Dear Mama,

Hi! I hope you're doing okay. The kids are fine. Edgar will be reporting for work again this afternoon. It's the second time he will be working. Ralph said he will go to school today for the viewing of grades. Angel will just stay home and she will be her same old cute self.

Next week will be Ralph's graduation, April 10 to be exact. We got no plans, Mama. Anything goes, with whatever we may have at that time. I'm sure they won't mind, but I really wish I can give them something better. Oh well, at least we got each other, Mama.

I really do not have anything new to say, Mama. I just wanted to say hello before I get to work. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

We just got home after celebrating Edgar's birthday at SM Clark this afternoon. We waited for him after he finished his first day of duty at Jollibee. He said it was okay. His next duty will be on Monday, Mama.

So we went to SM at around 3 p.m. and I was able to buy him a backpack bag and also cheap shoes that he can use in his work. They said he cannot use his shoes because it has a shoelace. They advised him against using shoes with shoelaces. Good thing there was one available within budget.

After that, we just walked around the mall and we had our dinner at Mr. Frosty when it was about 5 p.m. It was almost 6 p.m. when we finished and Angel asked that we go to National Bookstore before we go home. I was able to buy Ralph two books because they were on sale, one was only P20 and the other was P50. After that we went home, but I bought cotton candy for Angel along the way home.

I also bought ice cream for the kids which we shared together when we reached the house... and that was Edgar's birthday celebration. I know, it was quite simple.Good thing, our kids are not really that demanding and are easy to please. Of course, it helped that you raised them well and they understand our situation. It would have been happier though, if only you were still here with us.

I'm sorry, Mama. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you about our day. Until my next letter, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's Edgar's first day of work today at Jollibee. He left early, around 4:30 a.m., his schedule starts 5 a.m. He only has one problem, he doesn't have a hair net, which is required of him because he is assigned in the kitchen. I hope he was able to borrow from his co-workers.

Angel and Ralph are still sleeping. It's already 8:30 a.m. I just let them sleep, there is no reason to wake up early anyway. Besides, that will be one meal savings for us. Just kidding, Mama. You know the kids, they'd rather sleep than wake up early for breakfast.

Later, I will take them out to eat for a simple celebration of Edgar's 18th birthday. We were not able to go out yesterday because it was Good Friday and most establishments were closed. I might also buy him a backpack for his birthday. It's the only thing in his wishlist that I can afford to give for his birthday, Mama.

I'm just having my coffee now, Mama. In a while, I will be preparing for the lunch of the kids. I think Edgar will be home for lunch too.

That will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

We were able to observe Visita Iglesia last night, me and the kids. It was rather hot even if it was already evening and we did more walking than riding yesterday, but the kids did not complain. There were no problems last night, Mama. Thanks God no one was grumpy to spoil the family moment.

We started here in Marisol, then in Balibago and we went around Angeles City. Our last church was the Lourdes Sur East Parish Church. It was almost midnight when we finished, Mama. We started rather late and of course, there was too much traffic, especially around Carmelite Monastery.

Of course, after the Visita Iglesia I took the kids out to eat. Since it was almost midnight, we waited for Edgar's birthday. We were at McDonald's Hi-way then, Mama. I told them that it was our celebration for Edgar's 18th birthday. I don't know if they heard that or they just did not take it seriously.

It was already past 1:00 a.m. when we went home, Mama. Of course the kids were tired. After changing clothes, they went directly to sleep. Today, I don't think we can celebrate Edgar's birthday since it is a Good Friday and there are no open establishments aside from fastfoods and a few local restaurants. I don't know if they would insist tomorrow.

By the way Mama, Edgar will be starting his work in Jollibee tomorrow. He is not sure though if he will still be a trainee or an employee already. He has already completed his requirements. I'm sure he'll do well, Mama. He has improved a lot and I can't believe how sociable he has become right now. Although he is still very idealistic and easily gets irritated of others being inconsiderate. I know, sounds familiar.

