Happy new year, Mama!

Dear Mama,

    Happy new year!

    It's the first day of 2023, Mama. I haven't written for almost a month. I'm sorry, Mama. The kids are still in their beds, although Ralph is already awake, I think. We had our Medya Noche last night, prepared by Edgar. He was also the one who cooked for our Noche Buena last Christmas eve.

    We will be going to Sta. Teresita this afternoon for a get together with the Dela Cruz, Mama. I'm glad Angel agreed to come with us. Although I still do not know what we will be bringing there. I'm planning to just buy cake, because that's all I can afford right now, Mama.

    I was able to submit to my song entry to the Subli 2023 Songwriting contest, although I have not received any acknowledgment nor confirmation from them. I'm not sure if it will pass their standards You know I don't have a good singing voice, Mama. Plus I just recorded it on my phone. It's really a rather crude and raw version. I ran out of time to have it fixed and remixed. 

    There are still no results yet for the Himig Handog/PhilPop songwriting contest. That is on a national level, unlike Subli which is just local. So, the competition is definitely tougher. I'm not expecting, but I'm proud that I'm still trying again, Mama.

    I don't know what to look forward in 2023. I hope things will be better, especially in our neighborhood, Mama. That will be wishful thinking, though. Anyway, I'm just enjoying the peace so far while the construction in the resto bar beside us is not yet finished.

    Angel's birthday will be next Monday, Mama. I still haven't bought nor planned anything. She wanted a staycation, so I might book her in a hotel. I cannot join her, though. Somebody should stay in the house with the dogs.

    That will be all for now, Mama. Please continue watching and guiding us. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Update on my song entry

Dear Mama,

    Yesterday, I was able to compose the chorus of my song for the songwriting contest. The deadline will be on the 31st of December, Mama. I need to finish it early so I can have it fixed by the digital engineers so it would at least sound decent. I'm not sure though how much will be the cost, or how long it will take, so I need to finish it fast. 

    The problem is, I am stuck at the chorus now. I cannot compose the melody for the verses. I've been trying since yesterday, but I cannot work out anything. It's difficult for me because I am not really musically talented. I hope I can finish it this week.

    There seems to be a lot of people at the grill house beside us now, Mama. There's no loud music, to be fair, although there were occasional shouting, or cheering, from the customers. But that's not really my concern now. Another problem with this business is that their customers are sometimes parking in front of our house. There's really nothing we can do about it because it's a public road, and we cannot tell them not to park. But because they are parking, our dogs are disturbed and they keep barking. Edgar also does not want them parking in front of our house. If only we can go away from here and move to somewhere more peaceful, Mama.

    Anyway, that will be my update for now, Mama. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Please make Ralph well, Mama

Dear Mama,

    As I mentioned this morning, I bought cake today so we can still celebrate your birthday. Edgar cooked spaghetti for our dinner. It was great, Mama! The spaghetti was delicious, and the cake was also good. Angel liked it. We were able to celebrate your birthday at home, Mama. Happy birthday again.

    If only staying at home isn't much troublesome and stressful. This morning, one of the units in the apartments in our back was again burning garbage and their smoke are going to us, unfortunately. Ralph, who was already coughing since yesterday, is mostly affected by the smoke because his room is nearer the apartments and the smoke. Because of that, his cough got worse, Mama. 

    He said he will be going to the doctor for a check up tomorrow. I hope he will be fine. Please make him well, Mama. I'm sorry I was not able to take good care of our children.

    If only you're here, I'm sure they will be well taken care of.

    I'm sorry, Mama.

                                                                                                    Daddy

Happy birthday, Mama!

Dear Mama,

    We celebrated your birthday yesterday, the kids and I. We went out to eat, Mama. I proceeded to SM Clark after work and waited for the kids. Edgar and Angel arrived together before 5 p.m., and Ralph came at around 6 p.m.

    We then looked for a place to eat and they decided to try a newly opened Mexican restaurant. It was a bad decision, Mama. The service was very poor and unfortunately, the food did not make up for their poor service. Anyway, we just proceeded with our dinner, and afterwards we bought donuts for dessert. There wasn't a dining area at the donut place, so we just ordered for take out and ate them at home.

    Angel also received her Christmas 'basket' yesterday, Mama. It wasn't really a basket, it was in fact an eco bag haha... Angel was happy, Mama because it's actually just her first Christmas goodies. She did not get anything on her first 2 jobs.

    We were not able to buy a birthday cake yesterday, Mama since it was already late when we got home and since we already have a donut. But I will buy one today, after I pay our electric bill, so we can sing a birthday song for you.

    Happy birthday, Mama! Wish you were here celebrating with us. We miss you, Mama.

