My first letter for the year...

Dear Mama,

It's already 2009, 2:03 AM. The children are already sleeping. We were able to celebrate the new year, although just quietly. You know we never use firecrackers and other exploding materials to greet the new year.

We were just outside, waiting and watching every fireworks that we see in the sky. But what makes me really happy Mama is that I was able to prepare real food again. I cooked pancit canton and made a chocolate version of the refrigerator cake. I also made chicken sandwhich Mama, and those little hotdogs which we put on toothpicks together with marshmallow and cheese and arranged them on the cabbage just like what you were doing before Mama.

Angel said the pancit canton tasted good. In fact, they ate it all. I thought we can have something left for breakfast. The refrigerator cake was also a surprise for me Mama. I didn't expect it to turn out that way. I'm sure glad Angel prodded me to do it.

Now, I feel tired from all those preparation. But happy nonetheless Mama. I sure hope I can sustain this happiness as I look forward to a better year for us.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Happy New Year Mama....

Dear Mama,

It's December 31 6:08 AM, the kids are still asleep. In a few moments we'll be preparing for the coming New Year Mama. I still don't know what to do, although Angel and I already have plans.

We may not have games or a party tonight Mama, but I want to make sure that the kids will have fun tonight.

Anyway, I just want to greet you Mama. Happy New Year. I miss you Mama. Take care.

I love you.


Daddy

2008 is almost over...

Dear Mama,

Christmas is over, and now I'm thinking yet again of what to do for New Year's Eve. But it's not exactly the New Year's eve that I'm afraid about Mama. I know the kids will understand whatever I can come up for the occasion.

But what I'm worried about Mama, is the new year being ushered in. I know it should be bringing me more hope Mama. But the thought of going through another year brings me more anxieties. I just hope it won't catch me in this state.

The kids are fine Mama, although they get bored at home. It's their Christmas vacation.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you. I really wish I can be with you soon.

I love you.


Daddy

Post-Christmas party letter

Dear Mama,

Just finished cleaning up after the Christmas party, the kids are all asleep now. It wasn't that bad. We finished early, so we ate early. I did not do the lumpiang shanghai like I told you before, instead I just cooked ground beef, and bought tortilla chips and some dips. I was able to make the 'tiramisu' although I should be buying more fruit cocktail and creams next time.

The party was fun, the children participated and they were very cooperative. Angel danced and recited a poem, Ralph sang and Edgar played the guitar. We had a great time with the games, I thought I would run out of games. Fortunately, there weren't really any lull in between games.

We were happy Mama, because we were able to continue what you started. I wish you have seen us. Take care of yourself Mama. Merry Christmas.

I love you.


Daddy

It's our Christmas party!

Dear Mama,

I just finished preparing the food for our annual Christmas party, we will start in about an hour. It will be our first without you Mama. I made a program for the party and have discussed it with the kids, they also have prepared their numbers for the presentation.

Hope you can join us Mama and watch us as we hold our tradition which you have started. Take care Mama. I miss you.

Merry Christmas Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Not feeling well...

Dear Mama,

I feel sick. My eyes are watery and I am sneezing most of the time. I think I got the flu. I already took medicine Mama. I just hope this won't get worse.

I wish you can touch me tonight.

I guess I have to rest now and continue looking for blogging opportunities tomorrow.

Goodnight Mama. Take care.

I love you.


Daddy

Menu for noche buena

Dear Mama,

It's now December 22, two days to go before the noche buena. I'm still thinking of what to prepare for the kids. I don't want to do the spaghetti again because I want to do something new.

Angel is asking me to make the 'tiramisu' Mama. I still don't know if I can do it. I'm also choosing between the barbeque or lumpiang shanghai. I know I haven't made lumpiang shanghai before, it will be another first for me if ever Mama.

Well, we still don't have any ham, I'm planning to buy one on Wednesday if budget permits. That's all I can think of right now Mama as far as the food is concern. Of course, I'm also discussing the games with Angel for our Christmas party. I also told them to prepare some numbers for the party.

That's all for now Mama. Hope you can join us in our party. Take care Mama. I love you.

I miss you Mama.


Daddy

Waiting for Christmas...

Dear Mama,

I'm waiting for Christmas, not that I want it to come, but I just want it to be over with. I already bought gifts for the kids. Although I'm still thinking how to celebrate the noche buena and our traditional Christmas party.

I hope I can pull this one through Mama, for the sake of the kids.

Pray for me that at least I can make it a happy for them.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you. I love you.


Daddy

Not much of a homemaker...

Dear Mama,

As the days passed by, I'm finally realizing how hard it is to maintain the house. Everywhere I look is a mess, including me. I thought I can arrange the house to make it more homey, but I don't even know where to start.

With the noche buena fast approaching, I have been thinking of what to prepare for the kids Mama. Honestly, I can't think of anything.

So far, the only preparation we have done is to draw out names for our exchange gifts. I hope, we can think of something to prepare before Christmas eve comes.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you. I love you.


Daddy

About Angel...

Dear Mama,

I haven't written you for sometime, and I admit I did that on purpose. Aside from not having anything really good to say, I'm having those 'episodes' again and I feel so low, lost and lonely. If I write, I might not be able to say anything but rants and whines.

That's why last Monday, I didn't say anything and just greeted you a happy wedding anniversary. Because that was the only good thing I can say then Mama.

Anyway, before I post more rants, this morning Angel and her classmates performed in their school's Songfest. I was able to videotaped them, although I was far so the image are blurred. They performed well, and they are the third runner up. There were 8 groups in the contest.

Next week will be Christmas parties for the kids, Angel, Edgar and perhaps Ralph too even though he is already in college.

That will be all for now Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Happy anniversary

Dear Mama,

Today is December 8, our wedding anniversary.

Happy 17th wedding anniversary Mama.

Take care, I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Can you still appreciate the flowers?

Dear Mama,

I've just been to La Pieta today after taking Angel to school. I brought some orchids for you. As I placed the orchids and lighted the candles, I was asking myself if you can still appreciate the flowers.

I know, I haven't brought you much flower when you were still here Mama. And you have forgiven me for that because it was not my style. Now, I try to bring flowers every time I visit you at the cemetery.

Does not make sense, does it Mama? No matter how many roses or orchids I bring, no matter how big a bouquet I may take there, you won't be able to touch nor smell them. But why am I doing it?

Just like these letters, I hope that I can reach to you Mama. I hope that you somehow can see and appreciate them, and see how much I miss you.

I know, I should have brought you more flowers then. I could have held you more often and said I love you. Instead of doing it all today when you can longer hear me and see all these things I'm doing. I'm really sorry Mama. I could have shown you more when you were still here.

I miss you Mama.


Daddy

Spaghetti and fruit salad...

Dear Mama,

I intend to write you last night, but I was tired and slept immediately after dinner. Yesterday, I made fruit salad and cooked spaghetti so we can celebrate your birthday. I was hesitant at first Mama, because I really don't know how to prepare the fruit salad. I just went for gut feel, as I try to recall how you prepare your fruit salad then.

Angel said it tastes just like yours, but I know it still need lots of improvements. As for the spaghetti, my first time to cook without a coach by my side. After preparing the fruit salad, I started on the spaghetti, I was excited and happy as I was cooking Mama.

Suddenly, I didn't know why but my tears started to fall Mama.... I was alone in the kitchen, the children were playing in their rooms. I really can't do anything as my tears fall freely... then I realize, I was cutting the onions. Just want to make you smile Mama.

The spaghetti wasn't perfect either Mama, but at least the children liked it. I wish you could've tasted them so I know where to improve.

Of course, we sang happy birthday Mama. I hope you were with us last night as we celebrate your birthday.

That will be all for now Mama. Take care of yourself. I love you.


Daddy

I wish you were here...

Dear Mama,

Happy birthday! It's 12:15 AM, I've waited for your birthday before writing my letter. I wrote a short poem for you Mama. I hope you will like it.

I wish you were here...

I wish you were here, so I can kiss you today
I wish you were here, so I can hug you on your birthday
I will hold your hands, even for just a while,
And once again, I will see you smile...

I wish you were here... so I can say
Happy Birthday Mama.

I hope you like it Mama. I need to make it short, or else who knows what I might write in the poem. I just want to greet you on this special day Mama. Happy birthday! I miss you Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Angel is still in the Top 10

Dear Mama,

Angel is still in the Top 10 for the second grading. But she slid a bit in the ranking, she is now ranked 9, a point lower than her previous rank 8 (not 7 as I previously wrote to you). Anyway, I told her it's just okay. I can see her efforts Mama, I'm just not sure if her teachers see it or appreciate it.

But its not good news when it comes to Edgar. Some of his grades increased, but some even decreased. His average for 2nd grading is lower than his first. I know he is doing his best Mama. I just don't understand why it doesn't reflect in his grades.

Ralph is still waiting for the announcement of the Dean's Lister for the 1st semester. He said he is sure based on his computation, but the official list isn't posted yet. Like I told you before Mama, he is more serious in his studies now. He is conscious of his grades now, because he needs to maintain a required average to stay in his major.

Well, I guess that would be all for now Mama. By the way, on Saturday, I guess I'll just make fruit salad for the kids. We can't really go out because Ralph has school the whole day. So we will just celebrate your birthday at home. I still don't know what's for main course though. Maybe I'll just buy us some litson manok and cake.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you very much.

I love you.