Anyway, I have said quite a mouthful already. The kids are still sleeping. I won't wake them since we went late last night as I have said, or should I say we went home very early today? I wish you were with us last night, Mama.

Take care of yourself now. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

You know, aside from the job opportunity in DepEd, I also have another job option. This tine in Clark. I went yesterday to the person who might hire me. The offer is bigger than that of DepEd and definitely bigger than what I am getting now.... even I am to get my right pay.

However, Mama, there is still no guarantee. I am not yet a shoo-in, although I am recommended by a friend that the person I talked to believed in. I hope that would amount to something. The thing is, either I start this April (which is better) or in May when he comes back from his out-of-the-country trip. Anyway, I'm hoping I will make the right decision this time.

In two days, Edgar will be turning 18. I might not be able to celebrate or give him an expensive gift. Angel suggested that we give him a bag. I might be able to do that.

After that, it's Ralph's graduation on April 10. I was able to raise enough funds for his tuition and graduation fee. Of course, I had to beg again. Thanks to a friend who helped me. I know I can't rely on my job's salary.

Tomorrow will be our annual Visita Iglesia, Mama. Excited for this another of our annual family event. I hope nothing untoward happen, you know between Ralph and Angel. I'm sure when we finish, it will be Edgar's birthday already. So, we might have a bite before we go home.

I guess that will be for all now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Ralph told me last night that their graduation will be on April 10, which means I need to pay our balance on his tuition fee plus his graduation fee for him to be able to graduate. I hate it when I'm getting consumed with money problems, Mama. I know I should not be, because I have a lot to be thankful for, starting with our three beautiful kids! But every time I am faced with problems like this, I am reminded of how miserable our life is... how I am such a lousy provider for our kids... and how selfish and inconsiderate some people are.

I don't like blaming people for our misery, Mama. I know I brought all these upon myself. This is my karma for screwing up, I only wish it does not affect the kids. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about it.

Always, I am praying that things will get better. Always, I am getting a little sign of hope that they might actually get better Mama... and then something comes up and I am tossed back to reality.

I don't like begging, Mama. I do not like attracting sympathy. I am better than this. But why is this happening to me? To the kids? Will it actually get better?

I'm sorry, Mama. I'm losing it again. During times like this, I wish you are here by my side. Maybe I would know what to do... or maybe, at least I would feel better because I have your hands to hold.

I'm hanging on, Mama. Don't worry, I'm not giving up yet. I am still holding on to faith.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I really miss you. I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I just have to write another letter to you. Atching Gay sent me a message telling me that there is an opening in  DepEd in Mabalacat. I said I will submit my application. Honestly, I am not really expecting anything because I might be tagged as overqualified again. Still, I hope this could be different and be the chance for me to improve the life of our kids.

When I told Nanay about it, she said she knows someone in Mabalacat DepEd. When she mentioned the name, it was the name Atching Gay mentioned to me. Nanay said he is a distant relative and he knows her. Looks I might have a chance, Mama. I wish this is the chance I am waiting for. Help me pray for it Mama. Thank you very much.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

You know what? Edgar won second place in the fiction writing contest he joined yesterday! A few minutes after I finished sending you my letter yesterday, I received a text message from him saying that he won a silver medal for his story. I was surprised, but happy and proud of course. He was the last one I expected to excel in the literary field because he used to be more in the visual arts and music field. But I'm glad that he is into writing too!

It could have been a reason for us to celebrate, but unfortunately Mama... we can't. We still are not getting the pay we deserve. I do not why I ended up in this situation. It's the first time for me to encounter very selfish and inconsiderate people. I never thought they actually exist! I guess I trusted too much.