    We love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

A new bonding activity

Dear Mama,

    The kids and I just got home from the supermarket. It's our new bonding activity, Mama - grocery shopping every Sunday morning. It used to be just me and Edgar, but now Ralph and Angel are also coming with us. That is because we do our grocery shopping now at SM Hypermart in SM City Clark.

    Although Ralph is not with us now, he went to Manila today. He was with us when we went to SM Clark, then got on the P2P bus when we got there. He wanted to go the supermarket with us first before he travels, but I advised him to go immediately so he will be able to go home early.

    Edgar is preparing our lunch now. As you know, he is the one who is cooking now. He prepares food especially for Angel, so she could eat food that won't trigger her allergy and skin asthma. 

    That will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                            Daddy

I started running again

 Dear Mama,

    I started running again this morning. I started quite late, Mama because I finished the laundry first. It was 7:30 a.m. when I went out, so the sun was already out. It was not that hot, though. I went to La Pieta so I can also visit your tomb, Mama. I haven't been there since before the lockdown in 2022. I'm sorry, Mama.

    I still haven't finished the song that I am supposed to submit for the songwriting contest I mentioned in my last letter. I don't know what pushed me to do it, Mama. I am still completing the lyrics, and I still don't know how it will sound. The reggae beat keeps entering my mind, I don't know if I can pull it.

    It will be your birthday 3 days from now, Mama. We still don't know how we'll celebrate. Probably the kids and I will eat out like we always do, Mama. We might go out late because Ralph sometimes does not really finish at 5:00 p.m. which is the end of his shift.

    After that will be our wedding anniversary on the 8th of December, Mama. And again, we might just eat out. Then comes Christmas. I hope we can have our traditional family Christmas party this year, Mama. We did not have it last year. We celebrated, but there weren't games and no exchange gifts like we used to do.

    I guess that will be my update for now, Mama. I hope I can keep this running thing again so I can get back to shape. I've been feeling weak and easily gets tired lately. Hoping to be with you soon, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you.

                                                                                        Daddy

I joined another songwriting contest

Dear Mama,

    I joined another songwriting contest. It's a local songwriting contest with a theme, Mama. It's a contest here in Angeles City. I have not yet written anything, I still have to think of something related to the theme, which is reforestation.

    Because it's a local contest, the language should be either in Tagalog or Kapampangan. I'm thinking of writing and submitting a Kapampangan song, Mama. The deadline is still on December 31st for the song. However, application forms should be submitted on/or before November 30. I already submitted my application today, Mama, and they have confirmed acceptance. That means I am officially a contestant.

    I don't even know if I will able to write or finish the song, Mama. I wish you're here to help me. I'm sure you will be having a lot of ideas. 

    I have already thought of something, but I am not sure how to go about it, Mama. It's really difficult when all you have is ambition but you lack talent. I don't even know why I am joining these contests like I wanted to prove something. Nobody will be proud of me if I win, and nobody really cares is I lose.

    Oh well, I just have to deal with. I really wish you were here, Mama. I miss you.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

More updates after another week

 Dear Mama,

    As I have mentioned last week, Angel started in her new job last Wednesday. So far it's still okay. Her shift is okay because it's a dayshift. We almost have the same schedule, except that hers starts an hour earlier which is 6:00 a.m. Tomorrow, Monday, will start her second week.

    Edgar got sick last Tuesday. He did not work again. He was suddenly coughing when he came home last Monday. Tuesday morning he wasn't able to work because aside from the cough, he also had fever. He was able to get back to work on Wednesday, although he was still coughing. He is still coughing until now, Mama.

    Ralph is all by himself now at home when we all leave for work, since he is working from home. He went to Manila yesterday for a seminar on his other job, which is a financial advisor. He is still has to get his first client, Mama. Although, I don't know how he would get it since he is always at home.

    By they way, we have a new ref at home now, Mama. As I mentioned last time, Ralph and Edgar were at SM Clark looking for a ref while I was writing my letter then. It was delivered last Sunday, Mama. This morning, we went grocery shopping for some food and supplies. They were excited to fill the ref.

    That will be all for now, Mama. Please do watch over us. I hope to be with you soon. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Just another weekend update

Dear Mama,

    It's Saturday evening once again, and there really isn't much going for me. I mean, personally, on myself, that is. Still with anxiety, as the construction and renovations beside us will be finished soon. After that there will be noises again, as I've been told there will be getting live bands. I'm planning to do lots of things, like write a new book, a new song, or another post on my blog. I'm also planning to get back to exercising, or at least running, Mama. But so far, I'm still procrastinating.