Daddy

So what's for Christmas?

Dear Mama,

It will be your birthday this Saturday, November 29. Until now, I still don't know what to do to celebrate that day. After that would be our wedding anniversary on December 8, could have been our 17th year... and soon it will be Christmas.

All of these will be our first without you. Suddenly, I'm not excited on any holidays or occasions anymore Mama. I wish I could just sleep and wake up skipping these days.

Yes, we already have our Christmas Tree Mama. Although it is still lacking in trimmings and lights. But at least the children can feel the spirit... I hope. I haven't bought anything yet though.

I hope I can do something to make it special for the kids, even if at this point in time, I'm still clueless how to do it Mama. I don't know if that's really the case, or I just don't want to.

Anyway, I'll just see what I can or will do in the coming days Mama. Take care of yourself now.

I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

I wish....

I really wish I can talk to you right now Mama...

I wish...

Sad news Mama... Dang Ising passed away

Dear Mama,

Dang Ising finally gave up last night. I received a text at around 11:55PM saying that she had just passed away. This is sad news for us here, but as we all know, it's all for the better cause finally now she can rest and be with Bapang Vic.

I'm sure you already know about this Mama, because she is already there with you. You are now both at peace.

That's all for now Mama, I'll just update you about the kids later. Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Regarding Dang Ising

Dear Mama,

I just came from the hospital. We rushed Dang Ising to hospital, she was pale and I think she wasn't breathing anymore. I was in Sta. Teresita because I will accompany Tatay to the bank, we were about to leave when I heard my cousin Len shouting.

Good thing Loren was there Mama, we were able to use his tricycle. I'm telling this to you Mama because I know that Dang Ising was fond of you too. While we were there waiting outside the emergency room, I remembered how she would always encourage you then. And now, there she is, in a situation where she is about to go where you are.

When I left the hospital, they said she will be taken to the ICU. But Dr. Alfonso was honest Mama, he said that Dang Ising has a 10 to 1 chance of surviving. I pray that she would survive Mama, the way I saw my cousins there, they were not ready to let go.

But just in case she finally says goodbye, do meet her Mama. Just like you, I know she needs to rest. She has been weak since Bapang Vic died last year.

That's all for now Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you Mama. I love you.


Daddy

It must feel good to be at peace...

Dear Mama,

I went to La Pieta this afternoon to be with you. It's nice going there Mama, because it's so quiet. As I was sitting there, I felt kind of envious with you. Because you are already at peace. It must feel good to be at peace.

How I wish I can be at peace with you too, but I know that shouldn't be my thought. I need to take care of the kids. I know I need to be strong Mama, I don't want to fail you.

When it was almost dark, I already went home. I wanted to stay longer Mama, because it was so peaceful there. Anyway, I will come some other days.

Take care Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Suddenly I feel alone...

Dear Mama,

Are you surprised to receive a second letter from me today? I just had my lunch, Ralph's class today will be until 2:00PM and so he will wait for Angel until 4:00PM. That's why he didn't go home for lunch. And Edgar won't be home until 5:00PM.

I don't know why, I've been all alone since 6:30AM but it's like I've just noticed it now... as I was having lunch alone. Suddenly I felt so lonely... all by myself. I wish you were here Mama. I miss you.

I'm sure there will be more of this, and I don't I will get used to it. That's all Mama. I just want to tell how I feel. Take care. I miss you Mama. I love you.


Daddy

A rainy day....

Dear Mama,

The children are in school now. I am worried because storm Quinta came back, the wind was blowing heavily this morning. Unfortunately classes were not suspended Mama. I really don't want to send Angel to school but she already has too many absences before, it might affect her grades if she will have more. Please take care of them Mama.

I am now alone in the house, just finished doing some chores. Again, I'm here on the computer hoping to write more today than I did yesterday. You know what Mama? Sometimes I find me talking to myself whenever I am alone. Maybe I'm going crazy.

In two weeks time it will your birthday Mama. Advance happy birthday. I still don't know how we're going to celebrate your birthday, but I told Angel that we're going to celebrate your birthday. Pretty soon, it will be Christmas. We'll be missing you more Mama. I still remember how we have games in this season even if there were only five of us.

I'll stop now Mama before I beg you to come back, I know it's not possible. You're resting now. Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Stories from the Familia community

Dear Mama,

We just came from the ECLS of Familia today. Bro. Amor asked me to send his regards to you. You know what Mama? Sis Janet told that her cousin (or was it her sister?) in United States was asking her to get an autograph from me. Hahaha... that was funny Mama. She said, all her cousin did was talk about me cause they've seen the Rated K episode there. I guess the hype is not yet over Mama.

Bro. Noli told me again to prepare for the next ECLS classes because I could be one of the speakers. They really thought I could be an inspiring speaker. I don't know Mama, I really would love to but I'm not sure if I will be an effective speaker.

Ralph is not home yet. He is still in the Immaculate Heart Community where he is an active member. But he will be home anytime now Mama. Edgar and Angel are already having their as I am writing this letter.

That's all I can write for now Mama. I really miss you. I wish I will dream of you again soon. Take care of yourself Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Sorry for not writing yesterday....

Dear Mama,

I'm sorry I was not able to write you yesterday. I was too busy studying the writing assignment that was given to me and at the same time I was also looking for some online opportunities. As you know Mama, I have already resigned from my regular job.

I'm happy that I am getting quite a number of writing opportunities on my blogs now Mama. But at the same time, I also feel sad about it. I feel like I'm polluting my blogs Mama, especially my Reflections. I wish I wouldn't write reviews there, but what can I do Mama? It's the one that is mostly getting opportunities lately.

I hope I can write more personal essays there so that at least it can still maintain its personality. It was my first ever blog Mama, and I never really planned to use it for those reviews. I never thought it would qualified.

Right now, I am working on lots of assignment. Although these are not on my blogs. I'm writing for others Mama, it's where I'm earning most. I hope I won't get tired writing.

That's all for now Mama. Please do take care of yourself. I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

I shouted again...

Dear Mama,

I'm really sorry for I shouted at the kids again tonight. I was not able to control myself. Ralph and Angel are always quarrelling even on the smallest things. I've been trying to talk to them, but they would not listen. Nobody wants to give in. I snapped.

I know I should have more control over my temper. I've been doing that Mama. I have always tried to talk sense to them, but somehow I don't have any control over them once they start to argue. I'm really sorry Mama.

I really wish I could be a better father to them.


Daddy

Am not feeling well...

Dear Mama,

I am at home right now, fortunately my internet connection was reactivated. Unfortunately, I have to go to Digitel's office to personally follow it up. It was raining when I went there... and it was cold.

Right now, I'm not feeling well Mama. I feel cold and my back aches. I sneeze most of the time. I have already taken medicine Mama. Tomorrow, Angel will be back to school after their semestral break. Edgar started their class today.

I hope I will be able to write more Mama, so I can justify my resignation from work. That way I can earn more and provide for the kids. Although lately I am getting more jobs online, I just hope they continue.

Maybe tomorrow morning I will feel better Mama. I know you will make me feel better. I will rest now Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Taking the kids to Cool Spot...

Dear Mama,

Remember Cool Spot? The most famous place during our childhood days where we eat halo-halo with siopao or chocolate cake?

This afternoon, afternoon buying new pants for cloth for Edgar's uniform, I took them there and we ate halo-halo. Angel was surprised as to how I knew that there was halo-halo there. Of course I knew, don't I?

Although sadly, there weren't any people as it used to be. In fact, we had the whole place to ourselves Mama. Fortunately, the kids liked the halo-halo. I also ordered them chocolate cake.

How I wish you were with us Mama, and we can tell kids our stories when we're eating then there.

That's all I have to say now Mama. I really wish we can share that halo-halo moment at Cool Spot with you.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

At the I-cafe with the kids....

Dear Mama,


I am now at an internet cafe with the kids. Angel and I went here because I need to submit a write-up online, Ralph and Edgar came straight from La Pieta.


I allowed them to have time for internet too while I work, because it's been a long time since our connection at home has been cut-off. Anyway, I computed the opportunities that I got today and they were enough to pay for their internet time. Hopefully soon our internet connection would be reactivated.

We need to go home now Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Finally, ACPUSTA has released the funds....

Dear Mama,

Finally, ACPUSTA was able to collect enough funds to pay for the benefits that was due to you and I was able to get it this afternoon. This is the last money that I am expecting, and I hope that I will be able to put them to good use.

I plan to pay for the internet fee and have my internet connection re-activated so I can do my writing at home. I also plan to buy some materials for my chocolates business. I hope I will do good this time Mama.

As for my blogging, things are looking good Mama. I hope this continues. I wish you were still here so I can share all these things to you. If only I was getting all these opportunities then, maybe I could have sustained your dialysis and medicines better.

But I know you're much better now Mama. Just take care of yourself, I promise to take care of the kids.

I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

How are you?

Dear Mama,

How are you? I hope you're fine. You know what Mama? I feel tired and I don't know why. I have to write so I would have something to submit and earn some money, and yet I can't write anything. I feel exhausted for no reason at all.

In times like this Mama, I miss your embrace... your touch. When I feel so low, somehow knowing that you're beside me, everything seems to be better. But then, that can not be. I have to accept that.

I know I can't be like this for a long time Mama. I have to pick myself up. Believe me, I'm struggling Mama. I just want to tell you how I'm feeling right now.