Edgar will be turning 18 next week and Ralph will be graduating this April. I was hoping I can make those days special for them, Mama... but I can't. I thought things will get better for us, but it didn't... and it's all my fault. I made a very bad decision and now I'm suffering the consequences, with the kids being affected. I'm sorry Mama, I failed again.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Edgar is in school right now. I thought he was just attending an event, then he texted me saying that he was not able to finish his short story because of the limited time. Apparently, he joined an on-the-spot short story writing contest and the awarding will be this afternoon. He said he stands a good chance, although I do not know how since he didn't finish his story. It seems he is developing his self-confidence now, Mama. He brought home their college newsletter where his article was published. Next year, he'll be joining the university newsletter.

Ralph is having their exams now. Their last day of examination is tomorrow, and then all the three kids are on vacation. Although, I'm sure he will still be attending his o.j.t. even if school is already finished. That is what I advised him, Mama.

Angel is here with me at the house. She's in her room right now listening to music.

I want to tell you a lot of things, Mama. I wish I can really talk to you. I wish I can see you in my dreams and  talk to you.

Anyway, that will all for now about the kids. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Tomorrow is Edga's E-Night or College Night in school. It's an event that culminates the end of the school year, I guess. They're theme is ICON, or they will come dressed as some icons, either real or fictional. Sort of  a Cosplay. I suggested he comes as Palos, thinking that it will be easy and cheap. After all the most distinguishing feature of Palos was his cap, and then he wore all black.

Unfortunately Mama, I can't find Palos' cap anymore! I am now calling on some contacts just so I could borrow or if they can refer me where I can find one. It's not as easy as I thought it would be, Mama. The problem is, Palos is too old a character that few people know him these days. I will be looking again later after work, Mama.

Angel is still in Sta. Teresita. She wanted to visit her Apo, unfortunately she is not staying in your old house. They said Apo is staying at Atching Da's house. Problem is, we do not know where that is. This is the second time that Angel was again disappointed.

Ralph? Still having his exams. Tonight is the start of their finals, actually. I just hope he is focused as he is telling me. I really do not like breathing over his shoulder. He is all grown up, after all.

Well, that will be all for now Mama. Please take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Mama, I don't feel well.

Dear Mama,

You know what? I had a very silly thought this morning. It just entered my mind, from out of nowhere, an office with a name on it - Dela Cruz & Dela Cruz, CPA's. Funny, right? I know Mama, it is funny.

I don't know, but I suddenly dreamed of opening an auditing firm with Ralph once he passes the board exam. Honestly, I have no worries about him passing. I know Ralph can make it... but me practicing? It could be a long shot for me. But it would be nice to work hand in hand with our son, Mama.

Angel will be staying at Nanay's house this week, Mama. She is the only one who no longer has classes. Ralph and Edgar still have their finals this week. I don't want to, but I'll be less worried because she won't be home alone when her brothers are in school, Mama.

Well, still no good news for us. More prayers, Mama. Help me make it through.

Take care of yourself, Mama. Until my next letter. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

How are you? Am I too formal? Awkward, I know. I still don't know what to say. I do not want to whine, Mama.

This week is the last week of Ralph and Edgar in school. They will have their final exams this week. Angel is already on vacation, although tomorrow is their deliberation. She is sure that there is no reason for her to be worried. I did not confirm her enrollment for the next school year at AUF, though. Because a P500 deposit was required and I do not have extra money then. But I will enroll her, Mama.

Ralph tuition for the review school is already paid. Now, I just have to worry about his balance in Holy Angel, otherwise he won't graduate and won't be issued his clearance. I am praying I will find the money, Mama.

Edgar is not yet starting in Jollibee. He is asked to submit his requirements to an agency in Dau. It was only lately that he was told that he'll be working under an agency. Have I already told you that he made it to their university newsletter? I think I did, or I didn't? Anyway, he did and I was surprised, but of course, I am proud of him.

I'm sorry, Mama. I really do not know what to say. I still do not see the silver lining. The horizon still looks bleak for us.

Anyway, take care of yourself Mama. I really miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I don't know what to say anymore. Why do I always find myself in the company of insensitive and selfish people? Why do I get to be around people who think only of themselves? I hate it! Am I that too bad of a person to deserve this karma? But what I really hate is that it's affecting the children!

