My last letter

Dear Mama,

I really thought about this long and hard... it was not easy, but I guess I have to make a decision. This will be my last letter, Mama.

No, it is not because I found a new love. You know that’s not the reason, Mama. Although I admit that I tried to pursue someone as I’ve told you in a previous letter and how I was turned down. Honestly, I don’t think I will ever attempt again nor even think of finding a new one. I will just focus on the kids, Mama. There is no other one, and no one can replace you, Mama.

I am putting a stop to this letter-writing because you should be at rest, Mama. You have done enough for us when you were still here, it’s very selfish of me to disturb you and even ask you to do things for us when you should already be at peace.

You left because you were confident that I will be able to go on and continue raising our kids. You knew that I will take good care of them as I promised you. You trusted me, that is why you left. If it weren’t for that trust, I’m sure you would have fought just to stay no matter how much it was hurting you... no matter how much pain you were going through... you would have stayed.

But you knew I will never let you down... you knew I will be able to take care of the kids as I promised you. I’m trying my best, Mama. I do. I am far from the best father award, I know, but I’m trying my best... just as I promised you, Mama.

Ralph, as you know, is now attending his review class in Manila in preparation for the board exam in October. That’s just two months from now, Mama. After that, we will have another CPA in the family. He is doing fine, he passed the pre-board and was even included in the Top 100 of CPAR, landing number 94 as I wrote to you last week. The last time we talked, he was already applying for jobs there, Mama. I hope he finds a good company to work for.

Edgar is very active in school, in fact he just arrived home right now from their choir practice. It’s already past 10 p.m., Mama. Tomorrow, he’ll go to school early again to attend a meeting about their sports fest and probably they will have another choir practice in the evening again. He is also a member of two newspapers in their school – the engineering newspaper and the university newspaper. He is on his third year in college now, Mama.

Our little baby is not to be left out, Mama. Angel is also active in her class and is almost always a leader every time they are having a group activity. She is also taking her studies seriously and plans to take up education in college. She said she will be taking English as her major and eventually take up law. Our Angel wants to be a lawyer, Mama.

Thus far, they are doing well Mama. Of course, it’s not always a smooth ride for us as there are always rough roads. Neither is it always a peaceful house here because every now and then we get at each others’ nerves. Yes Mama, including me. Nonetheless, we’re sticking it out, Mama. I won’t let anything get out of control.

Honestly, I’m not sure if I’m making the right decision right now but as I’ve said, I’m being unfair to you for still bothering you for the last five years. It’s really difficult for me to say goodbye again, but I know I have to go on. You are at peace now and you should be at rest. You left not because you didn’t love me, you left because you love me too much and believe I can go on and continue where you left off.

I hope I am making you proud so far, Mama. I hope I am doing even just an average job on being both a father and a mother to our three kids. I hope I will be strong enough and not easily give up when faced with difficulties. I hope I will always stay sane.

I will try to remember everything that you told me, Mama... everything that you taught me. I will try to control my temper and not always shout at the kids... that Jellyace is a good remedy for LBM... that it is always good to sauté almost every food that I cook... and that I should always believe in myself.

 I’m sorry for all the troubles and pains I’ve brought to you when you were still here... and I’m sorry for still disturbing you now in heaven. Thank you for everything, Mama. Thank you for the love... thank you for the trust... thank you for believing in me... and most of all, thank you for giving me a second chance.

I know someday, we will be together again in a place that you have prepared for us. I am looking forward to that, Mama. That will be the day that we will never be apart from each other again.

Sorry for this long letter. Since this is my last letter, I know I should say everything that I need to say. I have already said a mouthful but I still feel I haven’t said enough.  Words are really just not enough, Mama. You did everything for me... for us... while you were still here and even after you already ‘went home.’

Thank you for everything, Mama. I hope I will be with you soon. Take care of yourself, Mama. I really miss you.

I love you, Mama.

Goodbye,



Daddy

Dear Mama,

I've been trying to write to you these past few days, but every time I open my account and attempt to start a letter, I don't know what to say. It's not that I don't have anything to say, Mama. I have a lot to tell you - the kids are all quite busy this past week. Ralph went home, had a tooth extracted and was still the same old vulnerable Ralph. Edgar was busy with his extracurricular activity, in fact he's out today and braved the storm to attend another general assembly. Angel will be having their periodical test.

But, is it really right to continue disturbing you until this time, Mama? Should I stop writing all these letters and let you really rest? I know, sometimes I don't make sense and all I do is whine, all the more reason for me to stop burdening you when you should be at peace.

I'm sorry, Mama. I'm sorry for all the troubles and disappointments I've caused you... even until now. I think I should just let you rest.

I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

When Angel came from home school this afternoon, she said she was told by her teacher that I can no longer apply for promissory note because I was not able to pay the full amount last time. What am I to do, Mama? We still are not going to receive our salary and Angel will be having their exams already!

Why are things like this happening to me, Mama? Am I such a bad person that karma is tossing me around? I can't go on anymore, Mama. I want to give up.

Dear Mama,

Angel now feels better. Thank you for helping me take care of her, Mama. She can go to school tomorrow. I did not send her to school today because she was still sick this morning. I'm sorry I was not able to take good care of our kids, Mama. I knew they would be better off if they were with you.

I wish you're still here, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I received a very good news today, Ralph passed the pre-board and is even ranked No. 94 in their school's Top 100. I know that's a reason to celebrate, Mama. I am happy and proud of our son but right now I am also worried. Mama, Angel is sick and I don't know what to do. Help me make her well, Mama.

Please...

Daddy

Dear Mama,

Good morning! It's 7:23 a.m. and the kids are still sleeping. Ralph is here, he went home yesterday. It's Edgar's turn now to be away, though. He attended another overnight team building in school, but he'll be back home today. He is very active and is joining a lot of activities in school, Mama. That is why he had to resign from his work. He needed to choose because one is affecting the other. I'm glad Edgar is wise enough to choose school activities. He is also not failing on his academics, Mama.

Well, that's really all the good stuff for now Mama. So I guess I better stop now. I will be waking the kids up in a while so they can have their breakfast. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I don't know if I'm feeling cold because I'm going to have a flu or it's just really old age. But I know I'm not feeling well, Mama. I feel so low.

Anyway, Edgar has resigned from his work in Jollibee so he can pursue extra-curricular activities in school. He is now joining the university choir, Mama. On top of the university and college newsletters where he is already a part of. He went to school early today because he said they will have a practice for a cultural presentation. I hope he will develop his talent, as well as his self-confidence there.

Angel is also active in her class. Although she is really requesting that I transfer her to another school, Mama. There must really be something wrong with her school now. I'm seriously considering it because I have already witnessed some of her complaints during the PTA meeting. Ralph is doing well, Mama... I guess. His only problem there is financial because I cannot really send him money. I know this will all pass, Mama.

Well, that's it for now, Mama. It's raining here now. Take care of yourself, Mama. Until my next letter. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I just want to say I miss you. Take care, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's almost midnight... and it's raining. I wish you're here right now, Mama. Edgar and Angel are already sleeping. It's Ralph's first day of pre-board exam today, he's going to have another one tomorrow. I haven't heard from him the whole day, Mama. I didn't call him nor text him too. I don't know if it would be helpful to always check him, but I plan to call him tomorrow after his exams. At least he would be relaxed by that time, Mama.

Well, I really do not have much to say, Mama. I still do not have any good news, and I'm sure you know what I mean. Still waiting for a miracle, Mama... although I do not know it will come from.

I guess that will be all for now. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you. Hug me in my dreams, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I'm sorry if I write you a letter in this tone again. I am worried about our son Ralph who is in Manila. He may not be saying it, but I know he already doesn't have any money Mama. The problem is I can't send him any because until now we haven't receive our salary yet. His monthly rental on the dormitory is also already due, Mama. I am just praying for miracles that somehow they find it in their hearts to pay us what is due to us.

As for the two kids, Edgar and Angel, since they're here with me, at least I can do something about their needs. Although what I'm giving them is not really enough.

I always ask myself, Mama... why did I let myself fall into this situation? Why do I always find myself being with inconsiderate and selfish people? When will I finally be able find my true worth and be respected, Mama? Am I really such a born loser?

I'm sorry, Mama... I'm sorry for failing you. I'll stop now.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's 10:00 p.m. and Edgar is not yet home. He is still at work, Mama. He'll be working until 11:00 p.m., perhaps he'll be home at around midnight because they still have to clean the store. Angel is in her room, I think she is already sleeping, Mama. Ralph is in Manila, he left at around 3 p.m. this afternoon.