    Ralph and Edgar went to SM this afternoon, Mama. It was just the two of them, Angel and I stayed home. They went to SM because they bought a refrigerator for us, and it will be delivered tomorrow. It will be the first time we will have another decent refrigerator in the house after I sold our freezer last 2011. 

    Meanwhile, Angel was already hired and just waiting for the call for her to start in her new job. By what she understood, she'll be starting on the 16th, this Wednesday. I'm glad she'll be going out again, Mama. I hope she'll be staying in her new job. Or at least even for 2 years so she will get more exposure and experience. I hope she'll find good friends and peers in her new company.

    That will be all for now, Mama. I hope I will be with you soon. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                            Daddy

I was supposed to perform tonight, but...

Dear Mama,

    Today is the songwriters' night I was supposed to be included. I was supposed to be one of the performers, Mama and I was planning to sing the song Smile For Me which I wrote for you because it's your birth month, Unfortunately, my anxiety got the better of me and I asked to be removed from the line up.

    As I mentioned in previous letters, Mama, there has been constructions ongoing in the grill house beside us. It's not just the commotion brought about by the construction that was causing my anxiety, but because once the construction is finished, they will be getting performers again. My high school batchmate, who is one of the owner of the grill business, told me that I won't be hearing much of the noise because they'll build a higher wall. I doubt that, Mama.

    I don't know what to expect. The construction might be finished in a month's time. And I was asking myself, how can I perform in other places and yet be disturbed by the noises beside us? That's the reason I backed out from tonight's performance, and probably won't be joining anymore in future events.

    This anxiety is really taking its toll on me, Mama. It's just too damn difficult keeping it all inside. It feels like I might snap anytime. But I'm trying my best to hang on, Mama.

    I wish you're still here with me. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

It's your birth month

Dear Mama,

    It's the first day of November. It's the start of your birth month, Mama. The kids and I will not be going to the cemetery this time, Mama. We'll be visiting there some other days. The sun has started to shine now, although based on the news there is another typhoon coming. It might rain again in a little while, Mama.

    Honestly, I really wish it will still rain, Mama. At least the rain would suppress the noises and activities that bring me anxieties. I know that's too selfish, Mama. I'm sorry. I'm just tired of feeling this anxiety within me.

    But my wish is that I will be already with you on your birthday on the 29th, Mama. I'm having a difficult time trying to convince myself that I can still go on. Nobody likes me here. And I mean, nobody, Mama. I guess I have already outlived my usefulness. 

    I wish I can be with you, Mama. I miss you.

    I love you.

                                                                                            Daddy

After the typhoon

Dear Mama,

    Typhoon Paeng has just passed, but there's another one coming, if it hasn't arrived yet. Quite symbolical of our life, right Mama? A new storm after passing a recent one. It was quiet last night, but I am not sure if it will be quiet again tonight. And my anxiety is once again consuming me, Mama.

    That's why I feel so guilty sometimes because I wish it would rain, because at least the rain would suppress the noise, if not altogether prevent it from happening. But other places are suffering if there will be continued rain.

    Ralph is having difficulty walking again, Mama. His gout got worse this morning, or maybe it even started last night. How can I help him, Mama? Am I such a bad father for letting things like this happen to our children? Why can't I do anything?!

    If only you were still here with us, Mama, our children will be taken care of well. They won't get sick, and perhaps they will be even more successful in life. I really wish it was the other way around for us, Mama. Our children would have been in better situations now.

    I'm sorry for failing you and the children, Mama.

                                                                                                Daddy

A long weekend

 Dear Mama,

    It's Saturday, 5:34 a.m. and the second day of our long weekend. I am supposed to be in Cebu by now, we were supposed to go there yesterday but all flights to and from Cebu were cancelled because of the typhoon. It's just fine with me, but not with my officemates who were looking forward to the trip. Well, there will be probably next time.

    Ralph did not come home last night, Mama. He worked onsite yesterday and went to their manager's house in Mabalacat after office. Since it was already late when they probably finished there, he spent the night at his friend who lives within the area. He'll probably be home before lunchtime today.

    I'm getting anxious again, Mama. The loud music beside our house is starting again, and it looks like there's nothing I can do. The barangay doesn't care, and the city government doesn't care. I feel useless because of this. What should I do, Mama?

    I did not do the laundry today, which I usually do on early morning of weekends, because it's raining today. Maybe later, if the rain stopped, I'll do the laundry. I'll also go out today to pay for our electric bill.

    That will be my updates for now, Mama. It will be a long weekend and we will be back to work on Wednesday. I wish you're here with us now, Mama. I miss you. I need you, Mama.