I guess that would be all, take care of yourself Mama. I really miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Shall continue attending the community?

Dear Mama,

We attended the second ECLS session of Familia this afternoon. Although I will admit that I like attending the Familia sessions, I'm still thinking if I should continue being a member.

Angel said I should. It's not I don't really want to too Mama, but it's a community for couples and I don't have you with me. I feel like I don't have any more business attending there by myself.

I don't know, maybe it's just me... but somehow, it's just not the same.

Anyway, I'll just see on the next days if I would still continue attending. That's all I have to say right now Mama. Please take care of yourself.

I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

My last days at work...

Dear Mama,

In less than a week, I'll be officially resigned from Holiday Inn. I'm excited because by then, I can look after the kids better and I can concentrate on my online writing job.

Unfortunately, I'm not really happy with myself lately as far as my work is concern. These past few weeks, I have been absent from work more often. In other weeks, Angel has fever, on another week our electric connection has been threatened to be cut-off again so I have to look for money. These past days, I've been going around looking for money for Ralph's tuition fee.

Today, I have to leave work earlier because I am not feeling well. I have a terrible headache and I feel quite dizzy... I was worried because I felt my BP has risen. I know I have to see a doctor someday.

I hope I am not giving the office an impression that because I'm resigning, I am not as enthusiastic with my job as I used to be. You know me Mama, I always give my best effort in every work that I do. Although right now, because of my absences, it shows otherwise.

Anyway, I'm on my last week, everything will be over soon. That will be all for now Mama. Next month, I plan to see a doctor for a general check-up.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.

Daddy

I was finally able to enroll Ralph

Dear Mama,

I was finally able to enroll Ralph today. Although I was stressed the whole day, following up on the money and everything.... but I'm just glad that he is now enrolled for the second semester. Even if I just paid the minimum payment required.

I forgot to tell you about Ralph's grade, his lowest grade is 2.0, he got three subjects with that grade. Unfortunately, one of them is Accounting. The rest are 1.75 and higher. He said when he computed for his average, he got 1.75. That qualifies him as a Dean's Lister, I hope his computation is correct, and let's pray that he can improve it this second semester.

I got a lot to tell you about Edgar, but I will reserve that on my next letter. Take care of yourself Mama... I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Texts from your friends

Dear Mama,

I received a text this afternoon from Tita Nel Ferreras, your classmate from MAVE. She texted me because she said she dreamt of you the other night. She said, she asked you if you were able to see the Rated K show and you smiled.

I hope that's a sign that you're not mad or anything Mama. I wish I would dream of you too, I hope you do visit me too tonight. I miss your smile.

Another classmate, Joy Untalan, texted me too. She asked me to tell you that she misses you too. I bet your 'inaanak' with her is already big. Maybe someday, the kids and I will visit them.

Tomorrow is Ralph's enrollment. I'm still waiting for the money. I have advanced my salary from my online writing so I can enroll him. But I won't be receiving them until tomorrow. I hope I do get them on time. I have already borrowed money from Ate Let to pay for our back account.

I hope everything will be better soon. Pray for us Mama.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Ralph does not want to stop

Dear Mama,

Today is the deadline of the payment of Ralph’s tuition fee, and still I was not able to pay for it. I asked Ralph this morning if it’s okay with him to stop going to school even for just one semester, he felt sad. He actually said that it is not okay with him. And as I was leaving for work, he was not talking.

I’m such a disappointment Mama. I can’t even raise the funds to pay for our kids schooling. No matter how hard I try. I know I’ve got to do something, but tuition fee isn’t just something that you can beg for. I am working Mama, and yet I can’t accomplish anything.

If only I were dead, perhaps our children’s schooling wouldn’t be a problem. Because I noticed that during your wake Mama, people are more generous when giving help to the dead, but not as accommodating to a living person.

Oh well, I am still hoping something will happen between tonight until tomorrow morning Mama. I just wish I would get more writing opportunities so I can earn more for the kids.

That would be all for now Mama. Take care of yourself.

I miss you Mama. I love you.


Daddy

We just arrived home

Dear Mama,

After a long while, I was finally able to take the kids out today. While at work, I texted them if they can go to SM Clark so I can just meet them there. So after work, I went there and met them at National Bookstore.

I just planned to buy the materials for EA's projects, but since we can't find them we just roamed around the mall. Passing by the ice cream parlor, I asked Angel if she wants to eat ice, which of course she said yes. So I ordered 2 banana split - one for Angel and me, and another one for Ralph and EA.

I just want to give them a treat Mama, because it's been a long time since I have taken them out. After the ice cream, we went to see what's on at the cinema. We found one which is for family - Igor, and we watched it. I'm glad Angel liked it.

All through these Mama, I am still imagining that you were still us... enjoying, and having a good time. But I know you're still watching us.

That's all I want to report to you today Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

My fear is coming true

Dear Mama,

It seems like my fear is coming true. The unexpected call I was telling you in my letter wasn't just a simple hello... I don't know why they're doing this Mama. Right now I'm just trying to ignore them. I wish you were here. You would know what to do with them.

I'm still writing from an internet cafe. I was absent from work today, trying to find funds from Ralph's tuition fee. Unfortunately, nobody wants to lend a blogger. I can't blame them really.

I hope something happens soon.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

An unexpected call...

Dear Mama,

While getting the kids ready for school today, my cellphone rang. I was about to answer it, but when I read the registered name of the caller, I froze. It was Kong Boning. I didn't know whether to answer it or not Mama. But before I can decide, my cellphone shut down.

I didn't turn it on again, in fact I just left my phone at home. All day, I was anxious Mama. I could not even work. Thinking what could be the purpose of that call. The last thing that I would need is another 'let down' I still remember the last text.

Maybe I'm over-reacting. Perhaps it's for a good reason. I don't know Mama. I'm not sure if I can handle this... whatever it is. I don't know until when I can ignore the call. If only you were here I would know what to do Mama. No, I am not afraid of what he will say. But I am afraid for what could transpired from the conversation.

I wish I knew what to do Mama.


Daddy

Still writing from an internet cafe...

Dear Mama,

I am still writing right now from an internet cafe... never really have the money to get my internet connection reactivated. Not anytime now I guess. I thought I would be able to get anything from Rated K, but since I never asked for it, I guess I won't get anything either.

The internet disconnection is fine me, I'm doing fine accessing through public internet shop. But what I'm really concerned about now Mama is Ralph's tuition fee. Their finals has just been finished, yet I haven't paid anything yet except his entrance fee before. That means he won't be able to get his grades, and he might not be able to enroll for second semester, which by the way is just two weeks from now.

The money from ACPUSTA is still in limbo and I don't know if ever I will get in on time. Atching Ledy seems to have buried her debt with you. I just wish she would have the conscience to pay them. CAP is a hopeless case. Right now Mama, I'm holding on to nothing... nothing but prayers.. that somehow, something will happen.

I'm sorry I've written you rants and whining again Mama. You know I really don't have anyone to tell these to except you. Well, I've written quite enough, I guess I have to end it here before I write some more rants. I hope next time I'll be writing positive things to you again.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.

Daddy

Nervous and anxious...

Dear Mama,

I am at an internet cafe right now Mama, because my internet connection was suspended. I thought I could be accommodated until next month in spite of my delayed payments. I guess not. That is why I have to go out just to access the internet.

Right now Mama, I feel nervous, anxious and apprehensive. The shooting with Rated K has been finished, and the episode will be shown this Sunday. I am afraid what this can cause for us. I'm still not sure if I did the right thing. I don't even understand why I consented to it Mama.

But it has been done and it will be shown, whether I like it or not, there's really nothing I can do right now. I just hope this won't have any negative effect on the kids. Tomorrow, I'm going to work again, after being absent for 3 days because of this shooting. I have to work until month-end Mama. I don't why I have to practice courtesy, when in fact I am just a contractual employee.

For now Mama, I might just be writing you from an internet shop, so I may not write as often. Do take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.

Daddy

Just came from La Pieta...

Dear Mama,

I just arrive home from La Pieta, I mean we just arrive home... the kids were with me. Finally Mama, after a long time we were able to visit you. Yes I know it's been a while since we were able to go there. Now I'm just glad that we did and we were complete.

Tomorrow Mama I'm going to file my resignation at Holiday Inn, I really want to be at home and stay with kids. But this time, while I stay at home I am earning. Not like before were I just stayed at home.

Finally, something came out of my writing Mama. I'm just glad I persevered even though I wasn't getting anything before.

Well, I guess that will be all for now Mama. I hope I can visit you more often in La Pieta. Take care of yourself Mama.

I miss you.
I love you.


Daddy

I hope it's okay with you...

Dear Mama,

Yesterday I was interviewed by Korina Sanchez for her program Rated K. I still don't know how they chanced upon my blog Mama, but they said they want to feature it on their show.

I hope it's okay with you if I tell a little something about our story. Honestly Mama, I'm really not sure if it's a good decision. I hope I did not make a mistake.

I wish I was interviewed with you, you could've talked with sense more.

Well, I guess I just have to wait until Sunday to know if it's a good decision or not. I'm sure you still support me Mama... even in my blunders.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

I'm resigning again...

Dear Mama,

Here I am again, planning to resign from my job at Holiday Inn. But this time, it's because I got a better opportunity. And what's good about this Mama is that I'll be doing this one at home, plus it involves writing.

