Happy new year, Mama.

Dear Mama,

It's new year's eve again. Another year ends and a new begins. But still, I am not really excited Mama. I still feel like dragging my feet.

Anyway, I still need to prepare something for our medya noche, Mama. Maybe just some quick and easy fix.

That's all I want to say right now, Mama. I don't want to rant at the end of the year.

Happy new year, Mama.

I miss you... I love you.


Daddy

Nightmare... future... and disgrace

Dear Mama,

Last Monday night (or Tuesday dawn), I heard Ralph shouting. Half-asleep, I run to his room. His eyes were closed, although he was talking and asked me to stay there. It seemed he had a nightmare, Mama. So I slept right beside him then.

Tomorrow, will the homecoming Mama. The time where I will dance in front of a big crowd. I'm sorry, Mama. I had to do it for the batch. Anyway, it will the first and last time. I promise, Mama.

2010 is almost over, and soon it will 2011. I don't know what to think, what to expect. I don't even to go there anymore, Mama. I'm tired... really tired. I wish I could go to you.

I miss you Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Merry Christmas Mama!

Dear Mama,

Merry Christmas to you. We were able to hold our Christmas party even though I prepared for it on the last minute only. The party went well, the kids cooperated and participated in the activities. Edgar and Ralph sang while Angel danced. There were fewer games than last year because we removed the funniest games.

We had simple foods for noche buena, Mama. I didn't cook really. But still, we had more than enough to eat still. We have enough left for Christmas day. I really wish you were here, sharing the party with us. The children were all glad and happy when they received their gifts, and that made me happy too, Mama.

Next year, we'll still do this Christmas party and I am asking the kids to continue doing it, even I'm already gone. They all agreed, Mama. Thank you for starting tradition, Mama.

That will be all for now, it's 3 a.m. and I haven't slept yet. I can hear Ralph still awake, maybe he is still playing. Anyway, merry Christmas, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I miss you Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Christmas party in a few minutes

Dear Mama,

It's December 24 again, past 8 p.m., in a few hours we will be having our Christmas party. The kids and I are still having the party that you started. I intend to continue this even if they grow up and already have their own family. I hope they won't get tired of this, Mama.

This is just one of the ways we remember you and everything you have done for us, Mama. I hope you're watching us as the kids play the games that we'll be having. Prepared simple foods to share for the noche buena. You know I really cannot cook, and I'm thankful that the kids are not really asking for much.

Well, I better get ready. Not yet finish planning and preparing for the games. 'really wish you can join us. I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Ralph is sick again...

Dear Mama,

Ralph is sick again. Please help me make him well, Mama. It's time like this that I pity them because I cannot take good care of the kids.

I'm sorry Mama.


Daddy

Will be jobless again soon....

Dear Mama,

I won't be long and I'll be jobless again. Can't blame anyone really, I know it's all my fault Mama. Maybe I'm not really cut to supervise people... maybe I'm not really a good team player... maybe I'm not really made for the corporate world... but the truth is, I'm not really good as everybody think I am.

I'm sorry Mama. I failed you again. It will be back to blogging for me, I guess. Something that I love to do and yet doesn't really give me money to send the kids to school.

Anyway, I guess better things will come my way...

Think I'll stop now. Take care of yourself, Mama. I love you and I miss you so much.


Daddy


p.s. I could really use a hug now, Mama.

Edgar and the FGNHS-SPA are champion once

Dear Mama,

Today, the SPA choir joined another contest in Robinson's Angeles, and Edgar was included in the choir. And I'm sure you know that they won, Mama. This is the second time that they won in the said competition and Edgar was included in both group.

It's a good thing they won, Mama. If you remember, they lost last week in another competition in Marquee Mall, at least the win today boosted their ego. I can sense they felt so down in their last lost because they take these competitions seriously. One consolation for Edgar, Mama, was that he was not included in the team that lost. Although I really don't think it would've made a difference if he was included.

That's all for now, Mama. Only the good news, so as not to burden you so much with my whining. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.

I miss you.

Daddy

Excited for my new book

Dear Mama,

I guess you already know by now, I have a new book coming out. Well, it's not really my book, but a collection of stories and my stories are included in those be selected to be included in the book. I hope you're proud of me, Mama. Maybe next time, it will be my own book of poems and short stories haha... here I go again with my wishful thinking, Mama.

Anyway, it's almost Christmas and I am still not prepared. Was too busy these past few days, Mama. I am really stressed, I wish I could hug you so I would feel better. I really miss  you Mama. I wish you're still with us and we can celebrate the season together.

Oh well, here I go again. I'm sorry Mama. Don't worry about the kids, they're doing fine. I promise to take good care of them, the best way that I can. Take care of yourself Mama. I really, really miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

not again...

Dear Mama,

It's that "down" feeling again... I really could use a hug now, Mama...

I miss you :(

Daddy

Ice cream for the anniversary

Dear Mama,

Just got home after having some ice cream with the kids at Mr. Frosty in Balibago. We were already full since we ate at the dance practice, that is why we just went for ice cream.

I was hoping you were with us when were there Mama.

Oh boy! Here I go again.... I miss you Mama, I really do.

Taka care.

I love you


Daddy

Happy anniversary, Mama!

Dear Mama,

It's our 19th wedding anniversary. I didn't forget Mama, I never will. It will always be the same, except that we won't be celebrating it with you anymore. I plan to take the kids out tonight after our dance practice.

I miss you, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy

Pains...

Dear Mama,

I've been feeling a lot pains lately -- headaches, irritated eyes, and the latest is that I can't seem to move or raise my legs. I'm having a hard time climbing steps, boarding vehicles. It's very painful every time I try to raise my legs. I can walk only of flat grounds, if I need to take a higher step I literally have to lift my legs. It's very painful, Mama. I'm not complaining, Mama. I just don't have anyone to tell it to.

But that's just the physical pains, Mama. I'm sure you are aware of the other pains.

Anyway, take care, Mama. I guess I will be with you soon.

I love you, Mama. I miss you.


Daddy

Angel's qualifying exam

Dear Mama,

Just arrived home from AC Science High School. Angel took her qualifying exam there. I hope she passes Mama, so she can take her secondary schooling there. Help me pray for her, Mama. Please help her pass.

The alumni homecoming is very near, Mama. I'm sure you know by now I'm going to be dancing then. Yeah, can you believe it?! Me, dancing in front of a big crowd?! I can't back out now. I guess I'll just have to go through it and live through the shame that it will bring.

Anyway, that's all I have to say for now. Wait! I just remembered! Ralph was included in the leadership training in his school. I hope he learns something from that. I just don't know how many Saturdays it would be.

That's all Mama. Please take care of yourself. I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

I'm sorry for what happened...

Dear Mama,

I'm really sorry for what happened to your tomb marker, and it's even sadder that I discovered it on your birthday. I really felt bad about it. I can't even protect your memories, Mama. I'm really sorry. I am trying to do something to make the people who did that pay.

After seeing that Mama, I was having second thoughts on whether to continue with the celebration. But as I looked at the kids, and that Ralph would have a visitor, I went on as planned and prepared the foods that I said I would. I was just hoping that my sad disposition wouldn't affect the outcome of the food I cooked.

Well, from the looks of it, Ralph's friends did say that the spaghetti tasted good. They also brought birthday cake for you, Mama. Although I ran short of the spaghetti sauce, with still lots of pasta on hand.  I guess I still need to learn on how to determine the quantity of the sauce in relation to the pasta.

I hope you liked what we did, Mama. Our modest way of celebrating your special day.

Happy birthday, Mama! I love you.

I miss you so much!

Take care


Daddy


p.s. I'm really sorry for what happened, Mama. Please forgive me.

Happy birthday, Mama!

Dear Mama,

It's your birthday! We'll be cooking spaghetti and preparing other foods to celebrate your special day. In a while, we'll be going to La Pieta to visit you, Mama.

Happy birthday, Mama! I love you and I miss so you much.

Take care, Mama.


Daddy

Your birthday's near

Dear Mama,

Advance happy birthday, Mama. Yes, it's your birthday again, and of course, we will celebrate it. I am planning to cook something instead of just buying palabok or just going out. I don't know what the kid's prefer though. I hope I can cook, Mama.

We miss you, especially on this occasion. Christmas is almost here too... and we're going to celebrate it without you. Sometimes, I still feel it's unfair. Why did He take you away from us early. But I know it's better for you, Mama, you needed to rest. But I really miss you.

Anyway, I'll stop here. I just want to greet you an advance happy birthday. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Please help me say the right words...

Dear Mama,

I am having problem regarding Angel's school. The deadline for the submission of application at the special science class is on November 24, which is also the same day of the releasing of cards at Holy Family. I asked Angel to talk to her teacher to have her grades released earlier so we won't be late at SSC. Unfortunately, the principal said they won't do that and instead asked her to tell me to just talk to SSC.

You know SSC do not allow extensions and late applications. Even when you were here, they did not allow that, even if they were your co-teachers. Angel tried to explained that to their principal, but she won't bulge. Tomorrow, I will try to talk to her teacher, and maybe to the principal, I hope I can say the right words and not get into argument with the principal, Mama. Please, help me tomorrow.

I knew you would do it better if only you were here. I just hope I can talk sense to the principal, Mama. Please help me.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

failing...

Dear Mama,

Why do I feel like I'm failing? As father to our kids... as a person...

I'm tired Mama... and lost too.

I want to be with you.


Daddy

Depressed again...

Dear Mama,

Depression is hitting me again... and for a lot of reasons! But don't worry Mama, the kids won't be affected. They will still be taken care of. It's just so hard to have these feelings and you have no one to talk to.

I will not say them anymore one by one because you should be resting. I hope this feeling will be over soon... or better yet, I hope to be with you very, very soon.

Take care Mama. I miss you so much.

I love you.


Daddy

Just got home...

Dear Mama,

Just arrived home from La Pieta. Could have stayed longer if not for the impending rain, and Edgar has a project to finish. Hope he can finish it tonight. It really feels good to be there with you, Mama. Even if there were lots of people and the place was crowded, I still feel peaceful knowing that I was there near you.

I promise to come back some other days, Mama.

Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

In a little while, the kids and I will be going to the cemetery. First, will be visiting Tatay at the Holy Mary and then we will go to La Pieta to visit you. It will be the first time I'll be going there on a November 1, Mama. You know I always go there before or after the day, so as to avoid the 'crowd.' I hope today, everything will turn out right.

Mama, I hope you can help me with my problem on Angel's schedule. The deadline for the submission of application in the science high school is November 24, but the releasing of their grades is also on the same day. I hope I can enroll her in the said school. Help me say the right words to her teacher and her school, Mama.

Will be preparing in a while, Mama. Please take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama. I really do.

I love you.


Daddy

Cold Holidays....

Dear Mama,

It will be another lonely and cold year-end for us. The kids and I will once again be reminded that you are no longer with us. Your birthday is fast approaching and soon it will be Christmas. We will only remember how much we miss you, Mama.

I can't help but feel this way when this time of the year approaches. The children do not deserve this. Sometimes I wish we could have traded places. I bet they would be better off with you left with them than me.

I'm sorry, Mama. I am not blaming you or anything. I just miss you, I miss our times together. I miss someone taking care of me when I am sick, and I also miss taking care of you. I miss you, Mama. I really do, and I'm sure the kids do too.

Take care of yourself, Mama. Hope we could be together again soon.

I love you.


Daddy

A bout with fever

Dear Mama,

Here I am again, writing another late letter. You know it doesn't mean that I think of you less when I don't write as often. I just have too many things on my mind, and that I don't want to bother you with my whining and negativity anymore.

I've been sick since Friday evening, Mama. Not really sick actually, but I was not feeling well. I feel cold and weak. I was taking medicines, although sometime I forgot to follow it up after 4 hours. I still don't feel really well, but at least I am much better than I was yesterday.

By the way, I got good news for you, Mama. Ralph was included in the Dean's List this semester. I'm so happy because at last he has proven something. I am asking him to be consistent with that, Mama. He is trying his best. I can see that. I hope he stays focus.

That will be all for now, Mama. If you can visit and help me get well, I would appreciate it. I miss you Mama and I miss how you took care of me when I was sick then. Anyway, before I start again, goodbye for now, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy

Dear Mama,

Hi! I hope your are fine as you read this letter. Sorry (again) for not writing as much as I used to do. I'm just too distracted with a lot of things, I just wish I could get everything in order and focus on my priorities. Anyway, I wouldn't want to start writing negatives or whine again, Mama. I know you had too much of it when you were still here, I just hope I won't be writing any of it now.

Mama, there is another songwriting contest that I have seen, and I was thinking if I would join or not. I would like to, but I am afraid. It could just be another futile effort for me. I know, those who will join the contest are very good, and I might not even make it to the top 500. I really would like to give it a try, but I'm having second thoughts, Mama. Please help me.

That's all really I want to say right now, Mama. It's another opportunity for me to fulfill a dream... if only I can muster enough courage.

Anyway, take care of yourself, Mama. I really miss you. I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Sorry for not writing

Dear Mama,

I'm really sorry for writing to you for quite a while. Believe me, I was really trying to, but everytime I sit down and attempt to write, nothing comes to mind but whining, problems, loneliness and the realization that you are gone. I really don't want to bother you with those anymore, Mama. You should be resting.

I'm trying to cope, Mama. Fortunately for me, the kids are doing well. There are some minor problems, but nothing that we can't handle so far. Thank you again for raising them well, Mama. It's making things easier for me now.

Well, I guess I should this letter while I'm still on the positive note. I really miss you, Mama. I'm sure the kids do too, especially your cooking. Take care of yourself now. Hope I could be with you soon.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

How long?

Dear Mama,

How long do I still have to wait? I'm tired.


Daddy

what to do now?

Dear Mama,

I'm lost. I know I shouldn't be. I really don't know where to go to now, Mama or what I want to do. I am disoriented at present. I really wanted to rest, Mama.

I wish I could be with you. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Back home from the hospital

Dear Mama,

We're now back home from the hospital. Ralph will only need to continue medications at home. He needs maintenance now because of his sickness, Mama. I'm sorry. I was not able to take care of him. I haven't bought his medicines yet, I still do not have money. The money I got from begging (again) were just enough to pay the hospital bills. I hope to find money to buy his medicines tomorrow. One of your friends said she'll send us money.

What worries me now, Mama is not just Ralph, but also Edgar and Angel. Like what I told in my letter, Edgar was displaying the same symptom Ralph has, he got sick too. Angel, on the other hand, also said she is also experiencing difficulty in breathing lately.

Please Mama, help me take care of the kids. Make them well, Mama. I feel sorry for them because they don't have a mother to take care of them. It's just not the same, Mama. It looks like I'm not good for them. There's really no substitute for your caring, Mama. If only you were here, they wouldn't be sick like this. I'm sorry, Mama.

I miss you. I wish you were still here with us.

I'm talking nonsense again. I'm sorry, Mama. I guess I need to stop now, lest I irritate you. Take care of yourself, Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Ralph is in the hospital... and Edgar is sick too

Dear Mama,

Ralph is in the hospital right now, the doctor diagnosed acute asthma. He having difficulty breathing yesterday. He is better now, but he is still in the hospital. Edgar is also sick, he is also showing the symptoms that Ralph had yesterday. I'm sorry, Mama. It looks like I am not taking care of the kids very well. I'm really sorry.


Daddy

We had a good time and you'll be proud of Ralph

Dear Mama,

We had a simple celebration of Ralph's birthday yesterday. We just went out and ate at a coffee shop. It was rather late though when we went out, Mama. Nonetheless, the kids enjoyed it. It was the first time I took them to the place. If only we weren't short on cash, I would have taken them someplace else afterward. Fortunately, the kids weren't complaining and were quite satisfied where we ate.

You will be proud of our son, Mama. They had some sort of accounting quiz olympiad in school yesterday, and he was one of the contestant. It was a group contest actually, and their group got the third place in the contest, Mama. I guess, it was a perfect birthday gift for him.

But what will make you feel even prouder about him, Mama were the words of his friends. By their messages, it looks like our Ralph is really a good friend to them. You raised him well, Mama. I bet he got that from you, being charismatic with other people. I can sense that they appreciate Ralph's friendship. I'm really proud of him.

Well, that's all about Ralph's birthday, Mama. I hope next time, we could do a bigger celebration and that he could invite his friends. But as for now, that will do. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Ralph turns 18 today

Dear Mama,

Our Ralph turns 18 today. I'm sorry if there weren't any celebrations, Mama. As you know, we've been having some problem with our finances lately. I plan to take the kids out tonight though. Our son is growing up, Mama. Although he is still have those childish traits, he is slowly becoming responsible. I should be satisfied with that, and demand him to mature so fast. I should let him enjoy his youth, Mama. I'm sure, you are as proud of our son too Mama.

That would be all for now, Mama. Please take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Ralph and I are okay

Dear Mama,

Ralph and I are okay now. I was the first one to talk to him though, I figured I am the older one and should be the one to understand. I hope he was also able to contemplate on what happened to us, Mama. I want him to grow up responsible. But I still feel sorry about hitting him, Mama. I wish I didn't do it.