    I love you

                                                                                                                Daddy

Home after weekend dinner at SM

 Dear Mama,

    We just got home, the kids and I. We went to SM City Clark this afternoon because I wanted to spend some time outside. I did not have any money. I asked Ralph if he can pay for our dinner tonight, which he did, Mama. We ate at a Japanese restaurant and our bill was quite big as it was almost P3,000. I will make sure that the next we are out, I will have some money, Mama.

    Tomorrow is another day at work, and on Friday we will be flying to Cebu. Our company, that is. I am not excited, Mama. I wish I did not say yes, but I guess there's nothing I can do now. I will have to go with them.

    Last night, I submitted another entry to a songwriting contest, Mama. I am not really sure, I just checked the website to see how the mechanics are. I was filling in the form and kept on clicking yes. When asked for my mp3 files to send, I just searched what was available on my songs and before I knew it, submission was completed and successful. Let's see things turn out.

    I will be resting in a while, Mama. Will just be tidying up and then I will go to sleep.

    I hope this anxiety will go away, and I could live a normal life without worries.

    I miss you, Mama. I love you.

    

                                                                                                            Daddy

A week after

 Dear Mama,

    Hi! It's 10:10 a.m. now, Mama, Saturday. Edgar is preparing our lunch. He just got home after getting his certificate for his driving lessons last week. He now only needs to convert his student license to non-pro. Not sure when, because he still needs to practice driving since there might be actual driving test when he applies for the license. The problem is, there is no car he can practice on. So, I guess it might take a while, Mama.

    Angel is still looking for a job. Most of the jobs she is applying are in Metro Manila, which I am not really comfortable with. We know Angel has never been away from us, Mama. I'm not sure if she will be okay if she gets a job away from home. I'm not sure if I'm going to be okay with that.

    Ralph is still with his company, home-based. Although there will be occasional times they will be asked to report to office, like next Friday, October 28.

    Mama, I came home last night at around 10 p.m. after our onsite Toastmasters meeting. Remember the grillery next door to us? There was an event last night, and the sounds and music were quite loud. And it did not stop until around 1:00 a.m., and I wasn't able to sleep immediately after that. The noise is back, Mama, and so is my anxiety. Is there really nothing I can do about this?

    I'm tired, Mama. I feel so useless. I can't event assert my right to have a peaceful home. Nobody listens. I want to quit, Mama.

                                                                                                        Daddy

Weekend update

 Dear Mama,

    It's Saturday evening, and it's almost 7:30 p.m. Ralph came home this morning from Subic. I thought he would be staying there only for the weekend last week, but he stayed the whole week and only went back home today. Well, I guess he needed the break. We had a bit of altercation last week before he left for Subic. I hope the break did him good.

    Edgar had his first day of driving lesson today, Mama. He will be back tomorrow for his second 4-hours session. He said he was nervous, which was understandable as he has never really drove before. Today was literally the first time he was behind the steering wheel. Maybe tomorrow he'll get more comfortable. However, it will be his last day tomorrow. After that, he won't be able to practice again as he has no vehicle to practice on. Anyway, maybe we can find something to fix that, Mama.

    Angel is applying for a new job again, Mama. She said she was already accepted in one. It is an online job based in Singapore, and she'll be doing graphics works. She just needed to show some sample of her works so they can check if she indeed qualifies. She needs to create a portfolio of her projects, Mama. Good thing Ralph agreed when Angel asked him if she can borrow his laptop.

    As for me, I'm okay, Mama. Except I've been having anxieties again lately. There has been some renovations on the grillery beside us, and from what I heard they will be having performers again. It looks like we won't be having peaceful nights anymore. I hope I'm wrong, Mama. I don't think I can handle another of that situation. The last time we had that, my stress level went up and I started taking my maintenance medicine for hypertension.

    That's all the update I have for now, Mama. I wish I can be with you soon. I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                    Daddy

Just another letter

 Dear Mama,

    It's been almost a week since my last letter, I thought I would be able to write more often. Unfortunately, I was so distracted and disorganized. My anxiety is killing me again, Mama. I'm sorry. This is the reason why I don't write as much, I know I will just whine since there's nobody here beside me.

    We just finished our lunch. It's only Edgar, Angel, and I this weekend. Ralph left home early yesterday, Friday, for their company outing in Subic. He'll back tomorrow, Sunday.

    As I mentioned earlier, I have been distracted by a lot of things. My anxiety is almost killing me, Mama. There are developments again in the grill beside us, they are having it renovated. And based from what I was told by their employee, they will be having live bands again, Mama. It will be noisy again beside us, and there's nothing I can do. I'm useless, Mama.

    If only I became rich and successful, they won't be doing this to us. I'm such a failure, Mama. I cannot protect our children. I'm sorry. 

    I'm really tired, Mama. I want to go home and be with you.

                                                                                            Daddy

Samgyupsal with the kids

 Dear Mama,

    Yesterday, I went out to pay our electric bill. After roaming around Nepo Mall, I messaged the kids who were at home if they like to have samgyupsal. They agreed, so I met them at around 6:00 p.m. at the designated place, and of course, we ate until we are full.

    Actually, the place we went was where one of my fellow member at the songwriter's club regularly sing acoustic. Unfortunately, he came in at around 7:00 p.m. and we were already about to leave. Just waited for him to start and finish one song, then the kids and I went home.

    That was all about this letter, Mama. I just wish you were still with us especially when we go out like this.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                            Daddy

Me and my overthinking

 Dear Mama,

    I just delivered an educational talk last night at our club's workshop and shared some tips in speechwriting. I think it went well and I was able to share something with my fellow Toastmasters.

       So far, it's been quiet here in our neighborhood and yet my anxiety doesn't seem to diminish, Mama. Every time I am about to go home from work, every time night time approaches, the anxiety inside becomes consuming and I cannot concentrate on what I am doing. So much so that I cannot even do anything. It seems that at any time, something will happen here. What's wrong with me, Mama?

        I'm sorry, Mama. I know I shouldn't be bothering you with this nonsense. I just don't have anyone I can tell these to.

        Anyway, I will be sleeping in a while. I am just trying to finish my speech for our next club meeting. I hope I will be able to finish even just a draft of my speech.

        Goodbye for now, Mama. Until my next letter.

        I miss you, Mama.

        I love you.

                                                                                            Daddy 

Just another weekend

 Dear Mama,

    It's Saturday, 11:30 a.m., Ralph is cooking our lunch today. Edgar just got home from the dentist. Angel is still sleeping, but Edgar is trying to wake her up. We'll be having lunch in a while.

    I am working on my educational talk for next Friday, Mama. I will be trying to share some tips on speech writing. I hope I will be able to share something of value. I am done with my draft, and will just be preparing my slides, and practice my talk.

    I'm not sure if we'll be going out today, Mama. Probably we won't. I have no money to spend, so I guess we'll just be staying home this weekend.

    I am having anxieties again lately, Mama. I really wish we can transfer to a new home. It feels like I'm being drained here, especially at night. It seems like at any given night we'll be hearing loud music, noises, voices, etc. I'm trying to control myself, but I can't.

    Anyway, we'll be having lunch in a while so I better fix my things. I miss you, Mama. I really need your hug right now.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                            Daddy

Ralph's birthday

 Dear Mama,

    Yesterday, we celebrated Ralph's 30th birthday. As usual, by eating out. I don't have the guts to hold a birthday party and invite people. So, we just celebrated among ourselves.

    Before we celebrated, I went out ahead of the kids, Mama. I went to my doctor for the quarterly check up. It was okay, since I have already seen the lab results. I just have to continue with my maintenance medicines. I guess I will be taking them until I am finished, Mama. I am no longer exercising. Well, at least I'm still breathing, unfortunately.

    After my check up, I went to SM City Clark to wait for the kids. They arrived at around 4:00 p.m., and we roamed around looking for a place to eat. Then settled for the buffet, which was Ralph's choice, since he is the celebrant.

    We went inside the department store after dinner, and then went home immediately. It was a simple celebration. Oh yes, I forgot, I bought birthday cake in the morning so and we sang happy birthday to Ralph. I only bought him t-shirts as birthday gift, though. Hope it's just okay with him.

    Anyway, that was how we celebrated, Mama. I wish you were still here with us. I miss you more on occasions like this.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                        Daddy

How can I free myself?

 Dear Mama,

    It will be the birthday of our firstborn on Wednesday. Ralph will be 30 years old by then, Mama. Can you imagine, that?! It means I'm really, really old! We do not have any plans yet on what to do for his birthday. We might go out, we still do not know where. I've filed a leave of absence for that day, Mama. I will also have my quarterly check up with doctor my then, since Ralph will be working and we will be celebrating after his work.

    I still do not have any gift for Ralph, Mama. I don't know what to give him or buy for him. We might just buy him t-shirts, as suggested by Angel, since I have rejected most of her other suggestions. I will be looking for gifts on Tuesday, after work, Mama.

    The results of my recent lab tests, which I will be bringing to the doctor on Wednesday, are all good, Mama. Meaning they are all within limit - my uric acid, sugar, cholesterol, etc. Probably it's because I've taking maintenance medicine. My doctor might probably prescribe me to continue them. At least they won't be increasing in dosage. I hope.