You know how I love to write Mama, that is why I am inclined to choose this. Plus it pays me more that what I'm getting at Holiday Inn.

I know this is not a popular decision (again), but I hope you will still support me Mama. At least I can look after the kids since I will be working here at home. I sure hope this is the chance that I have been waiting for.

That will be all for now Mama, please do take care of yourself.

I love you Mama.

I miss you.


Daddy

It's tuition fee time again

Dear Mama,

Ralph's Finals will be next week, while Angel's will be anytime soon. As usual, with the schedules of these exams are the schedules of payment. Although I am already employed, it is still not enough. In fact, I still borrow money from Nanay just for our daily expenses.

I really wish this would all soon be over Mama. If only the ACPUSTA would already release the money they promise or Atching Ledy would pay the money she owed you, I will have something to pay for the tuition fee. Other than those and the proceeds of the computer units, should they be sold, I have nothing else to expect Mama. I just hope that everything will come on time.

I really miss you Mama, but I know, someday soon I will be with you.

Take care of yourself Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Ralph's 1.75 grade in Accounting

Dear Mama,

I received a text message from Ralph this afternoon while I was at work, and it brought a smile on my face. Because in his text, he told me that he got a grade of 1.75 in FunAcc for the mid-term. I was so glad Mama, because that is a big leap from his 2.5 prelims grade.

He was referring to Fundamentals of Accounting or Accounting 1. I keep on telling him that it was supposed to be easy. Because he was complaining before that he was having a hard time. I don't hear him complaining much lately Mama.

His grade in other subjects also improved. I sure hope he gets serious in his studies now.

I'm really sorry for not being able to write you as often lately Mama, I hope you understand. Take care of yourself. I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

I'm tired...

Dear Mama,

I'm tired... I just want to be with you

I don't know how long I can go on Mama

I'm very tired

Angel is in the Top 10!

Dear Mama,

For the first time, I got good news for you! Our baby, Angel is in the Top 10 of the class in first grading! She is no. 7! Isn't that great! Finally, Angel got the recognition she deserve for all her efforts.

She is really taking her studies seriously Mama. Upon arriving home from school and after changing clothes, she immediately brings out her notebooks and do her assignments. You'll be really proud of Angel Mama.

I'm glad I finally got something good to tell you. Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.

Daddy

I almost made it through the day...

Dear Mama,

I almost made it through the day without shouting... unfortunately, at around 10:00PM I wasn't able to control myself and shouted at Ralph. Because he was teasing Angel again, and he won't stop even if I have told him to stop already. It was only when I shouted that he stopped what he was doing.

Yesterday, I was shouting at the top my voice, at Edgar this time. Because his grades are so low Mama. I am very much frustrated, disappointed, and mad. I didn't expect it. He is supposed to get high grades. He promised me that. He even got a 74 in Filipino.

What am I going to do Mama? I don't know what to do anymore? I think I'm getting weak.

I almost want to give up. I can't go on like this Mama.


Daddy

I am shouting again....

Dear Mama,

Lately, I have noticed myself shouting again at the kids more often. I don't know why Mama, but it seems that lately I get irritated easily. Sometimes I even think that they are doing it on purpose just to make me mad. Most of the time it's always Ralph who receive my ire.

I pity the kids Mama, everyday I tell myself that I will never shout at them at again. Still, I am at the top my voice everytime they do something wrong. I don't want this happening Mama.

I don't know if it's the present financial situation, too much in my mind, fatigue, stress or a mixture of everything. I wish I have you here so I can have someone to talk to. I know that won't be possible. I miss you Mama.

Please take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy

I'm sorry... again...

Dear Mama,

It's Ima's birthday today. I planned to send the kids to see their grandmother. Unfortunately, Ralph has some activity in their youth community. They went to Tarlac today for the IHCC's outreach ministry.

Because of this, I wasn't able to send the kids because Ralph was not around. I don't want to send Angel and Edgar by themselves. And I don't think I can go with them either.

I'm sorry that they weren't able to see your mother on her birthday. I'm sure you understand why I don't want to go there myself. I was willing to let the kids see them if only Ralph didn't have that outreach to attend. I really don't know what they would think of me now Mama. But we know what they were thinking of me, so nothing's really knew.

I'm sorry again Mama. Take care of yourself. I'm trying to do my best to take of the kids, but like I said, nothing can really substitute the way you share your life with us.

I miss you Mama.

I love you.



Daddy

I'm sorry Mama....

Dear Mama,

I'm very sorry for I haven't written you for quite a while. I've been very busy lately yet I haven't really accomplished anything. I'm sorry too that I was not able to visit you at the cemetery for a long time now. God knows how I want to go there.

Tomorrow starts my second week at Holiday Inn, this early I already want to resign. What's with me Mama? Am I really getting too lazy or am I just stubborn? I don't know, I really wish I am doing other things instead of just giving supplies. I miss doing the chocolate lollipops... I remember doing them with you Mama.

It's 11PM now, and I just finished some online works. Not really that big an earning, but at least it's something that I love doing... writing.

I don't know what to do tomorrow, honestly Mama, I really don't know what to do.

I miss you Mama. I wish I can talk to you.

Take care of yourself Mama. I love you.

Daddy

yet again...

Dear Mama,

I don't know what to say or how to start. I was happy went I arrived home from my first day of work today. Then Ralph told me there was no internet connection, Angel showed me her damaged shoes, then Edgar arrived home and told me that there's a lot that they need to pay at school.

I snapped. I shouted. Then I kept quiet.

Mama, what can I do? Angel's shoes are already damaged. They need to be replaced. And where can I get the money to pay for Edgar's requirements? It's really difficult when you're alone Mama. There's no one really here I can too.

I miss you Mama.

Take care. I love you.


Daddy

Making a fool of myself again...

Dear Mama,

How are you? I'm sorry for not writing to you lately, I just got too much on my mind. Know what? I think I'm going to make a fool of myself again. Trying to pscyhe myself up that this time I'm going to make it, this time I'm going to succeed... but, then when reality strikes, I'm back on the ground again.

I really wish you were here Mama. I wish I can talk to you right now. I'm feeling low, and nobody knows it. I don't show it. They don't need know... they wouldn't care anyway.

I miss you Mama. I wish I can be with you.

I love you.

Daddy

Overnight rain

Dear Mama,

I woke up at 2am today because of heavy rain. PAGASA said that thypoon Julian is on its way out of the country. They didn't advise of any suspension of classes. Yet it seems that it has been raining overnight.

I am planning not to let the children go to school today, although I don't know if they would agree with me, especially since there's no official announcement. Angel has too many absences already. I don't know if she has any chances in the rankings in school, but with her efforts, I don't want it to be spoiled by just her absences.

Simple things like this Mama, can make me all too confuse. Of course, things would be different if you were still here with us. I don't want to risk the children, yet I don't want them to be absent should classes isn't really suspended.

I'm sorry for this nonsense letter Mama. You know, I have no one I can talk to right now.

Anyway, please do take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Conscious Ralph

Dear Mama,

I never thought I'd see this day. Ralph's finally becoming conscious of his grooming and appearance. We know him to be having no qualms on whatever he wears,even when he was already in fourth year high school. But now, thing's has changed. He doesn't want wearing his old t-shirts to school because they have somewhat faded.

I am thankful that he is now conscious, but I'm sure there is a reason for it. Unfortunately Mama, I know he won't tell me. You know how he has grown apart from me. Not like before that he would tell all his secrets to me. Day after day, this gap seems to grow wider.

If you were only here, I'm pretty sure you can talk to him. He has been telling you things lately that he use to tell me, right? I guess it was all my fault really. I betrayed his trust, and now I can't win it anymore. No matter how sincere I am.

Well, these things are the kind of things that I can only talk about with you. But since, you're not here, there's really no one I can talk to. Honestly Mama, I hope that you can read my letters. I really hope so.

I guess that will all for now Mama. Please take care of yourself.

I miss you Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Angel's first interview...

Dear Mama,

Yesterday, Angel told me that she conducted her first interview. She said she was very tired as she was running to and from, asking students questions. She tried to interview some teachers, but they would always turn her away and told her they were busy. They are not really very supportive, but I guess that's really an interviewer's experience.

The interview was really easy Mama, she only needs to ask recommended books and reason for today's poverty. She typed her report last night, and I checked it this morning. It wasn't that bad although it wasn't that good either. I hope she will be trained more and develop herself in her field.

And I'm sorry Mama for not being able to visit you at the cemetery lately. I hope you understand. I'm really sorry Mama.

I miss you Mama, I wish I could be with you right now. But I know that is not possible. I hope someday soon it will be. Take care of yourself Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Applied for a passport...

Dear Mama,

Yesterday we were finally able to apply for our passport. It took us a while because first, we don't have the money to pay for the passport fee and second, it's hard to set a schedule cause the children goes to school. But Ate Det has been nagging me, she gave me money for the fee and I asked the children to be absent for one day.

We spent a half day for all the procedures. We didn't eat out as we usually do, because the money we are bringing isn't ours. Instead, we went straight home. None of the kids were talking or asking me where we would go. They know that it's not the same as it was before.

Things are really though for us Mama, especially now that I'm really financially depleted and without anything really to expect. I wonder how we would survive for the next days.

So far, the kids are not complaining. They understand the situation and they know that there's really nothing we can do.

That's all for now Mama. Please do take care of yourself and thank you for watching us. I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Angel is also a writer....