It will be his birthday on Tuesday, Mama. I still don't have a gift for him. I'm not sure if I would be able to squeeze it on the budget. But I'll try to see that I can, Mama, it's Ralph after all. You know how I love my son, and how I go out of my way just to do things for him.

Anyway, I have more house chores to do Mama. I am not working today, so I better catch up on cleaning the house. Until next letter Mama. Take care of yourself. I love you, Mama. I miss you.


Daddy

I'm sorry, I failed

Dear Mama,

I'm sorry. I failed in raising our kids. This evening, I hit Ralph on the face. I was mad, Mama. He was supposed to come early, I told him that and he agreed. Unfortunately, he didn't. And when I asked him why, he couldn't answer me.

I kept on texting and calling him in afternoon Mama, but he wasn't replying, and I know he was doing that on purpose.

What am I doing wrong, Mama? Why am I failure in almost everything? I can't even get the respect of my own kids!

I'm sorry, Mama. I'm really sorry.


Daddy

Getting tired... again

Dear Mama,

Why do I always get the feeling that I am tired? I always feel drained, physically, mentally and emotionally. Sometimes, I just stop and doesn't even want to move. Staring at spaces for I don't know how long and I don't even know what I'm looking at. It's really hard when you have no one to talk to, Mama.

The  kids are still sleeping, but I will wake them up in a while because Ralph will be having his test. He is having his midterm exam, Mama, and today is the last day of the test. We'll be having our breakfast after this. Guide him through his test, Mama.

I am dreaming of having my poems published in a book, Mama. I want to have my REFLECTION printed and become a book. You know it's my dream, Mama. I wish it can become a reality. I hope my poems are good enough for printing.

I think I already heard Ralph woke up. I'll prepare for breakfast now, Mama. 'til next letter. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

A rainy morning

Dear Mama,

Good morning. Angel and Edgar are now taking a bath, before we'll be having our breakfast. Ralph won't have his class until this afternoon. It's their mid-term exam, please guide him, Mama. I won't wake him up early this time. In a while, I'll be having breakfast with Angel and Edgar.

It's raining right now, Mama. I hope it will stop when it's time to go to school. I'll be going to Manila today too. So please, help me pray for a good weather.

The kids are fine, Mama. You don't to worry about them, you raised them well, I'm so proud of them. I'll stop my letter here, to prepare for breakfast. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Ralph is having his hands full

Dear Mama,

I don't know if it was right for me to allow Ralph to work at a very young age. He is enjoying it, I think. But he also applied to be one of the staff of their department's newsletter, and when they have a meeting, he has to be absent from work!

He is having his hands full right now, Mama. While I don't like him working, I do not agree for him being absent from work because it could affect his reputation. I am telling him to be ready, because he might need to choose one of them sometime. I hope he doesn't get overwhelmed by too much responsibility now.

And I hope, I would know how to handle and advice him, Mama. Please help me.

That will be all for now. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I miss you. I love you.


Daddy

Edgar's good grades

Dear Mama,

Edgar got his grades for the first periodical test today, and they are are quite high, Mama. He got one 84 and one 83, while the rest are all 87 and 89. He even got 95 in mathematics, Mama. But you know what, in spite of his high grades, he still ranked no.9 in their class. Meaning his classmates has higher grades.

I just told him to try to do better. I am satisfied with his grades, but I didn't tell him, Mama. So that he will strive harder, he wants to land on the top spot, I don't know serious he is, but I hope he will try harder. I'm sure, when that happens, it will boost his self-confidence big time.

But I am happy with his performance, I couldn't ask for more. Let's just hope he will work harder.

That will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I mill you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

I miss your cooking

Dear Mama,

You know what? Suddenly, I miss your cooking. Maybe because we haven't been eating any decent food lately. Yes, we cook at home, but they are mostly those easy to cook, fry foods. I miss all those delicious dishes you used to cook for us, Mama.

As much as I would like to do them, I just don't have it in me. Nobody does it like you do, Mama. Your cooking is still the best.

But aside from your cooking, I miss you Mama. I really wish you're still here. I hate this feeling... but I feel lonely, Mama. I need your embrace. How I wish it could be.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I hope I'll be with you soon.

I love you.


Daddy

Nothing....

Dear Mama,

I really have nothing to say... these are the times when I wish that you are still beside me so I can just hold your hands or embrace you. I feel lonely... I miss you, Mama.

Take care.

I love you.


Daddy

Almost there...

Dear Mama,

I'm almost there, the healing process that is. I just hope I get more focused now and not be distracted of everything or everyone I see. I hope I do get to publish my book this year, Mama. I bet that would make you proud of me, and hopefully will change the impression of those people who look down on me.

I am trying Mama. I want you to be proud of me. I'm sorry if I got distracted and preoccupied these past few days. I hope I didn't lose enough time. I hope I can still catch up. My only problem now is that, there won't be you to push me this time. You're the only one who sincerely believed in me. I miss you Mama.

I have to go now, and buy some pandesal for the the kids. it's already 7:30 am and their still sleeping. It's Sunday anyway, that's why I let them stay in bed longer.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Ralph's getting more serious now

Dear Mama,

Sorry if I'm not writing as much as I used to be. You know I got a lot of things on my mind lately, and to be honest, I cannot really focus. I hope I get my acts together, for the sake of the kids.

Speaking of the kids, Mama, I think Ralph is getting more serious now, since he is already working. It looks like he's going to stay longer in his job where he was hired only as temporary. I hope they will give a fair treatment. His salary is not really within minimum. He will 18 within a few weeks now, Mama. He is really coming of age. His studies isn't doing so bad, either Mama. I told him it should be his priority.

Edgar and Angel are doing well too. Edgar is getting more into the visual arts and Angel is getting active in her dance club. She's also into posing for pictures now. Perhaps she was inspired by those model-wannabes who are uploading photos in facebook. I'm tolerating her for now, Mama. Anyway, she's taking care of her studies very well.

As for me, I'm still hurting, and I think you know why, Mama. I hope this all end soon so I can go on with my life. Looks like I really don't deserve to be happy, especially now that you are no longer here. You were the only one who accepted me as who I really am, Mama. I miss you. I wish you never left me, but I understand why you have to. You need to rest.

Well, that will all for now Mama. Until my next letter. Take care of yourself. I miss you Mama, really I do.

I love you.


Daddy

It's a long week....

Dear Mama,

How are you? Hope you're doing fine. Don't worry about us, we're doing fine. I'm trying hard to cope up lately, with lots of things bothering me, but still I'm trying to manage. It's really difficult to be doing everything on your own, Mama. But of course, there's really nothing I can do about it. I guess this is what they call fate.

Angel just had their periodical test last week, Ralph had his prelims the week before, and Edgar is having his periodical test this week. The kids are doing fine in their study, Mama. They're all trying hard to do well in their studies, Mama. They are aiming to have a good grade. Let's hope all their efforts will be rewarded.

Well, I have to wrap up now. I have to prepare and take Angel to school and also get to work. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

I miss you

Dear Mama,

I just to say that I miss you...

Love


Daddy

Wish you didn't leave...

Dear Mama,

Sometimes I wish you didn't have to leave. Sometimes I wish you were still here with me. I'm sorry, Mama. I'm not complaining. It's just that, if only you were here, none of these things would have happened. I wouldn't have to suffer like this, I would not be going through the pains.

I was already getting well, Mama. I thought I'm already through weeping, and I can finally move on. Unfortunately, it has to happen. And I feel like it was even worse than before. I'm sorry. I'm trying to fight Mama, for the kids' sake. I promised you I will take care of them, and I will fulfill that promise. I just can't help missing you Mama. I need you here with me.

Here I go again, wishing for the impossible thing to happen. I guess I just have to wrap this up because I am not making sense again.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

How long?

Dear Mama,

How long would this still go on? You know I'm having difficulties carrying on. But I'm not complaining, Mama. If only I weren't foolish enough to get 'distracted' these past few days, it could be doing fine now. Unfortunately, it looks like I'm back to where I started. I'm sorry Mama.

In times like this, I wish you were still here with me, Mama. You're the only one who was always there for me. I miss you Mama.

Take care. I love you.


Daddy

Just pretending

Dear Mama,

I'm just pretending to be strong, but deep inside you know I'm weak Mama. Sometimes I feel that I can't go on. I'm sorry for letting you down, Mama. It's just too hard to be alone and without you by my side. I can't go on like this Mama.

Daddy

I took Angel to the doctor

Dear Mama,

This afternoon, I took Angel to the doctor because of her cough. She is under medication now. I hope it doesn't get worse Mama. Last night, Angel had a hard time breathing, the doctor said she heard a wizzing sound when she listened to Angel's back through the stethoscope.