    I am actually not feeling well, Mama. I don't know if it's real or just paranoia. I easily get tired, even from my usual daily walk to and from office. Probably because I am not really exercising, nor am I watching my diet. I actually stress-eat sometimes, Mama.

    Lately, I've been having lots of anxiety attacks. I fear a lot of things will happen, and the things I wish to happen will not happen. It's taking its toll on me, Mama. I am irritated most of the time, especially when I am at home. And I feel down every time I remember all my failures. When will I free myself from these feelings, Mama?

    Sorry, Mama. I don't wish to burden you with these nonsense. It's just so difficult when you have no one talk to.

    Anyway, I've said enough. Until my next letter, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

I lost again

Dear Mama,

    Yesterday, I joined another speech competition in Toastmasters. It was a Tagalog speech competition, and once again I lost, Mama. I thought I would finally win. Unfortunately, I am still a loser, Mama.

    Well, I gave it my best, and a lot of people who listened said I was inspiring. Unfortunately, the final result did not prove it. I guess I will never win. I will never make anybody proud.

    Wish you were here, Mama. I miss you.

                                                                                            Daddy

 

Do I really inspire people?

Dear Mama,

    Last Saturday, August 6, I was again included in the line up of performers of our songwriters club, and I sang 3 of my original songs. I was still nervous, Mama. My voice was still cracking up, but I managed to survive. Now, I'm not sure if I wanted to pursue this or not. If only I was half as good as you were in singing, Mama.

    Mama, do I really inspire other people? I have been told this a number of times, and recently someone told me again that I am one of his inspiration. I don't even know him personally, Mama. It's good that I am inspiring other people, but I do find it hard to believe. You know how I get discouraged many times, and I am doing things afraid all the time. 

    Anyway, I don't even know what to say, Mama. I just really couldn't believe it. I hope I don't discourage them when I rant.

    That will be all for now, Mama. Will be preparing for our Toastmasters meeting in a while.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                            Daddy

We had an earthquake earlier

 Dear Mama,

    I'm sorry I haven't written for more than a month, I was not so sure what to say because I wanted to say only happy news, unfortunately, there wasn't much, Mama.

    Angel already resigned from her job at the call center. I don't know what happened, she wouldn't tell me. She's also back in her therapy, I don't know if it has anything to do with her resigning from her job. She won't tell me anything. If I pressed on asking, she will get annoyed, mad, and even depressed. She's not looking for a job right now. I don't have any issue with that. My only concern is that if she has a job, she will at least have a medical insurance. But I can't force her, Mama.

    Am I such a bad father that our daughter has grown distant and alienated from me, Mama? I wish I could have our old Angel back. I must have done something wrong. I'm sorry, Mama. I failed.

    There was an earthquake earlier. I was at our office when it happened, it was quite strong. We all went down and outside the building. We were at the third floor. Good thing nobody was hurt. Edgar was at his work, too. He said he was okay. Ralph was working at home, he's also fine. Angel was at home, too but she was asleep. I don't know if she felt it. She's still sleeping now.

    I will be performing again at the Songwriters' Night, Mama. This time, I volunteered to be added in the line up. I don't know what gotten into me. I hope I will be able to sing my compositions well. I have 2 new songs, and I'm hoping I can finish the third one in time for the SongCab night which is on August 6. Good luck to me.

    By the way, I ended my term as president of our Toastmasters Club last June 30, Mama. I was able to make it through and survive. At least the club reached the highest norm which was President Distinguished Club during my term. Although, I can't take credit for that, of course Mama. But I'm just glad it's all over now.

    I guess that will be all for now, Mama. I hope I can write again soon.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

Lots of things have happened

Dear Mama,

    I'm sorry for not writing to you immediately. As you know by now, a lot of thing have happened recently. Probably, Blez is already with you now there in heaven, Mama. She went home the day after my last letter to you. She was finally able to rest, Mama. She's been battling with cancer for more than 4 years. It's just sad that her 2 children are still so small. I believe, Gab is only 8 or 7, while Heaven Grace is 6 years old.

    After that, I had my public performance in Camalig where I sang 3 of my original compositions, Mama. I hope you won't mind I shared the song Smile for Me which I wrote for you. Unfortunately, I do not have good singing voice, so I'm not sure if my songs passed the audience's standards. Good thing none of my fellow Toastmasters came to watch, which was no surprise really, Mama. Ralph came to support  me. Edgar wasn't able to come because she was looking after Angel who was preparing to go to work then. 