I don't know what to do, Mama. Help me!


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Ralph is on his way to Manila right now to pay for his fees at CPAR. Help me pray for his safety, Mama. I'm glad I was able to get enough money for his review tuition fee. They already picked up the freezer yesterday, Mama. Too late that I realized that it's a wrong time to sell the freezer because it's summer and heat would be worse. But there's really no choice, Mama. It's the only thing I can sell at the house right now. I promise to buy even just a small ref for the kids when we have money.

You know what, Edgar was admitted as a member of the editorial staff of their university newsletter. He did not even tell me that he took the qualifying exam. He said he already forgot about it because he wasn't expecting to pass. But last night he received a text message confirming that he passed and is now part of the newsletter. I'm proud of our kids, Mama.

Today's the second day of Angel's final exam. She's confident, as always, that she'll pass the tests. I'm not worried about her test results, Mama. It's her final requirements I am worried. I don't know what is it with her teachers that put more weight on projects instead of academics. I hope she gets the recognition she deserve.

That's it for the kids, Mama. They'll all fine. Don't worry about them. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Tomorrow is Ralph's deadline for his enrollment at the review school. I am still waiting for two things right now - the payment for the freezer and our salary. Yes Mama, I sold our freezer just so I could raise enough money. I asked the kids' concern and said they were fine with it. Although Ralph was concerned about Angel because we won't have ice and cold drinks anymore. I told him we need to sacrifice if we want to raise funds and we can always buy ice at the neighborhood store. Unfortunately, I sold the freezer at a much lower price, Mama. Just so my friend would buy it. I'm still waiting for the payment as of now.

I told Ralph to ask one of his friends to accompany him in Manila tomorrow so he can pay his tuition for CPAR. I can't let him go alone, Mama. He doesn't really know how to go there and you know how dangerous it is around the place. Even with a companion, I am still worried about him. I hope they will be safe tomorrow.

Today is Angel's first day of exam. On Saturday, after their last exam they will proceed to the meeting for the ballroom club I told you in my last letter. I asked her what's her reason why she wanted to join the club, she said because of the scholarship. I wish she would enjoy it Mama, even if her reason is just to help me.

Well, I need to work now Mama. Until my next letter. Take care of yourself.

I miss you, Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Edgar did not go home last night. He stayed at his classmate's house because he needed to finish an article for their college newsletter. His assignment was given to him at the last minute that's why he had to rush. Unfortunately, we still do not have computer at the house which was why he had to stay at his friend's house. I'm glad that they accommodated him there, although I am worried because I am not used at our children not staying home for the night.

This morning, he still wasn't home when I went to work. I received a text message from him at around 10 a.m. and said he just woke up. If only I was able to provide for all their needs, he doesn't have to stay out, Mama.

I told him he has to go home because Angel will be in school only in the morning today and she will having her lunch at home. I guess, by now Edgar is already home since it's already 11:30. Angel will be home anytime now, will check on him after I finished this letter, Mama.

Angel told me last night that they will have a meeting on Saturday after the exam. The meeting will be for those who are interested in the ballroom club that I mentioned in my last letter. We both know that while Angel loves to dance, ballroom dancing is not really her type. But she is interested because of the opportunity to get scholarship, Mama. I hope I'm doing the right decision by encouraging her to push through with it.

Ralph is still attending his o.j.t. even though he has already completed his required number of hours. I advised him to do that, Mama. I told him to stay so he can learn some more. He also told me this morning that he needs to pay for the reservation fee for their apartment. I still haven't found the money for the review. I'm just praying we will be having our salary this week complete and early. Otherwise, all I can really do is pray. I don't know what will be the consequence on him if I won't be able to deliver this time, Mama.

Well, that's already a mouthful, Mama. I guess I should stop now before I start whining again. Hoping my next letter will be a happy one for you. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I finally reached out to Julius. It's such a shame, I know, that I had to go to my nephew, but right now I have no other options left. Those who promised to be there, never were. My only prayer is that our kids will not inherit this predicament... that they have to always ask for other people's help too.

