Finally, ACPUSTA has released the funds....

Dear Mama,

Finally, ACPUSTA was able to collect enough funds to pay for the benefits that was due to you and I was able to get it this afternoon. This is the last money that I am expecting, and I hope that I will be able to put them to good use.

I plan to pay for the internet fee and have my internet connection re-activated so I can do my writing at home. I also plan to buy some materials for my chocolates business. I hope I will do good this time Mama.

As for my blogging, things are looking good Mama. I hope this continues. I wish you were still here so I can share all these things to you. If only I was getting all these opportunities then, maybe I could have sustained your dialysis and medicines better.

But I know you're much better now Mama. Just take care of yourself, I promise to take care of the kids.

I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

How are you?

Dear Mama,

How are you? I hope you're fine. You know what Mama? I feel tired and I don't know why. I have to write so I would have something to submit and earn some money, and yet I can't write anything. I feel exhausted for no reason at all.

In times like this Mama, I miss your embrace... your touch. When I feel so low, somehow knowing that you're beside me, everything seems to be better. But then, that can not be. I have to accept that.

I know I can't be like this for a long time Mama. I have to pick myself up. Believe me, I'm struggling Mama. I just want to tell you how I'm feeling right now.

I guess that would be all, take care of yourself Mama. I really miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Shall continue attending the community?

Dear Mama,

We attended the second ECLS session of Familia this afternoon. Although I will admit that I like attending the Familia sessions, I'm still thinking if I should continue being a member.

Angel said I should. It's not I don't really want to too Mama, but it's a community for couples and I don't have you with me. I feel like I don't have any more business attending there by myself.

I don't know, maybe it's just me... but somehow, it's just not the same.

Anyway, I'll just see on the next days if I would still continue attending. That's all I have to say right now Mama. Please take care of yourself.

I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

My last days at work...

Dear Mama,

In less than a week, I'll be officially resigned from Holiday Inn. I'm excited because by then, I can look after the kids better and I can concentrate on my online writing job.

Unfortunately, I'm not really happy with myself lately as far as my work is concern. These past few weeks, I have been absent from work more often. In other weeks, Angel has fever, on another week our electric connection has been threatened to be cut-off again so I have to look for money. These past days, I've been going around looking for money for Ralph's tuition fee.

Today, I have to leave work earlier because I am not feeling well. I have a terrible headache and I feel quite dizzy... I was worried because I felt my BP has risen. I know I have to see a doctor someday.

I hope I am not giving the office an impression that because I'm resigning, I am not as enthusiastic with my job as I used to be. You know me Mama, I always give my best effort in every work that I do. Although right now, because of my absences, it shows otherwise.

Anyway, I'm on my last week, everything will be over soon. That will be all for now Mama. Next month, I plan to see a doctor for a general check-up.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.

Daddy

I was finally able to enroll Ralph

Dear Mama,

I was finally able to enroll Ralph today. Although I was stressed the whole day, following up on the money and everything.... but I'm just glad that he is now enrolled for the second semester. Even if I just paid the minimum payment required.

I forgot to tell you about Ralph's grade, his lowest grade is 2.0, he got three subjects with that grade. Unfortunately, one of them is Accounting. The rest are 1.75 and higher. He said when he computed for his average, he got 1.75. That qualifies him as a Dean's Lister, I hope his computation is correct, and let's pray that he can improve it this second semester.

I got a lot to tell you about Edgar, but I will reserve that on my next letter. Take care of yourself Mama... I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Texts from your friends

Dear Mama,

I received a text this afternoon from Tita Nel Ferreras, your classmate from MAVE. She texted me because she said she dreamt of you the other night. She said, she asked you if you were able to see the Rated K show and you smiled.

I hope that's a sign that you're not mad or anything Mama. I wish I would dream of you too, I hope you do visit me too tonight. I miss your smile.

Another classmate, Joy Untalan, texted me too. She asked me to tell you that she misses you too. I bet your 'inaanak' with her is already big. Maybe someday, the kids and I will visit them.