Dear Mama,

Angel already went to school yesterday, I told her to still rest but she insisted cause she has been absent for 3 days already. When she went home yesterday afternoon, she doesn't look fine, although she kept on saying that she's just fine. Then she told me that she didn't make it to the Young Writer's Club, I knew how she wanted to be in that club. That's why she looked sad.

But today Mama, Angel is very happy because she was actually included in the Young Writer's Club. The list that she saw yesterday were the first batch, she took the test with the second batch. I am very happy for her Mama, she got what she wanted. And you know what? She is the Entertainment Editor of the club's newspaper. Aren't you proud of her Mama?!

I told her that now, she needs to practice in her writing. Improve her grammar and sentence composition. I am very much happy Mama, at her young age she already achieved what I was only dreaming of - to be in the school's newspaper. I'm so proud of her!

That will be all for now Mama. Just wanted to tell you how happy and proud I am for Angel. Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Angel is still absent from school today

Dear Mama,

Unlike my letter to you last night, Angel is still not well. She still got fever. That's why she is still absent from school today. She looks worse than yesterday. She was better yesterday.

Please Mama, help me make her well. If only you were here, she won't be sick this long. I know you can take care of her. Make her well Mama, she already want to go to school. I can't take her to the hospital, I don't have any money. I know they would confine her if I take her to the doctor.

Make her well Mama, please.


Daddy

I hope Angel continues to get well....

Dear Mama,

Angel got me nervous, as her fever seems to be on and off this weekend. That is not a good sign isn't it? I didn't allow her to go to school today so that she can rest here at home. I've checked her temperature every hour or so, and so far her temperature ranges from 36 to 37 degrees. Still, I made her take her medicines for the day.

She said she wants to go to school tomorrow. She doesn't want to be absent for another. She is very active in school, as I have written to you before. Hopefully Mama, she doesn't get high again until tomorrow. She is already sleeping now.

Help me take care of her Mama. I hope she can feel your love again.

Take care of yourself too. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Angel has fever...

Dear Mama,

I have to turn on the computer and log in on the internet so that I could write you a letter. I'm sorry Mama, but Angel has fever. Although it is just starting, I already made her drink medicine. She is sleeping right now.

She seems to be fine when they arrived home (Angel & Remrem), and was pretty happy while we were having lunch. Discussing everything they did in school, she even got a perfect score in HEKASI! Although she said she was sent to the clinic this morning because she got dizzy, her temp then was 37.5

I thought she was just fine, she even ate ice candy after lunch. But at around 3:00 in the afternoon, she said she feels cold. I was asking her to sleep then, when I held her forehead, she was quite hot. I immediately asked her to take her medicine.

Right now Mama, she is sleeping. Fortunately, it's Friday today. She can rest for today. I hope she's well when she wakes up. If only you were here Mama. I'm sorry, I'm trying my best to take care of her. I promise I will.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Angel is active in school

Dear Mama,

Just want to tell you that Angel is very much active in school today. She joined the Young Writer's Club, and today she said they are going to write an article regarding Global Warming. She is also an assistant leader in their P.E. subject. I'm just so happy for her. She also says her teacher like her writing style very much. I guess, writing runs in her blood.

Speaking of writing, last week Edgar took a qualifying exam in his school newspaper. I was surprised because we don't know him to be that much expressive as far as words are concern. But he took the exam, and that alone makes me proud of him. I hope he qualifies and be part of the newspaper.

Ralph on the other hand is still on his old ways in his studies. Not much effort, yet not too lenient. I would say though that he has improved this year. He better be, he is in college now.

So far, the kids are fine Mama. Studies and health are okay. How I wish you can see them now. They would be much better if only you were here.

I guess I should end this letter now before I go on that note again. Please take of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Sa Ugoy Ng Duyan

Dear Mama,

It's exactly one week now since we have transferred to this house in Marisol. So far, we're fine. Although, I don't know about next week since we've exhausted all our finances and I still don't have a job.

Anyway, this letter isn't about that. This letter is about a video slide of your pictures that I made, for us to remember you by. I am uploading it here, so that you might see it too.

I used Aiza Seguerra's version of Sa Ugoy Ng Duyan as the music background, since it sings of a child's longing for her mother... that's how we feel right now Mama. We really miss you Mama. That's why as we look at these pictures, we remember all the happy memories that we had.

ll


I hope you liked it Mama.

Take of yourself. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

I dreamt of you last night...

Dear Mama,

You know what? I dreamt of you last night. Nothing special nor spectacular about it. It's just that, you're there! You were with me... like old times. As if you never left at all.

We were just there... together. The two of us, with the kids. Just spending time close to each other. It felt so good... so peaceful... and I was so happy. IT WAS SO REAL!

Then the phone rang... it was somebody who knows you. So I gave the phone to you. And you were there, talking on the phone... while I was just looking at you. Seeing you smile... I miss that smile.

That's how my dream ended... while looking at you talking on the phone... smiling. I was so happy, just seeing you. Thanks for visiting me Mama.

Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy

Playing 'piko' with Angel and Ralph

Dear Mama,

This afternoon I played piko with Angel. Ralph, who already finished cooking our dinner also joined us. We had much fun, although I easily got tired. I was able to take pictures of Angel while playing, but Ralph doesn't want me to take his picture. Afraid that I might post his picture in the internet.

Although we were having fun, I was still worried. Edgar came home late today Mama. It was almost 7PM when he arrived. He said he sent me a text message saying that he went with his classmate who was having his birthday today. Although I didn't receive the message, I just let him be. At least he got home safe.

Then we stopped playing and prepared for dinner.

That will be all for now Mama. Please take care of yourself.

I miss you Mama.

I love you.



Daddy

New address....

Dear Mama,

I'm sorry for not writing to you for quite some time, it was only now the internet connection has been transferred. We just moved in at Ate Let's house here in Marisol Mama. We moved in last Saturday, although things are still a little messed up here. I have lots of garbage you know.

Angel is very happy with the house, specially her room. I gave her the master's bedroom, finally she now has her own room. The two boys, Ralph and Edgar also has their own room. But in the meantime, we are all still sleeping at Angel's room. We haven't finished fixing our things.

Like I said, Angel is very happy, so are the boys. They now have a yard they can play on, Angel looks forward to gardening, and a nice dirty kitchen for Ralph to practice more on his cooking. They finally had a decent house to live in. I only wish that you were still here with us to share the children's joy.

I know, I haven't fulfilled my promise to you. I wasn't able to provide a 'real' house for you. I'm sorry Mama. If only I knew, I had talked to Ate Let earlier so that at least you were able to live in a real home. I wish there was something I could have done then. I'm sorry Mama.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

An almost interview...

Dear Mama,

Today, I almost had another interview. Ate Let referred me to her friend who is the Controller in Holiday Inn at Clark, she told me that they are in need of General Accountant. I have been referred and I was expected at 3PM today.

I was hesitant Mama, I'm beginning to get tired to these. I'm sure you know that. But I went still, because of Ate Let. I came at around 2PM, Ate Let's friend was nowhere in sight. Instead, it's the HR Head who talked to me and just got my resume. I will be called after they evaluated it. Oh well... I've heard that line before.

When I fetched Angel this afternoon, she told me she fainted during their morning assembly. Although she seems to be fine as we were walking home. I told her she need to eat more during breakfast.

I guess that will be all for now Mama. Take care of yourself.

I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy
 
 

I miss you...

Dear Mama,

I really don't have anything to say...

I just want you to know that I miss you

Take care Mama.

I love you.



Daddy

 

How are you?

Dear Mama,

How are you? I hope you're fine. Another week has passed, I survived it. Unemployed and all. Ralph's getting more responsible now, I'm glad. He wakes up earlier than me to cook the breakfast. Edgar's studying his lessons daily, and of course so is Angel. She is still enjoying her new school.

Just attended the PTA at Holy Family this afternoon. There were few parent attendees on Angel's class, that's why I became the Auditor. It was more of an appointment, rather than an election. There were only 8 of us and only 6 positions to fill in. I guess that's better than the secretary position they're giving me before.

I can't say anything more... I miss you. I thought of you the whole day today. The times we used to share... the laughters... our songs... playtime with kids.

I miss you Mama... I really miss you. How I wish I could see you again.

Take care of yourself. I love you.


Daddy

The week that just passed...

Dear Mama,

A week has already passed and I haven't received any call from Subic yet. It seems that it is really now a 'lost cause'. I guess they have already found a more qualified applicant, in spite of the assurance given me that I would be back for a final interview.

Ralph on the on other hand was somewhat disappointed with his schedule this week. Last Tuesday which was supposed to be their first day of class... classes at Holy Angel started at 1:00PM, his class was in the morning. He was already dressed and ready to go to school. He was very frustrated, because he was so excited of his college life.

But he was very good this week, because he woke up early to cook breakfast for his brother and sister. We take turns actually, although lately, he wakes up earlier than me. Thursday was another disappointment for him because they, again, have no class. I told him next week is a regular week and he will have all the school days he can handle.

Angel on the other hand was very upset last Friday. It used to be that when I pick her up from school, she was happy and smiling. Yet last Friday, she looks tired, upset and grumpy and wants to go home as fast as she can. It was because of the clubs in her school, they were asked to join a club. Problem is, they were asked to look for the club.