I was able to cook spaghetti for the kids today, Mama. As usual, they liked it. Angel said it's delicious. She's been requesting for it for a long time and I thought since Ralph was here, it's a great time to cook spaghetti. It's a good thing I did not frustrate them.

Ralph will be having his first pre-board exam next Saturday, Mama. I know it really has no bearing for the actual board exam but it will help boost his morale. I hope he gets a high score on that.

As for me, I'm still hoping for my songs to be recorded and for my books to be published. I hope they will happen in this lifetime, Mama.

That will be all for now, Mama. I really don't have much to say right now. I miss you, Mama.Take care of yourself.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Yesterday and this morning, I was able to make Angel happy. I made a bento art for her school lunch yesterday, Mama. It was a sleeping bear which I learned from watching videos in the Internet. She loved it, Mama! It was very fulfilling to see our Angel happy. Today, for her school lunch, I made sushi rolls for her. Again, she loved them.

The problem I have now is I am running out of ideas, Mama. I wish I can do more and surprise her. I really love seeing her so happy every time I was able to prepare something special for her. They're having their test now, I hope her happiness will reflect on her exams.

Ralph said he'll go home today, Mama. Help me pray for his safe travel. Edgar will also have his exam this afternoon.

That will be it for now, Mama. I just wanted to tell you how happy Angel was yesterday and this morning. I miss you, Mama. I wish you're here. Take care of yourself.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I just want to say I'm trying to hang on. For the sake of the kids, Mama... as I promised you. I just wish I can hold your hands right now, Mama.

I need you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Today is exam week for Edgar and Angel, they will have their exams on Thursday and Friday. Edgar looks better now, compared to how he was last Friday. Ralph also feels better now, Mama. Thank you for helping me take care of them. I know you helped me, Mama.

Mama, I'm running out of food ideas for Angel's school lunch. I have very limited options because I really do not know how to cook and I do not have a ref, that's why I can't really stock perishable foods. I hope Angel won't get tired of what I am preparing for her.

I'm trying to cope, Mama. A lot of things are happening, or not happening, depends on how you look at it. I really hope I can make it and won't give up, Mama... for the sake of the kids. I want to fulfill my promise to you.

I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Last night, Angel told me what she finally decided to take up in college. Mama, she said she will take up Education. It made me smile because just a few days ago, she said doesn't want to be a teacher because of the stress of the job. I don't know why she choose it now, I guess she is really trying to follow you although she does not want to admit it yet.

Edgar is sick right now, Mama. He is not bedridden though. He still went to school today to interview some people for their school organ. But he is sick, I can see it. He is coughing and he has colds. I told him to stay home but he said he can't. I just told him to drink lots of water. I hope he'll be better tonight.

Haven't heard from Ralph, yet. I guess he is fine. I hope he is fine, Mama. I don't want to bother him every now and then. I guess he'll tell me if he have a problem, like he needs money or something.

As for me, nothing has changed Mama. Everything's still the same. Well, I better stop here Mama. I hope you're doing okay there. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I woke up early today to prepare Angel's lunch for school - tuna omelet, garlic baby potatoes and special fried rice. I thought I won't be able to pull it off, Mama. It's a good thing I woke up early and I saw a happy Angel going to school today. Now, I wonder what else I can prepare for her tomorrow. It's difficult to come up with ideas because we I do not have a ref and I can only buy items in the evening that won't perish such as canned goods or eggs. Otherwise, I need to buy very early in the morning.

But I'm not complaining, Mama. I'm very much happy and satisfied that Angel is bringing her baon to school now instead of buying food there. If only we have a ref, I can prepare more food for her. I guess I just have to be more resourceful and creative now, right Mama?

That's it for now, Mama. I just want to brag about my kitchen achievements this morning, although I know it's really nothing compared to yours. I miss you, Mama... and yes, I miss your cooking too.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I really do not know what to write to you... sometimes, I feel that I am just bothering you with my whining. I'm really sorry about that, Mama. Unfortunately, there is really nobody I can talk to here where I can really say what I feel. I miss you, Mama.

You know what, Mama? Angel seems to like my adobo. She requested it to be her baon today. I hope it's good enough because I'm sure she will be sharing it with her classmates. I am still not bold enough to cook binagoongan because I know I really cannot cook it the way that you do, Mama. This weekend, I'm planning to cook kangkong chips, I hope I can do it, Mama.

Anyway, all I'm talking about is food right now because I do not have any good thing to say. Edgar and Angel will be having  their exams next week. I already got their permits, Mama. But I had to ask nicely from the school's accounting department that they be issued their permit even I do not pay the required amount. Ralph is still in Manila. He won't go home this weekend. I hope I have something to send him before Monday comes, because I think he is already out of money.

Well, that's it for now Mama. I really wish I can hug your right now. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

time out with the kids

Dear Mama,

I had a nice time with kids this afternoon... well, almost. Angel and Ralph awee always fighting again, but I'm trying not to let it ruin our day, Mama. Went out with the kids and spent the whole afternoon, until evening, at SM Clark. We just had some food tripping, Mama. We ate shawarma, pretzels, ice cream and Korean food.

It was my idea, Mama. I needed to get out. I felt depressed of what's happening to us and there's nothing I can do. If I stayed home, I might just vent it out with the kids, so I just asked them to go out so I will be diverted from my problems. Edgar joined us, but he never stayed because he was with his friends.

Of course, it didn't solve my problems but at least the kids and I are happy for that moment. I wish you were with us, Mama. It would have been a happier family time if you were there. I miss you, Mama. And I miss you more every time we go out like this. I was always dreaming of the time when you were still with us and we would all go out. We won't even wait for any occasion, we just wanted to because we wanted to be happy.

I miss you, Mama. I really do.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I love you.


Daddy

letter

Dear Mama,

Hi! The kids are in their rooms now. It's already past midnight here, Mama. Ralph is home now, he'll leave again for Manila on Sunday. Tomorrow will be Angel's PTA meeting, Mama and she wants me to attend.

What can I say? I miss you, Mama. It's really difficult going through all these alone. I wish you were still here by my side, at least I would know what to do because you're here to hold my hands.

I'm sorry, Mama. I better stop now. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Update with the kids

Dear Mama,

It's another rainy morning. Angel is already in school while Edgar is still at home. He doesn't have any schedule at Jollibee today. You know what, Mama? Edgar talked to me yesterday, saying he wants to stop working because he feels his studies and other school activities are being affected with his work. I'm glad he sees it that way, Mama. He asked me if it's just okay with me if he resigns from his work. Of course, I said it's okay and it's up to him. I think he will resign soon, Mama. I'm glad his priority is school.

Ralph, meanwhile, is now beginning to realize how it is to live in the real world. He texted me yesterday complaining about how high their electric bill was. I told him it was expected because they have an air-condition there. I told him they should adjust on their electric usage now, but not on the air-con because their room is not well ventilated.

And Angel, you won't believe what she wants me to do, Mama. Angel wants me to attend the PTA meeting this Saturday and she wants me to be the president in their classroom PTA. She was even telling me last night that I should always remember to smile on Saturday.

Well, I guess that's it for now, Mama. I will just update you on my next letter on what is happening with us. I miss you, Mama. I really wish you're still here with us now. Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Went out last night with the kids, although Ralph was not with us. He choose to be with his friends for an overnight get-together. Angel, Edgar and I went out for pizza. Ralph is still not home yet right now. I think he'll come home at around 11 a.m., only to prepare his things and go back to Manila after taking lunch.

But the three of us had a great time last night, although it was really too late because Edgar only checked out from work at past 11 p.m. We went home at around 1 a.m. which is why they are still sleeping until now. Anyway, it's only 7 a.m. and today's Sunday. I will let them rest for a while, Mama.

It's raining right now, Mama. It's been raining since last night. We were lucky because the rain stopped for a while when we were out. Pampanga is under storm signal warning no. 2. I hope tomorrow gets better. It's really is the rainy season now, Mama.

I'm still waiting for the hot water so I can have my coffee now. I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I really miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Hi! I hope you're doing okay there, Mama. I was not feeling well yesterday. I don't know, but my head was throbbing, not sure if it's the eyeglass or it's from too much thinking. I hope its nothing serious, Mama.