Tomorrow is Ralph's enrollment. I'm still waiting for the money. I have advanced my salary from my online writing so I can enroll him. But I won't be receiving them until tomorrow. I hope I do get them on time. I have already borrowed money from Ate Let to pay for our back account.

I hope everything will be better soon. Pray for us Mama.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Ralph does not want to stop

Dear Mama,

Today is the deadline of the payment of Ralph’s tuition fee, and still I was not able to pay for it. I asked Ralph this morning if it’s okay with him to stop going to school even for just one semester, he felt sad. He actually said that it is not okay with him. And as I was leaving for work, he was not talking.

I’m such a disappointment Mama. I can’t even raise the funds to pay for our kids schooling. No matter how hard I try. I know I’ve got to do something, but tuition fee isn’t just something that you can beg for. I am working Mama, and yet I can’t accomplish anything.

If only I were dead, perhaps our children’s schooling wouldn’t be a problem. Because I noticed that during your wake Mama, people are more generous when giving help to the dead, but not as accommodating to a living person.

Oh well, I am still hoping something will happen between tonight until tomorrow morning Mama. I just wish I would get more writing opportunities so I can earn more for the kids.

That would be all for now Mama. Take care of yourself.

I miss you Mama. I love you.


Daddy

We just arrived home

Dear Mama,

After a long while, I was finally able to take the kids out today. While at work, I texted them if they can go to SM Clark so I can just meet them there. So after work, I went there and met them at National Bookstore.

I just planned to buy the materials for EA's projects, but since we can't find them we just roamed around the mall. Passing by the ice cream parlor, I asked Angel if she wants to eat ice, which of course she said yes. So I ordered 2 banana split - one for Angel and me, and another one for Ralph and EA.

I just want to give them a treat Mama, because it's been a long time since I have taken them out. After the ice cream, we went to see what's on at the cinema. We found one which is for family - Igor, and we watched it. I'm glad Angel liked it.

All through these Mama, I am still imagining that you were still us... enjoying, and having a good time. But I know you're still watching us.

That's all I want to report to you today Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

My fear is coming true

Dear Mama,

It seems like my fear is coming true. The unexpected call I was telling you in my letter wasn't just a simple hello... I don't know why they're doing this Mama. Right now I'm just trying to ignore them. I wish you were here. You would know what to do with them.

I'm still writing from an internet cafe. I was absent from work today, trying to find funds from Ralph's tuition fee. Unfortunately, nobody wants to lend a blogger. I can't blame them really.

I hope something happens soon.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

An unexpected call...

Dear Mama,

While getting the kids ready for school today, my cellphone rang. I was about to answer it, but when I read the registered name of the caller, I froze. It was Kong Boning. I didn't know whether to answer it or not Mama. But before I can decide, my cellphone shut down.

I didn't turn it on again, in fact I just left my phone at home. All day, I was anxious Mama. I could not even work. Thinking what could be the purpose of that call. The last thing that I would need is another 'let down' I still remember the last text.

Maybe I'm over-reacting. Perhaps it's for a good reason. I don't know Mama. I'm not sure if I can handle this... whatever it is. I don't know until when I can ignore the call. If only you were here I would know what to do Mama. No, I am not afraid of what he will say. But I am afraid for what could transpired from the conversation.

I wish I knew what to do Mama.


Daddy

Still writing from an internet cafe...

Dear Mama,

I am still writing right now from an internet cafe... never really have the money to get my internet connection reactivated. Not anytime now I guess. I thought I would be able to get anything from Rated K, but since I never asked for it, I guess I won't get anything either.

The internet disconnection is fine me, I'm doing fine accessing through public internet shop. But what I'm really concerned about now Mama is Ralph's tuition fee. Their finals has just been finished, yet I haven't paid anything yet except his entrance fee before. That means he won't be able to get his grades, and he might not be able to enroll for second semester, which by the way is just two weeks from now.