Julius already replied, but the problem is time. The deadline is this Friday. Now, I feel that I am even stressing him because he needs to find a way on how send it before that day. I was hoping I could find a solution here, Mama. Or I was hoping that we will finally be given the incentive that they promised us. I am not even sure if we will receive our salary this week. That is why I only reached out to Julius at the last minute.

Yesterday during dinner, Angel mentioned about a new club in their school. She said members of the club will have a chance to get scholarship. When I asked her what it was, she said it's a ballroom club. She said she already submitted her name. Angel wanted to help me, Mama. She was even telling me to transfer her to public school so that I won't be having a problem with her schooling. Of course, I did not agree, Mama. I told her that it's my problem not hers. I told her all she needs to do is study hard and I will find ways to pay for her tuition fee.

Edgar hasn't started at Jollibee yet, Mama. His requirements are already complete but they did not call him yet. I am not sure how it will affect his studies and his growth as a person. But since I had a pleasant experience when I was working in KFC when I was in college, I'm hoping he would have a good time now too. I'll just be monitoring him Mama and ask him to stop once I see signs of adverse effects on him.

I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Just finished printing my manuscript for my short stories book, Plethora. I will just make a couple of review and proofreading before I submit it to the printer. Funny, here I am not knowing where to get money for Ralph's tuition fee and review needs and yet I still managed to dream of pushing through with my books. I know it will cost me a lot to print the book, I just thought you'll be proud of me, Mama.

You do not have to worry, Mama. I will prioritize the children's needs over my personal dream. I will make sure theirs will be taken care of before I dream of pursuing my personal and selfish interest.

I'm still trying to reach out to some friends. Thus far, I do not get replies, Mama. What's new.

By the way, Angel was sent home from school again. It's that time of the month and it always happens to her. I hope she'll be okay because they will be having their finals this week. She can't afford to be absent, plus she's still completing some requirements.

That will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I texted the person I said I met in my previous letter because I am desperate. As expected, I didn't receive any reply, Mama. I am not surprised. I just felt stupid... low and stupid. He said I can call him or visit him anytime. He is not the only one who told me that, Mama. A lot of people... friends, told me that they will always be there for me. Yet when I really need them, there was never one around.

Ralph's deadline for the enrollment in the review school will be this week, Mama. I am not sure if we will be having our salary this week. And I ask them, they will again tell me to look for another job if I want to. They are self-centered and inconsiderate. All people around me are inconsiderate, Mama. People will only care for you if they know they can get something from you.

I wish this nightmare would end soon, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's almost midnight and Angel is still awake. She's doing some school projects, Mama. Final requirements for their subjects before the school year ends. Next week they will be having their exams, the same with Edgar. Ralph will be having theirs the week after. It's only Ralph's tuition fee that hasn't been paid yet, Mama.

By the way, Angel was not able to visit Apo yesterday. They were told that she was not at home that's why they did not go there anymore.

Mama, how can I follow-up with Atching Ledy about the money they owed you? During your wake, she said she will pay those. Although since then I haven't heard from them. We really could use those money, Mama. Especially now that Ralph will be graduating and attending his review class in Manila. I really wish there something more I can do aside from praying.

I tried selling the freezer, Mama. I thought my friend would buy it. Unfortunately, when they saw it, they it said it was small for their requirements. So, I am still short of money. You know what is happening now at work, Mama.

Anyway, that will be all for now Mama. We will be sleeping in a while, after Angel finished her work. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

This morning I was able to pay Edgar's tuition fee balance and get his Final Exams permit. Unfortunately, it also means I have to put all our resources on that because promissory notes are not allowed during finals. I have to pay the whole balance, or else Edgar won't be able to take his tests. Now, we just have to tighten our belts further just so we could survive until the next blessing comes along. I hope we won't get our electricity cut-off until that time, Mama.