Nothing new to tell, really. The kids are fine, Mama. Well, I guess that will be all for now. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Edgar is still at work now. He'll be on duty until 11 p.m., Mama. I hope it won't be raining by that time. I haven't texted Ralph today, Mama. I'm controlling myself from texting him every now and then because I don't like him to feel that I'm breathing over his shoulders. Please look after him Mama while he's away from us.

I miss you, Mama. I don't know why I've been feeling so alone, lately. I hate it. I don't like going through these, I'm trying to ignore these, Mama. It's killing me, it's making me want to give up. I really wish I can hold your hands and embrace you right now. I'm afraid, Mama... I am.

Sorry, Mama. I'll stop now. Take care of yourself. I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

These episodes are coming more often lately. Help me be strong, Mama. Please hold my hands so I won't give up. I just can't help but feel so alone.

Wish you were here, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

This morning I went to Museo Ning Angeles and submitted my resume. They said they really do not have an open position right now but they will try to see if they can work out something. From our discussion, they might need an archiver. I'm not really sure what the job covers Mama, but I think it has something to do with writing - research and documentation of the history of Angeles City. Sounds fun and challenging to me, Mama. I hope I get the job.

That's all I want to tell you right now, Mama. I wish you're here beside me so I can tell this to you personally. I miss you, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's rainy season once again, and I can't help but worry about the kids especially Ralph who is now in Manila. You know how bad it can get there during a heavy rain. It's a good thing he is on the 4th floor of their dormitory, they'll be safe there just in case there's flood. But he will have to go through floods when he goes to school. I hope he'll be fine there, Mama.

Of course, I'm worried about Angel and Edgar too. Edgar is now out to work, afterwards he'll go straight to his classes and will just go home this evening. Angel is also at school now, Mama. She'll be going home at around 5 p.m. I hope it won't rain when they are dismissed.

Still no good news for me, Mama. I hope I can find a better job soon. Help me pray for it, Mama.

That will be all for now. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I took the kids out today. Ralph went home from Manila this morning and he'll be going back tomorrow afternoon, that's why we celebrated Father's Day today. I just took them to dine at the mall Mama, just a little bonding moment for us. After that, we just roamed around the mall and went home at around 8:30 p.m.

We're fine, Mama. Ralph seems to be doing well, so far. I hope you're doing okay too, Mama. I wish you were with us this afternoon.

Take care of yourself, Mama. Until my next letter. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I want to have something nice to you right now, but I don't know what. Don't worry Mama, the kids are fine. They're doing okay.

I just feel lonely and alone right now. I wish I can be with you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Looks like it's not yet going to be okay. Not in the days to come, Mama. It may take longer. I hope I can be patient and strong enough for the kids. Help me not to give up, Mama.

If only you're still here by my side.

I need you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's Ralph's second week in Manila now. So far he's doing okay. By his text messages, he said he is always reading handouts and reviewing his lessons. I would like to believe him. I hope he sustains his seriousness and keeps focused, Mama.

Edgar will start his class tomorrow. I'm worried about him, Mama. He likes to keep working. I'm praying he knows what should be his priorities. Angel, so far, is doing okay too. It's just their second week of class and she already has many stories and anecdotes to tell.

As for me, I'm trying to keep my head above water, Mama. I'm trying to be strong for our kids. Pray for me, Mama.

That's all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I'm getting worried about Ralph. He seems to be getting adventurous in Manila. He is asking me how to go to some places because he wants to know his way around there, Mama. I just told him not to hurry and try not to think about it. That he has lots of time to do that and he'll soon know his way around.

I am hoping he is being careful there, Mama.You know our son, he can be so trusting. Yes, he took upon you. Most of your characteristics are with him - talking to strangers, helping others, putting himself last, etc. He got them all from you, Mama. I know, those are good qualities but it's making me worried now that he is Manila. I just hope he'll be fine.

The two kids are sleeping now. Edgar worked late. He came home at past 11 p.m. Tomorrow, he'll have the same schedule. Next week, he will already have his classes. I told him to prioritize his studies, Mama.

That will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

We were able to visit Apo yesterday at Sta. Teresita. I was glad because Angel kissed her upon seeing her and before we left. Apo was happy to see her grandchildren, Angel and Edgar. I told her Ralph is in Manila for his review class. I also told Ralph that we visited Apo.

She looked better yesterday as compared to how she was when we saw her last Christmas. But she's no longer the same Ima that used to lived with us in Bagongbayan then. She's weak, because of her age and sickness. She was hospitalized twice this year. We weren't able to visit her because we were not informed, Mama. She's alone at the house. I hope her grandchildren who live within the compound are looking after her.

We talked about a lot of things, Mama. We even talked about Atching Ledy. Apo is aware of the money she owes you and told us the she will visit her and ask about it one of these days.

Ralph, I guess, is doing well in Manila. He is texting me once in a while to tell me what he's doing or what he's seeing there. I guess he appreciates his freedom. I hope he is learning from it, Mama.

Well, that will be all for now Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

We will be visiting Apo tonight after work. I told Angel yesterday that she's in Sta. Teresita. At first we thought of doing it this weekend but Apo might not be there again by then. So we decided to do it today to be sure that they will see her. Fortunately, Edgar do not have work today. I'm sure Apo will ask about Ralph because he won't be with us.

Still looking bleak for us, Mama. That's all I can say. All I can really do right now is to pray that things will get better for us soon... for the sake of the kids.

I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Will update you of our visit to Apo tomorrow. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

We still haven't received our salary yesterday although it was promised, as it has always been. My interest and penalties on my loans are piling up. I'm sorry I had to resort to borrowing money with interest again, Mama. I just need to find some means to support our kids' needs. I'm worried now about Ralph who is in Manila for his review because I only gave him a small amount for his allowance. Although in his last text, he said he's doing fine. If for anything, I think this is a good time for him to learn managing his finances.

I saw Lauro today at the jeepney I was riding on my way to work. He said Apo is now in Sta. Teresita, Angel has been wanting to see her but she wasn't staying there before. This weekend I will ask Angel if she wants to visit Apo.

I also asked Angel the other day Mama if it would be okay if I pay Atching Ledy a visit. She replied that it is not and added that it should be Atching Ledy who should be ashamed because we never heard again from her since you went home. Angel also said she'll go with me so she will be the one to tell her.

Honestly Mama, I am not really expecting those money she owe you but at this time I know the kids need them, especially Ralph.

I'm sorry Mama. All I think about is money lately. Well, I'm still adjusting now that Ralph is no longer living with us. Angel and Edgar seem to be adapting well. As usual, it's always me who is having a problem adjusting.

Anyway, I've said a mouthful already. I guess I will stop for now. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Today is Angel's first day of school. She went to school early at around 6 a.m. Fortunately, she woke me up early and I was able to cook for her. It's also Ralph's first day of review class in Manila. I hope he'll be okay there, Mama. I'm always praying for his safety. I am trying my best not to worry.

Edgar won't have his class until next week. I still have this week to buy him notebooks and other things needed for his schooling. He also needs new pants, Mama. I hope we can receive our complete salary today so I can provide for all of those.

That will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

We arrived home tonight at past 8:00 after helping Ralph bring his things to his dormitory in Manila. Our son is already there now Mama with his friends. I cannot help but be worried. I hope he'll be fine there, Mama.

That's all I really want to say now, Mama. Goodnight for now. Take care yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Tonight will be Ralph's last night with us because he will go to Manila tomorrow. I have already rented a van so it will be convenient for him to bring all his things. They're quite plenty... and bulky, Mama. I guess he had no idea before when he said he'd just ride a bus on his way. But since I know better, I could not let it be that way. Unfortunately, I have to use all our resources to be able to do that.

Last night, I was able to buy him a foam for his bed. All he needs now are an electric fan and a portable cabinet. If we would get our salary today, I will be able to buy him tonight. If not, I told him to sacrifice at least for a week and promised to buy him an electric fan next week.

Angel's school items are almost complete while I still haven't bought anything for Edgar, aside from a bag. He still doesn't have any notebooks. Anyway, his classes won't start until June 10. So, I still have the whole of next week to buy him his things.

Well, that will be all now Mama. I hope you can help me look after Ralph while he is in Manila. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Last night I took the kids out for a movie and dinner. Of course, I had to stick to a budget because I'm saving up for Ralph's needs as well as the two kids. I just felt we need to go out and spend time together before Ralph goes to Manila. It's a good thing Edgar's schedule at Jollibee yesterday was in the morning.