    Speaking of Edgar, he applied for another company and he already passed. They already gave him a contract. It was a good thing he did not accept it. I advised him not to, or at least think about it, Mama. Because the very small increase from his current pay is not worth the trade off - starting again, and work on Saturdays. Although I left the final decision to him. He is now thinking of working in Canada. He actually have contacted an agency already. I advised him to reach out to Ate Let or Julius before proceeding, so he will get better advice.

    Angel is still working in the call center. I gave her an announcement of an opening in another company, but she said she will stay with her current work for now. Ralph is still in the company he transferred to last April. He is still adjusting, I believe. His gout has become semi-permanent right now, Mama. I'm getting worried about it. Hopefully, he will have it checked and have it worked out.

       I guess that will be all for now, Mama.

       I miss you. I love you.

                                                                                        Daddy

I wish I could sing well

 Dear Mama,

    June 4 is already fast approaching, and as I've mentioned before I will be performing 3 of my original compositions on that day. I don't know why I agreed, maybe I really just wanted my songs to be heard, Mama. The problem is my voice. I don't have a beautiful voice, Mama. My fellow songwriters are all singers and are all performing in different venues. Did I make the wrong decision, Mama?

    I wish I could sing well. I guess I will just have to face the consequences and humiliate myself.

    I really wish you were here, Mama. I miss you.

    I love you, Mama.

                                                                                        Daddy

I got a new guitar

 Dear Mama,

    I got a new guitar! Edgar bought me a guitar, Mama. It's quite expensive, but he said Ralph and Angel will share with the payments, as he used his credit card to pay for it. I guess it's really getting quite serious, Mama. I am really into writing songs now, and I will use the guitar when I perform some of my songs on June 4.

    If only I am at least half as good as you, Mama. I could do justice to my own songs. Anyway, it's the message I'm delivering, I'll just add humor to my performances, and hopefully it will let me pass. I'm just glad I have an opportunity to let my songs be heard. I hope I will be able to make you proud, Mama.

    That will be all for now, Mama.

    I miss you and I love you.

                                                                                            Daddy

Happy anniversary, Mama!

 Happy anniversary, Mama!

    First, I would like to apologize to you because as I was writing my letter last night, it did not occur to me it was the eve of our anniversary. I'm sorry, Mama. Must be the stress, the weather, and everything else in my mind. Please forgive me.

    Today would have been our 36th year when you first said yes and agreed to be my girlfriend, Mama. Although it was more out of pity that you said yes because you wanted to help me. I was aware of that, that's why I did everything to prove myself to you, Mama. Thank you for the chance you have given me. You were the only one accepted me. Thank you very much. I love you, Mama.

    We weren't able to celebrate today, because aside from it slipped my mind (sorry), our schedules don't seem to match on weekdays, especially today. Angel just left for work, Edgar is probably on his way home now, and Ralph is in Cebu. Will try to catch up one weekend to celebrate, Mama.

    I am getting ready for Toastmasters meeting right now, Mama. It's 5:30 p.m., and the meeting will start at 7 p.m. I still have one and a half hour to prepare because I will be delivering a speech. Also trying to get things tidied up here.

    That will be all for now, Mama. 

    I miss you.

    Happy anniversary, Mama! I love you.

                                                                                    Daddy

Under the weather

Dear Mama,

    I'm feeling under the weather right now. It seems like I'm going down with a flu, I hope I will be okay tomorrow morning so I can still work. The rain was heavy this afternoon, Mama. I was assisting Angel who was going to work. I went out to call a tricycle for her, otherwise she'd be late. I had an umbrella, but it was really a heavy rain, and the wind was strong. I have not taken any paracetamol yet, Mama. I just took my maintenance medicine. Maybe later, I'll take paracetamol.

    Ralph is in Cebu right now, Mama. He is with his friends. He left this morning. He must be okay cause he's not sending any messages. He will stay there until Sunday. 

    Angel, as I've mentioned earlier, is already at work. As you know, she's on graveyard shift. She seems okay. She still had not gotten an Add A Line customer. Even though she's doing good at work, she won't get any bonus nor commendation until she gets an "add a line" call.

    It's only Edgar and I right now at home, with the 3 dogs. We just finished our dinner, Mama, that's why I was able to take my maintenance medicine. Edgar is washing the dishes now.

    It's still raining hard here, Mama. I hope it won't be raining this hard tomorrow at dawn so Angel can get home safely.

    I will be performing again next month on our Songwriters Night, Mama. I hope I won't humiliate myself this time. I will need to buy a new guitar, so I will have something to use and not just borrow from the other members.

    I guess I have said all I wanted to say, Mama. I'll be taking paracetamol in a while. Wish you were here right now.