With Angel and Edgar's school problems now solved, all I have the worry about now is Ralph's. Unfortunately Mama, his is the biggest amount. His balance in the school plus his enrollment in the review school, the deadline of which is only until next week. I don't see any signs of any windfall anytime soon, Mama. I really need a miracle. All I really do is pray. I just hope my prayers reaches Him.

Today is Nanay and Tatay's wedding anniversary, Mama. However, it wasn't celebrated much before and most probably now since Tatay is already there.

Angel did not sleep at the house last night. Because they do not have classes today, Friday, Ate Tey took Angel with her to Sta. Teresita because she won't have anybody with her today with his brothers going to school. Either she will go home tonight or I will pick her up tomorrow morning. She said she wanted to visit Apo while she's in Sta. Teresita. I told her, as long as she has somebody to accompany her.

Well, I guess that will be all for now Mama. Pray we can survive a little a longer. Take care of yourself, Mama. I love you. I miss you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Here I am again, writing a letter to you. I don't know if I should keep on doing this or if it even makes sense. Talking to you and all, like you're just on another part of the globe... yet all I really do is whine and complain.

Today isn't any different. Still no silver lining on the clouds, still no good news to bear. Of course, I am thankful that the kids are healthy, Mama. Everything is doing fine with them, studies and all, sans their school fees.

I met an old friend last week. You know, the one I kept on going to then selling insurance. And after going to his house for almost a year, promising me every time I meet him yet nothing happened until you finally told me to stop going to him. I saw him again in the mall, we had a talk. He wasn't aware that you're not here anymore. Of course, it was more than 10 years since I went to him Mama. He gave me his number and address and told me to call or visit him anytime.

I thought I had an answer, but he never replied to my text messages. Then I remembered what I was doing then, hoping I can sell him insurance. Am I such a jerk, Mama? Why do I meet people who like making a fool of me? People who love taking advantage of me and my vulnerability? Is it really a sin that I rely on people's goodwill and hope that they would respect other people too?

I'm whining again. I'm just running out of time, Mama. If only Atching Ledy would pay the money she owe you, I wouldn't be this desperate begging for other people's mercy. I've been losing friends, Mama. And many have shown their true colors.

I think I should stop, Mama. I'm not making any sense. I wish something good will happen to us, for the sake of the kids... and I wish people will stop making an idiot out of me.

I miss you, Mama. Take care of yourself. I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's 30 minutes past midnight and Edgar is not yet home. I am worried about him but he said they need to finish their project for their presentation tomorrow. He is in his classmate's house, Mama. I hope he will be okay on his way home. He has never been out this late before, Mama.

Angel just slept. She also finished her project in the computer. They will pass it this week. Ralph had their comprehensive exam today and the second part next weekend. The kids are all busy because it's almost end of the school year. They will be having their final examinations soon and I still do not have money to pay for their tuition fee balances. Ralph also reminded about the deadline for the payment in the review class, Mama. I'm running out of time.

Help me, Mama. Please pray for us. Please, pray also that I will continue to be strong. For the sake of the kids. I really wish I can hold your hands and embrace your right now, Mama. I miss you. I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

How are you? I hope you're doing fine, Mama. Me? I am not. I'm running out of time and I'm running out of luck. It looks like my prayers are not reaching their destinations, Mama. And pretty soon, everything will just collapse.

It's the finals, Mama. We still haven't received our salaries and incentives. I don't think it will ever be given. They only make us hope. They do not have any intentions of giving them to us. I'm doomed. The kids are doomed. But they don't understand it. They never would. All they think about is themselves.

Ralph's deadline for the review school is March 15. He needs to pay for his review class before that date. Needless to say, I still have to pay for his tuition fees. He is graduating this March. Of course, the tuition fees of Edgar and Angel too.

What am I doing? Why am I bothering you with these worries? You can't do anything. You should be at rest. I need to face all these problems myself.