want to force her. Those are her things.

Anyway, that will all for now Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy