Sunday, March 24, 2013

Dear Mama,

Ralph told me last night that their graduation will be on April 10, which means I need to pay our balance on his tuition fee plus his graduation fee for him to be able to graduate. I hate it when I'm getting consumed with money problems, Mama. I know I should not be, because I have a lot to be thankful for, starting with our three beautiful kids! But every time I am faced with problems like this, I am reminded of how miserable our life is... how I am such a lousy provider for our kids... and how selfish and inconsiderate some people are.

I don't like blaming people for our misery, Mama. I know I brought all these upon myself. This is my karma for screwing up, I only wish it does not affect the kids. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about it.

Always, I am praying that things will get better. Always, I am getting a little sign of hope that they might actually get better Mama... and then something comes up and I am tossed back to reality.

I don't like begging, Mama. I do not like attracting sympathy. I am better than this. But why is this happening to me? To the kids? Will it actually get better?

I'm sorry, Mama. I'm losing it again. During times like this, I wish you are here by my side. Maybe I would know what to do... or maybe, at least I would feel better because I have your hands to hold.

I'm hanging on, Mama. Don't worry, I'm not giving up yet. I am still holding on to faith.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I really miss you. I love you, Mama.