Help me take care of her Mama. She can't afford to be sick, much lest a whopping cough. They will be having their periodical exams next week, and she is also active in their dance club. She can't dance if her condition didn't get well.

Make her well, Mama. Please. Teach me how to take care of Angel.

Thank you Mama.

I love you and I miss you.


Daddy

Help me, Mama

Dear Mama,

Edgar is sick again, and it looks like Angel is going to be sick too. It's almost 1am and Angel already got up twice. She's having trouble sleeping. She is coughing Mama. They can't afford to be sick. I can't absent myself from work now, Mama. Please help them get well. They will be having their periodical test anytime soon.

Please help the kids get well, Mama. Help me make them well.


Daddy

No class today

Dear Mama,

The kids have no class today, but unfortunately I have to work. Only classes are suspended for the INC's anniversary. I woke up 4 a.m. today Mama. It's funny that when there's no class, I got up very early without any problem. To think that I slept at 1 a.m. I know I will be sleepy later at work.

I wish I can really talk to you, Mama. Or better yet, I wish I can be with you. Sometimes I wanted to be selfish and just be with you. But I can't do that, I must think of the kids. You might send me back if I do something stupid like that. But the thought never leaves my mind, Mama. I really don't know how long I can fight it.

It's hard, Mama. Going through all these things that I'm going through right now, and all alone.

That will be all for now Mama. I think I should stop here. I don't like the tone my letter is getting into. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

After a long while...

Dear Mama,

It's been a while, but I was finally able to visit you in the cemetery this afternoon. I'm really sorry for not visiting you as often as before, Mama. I really have no excuse. But believe me, I wish I could be there as much as I can.

I like being there with you, Mama. It's so quiet and serene. I would like to stay there forever, if only I could. If not for the kid, I would have stayed there longer. That's one problem I have everytime I go and visit you in the cemetery, I no longer want to go home. It's very peaceful there with you.

It's really been very confusing lately. I'm sure you know what I've been going through. I only have myself to blame for everything. I'm totally disoriented lately, Mama. I don't know what to do anymore. I hope I could get a grip soon.

Well, I'm beginning to sound not so nice again, Mama. So I guess I'll just end my letter here lest I burden you again with my worries. You are at rest now. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I miss you Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Trying my best....

Dear Mama,

I'm trying my best Mama. Trying my best to move on and get over the pain. It's funny that I have to go through this at my age. I never thought I was still vulnerable. If it weren't for the kids, especially Ralph, I would have lost it, Mama. It's tough, but I'm trying Mama. Please help me.

The kids are fine. Ralph is having his prelims now, until Sunday. Edgar was sick yesterday, but he is fine now. Angel is active in her dance club. I know she's enjoying it, that's why I just let her.

I miss you, Mama. I miss those times when we were going out, all five of us. We were so happy then, especially when it's eating time. There was always someone tasting what the other ordered. It's still like that until now, Mama. Everytime the kids and I go out, they're still the same. Of course, we're no longer complete. The kids don't seem to mind... but I do.

Anyway, take care of yourself Mama. Will be holding on for the kids.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Help me get through this

Dear Mama,

Please help me get through this Mama. I feel like giving up...

Daddy

Another letter

Dear Mama,

How are you? I hope you are doing fine. Don't worry about the kids, Mama. They're just doing fine. They do get on my nerves sometimes, but generally, they are good kids. You raised them well, Mama.

I really don't have anything nice tell you, I just want to talk to you. How I wish I can really talk to you, Mama. There's no one here I can talk to.

I'm blabbering nonsense again. Only goes to show that I haven't changed a bit, right Mama?

Take care of yourself Mama. I'll end my letter here, like I said, I really don't have anything nice to say. I miss you Mama. I wish you were still here with me. I love you.


Daddy

Just another weekend

Dear Mama,

It's just another weekend. Ralph and Angel are in school today, although it's Saturday. They have some activities in the morning and they'll be back home before lunch. I'll be at work in the morning, so Edgar will just be by his lonesome, at least in the morning. After that, it's just another boring weekend for us, Mama.

Maybe the most exciting part for me is to be able to catch some sleep in the afternoon, that is if I can sleep. And tomorrow... well, we got a whole day to bore ourselves.

Some good news Mama. The kids are getting active in school lately. Ralph is joining their school's publication team, Angel is in the dance club, and Edgar is getting involved in a lot of their school activities, the latest of which is the English Club where he was appointed to be their section's representative by their teacher.

About me, well nothing new really, Mama. Same boring old me, who just can't till I get my turn to 'get home' too.

Anyway, that will be all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Still hurting...

Dear Mama,

I guess you know, I'm still hurting. How stupid of me to allow myself to be miserable like this, Mama? I hope I can get over this quickly... and alive. This morning, Ralph sent me a message. He favored a note I wrote on my facebook account saying that it will just be us, me and the kids... he wasn't agreeing with my actions all along. I guess I should take that as a cue, Mama.

Still, like I said, it's not easy, Mama. Please help me cope. I'm giving up, Mama. I feel I can't go on. Please help me, Mama. I dragging my feet again daily. It's hard Mama. I wish I could just be with you, so it will all end.

Sorry Mama. I guess, I should just stop now, before I say more pathetic things. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you. I love you.


Daddy

Going crazy... so what else is new?

Dear Mama,

How are you? I hope you are fine, Mama.  Me, I'm not quite well, as always of course. I just wish I could be there with you right now so I won't have to go through all these pains and anxieties. I'm really loosing it, Mama. And worse, there is no one I can talk to, not with you being so far away from me.

But you don't have to worry about the kids, Mama. They're fine. Each one doing their best in school.

I really don't have anything to say, Mama. Except that maybe, can you do something like, you know, 'expedite' my trip there? Sorry, Mama. I'm just tired. I want this all to get over it. I wish I could be with you.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Thank you

Dear Mama,

Thank you very much for your understanding. Although as it turns out, it seems that I need to look for my future elsewhere. That is if I still have a future, Mama. I just wish life could just be over with, so I won't get hurt again.

There's nothing more I can do now, Mama. Good intentions doesn't always count.

That's all I want to say for now, Mama. Take care of yourself.

I miss you Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Mama, I'm tired...

I hope you are happy for me

Dear Mama,

Sorry, I haven't written again for quite a while. I was having so much in my mind lately. And honestly Mama, I don't know what to do. I was confused, distracted, and more.

I'm sure you know what I mean, Mama. Remember the last time I said I want to talk to you? Because I really do, Mama. I wish I could talk to you. I want to know what you have to say, or if you would approve. I wish you will be happy for me, Mama.

But it doesn't mean I love you less, Mama. You know I will always love you. I will never forget you and all the love that you gave me. I will still write you letters, and I promise that I will take care of the kids.

Speaking of the kids, they are growing well, Mama. Thank you for the foundation that you have set upon them. They couldn't have a better mother. Ralph is getting more serious in his studies now. He is in his third year in college, after all. Edgar said he was "appointed" president of their visual arts club. I hope that will help him improve his self-esteem. And Angel seems to be getting more active socially in school in his last year in grade school.

All in all, we're all great, Mama. We are just having trouble in thinking what to eat during meals. Aside from the usual fried dishes and out-of-the-can meals that we share. We surely miss your cooking, Mama. The kids haven't eaten "real" homecooked food for quite a while. But I promise to study how to cook better so I can serve them real meals.

This will all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

I wish I can talk you

Dear Mama,

I wish I can to you. Something's happening to me lately, and I wanted to know what you think or how you feel about it. I really I wish I can see you.

The kids are fine, Mama. They're great kids, I'm so proud of them. Thank you for giving them a good foundation.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Father's day

Dear Mama,

Today is Father's Day, and I really have no plans of going out because I have to money to treat the kids. But they asked me to take them to SM Clark, and said they will treat me because it's father's day. At first I didn't want to, Mama, saying that they should just save the money. But Angel was persistent and I fear I might be causing disappointment to them, so I obliged.

We have good kids, Mama. Thank you for raising them well. Mama, I wish I could talk to you. I have something very important to tell, I hope I can see you.

That's all for now, Mama. Take care of yourself. I love you, Mama. I miss you.


Daddy

Update on the kids

Dear Mama,

Sorry I haven't written for a long time. I've been disorganized lately. Too many things that I want to do, and I end up not accomplishing anything.

This morning, I took Angel to her school. Today is Saturday, but she said she needs to go because today is the audition for the dance club that she wanted to join. I'm sure you know how Angel loves to dance, Mama. I think she got it from you. Honestly, I don't want to, but it's her passion lately, and I bowed to support her in endeavors.