The kids had fun. They were satisfied, Mama. We went home at around 10 p.m. I slept immediately because I still wasn't feeling well.

On Saturday, we will be going to Manila to help Ralph bring his things. I hope he will be safe while he's in Manila, Mama.

Well, I guess that will be all for now Mama. I just wish you were with us last night. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I'm really thankful for everything that you did while you were still here. Because of all the kindness and goodness you've shown then, good things are happening for the kids. Thank you very much, Mama.

I received a message from an old friend whom I haven't seen for a long time. He said he will help on Ralph's needs while he is Manila for his review class. Isn't that great, Mama?! I know it's all because of your good karma. I have been thinking these past few days on how I could support Ralph while he is in Manila while making sure I can also provide for Edgar and Angel's needs here and all of a sudden, help came from an unexpected source. Thank you very much, Mama.

Right now, I'm battling a flu. I don't really fell well, physically. But I really feel good from the news I received. God is still good to us, Mama.

Well, that's all for now Mama. Until my next letter. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy


P.S. Thanks again.

Dear Mama,

I hope I'm doing the right thing. I've rented a van that we can use on Saturday to help Ralph bring his things to Manila. You know he'll start his review class on Monday and he will be bringing lots of things, from clothes, books, pillows, mattress, and more. He can't carry all those if he would just commute.

I have enough money left to pay for the van and a little amount for his pocket money for the first or at least second week. After that, I can only pray that there'll be provisions for us that would come.

I think I should stop now, Mama. I feel you won't like again what I would write if I continue. Please help us pray, Mama. I'm getting weak... I'm almost wanting to give up. Help me be strong, Mama.

Until my next letter. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

We went to Manaoag Church yesterday. Most of my prayers were for Ralph, for his safety during his stay in Manila for the review. He will be leaving this Saturday, Mama. I am still trying to find some means to provide for all his needs.

Both Ralph and Angel will be starting on their respective classes next Monday, Mama. Edgar, I think, will start the week after that.

We're fine, Mama. The kids are doing well. Take care of yourself. I hope I can see you soon. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I was able to buy Angel's books this morning, but most of them are second hand books. They are available at their school's bookstore and almost half the price of the brand new ones. I hope Angel won't mind, Mama. They are still in good condition, anyway.

I'm sorry I have to be prudent on Angel, Mama. I just want to make that I can cover all their needs, our three kids. That is why I had to seek cheaper items because I really do not have enough money. I'm sorry, Mama.

Bye for now. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Hi! I haven't written for a few days,  sorry about that. It's less than 2 weeks before classes start, Mama. I still haven't bought any supplies for the kids. Although I was able to have Angel measured for 3 blouses for her uniform. Hopefully I can buy her books until next week, that is if we get our salary, Mama.

Ralph will be leaving us soon for Manila, Mama. I hope he'll be fine there. Although he'll be there with some of his friends, I'm still worried about him, Mama. It's not just an overnight thing. Just thinking about him on his own in Manila fills me with anxiety. Please guide him, Mama.

Edgar still enjoys working with Jollibee. He will be on graveyard shift tonight. He likes that schedule, which I don't. But of course, I won't intervene with his decision, especially since there's really nothing wrong about it. I am just worried about him, Mama.

Mama, I hope I am doing good in raising our children. I really don't feel I'm doing well. I wish I can do better for them so that I won't be worried every time they are away from me.

I guess I should stop here, lest I start whining again. Take care of yourself, Mama. I really miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I'm sorry I forgot that today is May 19, I forgot to greet you in my earlier letter. Happy anniversary, Mama. Thank you for giving me a chance then. I'm really sorry I forgot, I have a lot on my mind lately. I hope you can forgive me.

Happy anniversary, Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Edgar is requesting for paksiw tonight. He is actually at work and texted me asking if I know how to cook it. He will be home in the afternoon that is why I know he wants it at dinner. I know how to cook it Mama, although I cannot always make sure it will be perfect every time. I guess I just have to rely on my gut feel.

Angel is still sleeping while Ralph is now having his breakfast. I am now going to watch some videos on the net on how make a perfect paksiw, like it was you who cooked it Mama.

That's all for now, Mama. Good morning. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Edgar worked the whole day today. He left at about 9 a.m. this morning and came home at past 8 in the evening. Tomorrow, he'll work again starting 6 a.m. I hope he won't get overworked, Mama. He is sleeping now. I told him to sleep so he can rest and wake up early tomorrow.

That will be all for now, Mama. Please look after Edgar, help him wake up early Mama.

Until my next letter. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I'm about to sleep but I want to write you a letter first. I haven't written for about 2 or 3 days now, I'm sorry Mama. I guess I just do not have any good news to say.

Anyway, the kids are doing fine. Like what I've said in my previous letter, all of them are already enrolled and my only problem now is their things - books, pens, papers, uniforms, etc. I'm sure something good will happen soon... I hope.

And that's it. That will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

P.S. Things would feel a little easier if only I can hold your hands right now, Mama.

Dear Mama,

Edgar was admitted for enrollment in spite of the below minimum initial payment of P2,000. Of course, we had to almost beg and explain that it was the only money we have in the meantime. The deficit will be added to his installment, that means bigger installments for us, Mama. But I'll just think about it later, right now I need to find some means to be able to buy their needs. We still haven't received our salaries, Mama. It's more than a month now. I really wish I had a better option.

That will all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama. Hope to be with you really soon.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I tried enrolling Edgar today with only P2,000.00, they accepted the money but they did not accept his enrollment. They said a minimum of P5,000.00 is needed for him to be enrolled. We still do not have our salary yet, Mama. I'm not sure if we're going to get it this week as they promised. I'm running out of time, Mama. Just like before, I am a total failure.

I'm sorry, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Happy Mother's Day!

Today is Mother's Day again, Mama... and we will be spending it without you again. We miss you, Mama... I miss you! I wish you are looking down at us now from heaven and smile for me.

I hope you're doing well, Mama. Happy Mother's Day!

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

P.S.
Let me just share this old video I made for you, Mama. I hope you like it.

 Happy Mother's Day, Mama! I love you.

Dear Mama,

I was able to enroll Angel this morning. Next week, it will be Edgar's enrollment and Ralph also needs to buy things that he needs when he stays in Manila for his review. I just hope I can still survive this, Mama.

It will be Mother's Day on Sunday, Mama. Unfortunately, we will be celebrating it without a mother in our midst. I'm really sorry for the kids, Mama. I know I just can't fill up the space that you left for them.

I'm sorry... I'm going through it again. I better wrap up now before I start whining again. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

My birthday went well, although it could have been better if only there was power. We had a long spell of brownout yesterday, Mama. Of course, since there's no electricity there's also no electric fan, plus it's still summer. Imagine how Angel was feeling yesterday.

We were supposed to eat out. We're supposed to go to Jollibee where EA is working. Unfortunately, we can't leave because Chuchi and Fluffy were fighting again. So Angel and I just went to EA while Ralph stayed home. We just ordered food for take-out and had dinner at home. Since it was brownout, it was dinner by candlelight, Mama.

We still enjoyed the dinner, in spite of what happened. The children even sang a happy birthday song for me before we ate, Mama. And it was Edgar's treat! Of course, I had to pitch in too. I won't allow him to use all his hard-earned money just for my birthday, Mama.

Still nothing good happening to me, Mama. Well, at least none of us sick. I guess I should be thankful for that.

Well, that's all for now Mama. Tomorrow will be Angel's enrollment. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I'm officially 45 today. I was waiting for you to visit me last night, Mama. I guess maybe because it was too hot in the house, I remember how you don't like it when it's too hot. I understand, Mama.

Well... that's it, Mama. I really do not have anything new to say. But I hope you will visit me soon.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I'm sorry I was not able to visit you at La Pieta yesterday. We went to Concepcion for the wake of Ric, I'm sure you know by now that he passed away last Friday. His interment will be tomorrow, good thing it's a holiday here and I can attend the service.

My legs still hurt a little, Mama. I can't raise them high without assisting them with my hands. Otherwise I can walk fine. I guess I'm really getting old, Mama. Only 2 days from now and I'm officially 45 years old.

Well, that will be all for now, Mama. Until my next letter. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I can walk better now, I can lift my legs a little higher. Although I still feel pain Mama, but at least I feel better than how I was yesterday. I don't know what triggered it, Mama. Maybe it's my age. It must be my body's way of welcoming my 45th birthday next week.

Edgar will be working on graveyard shift tonight, Mama. I'm worried about him, but he said he can handle it. It will be his first graveyard schedule, I hope he'll be fine, Mama.

There's really nothing much I can say right now, Mama. Ralph and Angel are still staying at home, Fluffy is still not allowed to go outside because she'll fight with Chuchi.

Until my next letter, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

When I woke up this morning, I had a hard time standing up. I can't raise my feet, Mama. I have to lift them up with my arms before I can move them up. I can walk fine, Mama. But I can only walk on flat surfaces. When there's a raised step like stairs, I can't lift my feet Mama. Again, I had to lift them up. On my way to work, I had a difficult time getting on the jeepney. It was painful just getting on the jeepney. I don't remember eating anything to trigger this, Mama.

After work, I plan to walk on my way home Mama. Maybe I could numb this pain and then maybe I can walk better.

That will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy


P.S. Would you come visit me on my birthday, Mama?

Dear Mama,

May 8 is coming up fast. I will be 45 by then Mama. I'm growing old with nothing to show for my existence.

Hmm... let's change the topic Mama. Edgar is still working, although I hear him complain now. He is standing while he works, Mama. I was asking him if he still want to continue or stop working. He said he will not quit, Mama. I guess he really wants to save up for his iPhone.

Angel and Ralph are doing fine, Mama. They are the ones who are left at the house when Edgar and I go to work. I guess it's a good chance for them to bond together.

Fluffy is still not allowed to go outside the house and Chuchi cannot go inside. Their last fight was fierce, Mama. I'm worried about the 2 dogs. I don't know how to handle. Actually, they're giving me anxiety just thinking about them. I know Mama, making mountains out of molehills again.

I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I was able to visit you again this afternoon at La Pieta. It's really so quiet and peaceful there, Mama. How I wish I can stay there and just be with you forever. Of course Mama, I know I can't do that. I have to look after the kids.

I really miss you, Mama. I feel lost right now.

I think I should stop here Mama and just write you another letter when I feel better. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

They released the top 100 in the PhilPop songwriting contest and I wasn't included. I couldn't even make it to the top 100, Mama. Maybe I'm really a lousy composer. I guess I'm not really cut to be a songwriter, Mama. I think I need to give up that dream.

I only wanted to accomplish something to make you proud of me, Mama. And the kids too, I want them to be proud of their father.

I guess it won't happen now, Mama. Maybe it will never happen. Nothing good is happening to me lately, Mama. Frustrations after frustrations after frustrations. I'm getting tired, Mama.

I need you, Mama. I need you now.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

While everyone is going gaga over watching Iron Man 3, I have to worry where to get our next meal and money for the kids' enrollment. Life isn't really fair, Mama.

How did I end up like this?


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Why am I surrounded with proud, righteous, selfish and self-centered people? Why do I always meet people who think only of themselves? Am I attracting them, Mama? Is it a curse or does that mean I'm also one of them? Am I really a bad person, Mama?

I thought I was always considerate, trying to understand others before I think about myself. Somehow, I thought other people would be like that too, Mama. But it's not. Every person I meet believes that he is the lone son of God and the world owes him reverence.

I'm tired, Mama. I really am. I'm trying to fight for the kids... but I'm really tired. I wish I can be with you right now.

I miss you, Mama.. I need you now.


Daddy

Can I be with you now, Mama?

Dear Mama,

The dogs are fighting. Chuchi and Fluffy are fighting quite often lately, Mama and I'm worried about them and the kids. They tend to get so violent in their fight we have to pull them apart. I don't know what happened to them, Mama. They used to co-exist harmoniously before. I hope it's just a phase they are going through.

We're still not getting regular salaries, Mama. I'm worried because it will be Edgar and Angel's enrollment soon. I also need to budget for Ralph's review. Although he is already enrolled, he will be staying in Manila for 5 months and I can't imagine him being there without money. I wish everything turns better for us soon.

Looks like Edgar is getting my same fate, Mama. His salary in Jollibee is quite small compared to what he is expecting. Looks like there are anomalies going on in their company. I hope it's not true, otherwise I will be forced to write their company and also write about it in my blog.

I guess that will be all for now Mama. Help me pray for Chuchi and Fluffy to stop fighting. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

How are you? Me, I'm not really  feeling well right now Mama. No, I'm not sick. I just feel so low because nothing good has been happening lately. Oh wait! I think I should be thankful because the kids are healthy. That should cheer me up.

Anyway, I really do not have anything much to say right now Mama. I'm just hanging on... hoping I can still go on and continue.

I miss you, Mama. I wish I can hug you right now. Take care of yourself.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Edgar is out tonight. He will go home tomorrow. Today's their team building and he is sending me text messages every now and then. Looks like he's having fun, Mama.

That will be all for now, Mama. I really miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy


p.s. I wish I can hold your hand right now.

Dear Mama,

Edgar is really excited for their team building/conference tomorrow. I am excited for him too, Mama. I hope it will be a good experience for him and he'd learn a lot in writing. I am really surprised, Mama. Edgar is the last child I would expect to be inclined in writing. We both know that he is into music and arts. I guess he wants a broader horizon to explore, Mama. May he stay focused in his journey.

Ralph, I believe, is really bored at home right now. Yes Mama, he is staying in the house with Angel. He doesn't go out. Well, aside from I really do not give him money to go out, he really has nowhere to go. So he just stay at home to read and sleep most of the time.

Angel stays at home too, Mama. But she knows how to entertain herself. She listens to a lot of music in her phone. She also reads a lot of books now. She and Ralph swap books they read, and sometimes they even discussed it during meal time.

Me? Just the same, Mama. Nothing's new. Well, I looked at the mirror closely recently and aside from getting thin, I think I really look old. No wonder I can't get any woman to like me hahaha!

Anyway, that will be for now Mama. Take care of yourself. I really miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I am now in the office, writing this letter. I came early just in case there would be some problems or I might need to walk along the way. You know what, Mama? I went to work today with only P20 in my pocket. Just enough for me to go home tonight after work. That's right Mama. We still haven't received our salary yet. Oh well, it was my choice to work here. I really wish I could find an alternative source of income.

Remember Edgar telling me he wants to experience what it's like to stay in the hotel? He will be getting that wish soon, Mama. Unfortunately, it won't be me granting that wish to him. It will be their college newsletter, The Pioneer, where he passed as one of the writers before last semester ended. I told him there would be a sort of seminar or team building to orient the new members, but I never expected it to be conducted in a hotel. The good news is that he won't be paying anything. His only problem, which I find amusing Mama, is he doesn't have a decent digital camera. He wants to capture pictures of his first hotel experience.

Last night, he told me his plan. He said he will be buying himself a camera from his salary in Jollibee. I cannot contest him because it's his money and he worked for it, Mama. Only, as he said, he will be adjusting his plans. Because his original plan was to save money and buy an iPhone in 3 or 4 months. I only told him he needs to handle his finances well.

I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I haven't written for quite a while now. I really do not have anything new to say, Mama. Edgar is enjoying his work in Jollibee. He always have stories when he gets home. I'm happy he is having positive experience in it so far.

Ralph and Angel are just staying home. Ralph is no longer working for his O.J.T. is just waiting for the start of the review. Angel is just waiting for the start of the class.

There aren't really much going with us, Mama. Nothing's new. Ordinary days, everyday. Well, I'd like to believe we're happy. I'm really glad I do not have demanding kids. Of course, I know I have to thank you for that, Mama. You taught them positive values.

I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Until my next letter. I miss you, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's 30 minutes past midnight. The kids are already sleeping. It just kind of get a little bit lonely during this time, Mama. I know I can just sleep it off, but it doesn't really change anything, does it.

I know I'm not making any sense, Mama. Honestly, I really do not know what I wanted say right now, either. It's just that I feel so alone right now.

I guess I really should just sleep this off. Goodnight Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's official! Ralph finally graduated this afternoon. Our eldest has finished college, Mama! Aren't you proud of him? Finally, our prayers and hard work paid off. We were able to send Ralph to school. I hope he'll be responsible to shape and prepare for his future. Now, it's just Edgar and Angel that we have to work for, Mama. I hope I am making you happy in spite of my constant whining.

That's really all I have to tell you right now, Mama. But let me share with you some pictures of Ralph this afternoon.

Edgar was not with us because he was working during Ralph's graduation. But he joined us after his work. Unfortunately, the camera's battery died and I was not able to take pictures of Ralph while he was on the stage and while we were celebrating after the graduation. But he was happy, Mama. And so am I.

We miss you, Mama. Wish you were with us.

I love you.

Daddy

Dear Mama,

I was finally able to visit you again at La Pieta this afternoon after a long while. I'm sorry I am not visiting you as often as I used to do. After what happened before, I am afraid what I might find again there. But you know Mama, every time I am there I really do not want to go home. It's so peaceful and quiet there. I wish I could just stay there with you forever, Mama.

Tomorrow will be Ralph's graduation. Our son has already finished studying, Mama. We were able to send him to school and give him the best gift every parent can give their son. We did it, Mama! But as you know, we will not be celebrating tomorrow. I hope our son understands.

That will be all for now, Mama. Wish you're here with us. I miss you, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Am I being too strict on Ralph? I asked Angel if I was too strict and she said yes. She also said that Ralph is already a college graduate, I should let him go.

I am letting go of him, Mama. I allow him every time that he asks me if he can go out with his friends. I do not really restrict him from doing the things he wanted to do. All I was asking from him was to be courteous enough to let me know and that for him to be responsible and think about his brother and sister too.

Am I doing wrong, Mama? Am I pushing Ralph away?

If only you were still here, you would know what to do, Mama.

I'm sorry. I'll stop now. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I'm sorry. I shouted at Angel. She's crying now. I'm really sorry, Mama. I just had to do it. I'm really sorry.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

My head aches. I fear that it is not just a simple headache, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I'm not okay. They already hired someone else in DepEd Mabalacat and the job inside Clark is not a guarantee. The person who would be hiring me will be leaving the country this month and will only be back next month. Still, I am not yet sure that he will hire me once he get back.

I blew it again, Mama. Looks like there is still no silver lining in the horizon for me. Will there ever be, Mama?

Please pray for me.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Last night I told Edgar that on his first salary, he should buy something for himself to celebrate his first pay. I asked him before if would take us out once he gets his pay and he said he might. That's why I told him that so he would have to buy for himself first, before he thinks about us. I want his first hard-earned money to be memorable for him, Mama.

Ralph will be having their practice for their graduation today. I was able to borrow money for his graduation picture, which was not yet included on those that I paid yesterday. He said he didn't have a graduation picture last year, so I made sure he will have one this year.

Angel is not yet done cleaning in her room, Mama. I don't really know if she will ever be finished. There are lots of clutters in her room and so few she is willing to throw away. Oh well, I'm sure she will realize soon which are really the important items in her room.

That's it for now, Mama. I have no good news for myself. I'm still waiting for one. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I was finally able to pay Ralph's tuition and graduation fee this morning. But as I have told him Mama, it took everything I got and we may not be able to go out and celebrate on his graduation. Am I such a bad father, Mama? I know it really wouldn't change a thing and I'm sure he will understand... but wouldn't it be nice if I can make that day a little more special for him? Wishful thinking again.

Still waiting for the call on the job inside Clark, Mama. I hope it will be soon. I will also take a look at the opportunity in DepEd Mabalacat. I wish one of these two would be the answer to our situation.

Edgar seems to do well in his work, Mama. It was just his first day yesterday. His training will be two weeks. I didn't hear any complaints last night and he's quite excited for his first salary. I hope he buys something for himself to celebrate his first pay.

Angel is fine. She did a cleaning up of her clutters in her room yesterday. She's still not finished. She doesn't want to throw some stuff which are not really useful. I don't want to force her. Those are her things.

Anyway, that will all for now Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Hi! I hope you're doing okay. The kids are fine. Edgar will be reporting for work again this afternoon. It's the second time he will be working. Ralph said he will go to school today for the viewing of grades. Angel will just stay home and she will be her same old cute self.

Next week will be Ralph's graduation, April 10 to be exact. We got no plans, Mama. Anything goes, with whatever we may have at that time. I'm sure they won't mind, but I really wish I can give them something better. Oh well, at least we got each other, Mama.

I really do not have anything new to say, Mama. I just wanted to say hello before I get to work. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

We just got home after celebrating Edgar's birthday at SM Clark this afternoon. We waited for him after he finished his first day of duty at Jollibee. He said it was okay. His next duty will be on Monday, Mama.

So we went to SM at around 3 p.m. and I was able to buy him a backpack bag and also cheap shoes that he can use in his work. They said he cannot use his shoes because it has a shoelace. They advised him against using shoes with shoelaces. Good thing there was one available within budget.

After that, we just walked around the mall and we had our dinner at Mr. Frosty when it was about 5 p.m. It was almost 6 p.m. when we finished and Angel asked that we go to National Bookstore before we go home. I was able to buy Ralph two books because they were on sale, one was only P20 and the other was P50. After that we went home, but I bought cotton candy for Angel along the way home.

I also bought ice cream for the kids which we shared together when we reached the house... and that was Edgar's birthday celebration. I know, it was quite simple.Good thing, our kids are not really that demanding and are easy to please. Of course, it helped that you raised them well and they understand our situation. It would have been happier though, if only you were still here with us.

I'm sorry, Mama. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you about our day. Until my next letter, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's Edgar's first day of work today at Jollibee. He left early, around 4:30 a.m., his schedule starts 5 a.m. He only has one problem, he doesn't have a hair net, which is required of him because he is assigned in the kitchen. I hope he was able to borrow from his co-workers.

Angel and Ralph are still sleeping. It's already 8:30 a.m. I just let them sleep, there is no reason to wake up early anyway. Besides, that will be one meal savings for us. Just kidding, Mama. You know the kids, they'd rather sleep than wake up early for breakfast.

Later, I will take them out to eat for a simple celebration of Edgar's 18th birthday. We were not able to go out yesterday because it was Good Friday and most establishments were closed. I might also buy him a backpack for his birthday. It's the only thing in his wishlist that I can afford to give for his birthday, Mama.

I'm just having my coffee now, Mama. In a while, I will be preparing for the lunch of the kids. I think Edgar will be home for lunch too.

That will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

We were able to observe Visita Iglesia last night, me and the kids. It was rather hot even if it was already evening and we did more walking than riding yesterday, but the kids did not complain. There were no problems last night, Mama. Thanks God no one was grumpy to spoil the family moment.

We started here in Marisol, then in Balibago and we went around Angeles City. Our last church was the Lourdes Sur East Parish Church. It was almost midnight when we finished, Mama. We started rather late and of course, there was too much traffic, especially around Carmelite Monastery.

Of course, after the Visita Iglesia I took the kids out to eat. Since it was almost midnight, we waited for Edgar's birthday. We were at McDonald's Hi-way then, Mama. I told them that it was our celebration for Edgar's 18th birthday. I don't know if they heard that or they just did not take it seriously.

It was already past 1:00 a.m. when we went home, Mama. Of course the kids were tired. After changing clothes, they went directly to sleep. Today, I don't think we can celebrate Edgar's birthday since it is a Good Friday and there are no open establishments aside from fastfoods and a few local restaurants. I don't know if they would insist tomorrow.

By the way Mama, Edgar will be starting his work in Jollibee tomorrow. He is not sure though if he will still be a trainee or an employee already. He has already completed his requirements. I'm sure he'll do well, Mama. He has improved a lot and I can't believe how sociable he has become right now. Although he is still very idealistic and easily gets irritated of others being inconsiderate. I know, sounds familiar.

Anyway, I have said quite a mouthful already. The kids are still sleeping. I won't wake them since we went late last night as I have said, or should I say we went home very early today? I wish you were with us last night, Mama.

Take care of yourself now. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

You know, aside from the job opportunity in DepEd, I also have another job option. This tine in Clark. I went yesterday to the person who might hire me. The offer is bigger than that of DepEd and definitely bigger than what I am getting now.... even I am to get my right pay.

However, Mama, there is still no guarantee. I am not yet a shoo-in, although I am recommended by a friend that the person I talked to believed in. I hope that would amount to something. The thing is, either I start this April (which is better) or in May when he comes back from his out-of-the-country trip. Anyway, I'm hoping I will make the right decision this time.

In two days, Edgar will be turning 18. I might not be able to celebrate or give him an expensive gift. Angel suggested that we give him a bag. I might be able to do that.

After that, it's Ralph's graduation on April 10. I was able to raise enough funds for his tuition and graduation fee. Of course, I had to beg again. Thanks to a friend who helped me. I know I can't rely on my job's salary.