    I miss you, Mama. I love you.

                                                                                        Daddy

 

Turning 54

Dear Mama,

    It's past 10:00 p.m. now, and in less than 2 hours, I will be turning 54. I'm getting old, Mama. Actually, I have been feeling lots of pains in my body already, I easily get tired, and I am almost always sleepy. I still don't know what we will be doing tomorrow. I'm too lazy to go out because tomorrow is also Mother's Day, and for sure there will be lots of people everywhere.

    Speaking of Mother's Day, it will be another Mother's Day for  us without you, Mama. Happy Mother's Day, Mama. We miss you.

    I feel sleepy now. I wanted to wait for 12 midnight for my birthday, I am not sure if I will be able to do that.

    Anyway, I will end my letter for now, Mama. I will just update you on how we will be celebrating birthday, if ever.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

 

I humiliated myself

 Dear Mama,

    I'm not sure if I have told you already, I joined a group of songwriters here in Angeles City. I found the group in Facebook, and when they had a Songwriters Night last March, I attended and witnessed the performance of some of the talented members. Last Saturday, April 30th, there was another Songwriters Night, and one of the performers gave me one of his slot. Every performer were allowed to perform 3 of their original compositions, and my new friend, Ryan, gave me his last slot so I can showcase one of my compositions.

    I thought I could do it, Mama, and I agreed. He lent me his guitar during my performance. I didn't know what happened, Mama. I practiced a lot in our house and really expected I would be performing smoothly. For some reason, I became so nervous while I was singing, and my voice would not come out. It's like I was whispering all throughout the song, Mama. I humiliated myself in front of a lot of people.

    It was a good thing I did not invite any of my Toastmasters friend. I did not even bring the kids with me. I was all alone, with a lot of who do not really know me. Well, I guess they know me now. I'm sure they won't forget me, albeit for an embarrassing reason. I guess I should start somewhere.

    Anyway, I'll be turning 54 on Monday, Mama. Incidentally, it will also be Mother's Day. So, advance happy Mother's Day, Mama! I don't have plans for that day. 

    I guess that will be all for now, Mama.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                            Daddy

Going down

Dear Mama,

    I don't why I am feeling down again lately. Every time I go home, I feel tired, and at night I don't want to do anything. I just lay on the bed and scroll my on phone screen until I feel sleepy, Mama.

    I'm having these bouts with loneliness again, Mama. I feel so empty. I should be happy because Angel is already working, and she's doing fine. I should be worrying less, but I am so darn tired and lazy for everything!

    I'm sorry, Mama. This thing usually comes at night time, when I am about to sleep.

    Anyway, it looks like I won't be saying anything good tonight. I might as well end this letter now.

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

Good Friday

 Dear Mama,

    It's Good Friday. Angel left about 20 minutes ago for work. They do not observe Philippine holidays in their work because it's a call center and their clients are US-based. The good thing is they have holiday pay, at least. She will be working until tomorrow, Saturday. Her day off will start on Sunday. She seems to be enjoying as of now, Mama. 

    Ralph has started in his new job. I'm not sure if I have mentioned that already in my previous letters. He is still adjusting because he was working graveyard shift in his previous company, and now he is working daytime. He's fine so far, aside from being caught up with chores sometimes. 

    Nothing really new about me and Edgar right now. Maybe I'm just excited because my term as president of our Toastmasters club is about to end. I'm happy I got through it, and we reached the highest level of achievement in my term. Of course, that wasn't because of me, Mama. It's because of the dedicated members and officers of our club. I'm sure they will do even better next year.

    I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Until my next letter. 

    I miss you, Mama.

    I love you.

                                                                                                Daddy

Edgar's 27th

 Dear Mama,

    Today is Edgar Allan's 27th birthday. We had two celebrations, Mama. First was last Sunday, where we had hot pot buffet at Panda restaurant in SM City Clark, and another one today where we had early dinner in Champa's Mexican restaurant, also in SM Clark.

    Our initial plan was only last Sunday because Angel have work today. But since both Ralph and Edgar already filed leave of absence for today, they decided we should still celebrate since Angel won't be working until 6 p.m. As a result we had 2 celebrations, Mama.

    It was okay because Edgar and Ralph shared in the bill. I really wouldn't want to, but I'm having problem in finances right now, Mama. We did not have cake, though. Edgar does not want to have one. Actually, he's trying to avoid sweets, Mama. He feels he is getting bigger.

    After dinner, we roam around the mall a bit. Then Angel proceeded to her work, while the 2 boys and I went to grocery shopping.

    How I wish you were with us in celebrations like this, Mama.

    I miss you.

    I love you.

                                                                                            Daddy