Ralph is getting more responsible lately, Mama. I think he's maturing. But of course, there will always be the little boy who is so playful and curious of everything. Looks like I can't take that away from him, Mama. I am just trying to guide him to channel that curiosity. So far, I haven't been unsuccessful.

Edgar, on the other hand, will be more serious in his studies now. He's in his fourth year in high school, and said he want to take up engineering in college. But he is aiming for high grades in his last year in high school. He was asking me to buy him a drum set, so I asked him to get honors, and I will buy him his request. Actually, I also have agreements with Ralph and Angel, so I can encourage them.

As for me, nothing's new. Just living my life, one day at a time. Living a daily existence, with my only aim is to make to through the day. Oh well, that's just how it has been. I'm sure you know why. It's like walking and dragging my feet as I do.

But I'm surviving, Mama, or at least I think I do... or at least, until the I day I be allowed to be with you again. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Would it be okay if I leave the kids?

Dear Mama,

Yesterday, I met with my friend Alex, Mama. He works in Dubai. I asked him if there is a possibility for me to work there, and he told me what to do - where to apply, what to watch out for, although necessarily in his company.

You know Ralph is in his third year in college now, Mama. Edgar is in his fourth year in high school, while Angel is in Grade 6. By next school year, I will have two kids to send in college and Angel will be in high school. It is nearly impossible for me to afford all their expenses if I stay here, Mama.

But that would mean, I would be leaving them alone if I work overseas. My friend can do it because he has his wife to look after their kids. What was going on in my mind, Mama was that, the kids are already without a mother and then I will make them fatherless too.

Nothing's final yet, Mama. I haven't even applied. But just thinking about Angel growing up without me by her side makes me anxious, Mama. Yet, I have to be practical. I have to be realistic. I know we have great kids, Mama. You have set such a strong foundation on them. They can take care of themselves.

Maybe it's me. I don't want to be away from them. I always want to see them to be sure they are safe.

I don't know what to do, Mama. I'm torn. I have to be realistic, yet I am apprehensive. Wish you were here. Making this decision could have been easy.

That will be all for now, Mama. I just hope I will make the right choice. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Had fun watching with the kids

Dear Mama,

This afternoon, I was finally able to buy a new printer and a DVD-ROM drive for the computer. After dinner, Angel said they want to watch a movie because they haven't watch any movies since my CD-ROM was broken, and so we watched one of our favorite movie -- The Gods Must Be Crazy.

They had fun, Mama. They were laughing so loud. I remembered when I was watching the movie with you. You were laughing so loud too. And it is but natural because the movie was  funny. I really wish I could do this with the kids more often, Mama. For one, it is much cheaper than going out.

Unfortunately, I can't, because I need to work even while at home. Thankfully, they understand. We have great kids, Mama. Yes, they get on my nerves sometimes, but I guess it's all part of growing up. I know I have you to thank for raising them so well. Thank you very much.

The only problem, whenever I have fun with the kids is that, I always wish that you were still with us and sharing with our laughter. Of course, I don't show it to the kids. I don't want to dampen they joyful spirit. I just keep it to myself.

But I really miss you, Mama. I do.

I guess that will be all for now. Take care of yourself now, Mama. I love you.


Daddy

I forgot the fruits

Dear Mama,

Every meal, the kids and I usually have conversations and we talk about the happy times when you were still with us. It was always nice to reminisce those memories, Mama. All the love you have shown us and how you took care of the kids when I was still working in Makati.

Suddenly, Angel recalled that there used to be fruits in the house everyday when you were still here. Just then, I remembered that I am not buying fruits lately. The last fruit that I bought was a banana from the neighborhood sari-sari store. That was more than two months ago, I believe.

How could I forget that! I'm sorry, Mama. I know that the market was out of your way then from the school where you teach. Yet, you always managed to go there just to buy fruits for the kids.I guess, that's one difference of you not with us anymore. There's really no substitute for your care, love and thoughtfulness.

I can't fill that void. I'm trying my best, Mama, but I know I just can't do it.

I'm really missing you terribly, Mama. I need you. I wish I could talk to again and tell you everything that I'm going through lately... yet, I know it won't happen.

Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Happy anniversary, Mama

Dear Mama,

Happy anniversary!

Do you still remember how we started? You were hesitant, but you wanted to help me then, you thought I was brokenhearted. That's why you said yes. I hope you did not regret that decision, Mama. I knew that what you felt for me then was just sympathy. That's why I tried really hard to prove myself to you.

And I'm glad you saw it, Mama. That was why you choose to be with me forever.

Thank you, Mama. Thank you for giving me the chance. Thank you for allowing the love to grow in your heart and being the best girlfriend a boy could have, and eventually being the best wife a husband could ask for. Thank you, Mama. Thank you for your love.

Happy anniversary, Mama. I love you.

I miss you, Mama.


Daddy

Edgar's enrollment tomorrow

Dear Mama,

I was about to sleep when I remembered that I haven't talked to you for quite a while. I'm sorry for that Mama. I'm just getting disoriented lately, again.

Tomorrow, I will be enrolling Edgar. He is in his fourth year now, Mama. He and Angel will both be graduating this school year. Ralph would need three more years to finish his course. I will also be enrolling Ralph tomorrow. Angel is already enrolled. I enrolled her last week, Mama. Tomorrow, I'll be buying her books.

It's difficult, Mama. Doing all these things without you helping me. I must admit that I'm still not used to it. I am just lucky to get by. I don't know how long though.

Well, I guess that will be all for now. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Getting ready for the new school year

Dear Mama,

The new school year is almost here. I have already enrolled Angel, Ralph will see if he can enroll tomorrow, and Edgar's enrollment will be on Monday.

I am barely making it, Mama. I am really exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I hope I can still go on, Mama. I'm sure you can hear me every time I call your name. I apologized for those disturbances, Mama. I know you should be resting, but I can't help it.

I don't know what to say. I miss you, Mama. If it weren't for the kids, I would have been you by now, but I know that is not what you want. That is why I'm trying to hold on, even though I almost want to give up most of the time. I'm trying, Mama. I do.

Well, that would be all for now. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Happy Mother's Day, Mama

Dear Mama,

Happy Mother's Day! It's our third mother's day without you. I know you are already resting now. And while you are already far from us now, we still do not forget all the love you have given us, Mama. The kids will grow up fine because of the love you have shown them.

Thank you very much for everything, Mama. Happy Mother's Day!

I love you, Mama... I miss you.


Daddy

Another birthday

Dear Mama,

It's another birthday. I've just grown a year older... and I'm still missing you.

I love you Mama.

Please visit me on my birthday.

Take care.


Daddy

Ralph's qualifying exam

Dear Mama,

Tomorrow, Ralph will take his qualifying exam. I hope he does good, Mama. He's been seriously reviewing these past few days. He needs to pass the exam for him to continue his accountancy course, Mama. Please pray for him.

I'm losing zest again, Mama, I don't know why. People don't see it, but I have to 'drag' my feet just to be able to continue everyday. I'm tired, Mama. I wish I could rest.

That's all for now, Mama. I really don't have anything nice to say. Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Just another letter

Dear Mama,

I really don't have any exciting news to share. I just miss you. How I wish I could really talk to you and say all these things personally. I have a lot of things to say, nonsense maybe, but I'm sure you will listen to them, Mama. You always listen to me.

By the way, Ralph is not with us tonight. He is staying in his classmate's house for their group study for the qualifying exam. I hope he makes it so he can continue in his chosen course. Guide him, Mama.

Nelia's interment would be on Tuesday. Unfortunately, I can't attend to it, Mama because I can't afford to be absent from because I will be deducted. It's enrollment time again and I need every centavo I can save. Now, I can appreciate my work, without which, I might not be able to enroll the kids, Mama.

I miss you, Mama. I hope to be with you soon. Take care of yourself.

I love you, Mama.


Dadddy

Nelia's wake

Dear Mama,

We went last night, the kids and I, to the wake of Nel and it wasn't that bad. The kids are happy to be reunited with their cousins and your relatives were very happy to see the kids again, especially Angel. We went there at around 6pm and stayed until about 10pm Mama. Nel's interment would be on Tuesday, I don't know if I can attend though.

There was only a bit of concern last night, Mama. 'Ma, it seems to be is also sick. From what I heard, she was stressed and nervous in the last few days of Nel. Last night, they said she got dizzy and rested in spite of the many visitors coming in. Hope she is well, Mama.

Will be back there maybe tomorrow evening. Take care of yourself now, Mama, 'til my next letter.

I miss you, Mama. I love you.



Daddy

Nelia passed away

Dear Mama,

I just received a call from Louie, he told me that Nelia passed away. I know she must be with you now, Mama. You have your sister now there with you, I hope you two are fine.