Tomorrow will be our annual Visita Iglesia, Mama. Excited for this another of our annual family event. I hope nothing untoward happen, you know between Ralph and Angel. I'm sure when we finish, it will be Edgar's birthday already. So, we might have a bite before we go home.

I guess that will be for all now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Ralph told me last night that their graduation will be on April 10, which means I need to pay our balance on his tuition fee plus his graduation fee for him to be able to graduate. I hate it when I'm getting consumed with money problems, Mama. I know I should not be, because I have a lot to be thankful for, starting with our three beautiful kids! But every time I am faced with problems like this, I am reminded of how miserable our life is... how I am such a lousy provider for our kids... and how selfish and inconsiderate some people are.

I don't like blaming people for our misery, Mama. I know I brought all these upon myself. This is my karma for screwing up, I only wish it does not affect the kids. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about it.

Always, I am praying that things will get better. Always, I am getting a little sign of hope that they might actually get better Mama... and then something comes up and I am tossed back to reality.

I don't like begging, Mama. I do not like attracting sympathy. I am better than this. But why is this happening to me? To the kids? Will it actually get better?

I'm sorry, Mama. I'm losing it again. During times like this, I wish you are here by my side. Maybe I would know what to do... or maybe, at least I would feel better because I have your hands to hold.

I'm hanging on, Mama. Don't worry, I'm not giving up yet. I am still holding on to faith.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I really miss you. I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I just have to write another letter to you. Atching Gay sent me a message telling me that there is an opening in  DepEd in Mabalacat. I said I will submit my application. Honestly, I am not really expecting anything because I might be tagged as overqualified again. Still, I hope this could be different and be the chance for me to improve the life of our kids.

When I told Nanay about it, she said she knows someone in Mabalacat DepEd. When she mentioned the name, it was the name Atching Gay mentioned to me. Nanay said he is a distant relative and he knows her. Looks I might have a chance, Mama. I wish this is the chance I am waiting for. Help me pray for it Mama. Thank you very much.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

You know what? Edgar won second place in the fiction writing contest he joined yesterday! A few minutes after I finished sending you my letter yesterday, I received a text message from him saying that he won a silver medal for his story. I was surprised, but happy and proud of course. He was the last one I expected to excel in the literary field because he used to be more in the visual arts and music field. But I'm glad that he is into writing too!

It could have been a reason for us to celebrate, but unfortunately Mama... we can't. We still are not getting the pay we deserve. I do not why I ended up in this situation. It's the first time for me to encounter very selfish and inconsiderate people. I never thought they actually exist! I guess I trusted too much.

Edgar will be turning 18 next week and Ralph will be graduating this April. I was hoping I can make those days special for them, Mama... but I can't. I thought things will get better for us, but it didn't... and it's all my fault. I made a very bad decision and now I'm suffering the consequences, with the kids being affected. I'm sorry Mama, I failed again.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Edgar is in school right now. I thought he was just attending an event, then he texted me saying that he was not able to finish his short story because of the limited time. Apparently, he joined an on-the-spot short story writing contest and the awarding will be this afternoon. He said he stands a good chance, although I do not know how since he didn't finish his story. It seems he is developing his self-confidence now, Mama. He brought home their college newsletter where his article was published. Next year, he'll be joining the university newsletter.

Ralph is having their exams now. Their last day of examination is tomorrow, and then all the three kids are on vacation. Although, I'm sure he will still be attending his o.j.t. even if school is already finished. That is what I advised him, Mama.

Angel is here with me at the house. She's in her room right now listening to music.

I want to tell you a lot of things, Mama. I wish I can really talk to you. I wish I can see you in my dreams and  talk to you.

Anyway, that will all for now about the kids. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Tomorrow is Edga's E-Night or College Night in school. It's an event that culminates the end of the school year, I guess. They're theme is ICON, or they will come dressed as some icons, either real or fictional. Sort of  a Cosplay. I suggested he comes as Palos, thinking that it will be easy and cheap. After all the most distinguishing feature of Palos was his cap, and then he wore all black.

Unfortunately Mama, I can't find Palos' cap anymore! I am now calling on some contacts just so I could borrow or if they can refer me where I can find one. It's not as easy as I thought it would be, Mama. The problem is, Palos is too old a character that few people know him these days. I will be looking again later after work, Mama.

Angel is still in Sta. Teresita. She wanted to visit her Apo, unfortunately she is not staying in your old house. They said Apo is staying at Atching Da's house. Problem is, we do not know where that is. This is the second time that Angel was again disappointed.

Ralph? Still having his exams. Tonight is the start of their finals, actually. I just hope he is focused as he is telling me. I really do not like breathing over his shoulder. He is all grown up, after all.

Well, that will be all for now Mama. Please take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Mama, I don't feel well.

Dear Mama,

You know what? I had a very silly thought this morning. It just entered my mind, from out of nowhere, an office with a name on it - Dela Cruz & Dela Cruz, CPA's. Funny, right? I know Mama, it is funny.

I don't know, but I suddenly dreamed of opening an auditing firm with Ralph once he passes the board exam. Honestly, I have no worries about him passing. I know Ralph can make it... but me practicing? It could be a long shot for me. But it would be nice to work hand in hand with our son, Mama.

Angel will be staying at Nanay's house this week, Mama. She is the only one who no longer has classes. Ralph and Edgar still have their finals this week. I don't want to, but I'll be less worried because she won't be home alone when her brothers are in school, Mama.

Well, still no good news for us. More prayers, Mama. Help me make it through.

Take care of yourself, Mama. Until my next letter. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

How are you? Am I too formal? Awkward, I know. I still don't know what to say. I do not want to whine, Mama.

This week is the last week of Ralph and Edgar in school. They will have their final exams this week. Angel is already on vacation, although tomorrow is their deliberation. She is sure that there is no reason for her to be worried. I did not confirm her enrollment for the next school year at AUF, though. Because a P500 deposit was required and I do not have extra money then. But I will enroll her, Mama.

Ralph tuition for the review school is already paid. Now, I just have to worry about his balance in Holy Angel, otherwise he won't graduate and won't be issued his clearance. I am praying I will find the money, Mama.

Edgar is not yet starting in Jollibee. He is asked to submit his requirements to an agency in Dau. It was only lately that he was told that he'll be working under an agency. Have I already told you that he made it to their university newsletter? I think I did, or I didn't? Anyway, he did and I was surprised, but of course, I am proud of him.

I'm sorry, Mama. I really do not know what to say. I still do not see the silver lining. The horizon still looks bleak for us.

Anyway, take care of yourself Mama. I really miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I don't know what to say anymore. Why do I always find myself in the company of insensitive and selfish people? Why do I get to be around people who think only of themselves? I hate it! Am I that too bad of a person to deserve this karma? But what I really hate is that it's affecting the children!

I don't know what to do, Mama. Help me!


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Ralph is on his way to Manila right now to pay for his fees at CPAR. Help me pray for his safety, Mama. I'm glad I was able to get enough money for his review tuition fee. They already picked up the freezer yesterday, Mama. Too late that I realized that it's a wrong time to sell the freezer because it's summer and heat would be worse. But there's really no choice, Mama. It's the only thing I can sell at the house right now. I promise to buy even just a small ref for the kids when we have money.

You know what, Edgar was admitted as a member of the editorial staff of their university newsletter. He did not even tell me that he took the qualifying exam. He said he already forgot about it because he wasn't expecting to pass. But last night he received a text message confirming that he passed and is now part of the newsletter. I'm proud of our kids, Mama.

Today's the second day of Angel's final exam. She's confident, as always, that she'll pass the tests. I'm not worried about her test results, Mama. It's her final requirements I am worried. I don't know what is it with her teachers that put more weight on projects instead of academics. I hope she gets the recognition she deserve.

That's it for the kids, Mama. They'll all fine. Don't worry about them. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Tomorrow is Ralph's deadline for his enrollment at the review school. I am still waiting for two things right now - the payment for the freezer and our salary. Yes Mama, I sold our freezer just so I could raise enough money. I asked the kids' concern and said they were fine with it. Although Ralph was concerned about Angel because we won't have ice and cold drinks anymore. I told him we need to sacrifice if we want to raise funds and we can always buy ice at the neighborhood store. Unfortunately, I sold the freezer at a much lower price, Mama. Just so my friend would buy it. I'm still waiting for the payment as of now.