She said, she got tired going up and down the stairs looking for clubs she can join. She was frustrated that she now talks of how bad and disorganized her school is, when last week she was telling me that she finally found the school that she like. I just told her that next week, the school will fixed all the problems that occurred on this club thing. Upon arriving home, she fell asleep. She was really tired.

Can't tell much about Edgar, he was his usual complacent self. Just living his life on a day-to-day basis. He doesn't even tell me his schedule. Every time I asked him what time is his first subject, he can't tell me. Oh well, I can't do much about him really, we both know that he is my 'mini-me'.

I guess, I have already told you so much, although nothing really is significant. We miss you Mama. I always think of the days when you were still here with us. I really miss you. Take care of yourself Mama.

I love you.



Daddy

Papers are in...

Dear Mama,

The papers for Canada already came, actually I have them since last week. Forms, guidelines, employment letter... the only thing needed are the documents that would be coming from me.

I just need to fill up the forms, complete the required documents, and submit everything to the Canadian Embassy. If everything goes smoothly, we will be off to Canada in no time at all. Although, I know it is not really that fast and easy.

Ralph is still hesitant to go... so is Edgar. To be honest, I too isn't really keen on going, but it seems that there is really no other option left for us. I can't get a job here and the business isn't really doing well.

I really wish you can guide me Mama, I really don't know what to do. I wish you can intercede for me so that I can be enlightened and be able to make to the right decisions.

I really miss you Mama, how I want to talk to you... and embrace you once again. Please do take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.



Daddy

Wish I knew what's next...

Dear Mama,

I'm at it again... lost and confused. All those anticipation, and then... pffftt... nothing. And now, I don't know what to do again. It's really difficult when you have so little options.

Right now Mama, we are fine. I mean at least I can provide for the daily needs of the kids, only because I was able to get the checks from Philhealth. But that would be only good for a few days now, as school has started. There will be more expenses now. Oh well, things have been worse before, yet we survived right?

I just can't help but be anxious. Maybe because I really have no one to whom I can blabber away and talk nonsense too. I really miss you Mama. How I wish I can talk to you again... really miss you.

Take care Mama. I love you.


Daddy

School days

Dear Mama,

School days has started, and Angel looks good in her new uniform (as always). She's very happy now that she's going to school again. I've never seen her this lively and excited. I'm glad I was able to enroll her this year.

To be honest, I crammed on her books, uniforms and other school materials. As I haven't been doing anything for last weeks in preparation for her schooling. Books just got covered today, notebooks aren't covered yet and even unlabeled! I just completed acquiring her uniforms. Still the disorganized me. I guess I'm still not used to doing these things.

Anyway, I'm glad everything's all taken care of now. One thing bothering me though is if I would continue to work in Subic. I'm having second thoughts about it Mama. I don't think I can leave them, yet if I stay I won't be able to provide for them. How I wish there were opportunities here too.

I guess that would be all for now, so that I could keep this letter (for once) positive. Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

After the interview...

Dear Mama,

This time, I got positive response from the interview. I probably have a chance on this one... which makes me worry (always the worrier in me). Like I said, it will be in Subic, Olongapo and I would have to leave the kids here in Angeles.

I have actually thought of relocating the whole family there, but they are already enrolled and classes are about to start... which makes me even worry. I keep on talking to Ralph if he can handle his siblings, to which he always respond positively.

Angel is keen on me working away from them. She said that I should not worry about them. I really don't know. Here comes an opportunity and yet, it starts another source of concern for me.

Next week would be my final interview. And if the Japanese employer and I comes to terms, I might even start next week too. How I wish I'm sure that I'm doing the right thing. If only you were here with me so I can ask your advice, you were always good in handling my worries.

Take care of yourself Mama.

I really wish I could talk to you... I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Another interview...

Dear Mama,

This morning, somebody called me on my cellphone. It was a certain Czarina, from a company in Subic. First she confirmed my name... then asked if I am already employed. When I said no, she asked if I am willing to work for them as an accountant.

This could have been a very welcome opportunity since it's the job that's coming for me. But I'm having second thoughts cause it's in Subic, Olongapo. I will be then be worried about the children if I work away from them. Anyway, I'm still not sure if I will be hired, as they are requesting for me to come on Monday, June 2, for an interview.

I asked her how she got number, she said from the internet. Maybe they got access to resumes uploaded in JobStreet and JobsDB. I asked for the address of their office, but after giving me the complete address she said that I should just text her when I'm there so they could just pick me up at the gate of SBMA.

This got me all too confused... why so much accommodation for a job interview? Are my chances bigger this time? But then, it's in Subic. Angel is excited actually, she wants me to work there. I'm half-hearted, you know the reason why. But I'll try to see it Monday since I'm not doing anything better on that day. I hope I'm doing the right thing. Please guide me Mama.

Take care Mama. I miss you.

I love you.



Daddy

Why are Ralph's pancake better?

Dear Mama,

I cooked pancake for the kids this morning and I can't help but notice that Ralph's pancake are better than the one's I cooked. I would have waited for him to wake up so that he would be the one to cook, but they slept late last night. Besides, classes would start soon, then they would need to wake up early by then. So I let them wake up late for the remaining days of the vacations.

Anyway, just like the ginisang munggo, the children ate the pancakes as well when they woke up. Haaay Mama, from the time I wake up I would already think... "what would Mama have to cook for us if ever..." Everyday, the food would always be an endless questions of whats and hows. I miss your cooking. Cause everyday we would always eat fried, processed or canned goods. That's why I am sometimes worried about the kids' health. I wish I can cook real foods for them.

I'm sure you know the next line... I miss you Mama. Maybe I may look okay on the outside, but it's because you know that I'm not one who dragged everyone around by showing a gloomy disposition. Everything that I feel, I would just keep them to myself.

Well, I really can't say anything with sense now Mama. Typing on the keyboards without really knowing what to say. I am still without a job, no orders... nothing's change. I do hope things will change soon, for the sake of the children.

Take care of yourself Mama.

I love you.



Daddy

Remember the old times?

Dear Mama,

Here I am again, typing here on the keyboard without any significant things to say. Nothing big happened to us these past days. But you know what thought entered me while I am thinking of what to write to you today? Do you remember it Mama? When you were still in college, I would write 2 or 3 letters a week... yeah, I know you missed it when we got married.

Even though we see each other every weekend then, I still can't help but write you a letter. Even though I sometimes visit you during weekdays at your dorm... even though your dorm is actually just 30 minutes away from our town... my letters never fail. No matter what. I missed them too Mama.

Those reminders I always tell you... the frustrations I encountered in my life then... our dreams... apologies on our petty quarrels... and of course, those romantic words that every love-stricken boy would say to his lovely girl. Yes Mama, I'm thinking about them now, and I can't help but smile at the thought of those days. But they also bring sadness to my heart, because like you... they're just memories.

If I were only this intimate to you Mama when you were still here, instead of worrying on where to get the money for your next dialysis. If I were only this open, instead of being so uptight because of too much worries. If I can only bring back time...

Now, I'm writing you letters again... just like the old times...

I miss you Mama...

I love you


Daddy

Missing you....

Dear Mama,

It's been more than 3 months now since you've been away, yet somehow I am still not used to it. Every day I'm still looking for you. Imagining your laughs... your voice... you songs... I miss you Mama.

I know things won't be the same as they were before. With the children growing without their mother... and I've already said, I really can't be the mother as you were to them.

Nobody can take your place Mama.

I guess, I really don't have anything special to say. I just want to say I miss you Mama.

Take care of yourself.

I love you.



Daddy

Finally, I was able to visit you....

Dear Mama,

Finally I was able to visit you in the cemetery today. I almost didn't make it because the rain started falling again... fortunately it was just a drizzle. It felt so calm while I was there, as if everything was fine. Maybe because you were there with me.

There was also no rain while I was there... yet it started falling as I walk away. There's only one thing I don't like about visiting you there Mama, it is I have to go home soon. I wish would stay there with you, cause it's so peaceful there. But I can't. So with heavy feet, and a heavier heart, that I walk away... going home to the kids.

I hope time would permit me to go back again soon.

I miss you Mama...

I love you.



Daddy

I'm sorry...

Dear Mama,

I'm sorry for not being able to visit you in the cemetery lately. It doesn't mean that I think of you less... you know that's not true. Somehow, I have been so disoriented lately that I don't know what to do next.

What with the kids fever marathon and other pressing matters that came my way... I was so confused that sometimes I just stare blankly at walls and not doing anything. Thinking of what to do to provide for the basic necessities, where to go, how, etc.

Every time I make a plan to visit you, something happens that prevent me from doing so, oftentimes I just turned blank and I forgot I was supposed to go.

I'm really very sorry Mama... I hope you're not upset nor disappointed with me. I promise to make time to visit more often. I just hope nothing comes in my way every time I plan to go.

Take care of yourself Mama. I really miss you.

I love you.



Daddy

Don't ask me why...

Dear Mama,

Happy anniversary! Today is our 22nd year! Do you still remember when you said yes to me 22 years ago today at the Jollibee branch in Dau? I knew you were so hesitant then, but I was so happy! I hope that if I will ask you again today, you will still say yes.

And last year, I was fortunate enough to fulfill one of your fondest wish, to see the sunset at Manila Bay. I was glad that I was able to take you there then... not knowing that it will be our last anniversary together.