Here I am again now with my dilemma, asking myself whether I should go or not. I know I should, Mama and so do the kids. Wish me luck, Mama. Look after me, if you can.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you... I really do.

I love you.


Daddy

I'm not doing well, am I?

Dear Mama,

I think I'm not doing well as a father for the kid. It seems that I have been shouting more often again lately, even if I tried to tell myself that I will not shout again. If I am not shouting, I am here silent in front of the computer. I don't really engage the kids in conversations and share wise words to them, Mama. We had little talks over meals, yet I rarely encourage them to speak out.

I don't feel I am a good provider either, Mama. There are many things that I really wish I could give them, like a memorable summer vacation even just for once. I have been planning to take them on an out of town trip, perhaps an overnight in the beach, but as always, I cannot manage our finances to afford those. I hope it won't be too late and their already grown up when I can finally afford to give them that.

There's really nothing much to say, Mama. I just wish I talked to  you more when you were still here with me. I miss you, Mama. I really do.

Please help me pray that I can still have the chance to make up with the kids for all my shortcomings. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

It wasn't that bad

Dear Mama,

I went last night to the fashion event I was telling you last time, in spite of my hesitation. In your absence, Mama, I asked Angel's opinion and she said I'll be better with my polo loose instead of being tucked-in. Of course, I trusted her. I honestly didn't know any better, Mama.

As usual,I was like a wallpaper Mama. Silently observing in one corner looking at all the socialites and fashion aficionados attending the event. This is more right your alley, Mama, this fashion thing. I'm sure, you would have enjoyed it if you were with me last night.

As I was watching the proceedings of the event, I can't help but think of you. Yes, Mama, I know this is what you would want to go to. I wish I had the opportunity to attend this event while you were still here. I can't help but miss you more.

Sorry Mama, I was supposed to be telling you happy news about my experience. I won't deny, I enjoyed the event in spite of being a "wallpaper," but it could have been much enjoyable if you were with me. I really wish you were still here, so I can share with you everything that is happening in my life right now.

I really miss you, Mama.

Take care of yourself now. I will be with you soon.

I love you.


Daddy

I don't know what to do!

Dear Mama,

I really wish you were here right now. I really don't know what to do! I'm attending a big event tomorrow which could be a big break for my blogging, and even my writing career. I don't know what to wear, Mama. If only you were here, I would be more confident.

I'm sure, you'll be as excited as I am about this, Mama. Yet, this excitement is being overshadowed by doubts right now. I'm still  not sure if I should go or not. I want to, but I don't want to because I've never been in this kind of event before and I might make a fool of myself. Please help me, Mama.

If only you were here, Mama... I would know what to do. I need you, Mama. I miss you.


Daddy

I'm sorry for how I acted on Ralph

Dear Mama,

I'm really sorry. I shouted at Ralph again. I'm sorry, Mama. I know you do not like that. I cannot help it, he was late again, and he never even bothered to text. Angel and Edgar were left at the house all by themselves. Fortunately, I arrived home early today.

I wish I can make him realize what I want him to do and why I want him to be responsible. Sometimes, I feel guilty though, Mama. Maybe I'm putting too much weight over his shoulder. But there's no one who can help me around here except Ralph, Mama.

Sorry, I was being grouchy again. I'll try to be more conscious and have self-control. I'm really sorry, Mama. It's difficult when you are alone. I miss you, Mama.

Take care of yourself. 'til my next letter.


I love you.


Daddy.

Tired... again

Dear Mama,

How are you? Sorry for not writing lately. I got my hands full because of the income tax deadline, and at night, always feel sleepy, that is why I was never able to write you again.

Anyway, the kids all got their cards, and they seem okay. Edgar got an average of 87, Ralph almost made it to the Dean's List and Angel's general average is 85. Not bad really, right? Let's just hope that they continue these grades next school year.

I would be enrolling Angel first on April 30, next would be Edgar and the last is Ralph,  based on their scheduled of enrollment. My problem now is money. I just hope I find a way.

I'll stop here Mama, my eyes are already closing. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Anxiety attack

Dear Mama,

I hate it when I feel this way. I really don't know why it's still happening, Mama. All these anxiety attacks is really taking me down. I'm trying really hard not to entertain them, Mama, but sometimes it's just too hard to ignore. It's really difficult, especially without you by my side. I could not even talk to anyone, and worst, it's the kids who suffer because I easily get irritated.

If only I can be with you right now, Mama, then maybe I'll be okay. Unfortunately, I know that cannot be. That's too selfish of me to even think about it. I'm sorry, Mama. I'm just tired... really tired.

Sorry, I don't really have anything nice to say. I just want to talk to you and tell you how I'm feeling right now. I really miss you, Mama. If only I could embrace, I know I will feel better.

Take care of yourself now. We'll be together soon.

I love you.


Daddy

Ralph almost made it to the Dean's List

Dear Mama,

Ralph almost made it to the Dean's List this last semester. When he got his grades, most of them were 1.25 to 1.75, the only exception were his accounting subject which was 2.25 and another one which was 2.0. Too bad, if it weren't for the 2.25, he would be assured to be included in the DL. I would be very proud, if ever, but aside from that, it would really give him a boost, Mama and I'm he'll try even harder next semester.

Oh well, he did his best, Mama. I can see him exerting efforts. Ralph is getting serious in his studies now, Mama. I hope he keeps it up and maybe next semester, he might even make it to the President's List. We both know he is very much capable, Mama. But I don't want to pressure him. Getting recognition has never been my priority, you know that.

By the way, Edgar isn't here with us now. He's with his classmates in Villa Alfredo's where they are having their closing party. They will stay overnight there. I hope he's fine. Please take care of him, Mama.

Angel, on the other hand, is staying at home... and eating a lot. She is getting "chubbier" and I'm always telling her, but she won't believe. Anyway, she's still young. It's still okay to be on the fat side. I'm sure, she'll decide to reduce in due time.

As for me, still weary and tired. Still waiting to be with you again, Mama... if only I can.

Well, take of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Angel was not able to enroll

Dear Mama,

I'm really sorry. Angel was not able to enroll for the summer dance lesson in their school, Mama. She went to school today with her classmate. She said the fee is only P1,000. I actually have P800 only, fortunately, Ralph lent me P200 to make it an even P1,000.

I gave the money to Angel so she can enroll, even if those were the last money I have and it still far from the next payday. I'm sure we'll find some means.

Unfortunately, Mama, when Angel reached school, the fee for the dance lesson is P2,000 and not P1,000 and Angel knew. Because of that, she wasn't able to enroll, Mama. I knew she was disappointed, even if she told me it was okay.

I'm sorry, Mama. I thought I could let her enroll. There's just not enough money for Angel's summer class. I hope you understand, Mama. I'm really sorry.

Time to go now. I'll be with you soon, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Angel wants to dance

Dear Mama,

It looks like Angel really got your interest to dance. She asked me the other day if she can attend the summer dance class in Holy Family, and since it was only P1,000, I said yes. This evening, she learned that the summer dance class would be held at the new site.

I told her I might not be able to allow her, because it's too far and I can't let her go there. Then she talked to Ralph, Mama and asked him to accompany her to her dance class.

That's how I knew she really wanted to attend this dance class badly. Should I let her, Mama? I know, your answer would be yes. I need to talk to Ralph about this first, I need for him to assure me that he'll take care of Angel.

No, Mama. I won't deny Angel of her dream, I'm just worried about her. I just want to be sure.

I need to go now, Mama. Hoping to be with you soon.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Vacations over

Dear Mama,

Vacations' over, my vacation at least. Tomorrow, rather in a few hours, I'll be reporting back to work. Just when I am getting my writing groove back, I have to be stalled again... to go back to the real world.

I know, there's nothing I can do, Mama. Writing doesn't really help me pay for the kids' schooling, that is why I have to give way.

Just venting out, Mama. You know you're the only one I can talk to. I'm going to sleep now, hope to see you in my dream.

Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you. I miss you.


Daddy

We observed Visita Iglesia

Dear Mama,

For the third year now, we were able to observed Visita Iglesia. I'd like to believe that the kids were actually looking forward to it. I just hope that they continue to do it even when we're already together, Mama.

That's all I can say for now, Mama. I'm so sleep. My eyes are shutting down.

I miss you Mama. I hope I can see you in my dreams.

Take care.

I love you.


Daddy

We were able to celebrate, after all

Dear Mama,

Sorry for not writing to you immediately. We were able to celebrate Edgar's birthday after all. The money came just in the nick time, right after I felt I was done for. We just went out to eat, I also bought Edgar's request which was a new cellphone. We weren't able to watch movie though, because we were late for the last full show.

During occasion like this, Mama, I really wish that you were still with us. The kids would have been happier. I would have been happier.