The money from ACPUSTA is still in limbo and I don't know if ever I will get in on time. Atching Ledy seems to have buried her debt with you. I just wish she would have the conscience to pay them. CAP is a hopeless case. Right now Mama, I'm holding on to nothing... nothing but prayers.. that somehow, something will happen.

I'm sorry I've written you rants and whining again Mama. You know I really don't have anyone to tell these to except you. Well, I've written quite enough, I guess I have to end it here before I write some more rants. I hope next time I'll be writing positive things to you again.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.

Daddy

Nervous and anxious...

Dear Mama,

I am at an internet cafe right now Mama, because my internet connection was suspended. I thought I could be accommodated until next month in spite of my delayed payments. I guess not. That is why I have to go out just to access the internet.

Right now Mama, I feel nervous, anxious and apprehensive. The shooting with Rated K has been finished, and the episode will be shown this Sunday. I am afraid what this can cause for us. I'm still not sure if I did the right thing. I don't even understand why I consented to it Mama.

But it has been done and it will be shown, whether I like it or not, there's really nothing I can do right now. I just hope this won't have any negative effect on the kids. Tomorrow, I'm going to work again, after being absent for 3 days because of this shooting. I have to work until month-end Mama. I don't why I have to practice courtesy, when in fact I am just a contractual employee.

For now Mama, I might just be writing you from an internet shop, so I may not write as often. Do take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.

Daddy

Just came from La Pieta...

Dear Mama,

I just arrive home from La Pieta, I mean we just arrive home... the kids were with me. Finally Mama, after a long time we were able to visit you. Yes I know it's been a while since we were able to go there. Now I'm just glad that we did and we were complete.

Tomorrow Mama I'm going to file my resignation at Holiday Inn, I really want to be at home and stay with kids. But this time, while I stay at home I am earning. Not like before were I just stayed at home.

Finally, something came out of my writing Mama. I'm just glad I persevered even though I wasn't getting anything before.

Well, I guess that will be all for now Mama. I hope I can visit you more often in La Pieta. Take care of yourself Mama.

I miss you.
I love you.


Daddy

I hope it's okay with you...

Dear Mama,

Yesterday I was interviewed by Korina Sanchez for her program Rated K. I still don't know how they chanced upon my blog Mama, but they said they want to feature it on their show.

I hope it's okay with you if I tell a little something about our story. Honestly Mama, I'm really not sure if it's a good decision. I hope I did not make a mistake.

I wish I was interviewed with you, you could've talked with sense more.

Well, I guess I just have to wait until Sunday to know if it's a good decision or not. I'm sure you still support me Mama... even in my blunders.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

I'm resigning again...

Dear Mama,

Here I am again, planning to resign from my job at Holiday Inn. But this time, it's because I got a better opportunity. And what's good about this Mama is that I'll be doing this one at home, plus it involves writing.

You know how I love to write Mama, that is why I am inclined to choose this. Plus it pays me more that what I'm getting at Holiday Inn.

I know this is not a popular decision (again), but I hope you will still support me Mama. At least I can look after the kids since I will be working here at home. I sure hope this is the chance that I have been waiting for.

That will be all for now Mama, please do take care of yourself.

I love you Mama.

I miss you.


Daddy

It's tuition fee time again

Dear Mama,

Ralph's Finals will be next week, while Angel's will be anytime soon. As usual, with the schedules of these exams are the schedules of payment. Although I am already employed, it is still not enough. In fact, I still borrow money from Nanay just for our daily expenses.

I really wish this would all soon be over Mama. If only the ACPUSTA would already release the money they promise or Atching Ledy would pay the money she owed you, I will have something to pay for the tuition fee. Other than those and the proceeds of the computer units, should they be sold, I have nothing else to expect Mama. I just hope that everything will come on time.

I really miss you Mama, but I know, someday soon I will be with you.

Take care of yourself Mama. I love you.


Daddy