I hope you still remember this poem Mama. I wrote it for you way back in 1999 and sent it you in your work via mail. You were surprised when you received it and I was very glad that you liked it. I'm sending it to you again Mama so that you may be able to read it once more. Every word that I wrote was meant to show how much I love you.

Don't Ask Me Why

Don't ask me why I love you,
I just do.
I love you not because you
love me back
I just do

Although I may not say it,
Sometimes It may not show,
But believe me,
I do

I love you not for the caring
Nor the thoughtfullness you've shown,
Not for being there
At times when I'm low!

Not for taking care of my children,
Not for making me a home
and not for being patient
of all my imperfections.

Please don't ask me for reasons
'cause I don't need them at all
Because loving you is itself the reason
And nothing else matters anymore

So don't ask me why I love you,
Because I do.


I hope you still like just as you do then. Happy Anniversary Mama! I miss you...

I love you



Daddy

My Ginisang Munggo, Iron Man, and the kids....

Dear Mama,

I intended to write last night, unfortunately I was so exhausted that I slept upon arriving home. Yesterday, the kids and I went to SM Clark to watch the movie Iron Man, cause I have promised them that once they all get well we're going to watch the movie.

As you know, they all got sick and the last weeks were very stressful and tiring for me. I was worried sick cause their fever has been recurring and I have no one here to help me. Fortunately, you were here and touched them. Had it not been for you, I know I wouldn't be able to take care of them. Thank you Mama.

So as I promised them, I took them to the Mall after EA's enrollment. Yes, they are all enrolled now for the next school year. After we had lunch at home, I asked them all to get ready and we headed for the mall and straight to the cinema to watch Iron Man. If you were with us, we could have watched The Forbidden Kingdom where Jacky Chan is, actually it was my choice too, unfortunately I was outvoted.

As usual, even before halfway thru the movie, the popcorns were already over. And I bought two big buckets at that! Anyway, everything went fine. Altho I was a bit worried because it was so cold inside the cinema, and they all just came from sickness. Luckily, they didn't have any problem, altho they all got cold. After the movie, we roamed around the mall and they played, I mean we played, a few games at the Quantum amusement center before we had our dinner at Kenny Roger's.

After dinner, we were about to go home when we met Lingyen their cousin and gave the kids P100 each. So instead of going home, they asked to go back to the amusement center where they played a few more games. After which, we finally went home at almost 8:00 PM where I went straight to sleep upon arriving home. I should really work on my stamina, I get tired easily lately.

But what I am most excited about Mama is that, I was able to cook for the kids the other day. I cooked Ginisang Munggo for them... whew! I thought it was just an easy dish, I was wondering as I was straining the beans, how come you were not complaining when you were cooking! I was worried too, because I thought it didn't turn out well... but as we were eating, they said that it was just fine. In fact, it was eaten up to last drop! So I can cook after all! Am now thinking of cooking more of real foods for them instead of just straight from the can to frying pan dishes, I know they need more healthy food.

I will tell you again once I cooked more real foods for them. But I know, nothing can substitute for your cooking... which are always appetizing, cause you cook them all with love.

Take care now Mama... I miss you.

I love you.



Daddy

Happy Mother's Day!

Dear Mama,

It's your day today, Mama... Happy Mother's Day! This would be the first time we will be celebrating Mother's Day without you, and some celebration it turned out to be. Angel and Edgar are with Nanay to attend the fiesta in Paranaque, while Ralph is here with me, still sick.

Later, I will be taking him to the hospital for a check-up. He's quite well now, at least he has no fever. Unfortunately his throat isn't. He says it feels irritated and he has what he says appears to be blood in his phlegm. I do hope it is nothing serious Mama.

If you were only here with us, these things would not happen to the kids. I'm sorry for not taking good care of them Mama, believe I'm trying my best. They're your gift to me and like I promise you, I'll take good care of them. I just hope I would know what to do in situations like this.

I really miss you Mama. Take care of yourself.... Happy Mother's Day Mama!

I love you.

Daddy

A day after my birthday....

Dear Mama,

Angel and EA are fine now, thanks for making them well. But now, it's Ralph who is still sick! I hope you're not mad or disappointed at me Mama. All of our kids got sick... I don't know what happened! First it was just Angel, then after a few days EA also got sick... and after a few days, Ralph had fever too!

I'm really sorry Mama, I'm doing my best to take care of them. I'm just glad that the two are fine now. Ralph is quite a different case, you know what I mean. When he is sick, he really wants to be attended to. I'm not complaining about that, in fact I'm glad that he does so I could take care of him better.

My birthday passed without any fuzz. I was supposed to take the kids to the movie yesterday, unfortunately they got sick so the planned movie trip was didn't push through. Maybe someday, we can go out again together.

I hope Angel and EA are really well now, because in the last few days their fever was on and off. I hope this time they really get well, I hope soon Ralph will be too. Please don't get tired of helping me.

Take care of yourself Mama... I, and the kids, miss you very much.

I love you.



Daddy

A birthday favor....

Dear Mama,

I know I shouldn't be asking favor anymore as you should be resting now, but I really need your help right now. Tomorrow will be my birthday, it was never a big deal to me before, you know that. But since I'm in a predicament right now, I hope you won't mind me using this occasion to seek a favor.

Mama, Angel and EA are having fever on and off these last few days. I'm trying my best to take care of them - medicines, foods, drinks, attention and all, but they don't seem to get well. I'm really trying to recall what it is that you do differently for them to heal quickly, aside from a mother's love that only you can give.

Mama, please... as a birthday gift for me, make them well Mama. I promised to take them to the movie on my birthday, but I can't do that now because they are sick. Please Mama, make our children strong again. I don't know what to do anymore. I know you're the only one who can make them well.

And lastly, if it's not too much for you, will you come visit me on my birthday? I really don't how, but I'm sure you know what I mean. I hope I can feel your presence on my birthday... cause I really miss you Mama.

Take care of yourself now... I love you.



Daddy

I am not their mother...

Dear Mama

Angel is getting better now, although quite slowly. Unfortunately, Edgar got sick too. I'm worried so much Mama, and also ashamed of myself. I felt somehow it proves that I can't take care of our children. I love them very much, you know that, and would do anything for them. I already know then, while you were still here, that I can't be their mother. Yours is too big a shoes to fill in.

I'm finding out lately that it's much bigger than I thought. While I love them no less, I can't give them the tender loving care that you, and only you, can give them. Especially now that they are getting sick. When you were here, their fever doesn't last more than 48 hours. Like magic, your touch seems to help them get well quick. They may not tell me, I know they miss you Mama, especially in times like these.

I hope that they get well soon, please help me Mama. Much as I like to fill in your shoes, only you can do what you can do... and only you can give what you gave us.

In a few days time, it will be Mother's Day. Maybe it's too early for me, but let me greet you an advance Happy Mother's Day Mama. There could never be a better mother for my children. You are the best mother any child could have. Too bad you have leave them early... to me.

Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

.

Failed interview

Dear Mama,

I failed the interview today at SM. There wasn't any available position in the first place. I was scheduled at 1:30 PM, I came at around 11:30 AM... and waited. When it was already 1:30 PM, I waited some more... and then, waited some more. I was interviewed finally at around 4:00 PM. Only to be told that there wasn't any available position for me!

They made me travel all the way from Angeles City to Pasay, just to be told there's no vacancy. They know I was applying for Clark branch, and Clark was already filled before they call me. I had to borrow money (again) from Nanay for my transportation, just to attend and make good on the scheduled interview. And then...

But what really frustrates me is that I have to leave Angel who still has fever. It has been more than 3 days now, and her on-off fever worries me. I thought she was already fine, because the whole day yesterday she was already playing. And then this morning, she was hot again. I know I'm suppose to take her to the doctor already, but because of the scheduled interview I can't.

When I came home tonight at around 7:00 PM, she was already fine. She is already asleep now, but as I checked her she seem to be slightly hot again. Please Mama, make Angel well. Help me take care of her. She's the only source of my strenght now. Please make her well Mama... please.

I have to go now, I'm really tired from all those frustrations I had for the day. I hope something would happen to us soon.

Take care of yourself Mama, I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy


.

My Interview Tomorrow

Dear Mama,

It's past midnight and I still don't know what to write. I just want to tell you that tomorrow... err I mean later this afternoon, I will have an interview at SM Head Office in Mall Of Asia. So I have to leave the children again here... will you look after them while I go to the interview?

I'm trying my best not to let my letters to you be too emotional... really. But every time I try to talk to you thru this blog, I misses you the more! It's really funny that sometimes I find myself talking myself... talking to you actually, but since you're not here, it appears that I'm talking to myself. I make sure that no one sees me though.

Everyday is a struggle for me. What to do? What to eat? Where to get this? What to do with that? I can't seem to get a grip of my senses... why am I so lost? I used to be organized, you know that. I always know what to do... but now, I don't know anything. Have I really lost it? Please help me Mama. I wish you can visit me in my dreams, or at least whisper to me in my sleep.

Wish me luck for the interview tomorrow Mama. Please do take a look at the children while I'm away. Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you... I love you.

Love,


Daddy


.

Angel has fever...

Dear Mama,

I woke up this morning and saw Angel with blanket over her. We both know that she doesn't like having blankets when she sleeps, specially today being summer. I approached and feel her forehead and neck - she got fever! I was worried because... you're not here! If you were only here, I'm sure you would know what to do!

Perhaps, I would know what to do... medicine here, water there... some TLC... but I know that I can't do anything to substitute a mother's caress.