Sorry, Mama. Here I go again. I know I shouldn't really be talking like this. But I really miss you, Mama. I do.

Take care of yourself now. I know it won't be long 'til I will be with you again.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Edgar turns 15 today

Dear Mama,

Today is Edgar's birthday. He turns 15 today. Time really flies very fast, I still recall when they were still so young... and you were still with us.

I don't know how we can celebrate today's occasion Mama, since I don't have money yet. Hopefully, by this afternoon I can get my salary so I can at least take the kids out to eat.

I wish you were here with us, I'm sure Edgar would be happy. We miss you Mama... I miss you. It seems to be getting harder each day. People think everything is okay, but of course, I just don't let it show.

Really looking forward to the day I can be with you again.

Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.

Daddy

I need you...

Dear Mama,

I need you... I don't feel okay.

Wish you're beside so I could just hold your hand.

I wish...

Still missing you...

Dear Mama,

Here I am again, trying to talk to you... as though I can. I am not lacking in faith, Mama. I know you can read my letters. I just wish I can read your answers too. I really wish I can hear you talk to me too.

I am not complaining, Mama. But it's not really easy, being alone without you by my side. I know I have to carry on. That's what I hate about this... there's nothing I can do. I have to be strong, for the sake of the kids... even if the truth is, I am not.

How long I can still hold on, I really don't know Mama. I hope long enough to see the kids learn how to stand on their own feet. Until then, I'll just keep this facade... that only you can see through, Mama.

Sorry, I know you don't like me talking like this. I really miss you, Mama. I can't wait to be with you once again.

Take care of yourself.

I love you, Mama.


Daddy

Lots of things are happening

Dear Mama,

There are lots of things happening lately... opportunities, problems, at work, the kids... everywhere! Sometimes, even if I don't want it, they have something to do with me, one way or the other.

The worst part of it all Mama, is that I'm taking all of these alone. I miss the times when you were still here and I can talk to you about my silliest problem or even my simplest joy. It's all kept inside now Mama... where they will stay until we'll be together again.

I do hope that day will come soon.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Please come...

I need you...

Good morning, Mama...

Dear Mama,

Good morning. Another day starts... another day without you. I miss you, Mama.

Take care.

I love you.

Daddy

I miss you... I wish you were here Mama

Dear Mama,

What is all the purpose of all these opportunities coming to me now, when you are not here to share all these with me?

It all seem empty and useless... I really wish you were here Mama.

I miss you.

I love you Mama.

Daddy

Angel, Ralph, Edgar... and a tired me

Dear Mama,

Came home late again today. It seems that I've been stressed a lot lately Mama and yet I don't seem to accomplish anything. I'm tired Mama. Of course you know that. I hope you're hearing me every time  I call your name... which is quite often lately, calling on you to come for me.

Got into another argument with Ralph again this evening, Mama. He doesn't want to follow my simple instruction. Is it me? I don't know, looks like I'm not much good of a father that I can't make my own son listen to me. I guess I have to be thankful that he is a good son, at least.

Angel was busy, Edgar was sleepy. Angel was busy preparing some surprise for their teacher's birthday, while Edgar slept early because he was tired this past few days because of the practice that they have been doing for their performance, plus their school project.

And me, looks like I've been shouting again Mama. I'm sorry.

I guess I will stop here Mama. Take care of yourself. I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Angel doesn't want me to

Dear Mama,

I told Angel a while ago that I am planning to resign from my work, and she asked me why. Apparently, she doesn't want me to resign. She told me that I may not be able to find another job after this.

I wasn't really able to give a reason for her "why" Mama. I really don't have any reason... a valid reason at least. All I have is a very selfish reason, just because I want to do the things that I want to do. I've been looking, waiting, for a logical reason, but I can't find any Mama.

The truth is, Mama, it seems I cannot work efficiently anymore. Somehow, I'm not the same old me when it comes to working. I thought I am already getting my rhythm back, but no. I'm still having a hard time, especially when I am hounded by pressures and deadline.

Help me, Mama. Help do the things that I need to do. Please come to me, Mama. I need you.


Daddy

Having that feeling again...

Dear Mama,

Please help me, I'm having that feeling again. I hope I will make the right decision... between what I like to do and what I must do.

Wish you were here... I know you can help me decide on this Mama. I wish you were here.

Take care of yourself. I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Having my plate full

Dear Mama,

Right now, I have a plateful of tasks, assignments and jobs, at hand. Not to mention the concerns and other worries that I carry. I am this close to pushing the panic button, Mama. I don't even know where to start.

When you were still here, you always helped me what to do and which one I should do first. You always know how to get things done. I wish you still can help me now, Mama. I'm confused.

I have already wasted a lot of time just thinking what to do first. Why am I like this, Mama?

Sorry, I know I should no longer concern you with this, but I really don't have anyone to talk to. I wish you were here.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I'll finish my letter before I get emotional again.

I love you Mama.

I miss you.


Daddy

Tired

Dear Mama,

It's 6:43 a.m. here, I just woke up and yet I already feel tired. It's Saturday now, Mama. The kids are still asleep. Unfortunately for me, I have to go to work. I wish I don't have work on Saturdays, Mama. Oh well, I guess there's nothing I can do about it. In a moment, I'll be going out to buy pandesal for breakfast.

By the way, Nanay is already home Mama. She was discharged last Tuesday, although it's only yesterday that I was able to visit her in Sta. Teresita. She looks better, and she said she feels better, although she is still on a soft diet. Hope she'll get better and stronger. She'll be 80 on Tuesday, and I still don't have a birthday gift for her. Help me find a gift for Nanay, Mama.

What else? Nothing's much really happening here, Mama, except of course for me whining every now and then. But you already know that. So I'll end my letter now, lest I start again with how much I miss and how I long to be with you.

Take care of yourself, Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Sorry for not writing

Dear Mama,

Sorry for not writing as often lately. It's seems I have too little time on my hands now. I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything, and yeat I am always doing something. I wish things will get better soon. I'm really sorry, Mama.

Take care of yourself now. I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Nothing

Dear Mama,

Nanay is much better now, at least she is already conscious and was able to talk, although she seemed to have lost her voice. Hopefully she'll be better tomorrow.

I'm tired Mama. I want to rest. I don't feel like working tomorrow, but I can't.

I don't know why, but it seems the days are getting harder, I'm looking for you more often. I wish you were here Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

About Angel and Nanay

Dear Mama,

Angel asked me last night if she can go swimming with her classmates after school today. She said her classmate invited them and that they will be provided service to and from the resort. I said no, Mama. Angel did not insist but I can sense her disappointment.

I feel guilty Mama, but I don't like to take the risk. I can't let her go by herself Mama. I hope I am not hindering her growth. I would like to allow her, but I am afraid. She's still to young and there's nobody to accompany her.

She did not mention it again this morning, Mama.

Nanay would have her operation tomorrow, Mama. Please help me pray for her quick recovery.

I am tired, Mama. I'm having anxiety attacks again. How I wish you were here to comfort me. I miss you, Mama.

That's all for now, Mama lest I would become emotional again. Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy

Nanay is in the hospital

Dear Mama,

Nanay is confined in the hospital. She was taken to the doctor last Monday because of stomach pains. Her initial tests showed she has infections in her blood and in her urine, Mama. She was given medicines and was instructed to go to the hospital if the pain persists.

Tuesday, as she was about to sleep, they heard her silent cries of pain. They took her to the hospital and was immediately admitted.

I've never seen Nanay like this, Mama. Although I can see her trying to hide the pain, I can see that she's no longer as strong as she used to be. Help me pray for her, Mama. Please.

That's all for now, Mama. I'll just update of any developments. Take care of yourself. I miss you, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

So, what would it be?

Dear Mama,

Inevitable as it is, the day has to come. Although I don't want to, February 14 has to pass, and I really don't know how to handle the day... the day that you "went home," Mama.

Like what I asked you in my last letter, "how should I greet you on this day Mama?"

It would be so foolish and outright stupid of me to greet you a happy valentine on the very day that you left us. I can greet you on other occasions, but I can't greet you on valentine's day, Mama. And I really don't know how it could affect the kids, I hope I am not ruining their valentine's day by not celebrating it with them. Honestly, I don't know how they are feeling about this day, Mama. I don't want to drag them into this.

I miss you Mama. I wish you were still here, and I won't be having this problem but instead celebrate this day with you.

There's nothing I can do now. That's the truth, and while I have learned to accept it, there would always be times that I'll be looking for you, Mama. I will always miss you, nobody accepted the real me like you do.

You were always there to push me up when I'm feeling down and I feel like I can't go on. You believe in me when I don't even trust myself to do the things I need to do. If only it weren't an unselfish act, I would do something to be with you right this moment, Mama.