I told Ralph to ask one of his friends to accompany him in Manila tomorrow so he can pay his tuition for CPAR. I can't let him go alone, Mama. He doesn't really know how to go there and you know how dangerous it is around the place. Even with a companion, I am still worried about him. I hope they will be safe tomorrow.

Today is Angel's first day of exam. On Saturday, after their last exam they will proceed to the meeting for the ballroom club I told you in my last letter. I asked her what's her reason why she wanted to join the club, she said because of the scholarship. I wish she would enjoy it Mama, even if her reason is just to help me.

Well, I need to work now Mama. Until my next letter. Take care of yourself.

I miss you, Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Edgar did not go home last night. He stayed at his classmate's house because he needed to finish an article for their college newsletter. His assignment was given to him at the last minute that's why he had to rush. Unfortunately, we still do not have computer at the house which was why he had to stay at his friend's house. I'm glad that they accommodated him there, although I am worried because I am not used at our children not staying home for the night.

This morning, he still wasn't home when I went to work. I received a text message from him at around 10 a.m. and said he just woke up. If only I was able to provide for all their needs, he doesn't have to stay out, Mama.

I told him he has to go home because Angel will be in school only in the morning today and she will having her lunch at home. I guess, by now Edgar is already home since it's already 11:30. Angel will be home anytime now, will check on him after I finished this letter, Mama.

Angel told me last night that they will have a meeting on Saturday after the exam. The meeting will be for those who are interested in the ballroom club that I mentioned in my last letter. We both know that while Angel loves to dance, ballroom dancing is not really her type. But she is interested because of the opportunity to get scholarship, Mama. I hope I'm doing the right decision by encouraging her to push through with it.

Ralph is still attending his o.j.t. even though he has already completed his required number of hours. I advised him to do that, Mama. I told him to stay so he can learn some more. He also told me this morning that he needs to pay for the reservation fee for their apartment. I still haven't found the money for the review. I'm just praying we will be having our salary this week complete and early. Otherwise, all I can really do is pray. I don't know what will be the consequence on him if I won't be able to deliver this time, Mama.

Well, that's already a mouthful, Mama. I guess I should stop now before I start whining again. Hoping my next letter will be a happy one for you. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I finally reached out to Julius. It's such a shame, I know, that I had to go to my nephew, but right now I have no other options left. Those who promised to be there, never were. My only prayer is that our kids will not inherit this predicament... that they have to always ask for other people's help too.

Julius already replied, but the problem is time. The deadline is this Friday. Now, I feel that I am even stressing him because he needs to find a way on how send it before that day. I was hoping I could find a solution here, Mama. Or I was hoping that we will finally be given the incentive that they promised us. I am not even sure if we will receive our salary this week. That is why I only reached out to Julius at the last minute.

Yesterday during dinner, Angel mentioned about a new club in their school. She said members of the club will have a chance to get scholarship. When I asked her what it was, she said it's a ballroom club. She said she already submitted her name. Angel wanted to help me, Mama. She was even telling me to transfer her to public school so that I won't be having a problem with her schooling. Of course, I did not agree, Mama. I told her that it's my problem not hers. I told her all she needs to do is study hard and I will find ways to pay for her tuition fee.

Edgar hasn't started at Jollibee yet, Mama. His requirements are already complete but they did not call him yet. I am not sure how it will affect his studies and his growth as a person. But since I had a pleasant experience when I was working in KFC when I was in college, I'm hoping he would have a good time now too. I'll just be monitoring him Mama and ask him to stop once I see signs of adverse effects on him.

I guess that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Just finished printing my manuscript for my short stories book, Plethora. I will just make a couple of review and proofreading before I submit it to the printer. Funny, here I am not knowing where to get money for Ralph's tuition fee and review needs and yet I still managed to dream of pushing through with my books. I know it will cost me a lot to print the book, I just thought you'll be proud of me, Mama.

You do not have to worry, Mama. I will prioritize the children's needs over my personal dream. I will make sure theirs will be taken care of before I dream of pursuing my personal and selfish interest.

I'm still trying to reach out to some friends. Thus far, I do not get replies, Mama. What's new.

By the way, Angel was sent home from school again. It's that time of the month and it always happens to her. I hope she'll be okay because they will be having their finals this week. She can't afford to be absent, plus she's still completing some requirements.

That will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

I texted the person I said I met in my previous letter because I am desperate. As expected, I didn't receive any reply, Mama. I am not surprised. I just felt stupid... low and stupid. He said I can call him or visit him anytime. He is not the only one who told me that, Mama. A lot of people... friends, told me that they will always be there for me. Yet when I really need them, there was never one around.

Ralph's deadline for the enrollment in the review school will be this week, Mama. I am not sure if we will be having our salary this week. And I ask them, they will again tell me to look for another job if I want to. They are self-centered and inconsiderate. All people around me are inconsiderate, Mama. People will only care for you if they know they can get something from you.

I wish this nightmare would end soon, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

It's almost midnight and Angel is still awake. She's doing some school projects, Mama. Final requirements for their subjects before the school year ends. Next week they will be having their exams, the same with Edgar. Ralph will be having theirs the week after. It's only Ralph's tuition fee that hasn't been paid yet, Mama.

By the way, Angel was not able to visit Apo yesterday. They were told that she was not at home that's why they did not go there anymore.

Mama, how can I follow-up with Atching Ledy about the money they owed you? During your wake, she said she will pay those. Although since then I haven't heard from them. We really could use those money, Mama. Especially now that Ralph will be graduating and attending his review class in Manila. I really wish there something more I can do aside from praying.

I tried selling the freezer, Mama. I thought my friend would buy it. Unfortunately, when they saw it, they it said it was small for their requirements. So, I am still short of money. You know what is happening now at work, Mama.

Anyway, that will be all for now Mama. We will be sleeping in a while, after Angel finished her work. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

This morning I was able to pay Edgar's tuition fee balance and get his Final Exams permit. Unfortunately, it also means I have to put all our resources on that because promissory notes are not allowed during finals. I have to pay the whole balance, or else Edgar won't be able to take his tests. Now, we just have to tighten our belts further just so we could survive until the next blessing comes along. I hope we won't get our electricity cut-off until that time, Mama.

With Angel and Edgar's school problems now solved, all I have the worry about now is Ralph's. Unfortunately Mama, his is the biggest amount. His balance in the school plus his enrollment in the review school, the deadline of which is only until next week. I don't see any signs of any windfall anytime soon, Mama. I really need a miracle. All I really do is pray. I just hope my prayers reaches Him.

Today is Nanay and Tatay's wedding anniversary, Mama. However, it wasn't celebrated much before and most probably now since Tatay is already there.

Angel did not sleep at the house last night. Because they do not have classes today, Friday, Ate Tey took Angel with her to Sta. Teresita because she won't have anybody with her today with his brothers going to school. Either she will go home tonight or I will pick her up tomorrow morning. She said she wanted to visit Apo while she's in Sta. Teresita. I told her, as long as she has somebody to accompany her.

Well, I guess that will be all for now Mama. Pray we can survive a little a longer. Take care of yourself, Mama. I love you. I miss you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Here I am again, writing a letter to you. I don't know if I should keep on doing this or if it even makes sense. Talking to you and all, like you're just on another part of the globe... yet all I really do is whine and complain.

Today isn't any different. Still no silver lining on the clouds, still no good news to bear. Of course, I am thankful that the kids are healthy, Mama. Everything is doing fine with them, studies and all, sans their school fees.

I met an old friend last week. You know, the one I kept on going to then selling insurance. And after going to his house for almost a year, promising me every time I meet him yet nothing happened until you finally told me to stop going to him. I saw him again in the mall, we had a talk. He wasn't aware that you're not here anymore. Of course, it was more than 10 years since I went to him Mama. He gave me his number and address and told me to call or visit him anytime.

I thought I had an answer, but he never replied to my text messages. Then I remembered what I was doing then, hoping I can sell him insurance. Am I such a jerk, Mama? Why do I meet people who like making a fool of me? People who love taking advantage of me and my vulnerability? Is it really a sin that I rely on people's goodwill and hope that they would respect other people too?

I'm whining again. I'm just running out of time, Mama. If only Atching Ledy would pay the money she owe you, I wouldn't be this desperate begging for other people's mercy. I've been losing friends, Mama. And many have shown their true colors.

I think I should stop, Mama. I'm not making any sense. I wish something good will happen to us, for the sake of the kids... and I wish people will stop making an idiot out of me.

I miss you, Mama. Take care of yourself. I love you.


Daddy