And another thing, I need to go out! Today is Angel's enrollment - fortunately, I was able to enroll her and was back after an hour. Bought her favorite gummy bear-like candies - pizza pie, hot dogs, etc. I was glad they are available this time. You know how she loves those candies, and I don't know why but somehow these candies help her get well.

Checked her temperature with a thermometer and reads 38.5, she said she was fine... after about 20 minutes, checked it again. Now her temperature reads 39! Mama, please help me take care of our Angel, I'm really getting worried. Just gone thru her enrollment and we don't have any money left.

If you only you were here Mama... if only you were here..

Love,


Daddy

Dear Mama....

Dear Mama,

I really don't know what title to give to my letter now, that's why I just gave it 'Dear Mama' as title. It's 11:53 PM now, a few minutes before midnight. My eyelids are actually dropping now, it seems that they have a mind of their own. I am having a hard fighting them to keep me awake, at least just to finish this letter.

Last night, we went swimming with the Familia Community. I'm pretty sure Angel had fun, and so do EA and Remrem. I really didn't want to ask them to stop and get dressed but it was almost time. The two boys fixed themselves up early, Angel swam and played in the pool until 9PM. But we both know that still, it wasn't enough for her.

Tomorrow will be her enrollment. She is excited to study in Holy Family, I on the other is anxious as to where I'm going to get the money for her enrollment tomorrow.

This whole day just passed me by... doing nothing... achieving nothing. It's not that I'm lazy or anything, but I don't know what to do! I don't even know where to start. I really wish I could talk to you Mama, I really needed someone to push me... and only you can do that to me.

Anyway, I can't fight the dropping eyelids anymore, and the tone of my letter isn't really getting nice. I have to stop now. Please do take care of yourself Mama.

I really miss you... I love you Mama.



Daddy





.

Another letter...

Dear Mama,

Hi! It's been a few days since my last letter... I was supposed to write earlier this week. I felt so alone, I really wish I could talk to you. Been to a lot this week. Lots of thinking, lots of things happened between me and the kids, me and other people... and there's just nobody beside me to whom I could pour these all on to. If only I could talk to you Mama... if only I could.

I hope you won't mind me putting our picture here. I did that to put more personal touch to this blog, and so that people who would happen to read this could see you, especially your friends.

There are really lots of things that I want to tell you Mama, but I can't understand why I am seem to be lost for words right now. The thing between me and the kids... it's as if slowly, the gap between us is growing wider and wider. I really don't know, but I think it's my fault. I easily get irritated lately and I shout at them at the slightest mistake. I've been trying to be conscious about it... so I could avoid it, but I feel sometimes that they are really trying to provoke me. Doing things that I'm sure they know would piss me. I don't know, I don't want them to grow farther away from me.

I really wish I could see you now Mama... if only I could embrace you... if only I could be with you... even for just a while... I'm sure I will feel better.

I really miss you Mama... I need you... I love you...



Daddy


.

New letter

Dear Mama,

Hi again. I'm really sorry I wasn't able to write to you lately. I've been going through a lot things right now (like I usually am). Just this morning, I received another notice of disconnection from Angeles Electric... as always. Fortunately, I was able to borrow money from Nanay again.

What am I going to tell you right now? I never really thought I would be lost for words writing a letter to you. Last week was typical for us... no orders, no work, no good news, no nothing! Oh yes, there was a good news, Viernell is finally able to work abroad. I'm not sure, but I think it's in Dubai and he'll be leaving before the end of this month. I'm happy for him, finally he'll be able to work again and provide for his family.

Next week is almost month-end... rent will again be due and so is Angel's enrollment. Haaay Mama, I really hope all my plans would pushed through and all would be successful for us to survive these storms of expenses that will be coming to us.

Now, I really feel that I need you. I'm having a hard making decisions and without anybody to ask opinion to. Sometimes in desperation, I ask from Angel. I really miss you Mama.... everyday is getting harder and harder without you. I really wish I could be with you right now.

I guess, I'll just have to stop here or else, who knows where my letter would lead into. Just take care of yourself Mama and please do look after the kids when they're not with me.

I love you Mama.... I miss you.



Daddy

I feel guilty...

Dear Mama,

I really feel guilty right now. Since last night, I've trying to psyche myself to go to Mang Salud's wake in Sapang Maisac. I'm sure you know the reason why I'm having a hard time convincing myself to go. I know she has nothing to do with my reason, that's why I feel guilty for not having to pay my last respect to someone so close to you.

I'm really sorry Mama, I know my action can't be justified. I guess I will just have to carry the guilt, it's a choice that I made. I told Angel of my hesitation to go and she understands me. Still not enough reason to release me of this anxiety.

If she's with you right now, please tell her I'm sorry. I know, she too understands the reason. I will always pray for her as I always pray for you. In the meantime, I will just carry on this self-inflicted guilt that I have.

Again Mama, I'm sorry. Please take care of yourself. I love you.



Daddy



P.S. How I wish I was communicating to you this much when you were still here. I miss you Mama.

News on Mang Salud

Dear Mama,

This afternoon, Madel texted me, informing me of the death of Mang Salud. I was saddened by this news because I know how dear she was to you and you to her. She died last Sunday, April 13. I was told by Madel that Mang Salud came to know of your death and the sadness apparently caused her already weak body to give up.

One good thing about this is that finally her sufferings has ended. We know how weak she already was the last time we saw her. And I bet right now both of you have already seen each other in heaven. Finally, you're with a mother who truly loves you.

They asked when will I go to the wake, I said maybe tomorrow. I really would like to go, because she was your second mother. In fact, she was more of a mother to you than... Anyway, like I said, I planned to go but I'm having second thoughts. If I go, it would mean I will meet your family again. I know everything was patched up when you died... at least that's what I would like to think. Oh well, I guess maybe the problem is with me. I really wish I could go tomorrow.

I guess that would be all for now Mama. Do take care of yourself. I love you Mama.

I miss you.


Daddy

Updates for mama...

April 14, 2008
1:18 AM


Dear Mama,

It's now past 1:00am and I haven't slept yet. I was meaning to write you earlier, unfortunately, in thinking out what to write, it reached me this hour. I am really sorry for my first letter, I know I should not be writing to you about those kind of stuffs, I should take care of things here now.

Anyway, I haven't talked to you yet about these past days - Rem's graduation, EA'a birthday, Angel's exam and interview at Holy Family and lots of things. I guess I should update you on what's going on with us. Ralph's graduation passed by quickly, we haven't prepared any at home. I don't think I can pull that one, fortunately Ralph understood and we just celebrated together with EA and Angel. First, we had dinner at Cafe Seatenta in Balibago, and was Angel satisfied. Aside from big servings of spaghetti, she praised the service at the place. You know how particular our 9 year old daughter about service. I'm sure, the two boys enjoyed dinner there too, we had a good time there.

After dinner, we went at Boom na Boom Carnival at the back of SM Clark. There, they rode the bump car, the carousel, and the mini-viking boat. Ralph finally was able to ride the cable car (chair actually), at first he thought it was fun. But when he noticed that the cable car was very slow and they stayed on top for a very long time, I think he felt nervous. Although he won't admit it to me. They had fun at the carnival, they went in the bump car twice. It was fun just watching them going at each other in their bump cars. If only you can see the pictures. After that, we finally went home. It was exhausting but fun.

Next was EA's birthday, which we celebrated at SM Clark. They played at Quantum. They also have bump car there. I played table hockey with Ralph and EA. It was fun and exhausting. Although the place was air conditioned, I sweat a bit in the game. And we watched a movie, Orton Hears A Who... it was a good movie. Another CGI effect movie, the kids liked it. I love it when I make the kids happy.

Angel, on the hand passed the exam and interview at Holy Family. We are now just waiting for the schedule of their enrollment on April 29, Ralph has yet to secure his card from his adviser. He still lacks one teacher signature on his clearance. On my part, still there are no confirmed orders for the personalized business. Just lots of inquiries, I am now applying for a job in SM Clark. I was applying for a store manager, but when the HR Head interviewed me, she read that I am a CPA in my resume so she said that she will refer me for the position of accounting manager instead. I'm just waiting for a call for another interview with the department heads.

Ate Let, sent a document for me sign, which I signed today at Sta. Teresita. The document is a letter actually which congratulates me and says that I have been accepted to work in their (Ate Let's) company in Canada. They will be waiting for me once I complete all my documents. Imagine that! I already have a job in Canada when I haven't moved a finger to apply. Ate Let is really helping me to migrate to Canada. I will be going there with kids, just as you told me... it seems to be that I really have no future in here.

Ralph is not really keen on going to Canada, EA too. They actually want to be left here, I don't know... maybe they're just apprehensive. I can understand them because they don't know anybody there, it's an entirely different culture... I guess they are just afraid. I too, am not sure about my feelings regarding this thing, but I guess going to Canada is the best thing for us. Angel is the most excited when it comes to the Canada thing. How I wish you are still with us as we migrate, maybe there you won't suffer much because I would be able to sustain your dialysis. And maybe we could even arrange for a kidney transplant once we are there. Oops, here I am again... I'm sorry.

Well, I guess that would be all for now. Looking forward to being with you soon. I'm trying my best to take care of the children... and please, do look after them when they're not with me.

Bye for now Mama.... take care, I love you.

I miss you.

Daddy