I'm tired. I'm trying my best to keep my head up, but it's just hard.

I need you, Mama.

How should I greet you on Valentine's Day?

Dear Mama,

Valentine's Day is here, and I really don't know if I should greet you or not. I can greet you on other occasions = birthday, Christmas, New Year, Mother's day and anniversaries. But how am I supposed to greet you on Valentine's Day Mama?

I can't think of any appropriate greeting for you on that day!

I can't greet you a happy valentine's day, because I know it is not. How can it be, when I always remember it to be the day that you left me, Mama. It will never be a happy valentine for me and you... ever.

I am just hoping that you are well now Mama. Me, I'm still trying to cope up. Every now and then bouts with anxiety still manage to get into my system. I still miss you Mama. I still think of you a lot. I want to be with you, sooner if possible.

Sorry. I know I'm not supposed to say that, I still need to look after the kids. I'm sorry, Mama.

Take care of yourself now.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

I'll be there...

Dear Mama,

I will see you soon

I love you


Daddy

Feeling restless again...

Dear Mama,

I'm feeling restless again, I don't know why. I got lots of things on my mind lately, Mama. I hope I can find all the answers.

Valentine's almost here Mama. It's been two years already since you went home. I haven't gotten used to it somehow. I'm still looking for you Mama. I miss you, I really do.

Sorry Mama, if I talk in this tone again. I'll just end my letter here. Looks like I really don't have anything good to say. Just wanting to reach out to you, Mama.

Take care of yourself.

I love you.


Daddy

Another challenge for me, Mama

Dear Mama,

Looks like I have another challenge on my plate. I attended the grand assembly of our high school batch alumni tonight, and I was elected as a member of the board of directors in replacement of our batchmate who passed away.

I cannot say that I don't want it Mama, I can't say that I want it either. I want it for the experience and learning it can bring me, but I'm also afraid that I may not be able to deliver. This is no longer child's play, Mama. Our batch will be the host of this year's alumni homecoming. I hope I can contribute to its success.

I miss those days when you were still to help me reassure of my self-worth and my capability. If only you were here, there is someone beside me who believes in me. I am not good at self-hypnosis, Mama. I really hope they didn't make the wrong choice. I hope I won't disappoint them.

We'll see that in the coming days. Take care of yourself, Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Our boy is growing now...

Dear Mama,

Out boy is growing now. Yesterday Ralph confided to me about her problem, and you guessed it Mama, it's about girls. It's not really a problem, just some situation. Although the way I see it, he can handle it quite well. Still I gave him some advice.

If you were only here, he could have a saner words of wisdom. I'm sure you would have loved to hear what he said.

Anyway Mama, that's all the news I can tell you now. It's 12:50 a.m., I guess I better sleep now. I hope I can dream of you Mama. I miss you.

Take care of yoursel, Mama. I love you.


Daddy

Good morning

Dear Mama,

Good morning. It's 5:00 a.m. here Mama. I'm drinking my coffee and I'll be waking up Angel soon. It's getting colder here Mama.

I wish I could be with you.

I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Hurry up, Mama! Please

Dear Mama,

I really don't know how to put it without sounding so distressed. But I really wish I could be with you now, Mama. I hope you can hurry up. Please, Mama?


Daddy

Ralph's not yet home

Dear Mama,

It's already 10:17 pm and Ralph's not yet home Mama. He is not texting. I hope he's just fine.

I'm not well Mama, I don't know why. I don't understand myself lately.

Anyway, take care of yourself Mama. I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Ralph brought home Krispy Kreme

Dear Mama,

Looks like Ralph enjoyed his field trip. He also brought home Krispy Kreme doughnuts for us, and I can see that he was proud and happy that he did. Edgar, Angel and I ate them all in one sitting, of course I had to make coffee for myself to take with the coffee, Mama.

Ralph told me about their trip, they went to PSE, to BSP and even Greenhills and the Mall of Asia. He said, one of his friends even got lost.

What's funny Mama, is that he was weary before because Ate Det will be the one watching them in their bus. She is their teacher in one of their subjects Mama, and his classmates know that she is her auntie.

But it turn out, it is to his advantage as he always asked food from her.

I really could say he enjoyed the trip Mama, he was very happy and he was all smile as he was telling his experiences for the day. Wished you could have seen him.

That will be all for now Mama. Please take care of yourself. I miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

Ralph's field trip

Dear Mama,

On Thursday, Ralph will be going on a field trip. I think they will be going to the Central Bank, it's part of their studies, I guess. Take care of him while he's on the trip Mama.

Angel and Edgar just had their periodical exams. As usual, they both said their tests were okay. I do hope so, Mama.

Next month, the balloon fiesta will be held again in Clark. Remember when we went there the first time it was held, Mama? Ralph was still very small then. We weren't able to go to any balloon fiesta anymore, after that. I hope I can bring the kids there this time, Mama.

The only problem is that, it will be Ralph's midterm exam, so he might not be able to join us. It will also coincide with your second anniversary, Mama... Valentine's day. That's why I'm having second thoughts.

I'm still not well. I don't understand what it is I'm going through. How I wish I can talk to you Mama. I miss you.

Take care of yourself Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

I'm all messed up

Dear Mama,

I'm all messed up. I need you Mama... what's taking you so long?

What's taking you so long?

Dear Mama,

I'm sorry. I'm not complaining, but I hope I could get to see you soon. Yes Mama, I'm taking care of the kids. There are just sometimes that I wish that I could be with you... and I really hope it's soon.

Sorry for this letter, Mama.

I miss you.

I love you.


Daddy

Tired

Dear Mama,

I'm really tired, stressed and all down now. I really could use your hug, Mama. How I wish I can still feel it... how I wish I can hold your hand right now, Mama. I'm sure it would make me feel better, just to have you by my side.

I really miss you Mama.


Daddy

Angel is 12 today

Dear Mama,

Our little baby is growing up fast. She turns 12 today Mama, of course you know that. Our baby is now a little lady Mama. Needless to say, she's growing up to be a beautiful lady. Good thing she takes from her Mama.

I really don't have big plans for today Mama, just a little treat for her and the boys at mall, and then buy her gift. Although there will be an event that we will be attending in the afternoon where my blogger friends agreed to co-celebrate her birthday with my friend's despedida. Still not sure of our schedule yet.

But I want to thank you Mama, for leaving a very nice memory, which is Angel. I'm glad we have her. And thank you too for helping me take care of her. I know you do, Mama. Thanks.

I will be preparing for work in a while. Take care of yourself Mama. I miss you... I really do.

I love you Mama.


Daddy

Feeling stressed now

Dear Mama,

I've been getting more stressed lately from work. I don't know if it's because of the forthcoming deadlines or the fact that I missed blogging and being free with my schedule. It always seem harder to get up in the morning lately, Mama. I need to force myself to get up and prepare breakfast and get ready for work.

I know this should not be the case Mama, I know I should persevere. You know I'm doing my best Mama. I do hope I can catch up with those deadlines and that I can cope up with my new routine... for the sake of the kids.

Tonight, I asked the kids to take a walk with me outside. I needed to relax. I'm glad the air did make me feel better. I texted Ralph and he later joined us, he came from school Mama. We had a good meal at a fastfood. Somehow I felt better. But tomorrow's another day, I hope it turns out better and more productive.

That will be all for now Mama. Please do take care of yourself. I really miss you Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

P.S. I could use a hug now, Mama.

I was finally able to visit you

Dear Mama,

Finally, I was able to visit you again this afternoon. I'm really sorry Mama if I weren't visiting you as often as I used to. I'm still having a hard time adjusting to my schedule. But I'm really glad I was able to do it today.

It really felt good being there with you Mama, just being there and feeling you... talking to you. It was so peaceful Mama. Thank you for listening to me, it's really hard when you have no one to talk to.

I would have loved to stay longer Mama, I wish I can be with you forever. If it weren't for the kids, I would have stayed longer. I really miss you Mama. I wish I can embrace you again.

That will be all for the meantime Mama. Hope I can visit you soon. I miss you.

Take care of yourself Mama.

I love you.


Daddy

A terrible back pain

Dear Mama,

This afternoon, I had a very terrible back pain. I started feeling it while we were on our way from Parañaque and Novaliches Mama. I tried to sleep it through. But when I woke up at 8 p.m., the pain was worse.

I was almost crying in pain Mama, literally calling for you. I wish you were here Mama. The pain is still here, as I am typing this letter to you Mama. It's terrible. I don't know what to think. Does not feel like it's just muscular or tension, it's at the lower back Mama. I'm afraid what is causing it.

I wish you were here. It's painful Mama.

Please help me Mama.


Daddy